Couldn’t My Reincarnation have been more Cliche!

Lost_Star

this chapter contains sensitive content which some readers may find triggering, "depictions of suicide, self harm, and depression" with the overall tone of the chapter being fairly dark.

System> [New Message]



[message pending]. . . . . . . .[Message received] 

 [would you like to access this message?] . . .

[YES]. . . . . . . .[NO] }


Looking at the new lines of text that appeared in front of me, I couldn’t help but be a bit hopeful that maybe everything that happened so far could be reversed. However, as it was that phony Goddess who I was supposed to be saved by, I wasn’t willing to pin anything more than that small hope on her. 

Without much more thought I opened the message, as with a small flourish of colors and bright noises, I started to here a familiar voice in my head, though it seemed to be pre recorded.

System Voice message<

[“Hey, so you made it out of my domain safely, great! I’m super happy for you, I knew you could do it. Yep, I was just joking about you having an incredibly high chance of poofing out of existence, yep, totally was, completely joking about that! And don’t worry, there’s no need to pay me back for all the amazing stuff I did to save you. I already got my payment when I took ownership of your soul, so no need to worry about any sort of interest on your debt. Aren’t I just the best?! Eh, I guess you’re probably making a face after hearing that, but don’t worry, it was just a joke, or was it? No, it was, okay, okayyyyy, I’ll stop playing around.

Anyhow no need to be so formal in our messages. I know it must have been hard thinking about what to say to me, but don’t worry, even if it’s intimidating to talk to such a wonderful Goddess as I, I’m really not the type to turn you to salt if you turn around or anything like that, just to talk to me however.

Well anyway, about your unpleasant situation, um, I’m sure I included some stuff to help you out if you ended up someplace unsafe, but I don’t know how that could be the case. And uhh, I’m actually super busy right now with super important Goddess business, so uhh I-I um can’t do anything more. Yeah, because of my super important stuff, it’s super important, okay, so don’t keep asking me to fix your situation because I’m too busy right now, and it’s not because you ended up like way further than I thought you would, nope, that’s not it at all. Well anyway, I’m sure you’ll figure it out, you seemed like a tough cookie, and besides, if you made it there with your soul intact, you should have plenty of my power left to keep yourself alive, well, unless something crazy happened and you ended up somewhere with a Natural Divinity arou. . . nah, that’s super unlikely, so it’s probably just you doing something wrong, yeah, that’s about it. Uhh, good luck!”]

As I read through the message, my face became cramped, and the hope that had previously begun to rise to my face was stopped halfway. I could almost hear that blasted goddess laughing to herself while sending this, thinking about how she could shatter what little hope I had left..

It’s not like I had any “great” hopes for her in the first place. I mean, just looking at this system I had, it was clear she was incompetent, yet I didn’t have my expectations so low either. So yeah, I guess I am a bit grateful for this message, since I almost went on thinking that she was at least in some way a goddess. Now I know she can’t be anything but some fraud devil, and this world I’m in must be some punishment for how I lived my life. Even so, isn’t this just unfair? I’m not even sure which religion I should have been following in my past life. But Isn’t it unfair to say “My will be done” over and over again expecting me to pick a side?!

Furious now, I mentally pulled up the GSSL icon, and before anything more could cheerfully make itself known, I immediately accessed the message icon and sent something more to vent my anger than with any hopes of receiving results from it.

[You ******* Goddess, do I sound like I’m doing okay now? **** Stop joking around, you’re a ***** ****, you know that? Is this all some sort of game to you? Am I so lowly to you that you couldn’t even possibly care about me? Go **** yourself!]

Message sent<

I began to cool down a bit after I got the timely confirmation of the system. Heh, maybe my thoughts were just going haywire in an effort to cope with the fact that I was basically just told I had to fend for myself, and the fact that I was told so in such an overly outgoing way made me just want to scream at myself for even getting my hopes up a bit. Sighing, I looked down at the body I was currently forced to stay in, and at the unlivable room which I was now supposed to call mine. At this point, I felt so sick of it all I wondered if maybe I should just go lay down and sleep for a bit. But biting my tongue slightly to distract myself from anything more depressing, I grabbed the phone next to me and powered it on again. I figured if I was going to be stuck here, I may as well distract myself by guessing at passwords on the phone.

