Cosmosis

Leave

(Starspeak)

My brain was going in loops like it always did after I saw anyone die.

Leaving a copy of myself in Macoru's head had been an impulse decision, but something about it felt right.

The fact that she didn't blame me for her brother's death…it reminded me of Daniel.

I could understand the fear of one's own emotions running out of control. The fear of a grudge festering into something worse felt like something I could have experienced if any number of circumstances had turned out even slightly differently.

Daniel—even if he really had been 'only' a Simulacrum—had been an invaluable companion. His mere presence had saved my life in ways that defied description. If my simulacrum could help Macoru even a fraction as much, it would be worth it.

I'd had some existential concerns until I'd actually gotten to focus on creating the Simulacrum from scratch.

The twins had been right, they weren't really people. They couldn't truly make decisions, and even their emotional capacity was nonexistent without being connected to a host of some kind.

But as long as they were supported by a host? They were definitely partway there. And there wasn't anything wrong with treating them with the same respect as real people.

If it had been someone else, I might not have trusted them with a copy of my own mind. But this was Mac. Alongside her brother, she more than deserved the benefit of the doubt.

She and I must have been woven from the same guilt-prone cloth, because she insisted on leaving something to help us too: smart-plasma control psionics.

Nai made me turn down the gift just so I didn't risk spoiling the Realization, but she accepted the module and busied herself learning the ins and outs of the new trick she'd picked up.

It was a quite a sight watching the flames dance to Nai's whim. Seeing vorpal fire magically move back and forth like that made me realize it was going to get even harder to explain 'there's no such thing as telekinesis' to newcomer Adepts.

While she lay back against a few crates, Nai was one of the only people who wasn't actively helping pack up the Jack and John Brown, but she'd earned the break.

Plus, I wanted her visible for a certain someone's return.

Peudra gave me the heads up when she was a few minutes away from returning with Tox in tow. I was grateful for the excuse to get out of my own head.

They walked down the gangway to the launch pad, and Peudra walked in such a way to go right past me while Tox would be forced to pause.

I glared at him while Peudra continued toward the ship.

Tox glanced from me to Nai, visible behind me, brandishing the deadly fire in casual swooping loops.

"Where is he?" I hissed.

"I don't know," he said simply.

"You'd better have more than that to—" I started.

Tox cut me off.

"Halax isn't on the planet anymore. I'm almost positive," he said.

My eyes narrowed at him.

"Explain," I growled, "or you won't be able to say the same in a few hours."

"…How much did the Prolocutor tell you about the Red Sails?"

"They're under investigation," I said. "It's not going to go anywhere. I spent months going over their own classified data for the months leading up to the abductions. There's nothing."

"You are misunderstanding how due process obligates an investigation then," Tox said.

There might be something to be said for that. Our own actions at the Diving Bell certainly weren't any part of 'due process'.

But I kept glaring at him, a silent prompt to continue.

"Investigations of the caliber we're talking don't get started without something to implicate them in the first place. You can't just investigate indefinitely because you feel like it. Especially not on this scale. It's explicitly prohibited, in fact," Tox said. "Ergo this new probe has new evidence."

My eyes narrowed.

"And you know what that evidence is."

"…I heard a rumor," he said.

It wasn't hard to figure out where the information might have come from. Tox's brother was the Marshal to the other Void Fleet operating in the same theater.

"The last Marshal of the Red Sails has been directly implicated with the sapient machines we've both encountered in the past," Tox said, trying to drop his voice. There was no point though. We were in public, well within earshot of at least the spaceport's ground crew, helping prepare the launch pad.

"There's direct evidence to implicate Tispas?" I asked, genuinely shocked.

Tox only winced.

"No. I wasn't clear. The last Marshal, as in 'former'. Tispas's predecessor, Gonmar Jonah," he explained.

"What specifically implicates them?" I asked. "Wiretaps? A confession?"

"Even if I knew exactly what, this is hardly the place to speak about it," Tox said, gesturing toward our surroundings without trying to look like he was worried about surveillance.

I scowled.

He wasn't wrong. Nobody present was likely to repeat the conversation, but it was poor security nonetheless.

"…We're not done packing up yet," I said. "The sensitive portions can wait 'til we're behind closed doors. In the meantime, tell me about Gonmar."

"That's the tricky part," Tox admitted. "They're senile. They were a fearsome Adept when they were younger—handily on the Warlock's level. But they were diagnosed with two different neurodegenerative diseases, and they've been widely considered a security risk ever since."

"This rak is retired?" I asked.

Tox nodded.

"More than a decade ago. They hung up their uniform about a year after the Razing," he said. "The general fear running through the Prolocutor and Assembly right now is that Gonmar engaged in some very illegal activities and successfully covered them up for decades."

