Creation Online

I was back here once more, the feeling of terror I was all too used to, already present. My chest already getting constricted as I found it harder to breathe. But it never stopped the upcoming events. Some parts I watched as a bystander, while other parts became more personal to me.

The room was dimly lit just as it had been back then. I would never forget, couldn't forget. Red candles flickered, their weak illumination trying to push away the darkness of the room and failing woefully.

Bare, with only a single bed in the center, the room gave off a haunted feel as it had done in my past. A group of males, all five in their late teens, stood in a half circle, each one with a visible sneer on their face as they stared at the bed.

Or at least, what was bound to the bed.

I always hated this part. The reminder of how weak I had been, no, how weak I was then. In dreams, mine at least, I had no control. No matter how hard I tried to turn away or shut my eyes. To refrain from watching the snickering boys peel off piece after piece of material. Oh, how I had always wanted to crack a head, bash a skull. But dreams were not that merciful.

Despicable and crazed words left their tongues. The madness in their eyes was still as terrifying as I remembered.

The scene, like usual, changed, bringing my perspective to one I dreaded. If before I was terrified, now I was totally frozen. His face hovered over mine as he grinned maliciously. His hands roamed to places that made me want to scream yet my fear kept me numb.

Then his famous words. Ones I never forgot to this day. Even when my brain had done what most doctors had said was normal by blocking off the trauma and pushing this horrible part into the dark corners of my mind. I still remembered those words.

"Oh, my Angel."

Words I would forever hate and fear as well as the voice.

My eyes fluttered open as the nightmare roused me. My normal instinctive reactions kicked in as my eyes flew over every inch of my room. Like a prey sensing a predator I surveyed everything, my muscles and body locked in an adrenaline-fueled urge to bolt. It was almost like a calming ritual for me every morning. Checking my room and seeing no one. My sweat-soaked gown stuck on my skin as I got off my bed. My slowly calming heart let my blood rush more peacefully as I adjusted my routine finding the path into my shower.

Life had been bland and tight since the events of that night. My life had taken a bad turn and kept regressing. So terrified at the sight of males, it had taken a very long while to even meet my father. Until the present moment, the poor man couldn't even be in the same room as me alone without some sort of panic attack befalling me.

It was even worse for my elder brother. It'd been three years since the incident and I still saw their faces whenever he was in the house. I felt stupid at times for my irrational fear yet I could do nothing about it.

While we still talked it was usually via calls or texts, which were more filled with apologies from me than normal call conversations.

He understood though which was a blessing for me. The last thing I needed was my brother hating me for a fear I had no control over.

Speaking of him.

I changed my attire to something free and loose as I used my left hand to operate my phone. Dester, my brother had informed me of a gift he would be sending.

Knowing my love for games, a trauma-forced necessity I developed as a way to escape reality, he had purchased the first entry, very scarce, slots to the newly made and yet-to-be-launched VRMMORPG.

Its name was a bit of an issue for the online community as it generated various talks and speculations as to what the game was about. It had interested even me when Dester had first mentioned it.

"Helen," my mother's voice was accompanied by a knock which sought my attention. The poor woman. She'd done a lot in the past years since my incident. While I had been the victim it felt like she had to bear all the backlash for everything. It was even worse with my apparent paranoia leading to my ostracizing of the male figures.

Most times I felt like she had aged even more than she should. The white door opened to reveal a middle-aged lady in a black apron with bits of food ingredients speckled on it. Her raven black hair which I got and amber eyes stared at me.

Mum was the perfect description for a trophy wife, at least in looks. A beauty in every way, figure, face, and fortunately personality.

I had always joked with dad that he made a score with mum. Of course, it didn't mean the man wasn't a looker. With his piercing blue eyes which he donated generously to me, it wasn't a wonder mother got swooned.

"Are you awake yet, Helen?" My mum questioned, her head poking in. Mum always had a spare key for my room. Sometimes my dreams went a bad mile and she had to do the reassuring. Nodding as I stepped to her opening the door fully I smiled as radiantly as I could.

Don't get me wrong.

My trauma was bad, very bad. But in front of the woman who had given her all to keep me from breaking back then the least I could do was keep her from worrying more.

"The nightmares came again, didn't they?".

Yet as expected, she saw through me. It was almost a hassle trying to hide it yet I kept smiling. If I couldn't hide it then I'd just assure her that I wasn't as affected anymore.