I was met with a dimly lit screen showing a few hidden notifications, besides the date being shown as 5/9/1635, the phone itself was similar to what I was familiar with. It reminded me of the cheap phones I used to use when I just started working. I barely had enough money then to afford the nice clothes I had rented for my interview, and I was still riddled with debt from graduating, but somehow, I couldn’t help but feel a bit nostalgic for that time.

Hah, if before this all started I’d have been told that I’d be looking back on that time with a wistful expression like I was pondering some lost love, I’d have called you crazy. But now, yeah, I really did miss it.

Shaking my head to rid any further thoughts on the subject, I pressed my thumb down slightly on the lock screen, hoping that maybe this time some sort of fingerprint reader or something would activate. But all I was met with was a buzz and the familiar passcode screen. Luckily, it only seemed to be a four-digit password, so guessing it wouldn’t be impossible, well, as long as the phone didn’t have some sort of feature to lock me out if I failed. But the phone itself didn’t seem like it was very well-made, so I was hoping that wasn’t the case. If it was, then I’d just be screwed, well, more than I already was.

Trying to find a place to sit, my first thought was the bed, but even if it was comforting physically, I didn’t think my mind could bear casually guessing passwords while sitting there. So I opted for the next best thing, a somewhat clean patch of floor near the bathroom. Getting as comfortable as I could, I resigned myself and began resolutely going about my task. 

I first tried, like any reasonable person, 1111, 2222, so on and so on, and while I wasn’t locked out, I also didn’t see any great amount of success. So I just switched to randomly guessing, betting on my luck to save me. Though considering how my luck has been recently, maybe I should have just brute forced it.

Looking over the screen, there seemed to be relatively few apps downloaded, with most of the ones seeming generic, like “clock” and “Calcumate,” things most likely included with the phone. Ignoring  the other apps for now I clicked on what seemed to be a message app, and was immediately met with a long string of yellow bubbles that scrolled across the screen. While I wasn’t entirely familiar with the app, it was fairly obvious that these were missed messages. 

++E[LEL]- Urgent Evacuation order evacuate immediately [Risk of injury moderate to severe] see more information at AAEM:||15793:Emergency-State




++E[LEL]- Urgent Evacuation order [Risk of injury moderate to severe] see more information at AAEM:||15793:Emergency-State





++E[LEL]- Urgent Evacuation order evacuate immediately [Risk of injury moderate to severe] see more information at AAEM:||15793:Emergency-State



[7890-201-5678]- Hey, been awhile since you’ve stopped by, I’ve still been putting out those rolls you like, so be sure to come over soon I’m getting a bit worried, well don’t mind me just don’t be a stranger. oka . . [read more]

[7890-345-9876]-  Are you Ghosting me?!??

[7890-345-9876]-  did I do something wrong, why are you being like this, fine whatever

[7890-345-9876]-  Hello, are you okay you haven’t said anything in awhile???

+S[7890-934-0123]-  Your package has been delivered please confirm you received the package by clicking this line >ANS:||35731:Confirmation-bis<


[7890-901-9012]-[Blocked]

[7890-901-9012]- [Blocked]

[7890-901-9012]- [Blocked]

[7890-901-9012]- hey I know you’re having a tough time right now, but you don’t have to work it out alone, we all really care about you, so just know that if you ever need help we’re here! \0/  . . . [read more]

Quietly closing out the message app, trying to block out the implications behind the messages, I tried accessing the app labeled “Search,” but I was met with an error saying something about no connection. The same was also true for the apps labeled “market” and “Ploom,” though I’m not sure what the last one was. It had some sort of knight's helmet as its icon and seemed to be the only non-generic app on here. I guess it also required a connection.

