Bodega Cat (System Apocalypse, Deck Builder, Litrpg)

"We resume our news broadcast by reminding everyone all that the city government has reinstated public services and you should call 311 if there's something going on. Any dungeons that you find? Please identify, if possible, notify the city through the newly released dungeon finder app which the city has deployed. We understand that it is worldwide. Just make sure that you drill down to your specific zip code."

The voice on the broadcast stopped for a second as the announcer bent over to read something. Bagel wondered what she was doing, but she returned with another sheet of paper in front of her before he could muse too long. It would have been far better if she returned with a mouse. Or a card.

What was it with humans and using paper during the apocalypse?.

"The official word from the city is that they are conducting an emergency council session to create a transitional system authority, and that they will have given emergency powers similar to that of the MTA or the Port authority. More word on that from Mayor Abrams during his press announcement sometime later tonight. We're standing by for that to bring you the best and most up-to-date coverage possible." Her gaze turned away from the screen and her cheerful expression slipped. "Unfortunately, we've just gotten word that one council member will be absent. He is presumed dead."

The woman wavered, seeming like she was about to say something.

Why did people do that? Humans tried to fill any available space with talking? Cats didn't need that. It was unnerving how much they seemed to need to talk and when there was available space. This had to be a human thing.

Bagel imagined his potential career as a reporter giving out the facts on television like he'd seen so many times. He would report on the important things, like which store had the best baklava. Naturally, there was nothing more important than that. Maybe he'd add who the winner of the year's head pat competition was? It would be a brief career.

While head pats were important, he didn't know if they were newsworthy. Having the mayor come into his shop was a new thing. Bagel was suddenly receiving slightly more than the regular amount of attention, which had to be a good thing, right?

This put him in a good spot.

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy," Kate said, hitting him right behind the ear in that spot that just felt so amazing every time it got touched.

Honestly, he didn't care about the rest of the world as it melted away around him. If she could just keep doing that, he would do whatever she wanted.

But of course, there were complications. Humans had needs, and they dragged him along in their wake. These two were an excellent example.

He knew what was coming.

He had a particular set of skills.

They hadn't shown up just to shower him with their patronage. At least so far, there had always been an ask attached.

Didn't they know he was the handsomest boy on the block? He had responsibilities!

Ashley laid it on thick. "Bagel, we'd like you to come on a dungeon run with us. We understand that you're a busy cat, but this one is, well... It opened up around the block in your near competitor. You might not have ever been that far...?"

Bagel eyed her supple thighs. These were the pillows that screamed out for someone to sit on them. He wondered how often she let others sit on her. That wouldn't work for him. Those were his precious… pillows.

These two, more than anybody else, seem to have staying power. They kept coming back for more. This would be a third dungeon.

True, McTavish had showed up again, but he had his own things going on, and if he didn't stop them now, they might keep pulling him on hair brain schemes on the regular.

Partho had only returned once. Cops with decks were worked to the bone, if their purchasing choices meant anything… And if he wanted access to the lap of destiny?

"I suppose I can go on the dungeon run," he said. "Did you find out anything about the dungeon?"

It was a question that other humans would ask when they examined the neighborhood dungeon map in the window..

They would look at the map. They would look where the dungeons were. Then they would talk about how far it was to walk there and ask others if there was any more information.

"There's nothing," Kate said. "As expected. And if there was, there probably wouldn't be anything useful. Once you see what a dungeon is about, you are going to want to clear it, if possible."

"You humans." Janet beeped, disgruntled. "You all want more information, as if there is any to be had. As if the police force has the human resources to send in a strike team to get information."

"There's a field on the dungeon app," Ashley said. "But as expected, it's empty. They could have put something there once Kate tagged it, but it hasn't been long."

The dungeon map even had a little field for people to put information. Invariably, there would be nothing added, at least not until a day or two had passed. It was on the people to go investigate the dungeons and determine what it was.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

Apparently, you could just walk into one and walk out without having to go through a ridiculous amount of enemies, most times. Rumor had it that, in rare cases, one couldn't leave until certain conditions were met.

People wanted to know what features it had because they wanted to know if they could actually go through it and complete it, gaining cards and experience.

All of his life, he'd needed help from others, and now, others were asking him for his help. He would give help. But now he wanted to do more than just go another dungeon run. He wanted it to see how he could profit off of it.

