Bubble Boy

The Hyperion Ascendant loomed over the emerald canopy of Elyssan, finally parked on something solid after weeks of floating through the void like a fancy space hobo.

The crew stood at the edge of a glowing, humming forest. Trees twisted like chandeliers. Flowers blinked when touched. Birds screamed in harmony like a choir having a nervous breakdown.

"We find food. We find people. We don't cause chaos," Starman said firmly.

Bolt immediately pulled out a kazoo. "No promises."

Starman sighed and pulled out a beat-up helmet. "Teams of two. Draw a color. Stick with your team. Meet back here by nightfall."

They all gathered around like children at a chaotic space summer camp.

Draw Results:

Yellow: Starman & Blaze

Red: Gladiator & Seaman

Blue: Zoe & Bolt

Bonus Red (Hat glitch): Jace, Construct & The Orphan (The hat screamed when The Orphan touched it)

"Go team... uhh... multiple Reds?" Construct said, blinking. "We'll workshop the name."

Team Blue: Bolt & Zoe

They frolicked into the woods like two unsupervised art students.

"Whoa," Bolt whispered. "Are those guitar plants?!"

Indeed, they were. Long, leafy stalks with frets and vines like strings. One strummed when Bolt brushed it. The ground rumbled.

Zoe found a flower shaped like a bongo and hit it. The clouds above twitched.

"Only one thing to do," Bolt declared. "Rock concert."

Fifteen minutes later, they had a full band made of flora and were headbanging under lightning bolts.

Then came the native guards, tiny mushroom people in ponchos wielding fork-shaped spears.

"By Order of the Elyssan Sound Tribunal: You are under arrest for crimes against harmonic decency!"

Zoe dropped the vine mic. Bolt was mid-riff.

They were tackled. Loudly.

Thrown into a prison shaped like a massive tuning fork.

"No music! No escape! No jamming!" a guard barked.

Zoe and Bolt exchanged a look.

"I regret nothing," Bolt whispered.

"I kinda do," Zoe replied, plucking a daisy banjo.

Team Red: Gladiator & Seaman

They hiked through lightning-warped hills until thunder led them to a wild, rocking village. Guitars floated in fountains. Drumsticks grew on trees. The storm never stopped.

"Welcome to Shreddington," said a grizzled local, handing them ponchos.

"This is... beautiful," Seaman whispered.

"This is loud," Gladiator grunted, dodging a flying trombone.

They ducked into a building made entirely of xylophone panels and watched as shirtless villagers headbanged into oblivion.

"This place runs on music," Gladiator said. "Literally. Their energy comes from shredding."

"Do we ask about resources?" Seaman shouted over a triple-bass solo.

Gladiator looked at the speaker. Then the flashing lightning. Then a man exploding from hitting a power chord too hard.

"We observe first."

Bonus Red Team: Jace, Construct, & The Orphan

They reached a pond that burbled ominously.

"Do you smell... fish steak?" Construct said.

The pond erupted. Three massive, googly-eyed fish creatures flopped out, each looking like they were designed by a sleep-deprived cartoonist.

The Orphan immediately leapt on one. "FOR DINNER!"

"Battle stance!" Jace shouted, slipping into a martial arts pose as a fish slapped him with its tail.

Construct tried diplomacy. "Excuse me, do you want to be eaten?"

One fish nodded. The other two screamed and fled.

Construct blinked. "I think I just unlocked moral ambiguity."

They cooked it. The Orphan wore its bones like armor.

Team Yellow: Starman & Blaze

They entered a peaceful village where butterflies carried sheet music and trees swayed to Mozart.

A sign read:

"Welcome to Harmonia – Home of the Classical Calm."

Children danced in togas. A harp played itself under the sun.

Starman took a deep breath. "This is the nicest place I've ever seen."

"Feels... fake," Blaze muttered. "Like a cult."

Then they saw it... The Elyssan Devour-Off.

A massive coliseum. Cheering villagers. And a sign:

"WIN FOOD. WIN RESOURCES. WIN GLORY."

"I'm going in," Blaze said, cracking her knuckles.

"You hate eating contests."

"Yeah. That's why it's personal."

The host, a floating conductor in a powdered wig, welcomed them with a bow.

"Do you have what it takes to consume... The Ten Courses of Destiny?"

"Yes," Blaze said before he finished.

Starman adjusted his cape. "We shall dine with honor."

The first course: A pie bigger than the moon.

Second: A soup that fought back.

Third: Spaghetti that sang opera when slurped.

They ate. They endured. They sweat marinara.

By the ninth course, Blaze's eyes were glowing. Starman's stomach was humming in a perfect B-flat.

Final course: A single glowing jellybean.

They swallowed it simultaneously.

A bell rang.

They won.

They now owned half the village's mineral stores.

Blaze burped. A butterfly fainted.

Back at the ship... nightfall.

Jace dragged a cooked fish.

The Orphan wore its skull.

Gladiator was covered in glitter.

Seaman had befriended a percussionist.

Starman and Blaze returned victorious, slightly glowing.

Bolt and Zoe... were still in prison.

Everyone stared at the empty ship ramp.