Sighing heavily, I closed out of the Phone, staring listlessly into space. I knew I should keep reading through the messages or maybe check the photos or something, anything to find out more about whose body I was inhabiting. But at this point, I was feeling sick about the whole thing, and  as much as I wanted to blame that stupid goddess, I knew it wouldn’t do me any good, I just had to sit here and figure something out I’d get through this somehow, I had to.

Though honestly I couldn’t help but think, “what am I supposed to do, clean the place up, open the windows, walk outside saying, “I’ve become enlightened,” while pretending to be a person I’m not, or should I run away from everything, somehow disappearing, making a life as a new person in this world?”  The  technology doesn’t look any different from what I know, so I doubt I can just move a town over, to escape everything. Besides, I still don’t know what those evacuation orders were about, so I don’t even know if it’s safe outside. I assume since everything seems fine they were old,  but as there were no dates on the messages, I couldn’t be sure when they were sent.

I’m not sure how long I sat thinking like that; my legs had grown stiff, and my stomach was starting to let out groans of hunger. But I couldn’t bring myself to care. I clicked on and off the phone repeatedly. Several times I went to click back onto the messaging apps, but all I managed to read was the repeated lines about evacuating. At a certain point, I just stopped looking instead going back to staring into space, trying to get a grip on everything.

Up until now, I had managed to make it through everything just fine. I had dealt with meeting a goddess, being thrown into a new world, being forced into a new body, even dealt with the violent scene that I had awoken to, so why was this my limit? Was it just one straw too many, or was I just too exhausted to keep pretending everything really was fine?

No, I knew I couldn’t keep thinking like that. If I wanted to change something, to make up for taking over this body, I couldn’t stop here. I had to stay strong, and I needed to keep a hold of myself, even if it was just until I was able to take a step back from everything to rest. Standing up, I threw the phone aside. Even if it had critical information on it, it wasn’t something I wanted to look at any longer. Taking heavy steps towards the door, I was suddenly thrown off balance by what seemed to be an earthquake. I only managed to keep my balance by slamming myself into the door. If I hadn’t, I would have been thrown to the floor, something I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to brush off as easily as I could in my past life.

Even though the vibrations stopped shortly, it was still more than enough for me to figure out that the “urgent” evacuation messages were very much still urgent. Maybe I was just stupid, but I wanted to punch myself for assuming it was safe earlier.

Suddenly, a loud shrieking hissing noise interrupted my considerations. It sounded like it came from somewhere outside far away.  It sounded unnatural and as it began to quiet down, I realized I had broken out in a cold sweat.

Barely managing to calm myself, I hastily grabbed at the door handle, twisting it several times before I managed to put enough strength into it to get it open. What greeted my eyes was something that really made me want to just shut the door, close my eyes, walk back inside.

In the sky was some sort of red crack, strange reflective patterns spread out like fractures in glass. If I didn’t feel so much fear looking at it, I would have certainly assumed it was fake or that I had really gone mad. I mean come on can’t a (guy) . . . lady walk outside of “her” apartment without being confronted by an existential crisis?! 

Trying to make myself laugh I turned away from the sky, and took a look around the surroundings. Everything was deserted, which was just strange. I’m sure if this were my original world, this would have caused enough combined alarm or interest to have the entire place swarming with either people or vehicles in no time. So why was what met my eyes an empty apartment parking lot and a few boarded-up stores on what looked to be a normal urban street? Even though I didn’t have much of a vantage point from the first floor, I could still tell that everything seemed a bit too normal. Clearly something was wrong, but it didn’t look like something new was wrong. .

I didn’t have much time to think as suddenly I heard someone shouting. This caused me to let out a strange voice, as it was the  first time I had heard something other than my own voice and it really surprised me. 

Looking toward where the sound came from, I saw a fairly tall man wearing what looked like some sort of military uniform, frantically running towards me. He had a wild look on his face as he yelled, clearly trying to get my attention.

