Carmine

I walked into the house and saw Janilla sitting on my bed. Her hands clasped over her lap as if she were waiting for me in her drab thin pink robe.

My lips parted cautiously. "Janilla?"

Her eyes drifted downward. I closed the door and stepped towards the bed. My sack was hanging off the bed's headboard. Janilla said, "You don't have to do this."

She was speaking of killing that person, for I had told her that I was going to complete the deed. "I already told you, it's not a matter of whether we can do it, someone's going to do it, so I might as well take advantage of it myself."

"This is not who you are."

I took up my sack. "I don't know who I am, not anymore." My eyes looked for anything that I was forgetting to carry.

Sniffling.

I stopped in my reaching grasp towards the table next to my bed then turned to Janilla's moistening cheeks thanks to the streaming rivers snaking silently. My body ceased movement as I tried to rationalize what this meant.

I was not used to this, for such a situation was never taught to me. Weakness was never taught in Ascus, nor was it in the recipe being burnt on the cauldron that was my life.

I narrowed my eyes. "What are you crying about?"

She shook her head with closed eyes. "This was not supposed to happen."

I stood over her when I said, "Life happens." My eyes saw my gun on the other side of my bed, then sleeping on the wooden floorboard.

She said, "Life? What kind of life is this? This was not supposed to happen! Erot, my God, this cannot be real. Please, my Lord, tell me this is not real. Tell me this is a test. Tell me I was wrong, call me a fool." I reached my body over the bed and took up my gun. Once I pulled myself back beside her, our eyes met and she continued more soberly, "I could have sworn this was a dream."

Those eyes held so much sorrow, yet what ravaged my heart was different from the damnation of gloom. It was more insidious, and I was trying to fight it, like everything else in my life.

No, there were not going to be any thoughts on this, those thoughts were not going to enter my mind. I crouched and took out my shield.

The shield was held over my chest and my fingers rubbed the outer edges in nervous hesitation of sliding it on my wrist. I stood straight, then turned to her. "I wish this was a dream too, but I have woken up. What about you?"

Janilla rubbed her eyes leaving her cheeks wetter than the leaves at dawn. "I was hoping you could save us from this nightmare."

"I am not Erot."

"But—"

"Don't, hold, your, tongue. Speak to me."

Her head dropped low and her hair obscured her face. "Would it matter? I will take my leave and gather provisions for your trip, my Lady." Janilla got up and left me in the house, alone.

By the time I met them, they were on the outskirts of the town among the trees. I asked for Exodine and Janilla found her voice, but she was not speaking in tongues.

Janilla groaned and said, “The Exodine is going to your head, my Lady.”

The leaves made a fierce noise to the whistling wind.

I retorted, “That is where it’s supposed to go.”

“You are too confident my Lady.” Janilla was learning from the best, so much so she was trying to best her master, me.

I shrugged as my feet crunched into the brittle branches and leaves.

Valor looked at Janilla then Five. Five had sunken eyelids, that closed, and opened in quick intervals, was he tired? Could Five even be tired?

Five turned and moved behind Valor, where rested a leather knapsack with some of our supplies. Valor said in a low tone, “How many pills do you take Carmine?”

I was not answering that question, so I nudged Janilla and told her to prepare proper traveling clothes. She gave me a frightened stare as she backed away. “I don’t want to go.”

I sneered. “I am not leaving you here. Now get better dressed! You are going!”

Janilla sighed and twirled into a sorrowful walk.

Valor's eyes burned into me. “How many pills do you take?”

I replied, “Mm?”

Valor scowled. Five returned and said, “Two to three per day.”

“What?!” Valor said.

Five, you bastard…

Valor held out her hands towards Five. “Give them to me.”

Five gave her a blank stare as I cut in. “For what?”

Valor said without looking at me. “Exodine is not candy. There is a reason it has stopped being used in Elam. It is addictive and if taken wrong it can kill you.”

“I need that pill. It gets me to sleep and stops the nightmares,” I retorted.

“We need to stop your treatment—" Her eyes narrowed. "Hold on, you have nightmares?”

I replied, “I will go back to one pill.”

“No, we need to cut you off before you hurt yourself.”

“I will not kill myself! It’s just one pill.”

