Catgirl System

The tipsiness was wearing off. So was the pleasant warmth in my gut. I was feeling mean as I walked down to meet the sword-wielding rabbit, mean and determined. And with wasp stingers still sticking out here and there along my body, hopefully I was looking extra-mean. (Also, ouch.)

Most importantly, I was very serious about pathing. The world underneath the dandelion tree was a minefield for the sober. Even an apparently dry fuchsia mark couldn't be trusted. All I could do was take my time and activate all my senses, paying utmost attention to my sense of smell.

My ears were just as great a help. I remembered all too well the humming of that wasp's nest I'd stepped in.

This slowness made the anticipation just infuriating. I mean, a sword, a really well-made opulent sword, was dangling in front of me like a carrot on a, um, rabbit. It wasn't that I was greedy or expecting a power surge. I was just, y'know, curious. And I wasn't about to let the thought of a lost sword haunt me all night.

The rabbits weren't even that smart in this world. What were they gonna do with a sword? Right now, the bunny I had my eyes locked on had set the blade down and was apparently nibbling it. Now, that crossed the line. You can't just nibble precious, intriguing artifacts. Heck, given that this was a fantasy realm with actual spirits manifesting in chapels, doing so was probably spitting in the face of multiple gods!

Suddenly righteous, I found myself mere inches away from the rabbit in question.

While I had been stalking my way here, I had known all along that there was no chance of me doing this with any stealth. Eyes had been on me from the start, the eyes of watchful birds and insects standing on low branches, their heads turned by every subtle shift of the ever-present flowers and shed patches of crunchy, fallen green bark.

All this to say I was crouching in front of the rabbit, and they looked at me and I looked at them.

I snapped a paw out and snatched the sword toward me.

It didn't move far. Bah, of course it was too heavy to take in a single move. I'd seen this coming, but with no Guard equivalent to boost my Attack—which had to be synonymous with body strength, right?—I'd had no way of doing that.

Before the rabbit could turn and hiss (rabbits hiss?), I leaned forward, grabbed whatever part of the sword was closest in my mouth, and darted off.

Treasure Acquired!

Milliseconds later, I slid the blade into my Inventory, winced at the cut marks gently bleeding in the corners of my mouth, and—was tackled.

Why wouldn't this rabbit get off me?! They had no way of getting that thing back, now that it was safe in my extradimensional pocket! Nonetheless, here the rabbit was, and having toppled me and put me on my back, they were hissing full-force. Front paws pinned me against a jagged root. Their incisors even began to glow!

I used Slash and punched five claws straight into their forehead.

The rabbit was knocked right off. Yeah. Served them right.

EXP: 78% (1282/1650)

No time to dust myself off. And not even any Inventory space to hold the rabbit in. I really had to run now. When small fry several Levels below you still sends your HP into the red, that's when you know you can't stick around anymore.

I would've gone for one of the fruits, but with all those birds and insects watching? No! I'd seen enough of those animals now to sense that they might be highly protective of them. It wasn't worth tempting another, even larger, multispecies swarm. For today, then, I'd call it sour grapes.

HP: 8% (20/258)
SP: 36% (76/208)

***

Time was sinking into evening when I came back to the western edge of Rabbitfoot Plains, making my way towards the familiar cabin.

Briefly, the whole field had become golden. Light reflected off poppy petals, shining on their tips like light on the edges of bowls. Then the world was deep blue and the air became thick with cricketing sounds. A trace of fog rose off the ground and was ambling through.

So was I. Without even realizing it until it happened, I'd wandered my way into the zen state previously barred from me. I could relax. I had my lost Level back!

It didn't even faze me that I evidently hadn't explored enough of the new Map space to qualify as having “explored” it. Obviously I'd come back when I was higher-Leveled to eat some of that superweird fruit. All in due time.

Meanwhile, I suddenly had this amazing weapon. Once I came to a neat patch of grass and a lull in the wind, I settled down for a moment and examined the possibly-mystical possibly-magical blade I had stumbled upon:

Debug Blade
Sword crafted by a heavenly smith and gifted to the Arkmagi themselves. When equipped, gives ATK, WIS, and base SP a random multiplier from 7 to -7; INT, however, is multiplied by 0. Gives additional bonuses when held by an Arkmagus and/or sysadmin.