Despite his looking modern uniform, I didn’t see any type of weapon on him besides some sort of sword hung down by his waist. As he got closer, I could see him pointing at me and shouting into what appeared to be a radio. The entire time he was running, I observed him with a blank gaze. At this point, I had given up trying to make sense of things, instead just focusing on trying to keep my head above water.

[Frantic Soldier]: “What the hell are you still doing here!? You should have had a few days to leave now, so don’t tell me you forgot something and suddenly went back to grab it, going back to a place marked under a rift, even if it’s outside the predicted zone, is still dangerous! Don’t give me that dumb look. I know you think you can gra . . .”

Slowly as he was talking he  trailed off in the middle of his words. I wasn’t sure why, but his previous expression of annoyance was replaced with one of concern.

And Even though I tried my best to react as he stepped up getting much closer to me, I couldn’t do anything besides let out a soft noise as he quickly took hold of one of my arms.

[ Frantic Concerned Soldier]: “Hey, Hey, are you okay? Hey, can you hear me?”

The slight feeling of pressure on my arms combined with his now clearly concerned voice was enough to snap me out of my dumbstruck contemplations. Looking at him up close, though he seemed young, he was a good bit taller than me. Combined with his gray and brown military uniform, he made an imposing figure. On his uniform, a knight's helmet symbol was emblazoned. The symbol reminded me of the app I  saw earlier, though it was a bit more detailed. I couldn’t tell what his hair looked like as it was covered by a thick-looking helmet, though I did  get a closer look at the sword hanging by his hip, I didn’t really know enough about those types of things to say whether it was any good or not, but as he occasionally would reach down to check his sheath, it looked like it was at least something he relied on.

Setting his appearance aside, it seems I would need to answer him, as his face was growing more and more uncomfortable with my continued silence. Looking up at the tear in the sky to confirm that it was still there, I began to answer with the least insane set of words that came to mind.

[Unknown Woman, Iris Sinclaire]: “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine, yeah, tha-thank you for checking in o. . . on me I-I-I was just abo. . .ut to leave.”

I wanted to place my head in my hands and sigh, as despite my best efforts to continue speaking, or even just say something decent, I could only stammer out those few lines before realizing that I didn’t know what to say. Somehow seeing another person, showing concern for me, instead of a bunch of overly cheerful text boxes, took a toll on me. While at the same time, his reassuring presence made me feel slightly more at ease, perhaps leading to some of the emotions I had been trying to ignore making themselves known.  Even if that were the case, his cautious  appearance combined with the ominous hole in the sky was more than enough for me to realize that now was no time to relax. So once more I stuffed everything back inside doing my best to smile.

After doing so,  I valiantly came to the conclusion that it would be safer to trust this strange soldier than take my chance with an unknown disaster, although I still had a bunch of reservations about my situation, I knew doing anything other than cooperating here would be stupid.

[Concerned Soldier]: “Wait, are you really just here to try to get something out of your house, I- so I was right! I knew it, you had a weird look on your face and weren’t responding,  as well as it looked like you had blood or something on your clothes so I thought something was wrong, but as long as you say everything alright I guess it’s fine, and I guess you do really look okay, but still . . look here, even if this spot is unlik. . .”

A sudden blast of static cut off the soldier in the middle of his lecture. While I couldn’t tell what he was saying by the look on his face, I could tell nothing was good. Before I could ask what was going on,  he carefully grabbed my arm and started guiding me in the direction he had come from.

[Concerned Soldier]: “ Sorry I just got notified that we have to leave ahead of schedule so I’ll need to go make sure everything here is clear, here follow me to my truck since you’ll also need to be evacuated, and before you protest according to sect. . .ah sorry force of habit 

 The action wasn’t done particularly quickly, despite this, I was still a little unsteady on my feet, which led to most of my focus being on letting myself be pulled along without stumbling. I barely had enough time to glance up at him and consider how his face, which had seemed on the verge of panic earlier,  appeared to be in a better mood after receiving the order to leave. Before a crack in the pavement reminded me to continue to watch my footing. I didn’t resist following along with him, as I knew that it was probably the best course of action I had right now, but for some reason, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. . .