"The Prolocutor said that there were some who were worried that the Red Sails were secretly collaborating with Earth," I said. "Are they moving away from that theory?"

"I couldn't tell you that," Tox said.

"Gonmar, where are they?"

"They were retired on the moon, but they were arrested to be taken before the full presence of the Assembly," he said. "They're going to be deposed for months as part of the investigation."

"…They're going to depose someone senile?"

"I imagine it will be an exercise in futility," Tox agreed. "But they're going to peel apart both their life and that of everyone within the Red Sails."

My brain churned the new information, comparing it to what I already knew.

"…Is this a legitimate suspicion these authorities have, or is this just an angle so they have an excuse to dissect the Red Sails and anything connected to them?" I asked.

Nora and her crew still worked closely with the Red Sails to shelter and quarter the thousands of humans after the Flotilla had located them. That someone wanted to snoop the Red Sails and their associates didn't seem like a coincidence.

"I can't say. The only person who might know for sure would be Gonmar Jonah, and they're…well, crazy and old," Tox said.

It was concerning news, but none of it could be acted on any time soon.

"Halax then," I said. "He left the planet on Red Sails orders?"

"Yes and no," Tox said, lowering his voice trying to get me to follow suit. "The Prolocutor's office issued warrants for any Red Sails officer that are deployed on all assignments or any who otherwise fail to report themselves for inspection."

Halax on the lam. It almost brought a smile to my face.

The thought of the Red Sails being guilty of our abductions soured my mood though. I'd literally learned how to analyze military intelligence documents for the express purpose of rooting through their files and looking for evidence they were responsible for our abductions.

Could I have missed something?

I doubted it.

Back then, I'd been operating under the presumption that they were guilty, and trying to work backwards to prove it. The Coalition and Admiral Laranta had been the ones to confront me that there was nothing incriminating in what I was looking at.

Strictly speaking, the lack of incriminating evidence wasn't necessarily exculpatory. Had I been treating it that way? Was that me overcorrecting for my own biases? The Coalition wasn't bias free themselves. Could Laranta have had blinders too?

"Fine," I snapped, stepping aside. "Get onboard and we'll talk about this later."

Tox took the invitation, but paused right next to me so he could whisper something close to my ear.

"This is Halax we're talking about. You need to talk to Nora."

I glared at him, daring him to say even one more word.

He didn't.

I checked with Nai to see if I was overreaching, and she gave a small shrug.

<Real or not, this new evidence they're looking at…> Nai said, <it probably doesn't just come from nowhere. Right?>

Gonmar Jonah had been directly implicated with one of them, apparently. But what were the odds the evidence to prove it came from a different AI?

<Which one are you thinking?> I asked.

<If the evidence is genuine, it's coming from SPARK, and he's trying to upset things, make problems for the AIs still following their creator,> she said.

<And anyone else,> I snorted.

We'd been down the road of SPARK as a potential ally before, but even in what little contact we'd had with him, the message was clear. He wasn't interested in being on anyone's side.

<But if the evidence is falsified, then it's probably coming from CENSOR,> Nai followed. <And she's trying to divert suspicion away from parties that are truly culpable.>

<Either way, we can't just ignore it,> I nodded. <I get it.>

<He's right you know,> she said. <We need to talk to Nora.>

She put a hand on my shoulder and forced me to look her in the eyes.

<This is me saying it. She betrayed me too. She lived in my house, and I still think we can't put off talking to her>

I nodded.

<If you don't, or can't? I will,> Nai said. <…Do I need to?>

…

<No,> I said. <I'll get a hold of her as soon as I'm in orbit.>

Nai blinked at that.

A case of content theft: this narrative is not rightfully on Amazon; if you spot it, report the violation.

<Oh. Then forget it. I'll do it,> she said.

"What?" I said, confused. "Why?"

"Because I'm going to be in orbit sooner than you are," she said. "Don't worry about it."

"What are you talking about—it sounds like something maybe I should worry about!"

"Not like that," Nai promised me. "Here."

She cracked open the crate she was leaning against and pulled out a large duffel bag before throwing it into my arms.

"What's this?" I asked.

"A week's worth of stuff," she said. "Food, toiletries, some clothes. That sort of thing."

"…Why?"

"Mmm…I don't know if I can explain," she admitted.

Jordan poked her head out of the Jack's hatch.

"You're banned," she said.

"Yeah!" Nai brightened. "Banned!"

"You realize I'm the captain of this ship, right? I could throw you in the brig just for implying that."

"The Jack doesn't have a brig," Jordan said without missing a beat.

"Yeah, but I could make one."

