Bringing some shocking pranks to the Cultivation World

The Emperor has contracted a sexually transmitted disease and needs the Pool of Rebirth for treatment.

Although obsessed with art to the point of lacking emotional intelligence, Tang Wan was no fool. With just a bit of thought, she knew that if she stumbled upon this affair, it could be game over for the hundreds of heads within the Tang Sect.

"No way, can't go."

At the moment, Tang Wan's complexion was as pale as the water's spray, all uniformly white, "If we're noticed in any way, it's all over."

"Haha, it's not that bad."

Zhou Li chuckled heartily, not knowing why, but he saw the shadow of her brother in her. Old habits compelled him to tease the girl a bit.

True enough, the insidious and venomous ideology of the Tang Sect hadn't poisoned her, and her candid straightforwardness stirred a sense of nostalgia in Zhou Li—reminiscent of the time he sold tea eggs for three for ten yuan at the university entrance, always tricking those clear-eyed, foolish students.

"Actually, it's not that serious."

After lightly scaling the steep cliffs, Zhou Li landed amidst the trees, his demeanor carefree as if he were on vacation,

"Again, as I said, if it were truly The Emperor himself who contracted the disease, it wouldn't be some third-rate eunuch handling the task but at least a Brush Holder Eunuch. So, there's no need to worry. At most, it's some disgraced concubine trying to get her hands on some exotic stuff to cheer up The Emperor. I've seen plenty of these scenarios."

And done plenty too.

Zhou Li didn't voice the latter thought; after all, Wherever Pass was infamously known in Beiliang for doing "everything". He didn't care about his reputation as much as his peers did; to him, as long as the pay was good and there was fun to be had, there was no reason to refuse.

Of course, curing The Emperor's STD was something he would definitely not do; he was into seeking thrills, but that didn't mean he was seeking death.

"That's good."

Sighing in relief, Tang Wan for some reason placed a lot of trust in Zhou Li. While the two of them were bantering, the Horse-loving Bandits stopped on the clearing beside the northern cliff. In just a short time, the horses stood on their hind legs, and the bandits began to unstrap themselves, tossing their gear aside and scattering.

"My fellow comrades."

Xu Ziyi, holding his Long and short Gun, stood proudly on his horse clad in a long red robe, the very image of commanding presence, his long, straight legs gripping the horse's belly. He scanned the horse bandits encircling him and spoke:

"Brothers, our lives were given to us by our boss. Today, our boss is gravely ill and depends on this water from the Pool of Rebirth to survive. If we cannot seize the spring today, I ask you to throw my corpse down the cliff!

"We won't snatch the spring; we won't live like cowards!"

With the first shout, the thirteen horse bandits raised their sabers, bellowing softly in anger. Xu Ziyi didn't hesitate either, pulling the reins tightly and turning his horse around, the spear in his hand pointing directly towards the treacherous cliff.

At this moment, it wasn't just the thirteen horse bandits—Hou Jue, who had injured his occiput as a result of witnessing the frightful Horse-loving Bandits, also held his breath and stared intently at Xu Ziyi's back, trying to discern what he was planning to do.

Zhou Li stood on a towering ancient tree not far away, with Tang Wan gripping his arm next to him. The pair were concealed by the leaves, hence leaving no trace behind, unlike...

"The criminal is still hiding out!"

With a fierce yell, Xu Ziyi, who seemed about to initiate some tactic, suddenly swung around and thrust his spear forward, unleashing an invisible and forceful Qi strike from the red-tasseled, white shaft spear straight at Hou Jue, who was concealed in the bushes, betrayed only by his exposed staff.

Damn.

Hou Jue had been a Jinyiwei for several years and still had his reflexes. Without any hesitation, he rolled sideways, evading the Qi strike of the spear.

Seeing his covert operation fail, Hou Jue abandoned his clumsy stalking and stood up slowly, stick in the left hand, hidden blade in the right, his previous pose as a member of the Jinyiwei suddenly taking shape. Only, he made a misstep while striking a noble pose, failing to clasp properly and stumbling slightly.

"I've long noticed you skulking around, you..."

As his gaze landed on Hou Jue, Xu Ziyi surveyed him up and down before sneering with a pick of his spear, "Turns out to be a eunuch."

"I'll fuck your ancestors!"

Upon hearing this, Hou Jue, who had just been posturing, flew into a rage because, regardless of the era, accusing someone of being a eunuch was the simplest, most direct, and most potent form of insult—especially in an age where eunuchs truly existed.

Of course, Xu Ziyi couldn't be faulted for his insult or rather, he was merely articulating his inner thoughts. Hou Jue, a devoted martial practitioner who consumed little, was thin and pale, with a beardless face. Added to that, he tended to speak with a lisp when agitated, making him seem even more like a eunuch.

"A eunuch should quietly serve his master in the palace. At worst, someone might take a fancy to you, and being a catamite could be a fortunate turn."

A cold smile spread across Xu Ziyi's face. There were two types of people despised the most in the rivers and lakes: those who flatter and fawn, and those who are despicable without any honor. The eunuchs of the Eastern Depot perfectly met these descriptors, and so Xu Ziyi harbored immense malice toward this eunuch who had been tailing him for a while.