Woah. This kinda ruled but it also kinda sucked.

0 Intelligence? Could I even imagine that? Would that just make certain Skills do less damage, or would it outright give me brain damage for as long as I had it equipped? How did Stats even work?!

Even worse: I could get multipliers going into the negatives?!

I was very quickly done being awed by the “heavenly” part. Was I supposed to stay awed? Suddenly honoring this blade just because of its origins and pretty texture made as much sense as respecting a gross ugly rock just because it lived longer than me. Then again, at least a rock had a consistent level of usefulness.

Whereas this blade…if I was reading this right, it only gave good bonuses to Arkmagi. Considering the fact that Sierra was not right next to me, and never had been, that seemed situationally useful at best.

To top it all off, the sword's name was pretty bad.

Oh yeah, and I didn't currently have arms. Arms, you know, the things you use to move a blade around when you don't

want to cut your mouth open. The things you use, because I'm assuming you're an average human. But I was a cat. Cats don't have arms. The only way I could have arms was if I used SP, which could just as easily be pumped into a more useful move like Slash…and it hadn't escaped my notice that Slash was an absolute SP hog of a move.

Well, maybe the young ladies at the cabin could use it!

A sudden pang of guilt hit me.

This thing was only beneficial fifty percent of the time, and even on the good fifty percent, it likely caused brain damage. I couldn't give them such a useless piece of crap.

…But that mean I couldn't test-drive the useless piece of crap myself!

Man, I am an utter hypocrite sometimes. Don't think I don't know that. But curiosity was just assassinating me right now.

I had to try this thing! Not right now. Probably with a buddy. Probably one named Reed. Or Chora. If I had a supervisor, they could just take the sword out of my hands the moment I started drooling. And maybe Chora's spirit board could communicate my needs. Maybe.

Um…this was getting complicated. I wished the blade were safe enough that I could just whip it out for a second and call it done.

Now my head hurt! Ugh. Sierra, you want to take this off my hands? Huh?

Error: User has no hands.

Well, it didn’t have to tell me twice.

I packed away the blade and continued my loping path back to the cabin.

And accidentally went north instead of south. Great. Time to detour around Mirror Pond.

But I calmed myself. There was nothing to worry about right now. I was still on my way back to peace and safety. Anything resembling a dangerous beast was either far away, prowling and being someone else's problem, or resting snugly, as I soon would be.

But just as I passed out of foliage and into view of Mirror Pond's glossy surface, water lit ever so delicately by distant stars, I heard a new sound rising with the mist.

The chirps.

After squirrels and raccoons, yet before fruit, they were old nemesis number three. The air wasn't thick with just any old bug sounds. These were the specific, hulking, full-on monster bugs that'd knocked me over on my way to meet Reed on Eternal Embarrassment Mountain. The same bugs that'd flown all together in a cloud toward…something.

Their migration must have been very short, because now they were here and their chatter was all around me.

I crouched, paid attention to my Stealth Trait. I knew I'd have to take extra care around every mound of leaves, every hollowed-out stump. I wasn't scared, I was just acting intelligently. Yeah…

What a lie. Look, by the sound of it, there were hundreds of them. Really, for all I knew, there were millions. Only gods wouldn’t have been scared.

I started to back up, retreating into the foliage. Way more cover than the shoreline. But I stopped partway.

There was something else odd about this scene. Why was the water this bright? There was no moon and the stars were dim, yet the water was twinkling. And no, the chirps weren't coming from some twinkly magic bugs on the water; they were coming from the air edging the pond, from high up in branches.

The water's light was gentle, not a glare but a shine, quaintly beautiful. Each droplet looked transformed in the oddest way. Like the panes of a disco ball, they looked squarish, as if the sphere had been flattened into a blanket and flipped over so the side that showed was only as bright as the moon.

…I shook my head, literally shaking off enchantment. Clearly some magic stuff was going on here, some spellcraft that had just tried to keep me staring.