Valor stepped up to Five. “Give it to me.”

Five shrugged. “Mother Carmine?”

Like hell, I am giving it to her.

Valor looked back at me. Her face slowly morphed into a mask of utter disgust, “Are you staid about this?”

I said after raising my chin, “I need those pills.”

Valor drew her ax and Five backed away with sword drawn. I leaped forward and stood between them. “Hold!” I turned towards Valor. “Valor, you cannot be serious? You intend to fight Five for a bunch of pills?!” Janilla had come back and was looking on shocked.

“Getting addicted to Exodine will devour you! It is like you have a death wish!”

“Look around fool, I am literally surrounded by death!” I shouted back.

“Sires, we must not be shouting like this. The trees listen, they have ears.” I looked back at Janilla after she said that. She stepped back as if I was displeased, but this was annoying.

Why was everything complicated? It should have been simple right? It was my fate to kill Erot, yet it dissolved into this tomfoolery of a situation.

I will have control over this situation.

“Valor?” The strands of my hair loosely fluttered to the side, while a few strands curled across my left eyelids. “Let me die on my own terms.”

Valor widened her eyes at me. She snorted and shook her head as the scowl settled deep into her features. Valor passed behind me and said nothing.

Five get the horses.

We moved out and traveled west for a good four days. Reaching Deagonu was not easy, for it was underground and we could not take the usual way in, so we took the scenic route.

That meant we had to travel halfway up a mountain and go into a cavern that was sitting in that mountain's stomach like a dugout belly button. The inner guts of this beast were bland gray and brown stone with a dark brown carpet of dirt that gave some comfort to our thin footwear.

My throat constantly filled with my saliva to defeat the suffocating taste of the stale blistering air.

We navigated our way through the body of the mountain quite leisurely until we reached an annoying challenge. A fifty-foot-long ravine crisscrossed jagged spikes with rivers that flowed in slim vessels in between the bases.

The trickling noise of those rivers was faint, yet so powerful in their descending memory as they melted into the earth.

Sandream, I had not seen her, but Five told us she was following close behind. Not sure why she had to be so unreasonable. She needed to do her job. Sandream was supposed to protect me after all. How the hell she was supposed to do that from afar?

I had Five and Valor, so I never needed her distrustful nature anyway.

“This is the hard part,” I said. I looked at them. Valor averted her gaze, while Five seemed to be deep in thought.

Janilla’s back hugged the wall of the ledge leading out into this drop. Her nails dug into the rock as if she was trying to create a door.

Valor motioned at Five. Five stepped to the side of me and took my gun. Valor moved her hands down and gripped something. I was about to move close to see what these two were doing.

Five fired the gun and that was when I saw the rope as it instantly unwrapped and stuck itself straight across the ravine’s deep depths.

Five went across first, while Valor held the gun. Seeing a one-handed man funnel across imminent death inspired me. Five, was a dutiful soldier and I wished I had his cold metal of resolve.

I was tied to it using another rope around my waist and got pulled by Five across as the pulling rope sled on the first rope. When it was Janilla’s turn she was resistant.

Valor tried to talk to her, but she was pushing her away. Five's voice echoed in my mind. Valor, Sandream cometh, do not be alarmed.

Sandream came from behind a rock and with a flick of her hand a mist spread into Janilla’s face, then Janilla plunged like a sack in Valor’s arms.

We all looked on surprised but guessed this was a good opportunity as any.

Valor brought her over still unconscious in her right arm. Sandream came over the ravine and I had to ask. “That was the best you thought of? Now we have dead weight.”

Sandream had not moved, while she looked at me.

Valor gave Sandream a dead stare. “Hi.”

Sandream turned to Valor, saying, “Salutations,” then she snapped her finger upside Janilla’s head.

Janilla’s head shot up and she bawled out as she pushed Valor from her grasp. “Argh!”

I threw my hands up. “Calm down.”

Janilla looked between Five and me with wild eyes. Her hair was slightly frazzled, but she brushed herself off and tried to look dignified, then she shot a vicious glare at Valor. “Fairy.” To Sandream, “You uncouth woman.”

Valor burst out snickering for a second.

“You are welcome,” Sandream said, waving at the marching Janilla.

I sighed in acknowledgment. “Come on, let’s go.”