Starman sighed. "Who's missing?"

Construct checked his notes. "Bolt and Zoe."

There was a brief pause.

Then everyone shouted:

"OF COURSE IT WAS THEM."

Inside the Elyssan Prison of Harmonic Containment…

Bolt lay dramatically on a bed of squeaky moss.

Zoe was hanging upside down from a vine hammock, plucking a leaf banjo like a sad outlaw.

"We're gonna die here," Bolt moaned. "This is how I go. Not with a bang, but with a banned riff."

"I always thought I'd go down punching a god," Zoe muttered. "But no. It's for... funk crimes."

The prison door creaked.

In waddled a sentient tambourine with a badge. His name tag read: Detective Rhythmus.

"You've been charged with illegal syncopation, funk without license, and felony groove incitement. Any last words?"

Bolt sat up. "Yeah. Funk... you."

Zoe gasped. "Bolt. That pun was criminal. They'll add years."

Rhythmus quivered. "You will now be subjected to The Quietening."

A guard turned on a device that made the air vibrate with complete silence.

"NOOOOOOO!" Bolt screamed in mime.

Back at the ship after gathering information from the locals…

The crew had a Very Serious meeting around a holographic map drawn in crayon.

"We need to break them out," Gladiator said, punching the table so hard the hologram briefly showed a cat meme.

"Or we can do a diplomatic rescue," Construct offered, wearing sunglasses and a fake mustache. "They won't recognize me."

"No," The Orphan replied, eating his fish-helmet. "We need the distraction plan."

"What distraction plan?" Jace asked.

"The one I just invented," he whispered, eyes glowing. "Operation Maximum Nonsense."

Meanwhile… somewhere nearby…

A flying cart shaped like a cello descended from the storm. Inside was General Crescendo, ruler of Shreddington, a buff violin man with arms made of cymbals.

He sniffed the air. "There is forbidden rhythm here."

He pulled out a war kazoo.

"This land... must be cleansed."

Back in Harmonia…

Blaze and Starman, still slightly food-high, wandered into the village square.

"Do you hear... drums?" Blaze asked.

"Classical drums. War drums," Starman replied, flexing so hard his cape snapped into a major chord.

Then lightning struck the Mozart Fountain.

Shreddington's army was here. Dozens of villagers on electric cellos rode the storm like surfboards.

"THIS IS A SACRED LAND OF STRINGS AND STRUCTURE!" screamed General Crescendo.

"WE WILL NOT BOW TO YOUR COWBELL FASCISM!" yelled the Harmonian conductor, now wielding a harp like a weapon.

It was a music war.

And Bolt and Zoe were still in prison.

Operation Maximum Nonsense, Phase One: The Fishnapping

Construct, Jace, and The Orphan arrived at the prison gates… riding the giant fish creature from the pond.

It now wore sunglasses and a jetpack.

"Release our bandmates," Construct said, "or Mr. Slippy eats your roof."

Guards laughed, until Slippy belched fire.

Phase Two: Seaman's Solo

Suddenly, from a nearby fountain, Seaman rose like Neptune, riding a flying stingray and blasting a solo on a seashell saxophone.

The sound waves shattered five windows and a squirrel's soul.

"FREEDOM!" he bellowed.

Phase Three: Gladiator Throws the Ship

"Wait, why is the ship flying toward the prison?" someone screamed.

"GLADIATOR, NO!" Starman shouted from the battlefield.

But it was too late.

The Hyperion flew in like a spaceship-shaped frisbee. Gladiator rode it like a surfboard, screaming, "MAXIMUM EFFICIENCY!"

It crashed directly into the prison courtyard.

The walls exploded in musical confetti.

Bolt and Zoe emerged riding a jail-goat named Fred.

"WE'RE BACK, BABY!" Bolt screamed, playing the goat like a drum.

Zoe hugged Jace. "Did you just ride a fish into war?"

"It felt right," he whispered.

The Battle of the Bands (and Blades)

Shreddington and Harmonia had fully declared war.

Lightning jazz versus stringed precision. Drum-n-bass knights versus oboe snipers.

Starman stood in the middle and clapped once.

BOOM.

Silence.

He pointed at General Crescendo and the Harmonian conductor.

"You two. Battle. One-on-one. Winner takes peace."

Crescendo drew dual war-violins.

The conductor summoned a mega-harp mech.

They clashed. Strings flew. Thunder clapped. At one point, someone got slapped with a cello so hard they aged.

Then Bolt plugged in a vine guitar and strummed a universal power chord.

Everyone stopped.

Even the storm.

Zoe sang one note, a soft harmony that echoed through time.

Crescendo dropped his weapon.

The conductor wept.

"...Was that... jazz fusion?" someone whispered.

They hugged.

Peace was declared.

Later, back on the ship...

Everyone was covered in soot, glitter, and guilt.

Starman handed Zoe and Bolt a mop. "You're cleaning for a week."

Bolt: "Fair."

Zoe: "Can we keep the goat?"

Fred the goat sneezed a treble clef.

"Absolutely," Starman said.

They lifted off into the stars once more.

Behind them, Elyssan played its first true concert.

It was... terrible.

But it was free.