"We already went over your head," Jordan said. "We [tattletaled] to Serralinitus that you didn't take a vacation like you were supposed to. So now we're not giving you a choice."

"Excuse you?"

I couldn't believe this! This was supposed to have been my intimidating ambush of Tox!

"[Dude,] take the win and just enjoy some time off— for real this time," Nai said. "You have a ticket on a commercial air flight to be picked up at the check-in desk no later than…four hours from now."

"…You guys are really serious about this?" I asked.

"Deadly," Jordan said.

I rolled my eyes.

A huge part of me didn't want to be alone right now.

Except…Jordan and Nai both knew me well enough to know that. I'd killed someone yesterday.

"What are you thinking that I'm missing?" I asked.

"Your airfare is for two," Jordan said simply.

I gaped at them. They couldn't be serious.

"Nai, I could have set you up with that detective, and I didn't because I knew it would make you uncomfortable," I said. "You're trying to do this now?"

"Yep," she said, unashamed. "Jordan's idea, but I took exactly zero convincing."

"You realize I'm going to retaliate some time, right? You're going to have to watch out for me wing-manning any Farnata guys who want to flirt with you!" I hissed.

Nai, to my chagrin, did an excellent job pretending that didn't faze her.

"Why, Caleb, I trust your judgement implicitly," she said. "If you think I'd like someone, I would be more than happy to meet them."

"And you," I turned to Jordan, "don't think I can't find out…some equally mortifying thing to use against you."

"Bring it," she said, ever blandly. "You wouldn't get past square one. In the meantime? [Just fucking ask her out already. Everyone else is tired of waiting for you two to hook up.]"

"[I'm not going to have sex,]" I insisted. "[Puritanical as the rules are, we have them for very good reasons.]"

"[Hook up, strictly in the social sense,]" Jordan nodded. "[Fine. Just do it already, and quit acting like you're above taking time off—really off.]"

Without changing her expression at all, she got more serious for a moment.

"[It's setting a bad example,]" she said.

"[…Everyone else?]"

"[I know I've felt pressured to burn the wick at both ends,]" Jordan said. "[Not in the moment, mind you. Everyone knows it's not intentional, but it's still there. Like a challenge.]"

"An obscene portion of the munckins I've done Adept training with?" Nai said. "They practice their starting drills so much, they actually get them right ahead of schedule."

"[…And?]" I asked.

"And they shouldn't," Nai said simply. "They hear about you and me being big bad Adept legends, and they want that for themselves. Even if they can't ever get it, even if they'll hurt themselves trying, they want to live up to us."

"…Okay," I conceded. "I'll take the time off. But shouldn't you be going on vacation too then?"

"I will," Nai said. "We're going to visit my mom soon."

"You and Nerin?"

"Tasser too," Nai said. "And you, unless you get weird about it."

"No, no, I'm in…" I said. "Your mom will love seeing Tasser again."

"Good. We're all on the same page then?" Nai said. "Then get out of here."

I rolled my eyes again.

"You're really just getting rid of me for a whole week?"

"That's how much official leave we've scheduled for you," Jordan said. "So, knowing you, you'll talk yourself out of it after a day or two. So that's how we scheduled your moon shuttle. Your plane tickets are taking you to the 'Ruby Isles' about a thousand miles northwest of here. From there, there's a shuttle departing for the moon a bit more than two days from now. You're already booked on the manifest."

"And you already squared away things with the local authorities? Heads up I'm coming, visas, everything?" I asked.

<Peudra?> Jordan consulted.

<Yes. Agent Avi makes a surprisingly good travel agent,> she commented.

"You're stalling," Nai accused me. "Like Tox just said, there's a ton of serious stuff waiting for when you get back. So get out of here, have a good time, and hurry back. Cool?"

"…Cool," I said, picking up the duffel.

I shot one more facetiously angry look at Jordan who only gave a hint of a smirk. Then I left the Jack on its floating platform and made my way to the next one over where the John Brown was in the middle of its preflight checks.

<[Hey Maddie!]> I called out.

<[What?]>

<[Get out here,]> I said. <[I got something to say.]>

<[So say it?]> she asked confused.

<[Nope. This has to be in person.]>

She gave a psychic grunt and made her way out of the ship.

The seconds it took made me notice how sweaty my palms had just gotten and that giant lump in my throat I'd been ignoring.

With even just a minute's retrospect, I realized I would have never done this without Nai and Jordan literally barring me from my own ship.

Too late to turn back now.

"[What?]" Madeline asked hanging halfway out the hatch.

I swallowed nervously. Gunfire and robots, heists and corpse hunting. I really wish those had daunted me more than this.

Just take the plunge.

"[I like you,]" I said. "[I'm asking you out.]"