"Are you talking out of your ass or what?"

Hou Jue managed to suppress the raging fury in his heart and was anything but unclear in his response. After all, he had never admitted defeat when it came to a war of words. He let out a cold laugh and cursed right away:

"A eunuch's face, brothel-bred legs, your whore-red outfit—do you intend to wed your mother in the netherworld or become sworn brothers with your castrated father? You attack others by calling them eunuchs; is it because you're unable to partake in your family's debauchery for a hundred days, leading to your inferiority complex? So you could only speculate about others with your dark heart?"

This tirade left Xu Ziyi dumbfounded. He wasn't some greenhorn fresh off the boat; trading verbal jabs was all too common among the jianghu, but the most he'd ever said were things like "petty scoundrel" or "shameless and despicable." He had never encountered someone like Hou Jue, who could curse so filthily and logically.

"Petty scoundrel!"

After a long pause, Xu Ziyi roared in anger, mounted his horse, and charged towards Hou Jue, his handsome face turning beet red, "Shameless and despicable!"

"That's just too lacking in aggression."

Like a ninja from Dongying, Zhou Li, who was standing upside down on a tree branch, shook his head and criticized with a look of disappointed expectation: "This guy on the horse was suppressed right from the start, lost his momentum; that's not a good start for a fight."

"Guy on the horse?"

Tang Wan's focus was strangely off, "Why do you call him 'guy on the horse'?"

"Look."

Zhou Li pointed at Xu Ziyi, who was entangled in a fight with Hou Jue, and sharply commented: "He's riding the horse, passing his Spirit Qi to the horse; so if we reverse the roles, isn't the horse riding him?"

Despite the sweltering heat, Tang Wan shivered upon hearing Zhou Li's cold joke.

Returning to the battle on the field, it had reached an intense stage. Hou Jue's Lightning Stick Technique was fierce and awe-inspiring, with each sweep and swing filled with flashing lightning. Of course, now he was merely a Fourth Realm stick old man, and most of the lightning he produced was for show, with only a few truly effective bolts.

But, this was also a strategy.

"Your ass is split open, better check if it's bleeding!"

With a thunderous shout, Hou Jue's electric stick smashed towards Xu Ziyi's head. Xu Ziyi instinctively wanted to cover his rear but immediately realized the attack aimed at his face was a feint, and the real strike was coming from below.

Suddenly, Xu Ziyi's complexion reddened; he gritted his teeth, which shone like shattered silver, swung his spear forcefully and traced a half-circle with it, spiraling toward Hou Jue's head.

Stepping back, lifting his stick, and shifting his body, Hou Jue dissolved Xu Ziyi's heavy-handed strike with just three simple moves. Just when Hou Jue was about to mock his opponent for being brave but tactless, suddenly, a sense of dire warning swept over his mind.

Something's wrong!!!!

Buzz~

Completely surrendering to instinct, Hou Jue threw himself forward with all his might. As flesh and blood collided, a terrible gash appeared on his back. After directing most of his Spirit Qi to stop the bleeding wound, Hou Jue slowly stood up, his face taking on a grave expression.

Xu Ziyi stood holding his Silver Spear, with his foot on a fine horse. His blood-red attire, dyed like blazing fire, fluttered. He lifted his spear slightly, his eyes full of sharp Qi Spirit. And behind him, a light blue Qi Spirit shaped like a tiger-devouring short spear floated quietly in the air.

Qi Spirit!

"Yo, you've brought out your trump card?"

Zhou Li, crouching in the bushes, raised his eyebrows with interest as he observed Xu Ziyi, whose back was accompanied by a Qi Spirit. "That Qi Spirit looks quite decent."

In cultivation, one refines Qi, and Qi interacts with spirits. Spirit Qi Masters below the Fifth Realm typically only cultivate "Qi" until they cultivate both their Qi and body to the Fifth Realm. At that point, they attempt to communicate with the "spirits" in all things in the world to finally obtain their Spirit.

Since there are countless spirits in the world, the "Spirits" within Spirit Qi Masters also vary vastly, even to the point of being bizarre. For example, Xu Ziyi was currently employing a type of Spear Spirit—Long and Short Gun.

"A long spear in hand, a short spear on the back..."

Gingerly touching her chin with her finger, Tang Wan's cute cheeks were filled with seriousness and gravity, "A surprise attack, the spear leaves no trace; this little eunuch can only stall for time now."

Activating a Spirit requires Qi for support, which according to Zhou Li, means the Spirit is an ultimate move requiring mana (Qi) to activate. If one runs low on Qi, the ultimate move is interrupted, and one might also experience a delighted burst of kidney deficiency, as most Spirit Qi Masters rely on Qi for strength.

"Alright, time for us to make a move."

Zhou Li dusted off the leaves from his clothes, stood up, and looked over at the thirteen Horse Bandits who were busily engaging. He had realized long ago that the true key to unlocking the Pool of Rebirth was not Xu Ziyi, but the Thirteen Taibao carrying stones.

"Okay."

Tang Wan also shook her somewhat stiff wrists; neither of them thought of rescuing Hou Jue because, in this world, no one liked eunuchs.

Nor a eunuch with a sharp tongue.