CFZ

"My head feels dizzy."
Every time an unfamiliar voice resonated in my mind, I felt the urge to vomit.

Grasping my chest, I tried to steady my breath, but even that was no easy task.
What is this? What is this feeling?
My vision blurred.
The sounds I heard began to cloud my sight. The scene changed.

What I had been facing—Tang So-yeol in the middle of the night—disappeared, replaced by an unfamiliar view.
It was too hazy to see clearly, but it was definitely not night.
If anything, it seemed to be a bright daytime. The faint colors of autumn leaves hinted at the current season.
Where am I? Where is this, and when is it? Why is this happening to me?
And then—

“Just a little more.”
Despite my confusion, I found myself focusing on the scene, wanting to see more.
I couldn’t tear my eyes away. Or maybe… I simply longed for it.
It was an emotion I couldn’t understand.
But for some reason, I wanted to see it. The expressionless figure sitting before a cabin I had never seen before—it was me and someone else.

"Yes, just like that."
The woman smiled, seemingly satisfied that I had called her name.
But then—
"Always like that. Please, always stay like that."

There was an inexplicable sadness in her smiling voice. It prompted me to ask:
“Why?”
Why are you so sad? Why, even after getting what you wanted, do you seem so sorrowful?
I asked, but no answer came.

Was it because the woman didn’t respond? Or because I couldn’t hear the voice from within my memory? I didn’t know.
"Say it."
But I wanted to hear it.

"Tell me."
I wanted to ⊛ Nоvеlιght ⊛ (Read the full story) grab hold of her and demand an answer, but the me in the memory seemed unable to speak any further.
It was suffocating. The inability to move, this moment—it made it all the more stifling.
Why am I so impatient and frustrated?
I didn’t know that either.

"Move, damn it."
I clenched my teeth and struggled, even knowing that my efforts wouldn’t make the me in the memory move.
Still, I felt I had to try.
As I put all my strength into my futile attempts—

Swoosh.
"…!"
The hazy figure of myself began to move.
Was I the one moving? I couldn’t be sure, but the movements aligned with my desires.

My hand rose.
The woman flinched at the sight of it. Her expression remained obscured, still shrouded in haze.
"…You?"
Her voice sounded startled.
At that moment—

"Young Master…!"
"…!"
The sudden interruption snapped me back to reality.

"Young Master… are you okay?"
"…Ah…"
Tang So-yeol’s face came into view. She reached out and gently stroked my cheek.

"Why… Why are you crying, Young Master? Is it because of me…?"
Crying? Her words prompted me to hurriedly wipe my eyes.
It was true. My eyes were damp with tears, even if just a little.
I couldn’t believe it.

"What is this?"
Why am I suddenly crying like a pathetic fool? And what was that memory just now?
Lost in confusion, I hesitated.
"I… I’m sorry…."

Tang So-yeol’s voice pulled me back. I turned my gaze to her.
"What?"
"It’s my fault, isn’t it? I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to, I just…"

"What are you talking about? That’s not it."
I hastily tried to reassure her, but her shaken expression remained.
"I’m sorry."

"Wait, no…."
"I’ll leave you alone. Please rest well."
Before I could stop her, Tang So-yeol turned to leave.
For a moment, I considered letting her go, but then I caught sight of her eyes as she turned away.

Her reddened eyes looked ready to shed tears at any moment.
Seeing that, my hand moved before I could think.
I grabbed her and pulled her into my arms.
"…I’m sorry."

"…"
"It’s not like that. Really, it’s not."
I scrambled to explain. Tang So-yeol said nothing but clung tightly to my back.

Her earlier question about whether I loved her echoed in my mind. What answer had I intended to give?
I didn’t need to search for it. How could I forget something from just moments ago?
The problem was—
"I can’t answer that right now."

I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
Tang So-yeol wriggled slightly in my embrace.
"…Why?"

Her voice was barely audible.
"Is it because you’re unsure…? Or is it something else?"
The tremor in her voice revealed her deep anxiety.

"…No. It’s neither."
Unsure? That wasn’t it. And if it wasn’t love? That wasn’t true either.
"It’s just… I can’t say it right now."

At least not now. Not right now.
If I were to say it now, everything I had been holding back would burst out uncontrollably.
"Somehow, I’ve been holding on."
Even though I was an idiot, I knew what kind of emotions surrounded me.
And those emotions, directed at me, were something I found difficult to handle.

But I had to endure it.
"Because now is not the time."
I hadn’t accomplished anything. I hadn’t resolved anything.
Until I did, it wasn’t the time to say it.

At least after everything was resolved.
At least then.
"So just… Just wait a little longer."

"…"
The grip on my back tightened.
"How long is ‘a little’?"

It was a childish question.
Just like the time when I had once asked how many days until a certain moment came.
How should I answer? I couldn’t afford to overthink it.
This time, I needed to speak my mind.
"It won’t take long."

Even if it wasn’t a definitive answer, it was the best I could give.
It really wouldn’t take long.
No, even if it would, I’d make sure it wouldn’t.
"…"
Tang So-yeol didn’t question my ambiguous answer.
She simply stayed there, leaning her head against my chest.

After a long moment—
"…Okay."
Tang So-yeol spoke while still resting against me.

"I’ll wait… because I’m confident I can."
Her words carried a peculiar bitterness.
"But, in exchange…"

Tang So-yeol lifted her head. Our eyes met. Her gaze was still tinged with redness.
"When the time comes and you can say those words, please say them to me first."
"…What?"