"It's fine, mum. I'm not as terrified as before." Lie. Big lie. I was so terrified but she didn't have to know it.

Yet she knew. I knew she knew. But admitting and suspecting were two different things. Mother didn't bother smothering me with loving endearments and care as she knew it would make me feel bad. These people had done a lot back in the darkest of my days so the least I could do was make sure they didn't have to suffer like that again.

Of course, they hardly cared about their suffering or my thoughts on it, but still, it was an attempt to make me feel better about several things.

Hand in hand, mother and I descended to the kitchen. As we talked and chatted the sounds of footfalls echoed in the house. Then it stopped and retreated like it was being chased.

I barely reacted as mother patted my back. She knew how much I hated myself for pushing my father and brother away yet she also knew I had no control over it. With a permanent sad face, we both arrived in the kitchen where I sat on a long dining table to watch as mom finished up whatever cooking she was doing.

As we discussed, the sound of footsteps above began again. Yet they never descended, avoiding the ground floor like a plague.

I sighed mentally while still keeping a normal face to not get my mum going all motherly again.

"So, Dester got you a slot into that new game you teens are raving about. What's the name again?" Mother asked, her back to me.

"First. We 'teens?'

I raised an eyebrow. It was known even adults were drooling over the game. "...and second, its Creator Online. Catchy name if I say so myself," I responded, my fingers drumming on the wooden table surface.

While mother was no gamer, she still had a bit of knowledge of various gaming elements, as such was curious as to what a game with a name like Creator Online could entail.

"I'm certain the name is just something to get attention. It's doing a good job of it too," my eyes locked on the steaming pasta dish as it was set in front of me. My eyes dazzled at the beauty while my nostrils fed on its palatable scent.

"Well, sure, but it's a full-dive immersive gameplay," my mother threw the bomb. I froze, a fork of pasta shoved in my mouth.

My brain went numb for a bit as panic attempted to rise.

Full-dive, while not common as there had been no games to have full dive in it yet, was still known due to the various news and talks about it in the online community.

'They succeeded,' I thought, torn between glee and fright.

This could mean a lot of things. Normally one could only feel or do as the game mechanics and system were programmed, but with full-dive, it would be as if it were all real.

Which meant that meeting players would be like meeting real people. My previous games were more of me behind a screen doing whatever I wanted or in the virtual ones just a codex of data to meet.

But here. I would be meeting the closest-to-life players.

"Uhmm..."

"It's safe, Helen. I and your father, even your brother researched and there are a few rules in place within the game to stop any nefarious activities that go outside the game guidelines. Plus it's rated above eighteen for legal reasons and you, my dear, are three years above the cut."

I wouldn't realize this yet, but mum had lied straight to my face. But that's an issue for another day.

The current me right now was just weighing the pros and the cons. My paranoia though was severely blocking the pros from coming to light.

"Twenty-one doesn't mean safe," I muttered. Mum must have heard as a sigh came from her.

"Think about it dear, please. This could help you deal with your trauma, and a fake world could teach you how to maybe interact with, or at least not fear the outside world again." The woman was on me now. Her eyes locked on my every facial reaction.

"Uhmmm..."

"Your father and brother might be saying nothing but having you constantly see them in such a light, intentionally or not, breaks them," I'm certain she got me there, a pang of guilt rising within me. Yet Mr. Terror refused to bulge.

"A deal then," she uttered, her pitch rising. It was obvious that mum was desperate for me to at least try this out. I looked at her, a signal for her to continue.

"You at least log in once or twice. If you like it the first try you enter again, if nothing remotely terrifying or at least triggering occurs you log in the third time. And so on," she halted, looking at me.

I made a face, hesitating as I wasn't assured. But damn she was laying it on thick here.

"At least try it until you feel anything bothering about it. Just..." mum exhaled, clutching my face into her palms. I finally registered she was standing next to me" ...give it a shot."

Her plea wasn't the deciding factor though.

As much as I was terrified, I was also guilty. Guilty of turning my father and brother into monsters when all they'd done was try to be there for me.

Exhaling, I could only smile a bit before looking at my mom, mind made up. A slow nod to her was enough to create a smile capable of shaming the heavens. 'Geez Lady, tone down the beauty'...

I had to do this. Not just for my brother and my dad. But for mum too who was feeling strained by all this and for me who had to suffer those nightmares.

If Creator's Online would help me then I was game.

I didn't realize it. But that one decision would come to bite me in the ass. Positively or negatively? I'd leave you to find out.