She blinked.

"[On a date?]"

"[On a date,]" I nodded. "[Right now.]"

She grinned. "[Hell yeah! Let me clear it first?]"

I waved my hand, beckoning her to do just that, but I knew Jordan and Nai would have already talked to Ike in this little conspiracy of theirs.

Maddie exchanged a quick psionic burst with her ship's crew, and it was exactly as I expected. Maddie and I were literally the last people on our crews to find out about these plans.

"[If nothing else, I'm reassured at our collective ability to maintain compartmentalization,]" I mused.

"[Holy shit, you really do need a vacation,]" Maddie snickered. "[Sooo…you like me? Like, like like me?]"

"[Shut up,]" I snorted. "[You like me too.]"

"[Yeah, but I'm not shy like a little girl about it,]" she laughed. "[I'm evolved.]"

"[So evolved that you aren't bringing anything?]" I asked. "[You realize this is two whole nights, right?]"

Madeline had departed the ship with nothing but the clothes on her back.

"[So what? I materialize all my clothes anyway,]" she said. "[Toothbrush, soap, tampons, I can Adept all that shit too. What do I need to carry?]"

"[How about food and water? For one thing…]"

"[I thought you said this was a date,]" she accused. "[You aren't taking me to dinner?]"

I stopped realizing I didn't have the faintest idea of an itinerary for any of this. I checked the duffel bag in a hurry, but it was all worst-case scenario 'just-in-case' stuff.

<Jordan!> I shouted.

No response.

Madeline just laughed. "[We can play it by ear.]"

"[Fine, but that means the first thing is probably you making us wheels to get to the airport,]" I said.

"[Oh cool,]" Maddie said. <[Yo, Ingrid. Any tips for Vorak air travel?]>

<[Make sure you go to the check-in desk,]> she answered. <[They love their paperwork, and that's where you can make sure you've got it all arranged.]>

<[We don't have any—]> I started to complain.

<[It's all waiting for you at the airport,]> Jordan said, breaking her silence. <[You're stalling again—>

I cut off the transmission and did my best not to scowl or look to reluctant.

"[Yeah, you just realized it would be insulting to ask me on a date and then act all bothered about it?]" Madeline asked, materializing a motorcycle piece by piece.

"[I'm fine with the date part,]" I said. "[I'm just uncomfortable being forced into things.]"

"[That's fair,]" she said. "[But you might just have to suck it up, buttercup.]"

She tossed me a helmet, and I climbed aboard. I hesitated for a moment before putting my arm around her to hold on.

She noticed my hesitation and smirked.

"[Yeah, yeah,]" I grumbled. "[I don't want to be inappropriate; sue me.]"

"[Why do you think I've been working under Serral's chain of command so much?]" Madeline asked. "[No conflict of interest that way.]"

She revved the bike's engine, and we sped toward the spaceport's exit.

Jordan was probably right. I'd get antsy after a day or two and we'd head back at the first feasible moment. Visiting an alien planet as a group was one thing, but just the two of us at some Vorak resort? It would be merciful if constant stares were the most attention we drew.

But I thought of what Mavriste had talked about in the moment before he died, what Nai had said.

The wind whipping past us was too loud for words, and our conversation easily slid into psionics.

<[I'm bad at this. Unwinding. Doing stuff because it doesn't matter,]> I told Maddie. <[I used to have more joy in me. I even tried to hold on to it: just as a survival mechanism. But…]>

<[But then your job got bigger,]> Maddie nodded.

That was it exactly, and yet it fell so far from the truth.

<[Do stuff because it doesn't matter too much,]> she added. <[Isn't that the lesson here? The nothing actually does matter, but only because it takes the pressure off. So you don't want to say it doesn't matter, because it really is important…it just doesn't matter…excessively.]>

<[I like that,]> I smiled.

And, in keeping with the spirit of the circumstances, I asked, <[What's something you want to look out for on this date? I might have been forced into this, but if I'm doing it, then I'm doing it well. You said dinner. What else?]>

<[I have some picks,]> she said. <[But I want to turn it around on you just as badly. What would be a good date for you?]>

<[Mavriste more or less told me, instead of unwinding by taking breaks and resting, that I should try to do something exciting for fun. I was swimming and diving in a hurricane, and that was probably the best I've felt all year.]>

Maddie nodded thoughtfully.

<[In that case, my picks are right up your alley,]> she said. <[Because I want to find out if Vorak invented mountain biking.]>

<[That sounds awesome,]> I admitted.

Maybe this was going to be…

No.

Not 'maybe'. That would ruin the point of this.

This was going to be fun. Even if it all completely fizzled. Even if we got arrested. Even just trying...it would be fun to remind myself how to be me.