"I know. I know you’re not the type to say those words to just one person."
"…"
I felt like trash. I couldn’t deny it. But I also couldn’t look away, so I swallowed my unease.

"No matter what you’ve done or what you look like, I know I’m not the only one who could love even that part of you. So it’s okay."
"…"
Tang So-yeol chuckled faintly.

"Your face looks really funny right now, Young Master."
"…That…."
"Will you promise me?"

Her request was simple: when the time came, I should say it to her first.
Scratching my cheek, I hesitated before replying.
"…I’ll try."
"Okay."

Apparently, even such a feeble answer was enough to make Tang So-yeol smile.
"Make sure you do."
Her smile brightened, and I awkwardly returned it.

Just as it seemed the conversation was coming to a close—
"But, Young Master."
"Hm?"

Tang So-yeol asked.
"Who is Yehwa?"
"…"

Oh, shit.
The atmosphere turned icy in an instant.
Tang So-yeol was still smiling, but her smile was terrifying.
"You heard that, huh."

It seemed she’d caught the name I’d unknowingly uttered.
In other words, I was screwed.
"Is it a woman? Who is she?"
"…Did I say that? I don’t really—"

"Your expression says you know you did."
"…"
Crap.

I seriously considered running, but her arms around me tightened.
Tight enough to make me worry my body might break.
Crack.
"Ah… that hurts?"

"It’s supposed to."

"Oh, right."
I see. It’s meant to hurt. Well, I guess I deserve it.

"Who is she?"
"…Uh, that’s…."
"Young Master, I hate to say this, but I really don’t like it when the number grows."

"Who’s adding numbers here?"
"You have a conscience, don’t you? Right?"
"…"

Did I? It felt like I’d gone too far to be asking that question.
"…Right?"
"Of course. Obviously."

Her voice carried a sharp edge, and I hurriedly answered. Now was the time to fabricate a conscience if I had to.
"Who is she?"
Her tone made it clear she wouldn’t let this go. Not even the Cheonma business had triggered this level of intensity.

The problem was—
"…I wonder."
"What?"

I didn’t really have an answer to give.
"Who could it be?"
"What do you mean…?"

"I really don’t know. Who could it be?"
Tang So-yeol frowned at my response, but I was being truthful.
I didn’t know who Yehwa was.
If anything, I wanted to know more than she did.
To the point of obsession.

   ******************
   
The sound of rustling grass carried on the night breeze. The moon hung in the sky, almost a crescent. As if signaling the end of autumn, the scent of winter began to seep into the wind.
"…"

Someone sat perched on a rock, staring at the sky.
Tonight, the heavens were utterly clear, without a single cloud. Perhaps it was this rarity that captivated her; the woman gazed at it with a distant, vacant look in her eyes.
What could she be thinking about? Her expression gave no clues, leaving it impossible to guess.

"…Hm."
After silently gazing at the sky for some time, the woman let out a low hum and moved her hand. She opened her palm and brushed her chest a few times.
"…Umm…"

Her reaction suggested something was off. Her expression mirrored confusion as if she couldn’t quite make sense of it.
Her beautiful violet eyes darted around, caught in a whirlwind of contemplation.
"What is this?"
Something felt strange today.

"What is this…?"
It was hard to explain. Thinking about it only made it harder. She tilted her head this way and that, trying to make sense of the unfamiliar sensation.
"Hmm. Hmm. Hmm."

Each time her head moved, she let out a small sound.
It was a surprisingly childlike behavior, contrasting with her mature appearance.
After fidgeting for a while, the woman finally came to a stop.
"I don’t know. Hmm, I don’t know."

She reached a conclusion.
"I miss them."
Who was she missing? Even the woman herself didn’t know.
Her words were instinctive, emerging from somewhere deep within.

"Do I miss them?"
She immediately rephrased her statement as a question.
"Hmm."

Her legs swayed gently in the air. And then—
"Yeon-ah! Yeon-ah! Where did she wander off to again?"
A voice called from far off, and the woman instantly froze.
In that moment, a dark energy emanated from her shadow, spreading out and enveloping the area around her.

"Yeon—!"
The voice abruptly ceased. The isolation was deliberate. She had chosen solitude for the time being.
Besides—

That’s not my name.
She wasn’t "Yeon." She tolerated it because it was what her sister called her, but no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t grow accustomed to it.
Her instincts told her so. That name wasn’t hers.
She was told, warned even, not to accept it as her own.

If that’s the case—
Then, what is my name?
What could her name be? What was it that made her reject "Yeon"?
This was the deepest question she had ever wrestled with.

If she disliked being called that, she could have simply said it wasn’t her name. She could have told her sister that she was someone else, that her name was something different.
I don’t know.
She rejected the name, yet she had no idea what her own was.

…I don’t know.
What was a name?
Perhaps, in truth, it wasn’t the name itself that mattered.
…What matters…

…was who called it. To her, that was far more significant.
Someone who truly knew her name and would call it out—that was what she longed for.
She had been waiting for someone like that.
"Hmm…"

Her chest felt heavy. She clutched it tightly. It was stifling, painful.
She didn’t want to think about anything anymore.
Ssss—
The enclosed space she had created to hide her presence grew even smaller as the woman closed her eyes.

She despised the loneliness of the night.
All she wished for was the light to return, for daybreak to come.
Just as it always did.