Now I knew this wasn't just a dangerous place to be. It was just as deadly as the werewolves who'd tried to capture me, only this place ensnared with a stranger magic.

I wanted to shut my eyes and immediately head back into the trees. What I actually did was close my eyes and…feel my body freeze up.

A horrible sinking feeling.

The chirping rose an octave, and with my ears alone I could sense an entire wall of insects no longer chirping but screaming. Their wings were out, adding to the din, and the buzzing hammered through my skull.

Those ears, hurt as they were, were still sensitive. At the same time, I heard something land in the pond far ahead of me, around the center. Like a rock had skipped and fallen in.

My eyes opened. I had no choice but to open them.

The wall of chirps at the other end of the pond was hovering, shouting, and now, glowing. Their whole bodies were pulsing a deep purplish-sapphire. The same color as their…

Queen? That's what she looked like. Far off on the other side of the pond, a queen in a dress of pure light stood with a kind of pride and grace that suggested she'd always been there. The train of her dress was carried well above the water by chirps. Her hand, extended as if accepting a ring or a kiss, hovered before an eager cloud of them.

My eyesight wasn’t keen enough to make out the look on her face, but I wished it was. All I could see on her pale head, and just barely, were eyes. Empty, devoid of light and substance.

She’d noticed me before I’d noticed her, and I cursed myself for it. Who knew whether this woman was good or evil? Heck, I knew already that she didn’t like me—because she was friends with the chirps and I wasn’t.

And much like the Arkmagi, she looked like some super-rare, Level 100 bonus boss. All the more reason to either beg for mercy or get out, and I literally did not have the vocabulary to beg.

I strained against my frozen body, wishing desperately that I could Leap my way back to the cabin. The sapphire queen turned to face me completely. She held up her hand, the one that wasn't being offered to the chirps.

She was…waving at me?

What was this? “Stop”? “Hello?” “Goodbye”? “I have arrived at a formal event and am obligated to now greet you”?

Maybe a…a warning?

At least her face was clear now, and perfectly expressionless. It struck me as the coldness of a killer.

Well, my body might have been frozen, but my mind wasn't, not yet.

Sierra, please tell me you know something about what's going on.

Message from Sierra, the Goddess of Nekomata
I wish. I only know she's a spirit.

I couldn't find it in my heart to give a mocking reply.

I’d never read a message from her that was so…frank. You only know as much as I know?

Yes. For now. I'm sorry.

That did it.

All I had in my heart now was fear.

I began to shiver. Two edge-of-death scenarios in the span of under two days. Beyond horrible. When I landed in this world, I didn't even have sagas to follow, old lore to consult—I had to wade and puzzle my way through like a buffoon. It hit me that I wasn't destined for bigger and better things, only destined to keep stumbling into worse.

You're shivering.

Yes.

And then she had the gall to bring out the snark in me.

Yes, of course I was shivering. The apparent queen of death had immobilized me so she could prepare me for her dark ends, and now she was walking toward me along the water, ruby shoes rippling, bringing the amplifying sound of those godforsaken chirps along with her.

“Immobilized”…

Sigh.

Thank you for the hint, Sierra.

The queen had almost reached me, was lowering one hand and turning the palm toward my face. I, however, was shivering. And sheer force of will was turning that shiver into a convulsion. Within seconds, convulsion turned to real movement.

I Leaped.

The queen blurred. Since the Leap took me backward and turned my head away, I only caught her for less than a second. The queen had done her own leap, charging forward with both hands suddenly outstretched, with angry chirps speeding alongside her. In that moment she became a wraith, eager for my life.

But I escaped—

Crashing right into a boulder that I swore hadn't been there before.

After that moment, all the sound was gone.

The chirps were gone, the queen was gone, and all the glowing and twinkling of a “magical” night had faded too. In fact, if not for what Sierra had told me just now, I would've assumed all that was just a bad dream.

Nose squashed, I could only collapse on my back, thinking, Even when I win, I lose…

But when I opened my eyes, I revised that statement.

Never mind. This is like a ninety-five percent win.

I hadn't hit a rock. I'd just hit Reed's leg.