Or maybe it was that something about this whole situation made him feel like he should want to profit off it. Had he heard so much talk about selling and buying things that it had affected him more than he thought? It was possible.

No one ever thinks about why they think, or at least cats didn't think about that. But now, here he was, an awakened cat thinking about why he was thinking and thinking about things and about thinking and it made his little head kind of spin.

For a long time, he didn't know who he could trust, and there were so many new people floating through the store, so many customers and he didn't...

He didn't want to have to think about it: if you could trust somebody or not. He just wanted to trust people because that was how it should be.

And right now? Kate and Ashley seemed very trustworthy. So he was going to go with his gut and trust them. And if it cost him one of his nine lives? Then he was okay with that.

He didn't want to dwell on that

"All right, let's go," he said, indicating Janet. He briefly considered trying to ride on Janet like she was a little hovercraft. He'd seen it once in some scifi show, and that did seem rather fun. A floating tentacle balloon would maybe be a better hovercraft.

It would be quite interesting, being carried by a flying mob. That would be a good look for him, and it would make quite an iconic entrance.

Maybe after this dungeon, or perhaps the next one, that would be the thing to do.

The group arrived at Walgreens and then swung it open. They walked right on in. The normally closed double doors of the place were tall and thick, with a weary security guard posted inside and several shoppers going about their day. On the far wall, next to the photo equipment, there was the ominous aperture of a large dungeon slowly growing wider. For now, a small adult could comfortably walk through.

"So they just kept doing business despite the dungeon?" Kate asked. " This is the greatest fucking city in the world. I swear to fuck."

"You don't think that they're doing the same shit in other places? People have got to get medications still, right? Even during the apocalypse. Cards don't cure shit, like if you have cancer or something like that. At least I don't think they'll do that. I'm still allergic to bullshit." Ashley held open the door for Kate as they walked in.

"Ladies, you better watch out for that dungeon entrance over there," the guard said. "And no pets allowed, please."

"Are you saying we're going to have to leave my pet outside?" Bagel grumbled.

The security officer, a middle-aged black woman in a large overcoat, barely blinked."You know what? I don't get paid enough for this shit. Go on in if you want, Mr. Cat."

"My pleasure," he said, willing his mount to step inside.

That was when a colossal mess of feathers barreled through the doorway, missing him by a foot as they stepped into the store. Bagel stared, mouth agape, at the large predatory hawk, slowly picking itself off the ground.

The security guard pulled out their baton, giving it a menacing twirl.The security guard slammed her nightstick into it, knocking it backwards. Bagel could see her drawing her hand, looking at card options.

"I said no animals in here and I meant it," she said. "Don't you guys have other places to be?"

"Oh, he's not with us," Kate said, looking down at the bird. "Poor guy too. You really hit him."

The bird—a peregrine falcon, Bagel realized belatedly— looked up at them and spoke.

"Give me the cat."

The falcon's posh uptown accent was so out of place that Bagel wondered if he had rolled in too much catnip in the morning. He hadn't touched a smidge, but maybe he inhaled some by accident?. Shards of glass were around the Falcon as it attempted to ride itself onto its talons. Despite all the glass and missing feathers, it didn't appear to be injured.

"Do not make me summon something to beat your ass." The security guard aimed her nightstick, a fully extended baton, at him. The woman hadn't gotten up. Bagel was pretty sure that she would never get up in She was getting paid double time to do so.

He respected her immensely for that.

"Excuse us?" Ashley said. "The cat's not for sale."

"But I'm hungry! And that cat looks like a tasty morsel!"

Bagel, for the first time it is not life shuddered, having just understood how close he had been to death. He had been very close.

He wasn't sure how his nine lives would respond to getting eaten alive.

He had the mount put his hands up to block the bird if he flew at him again. He was not about to become a snack

"What do you mean you want to eat our cat?" Kate said.

Bagel did not know why the girls were bothering with the bird. It was obviously not going anywhere. Birds were dimwitted creatures, far lesser than cats.

"He obviously looks delicious, or am I getting that wrong? You're using this cat for another reason?" The peregrine falcon stretched his swings but didn't fly. Hopefully, he was being deterred by the security guard with the baton. Bagel could only hope so.

"What I'm trying to say is that a bird got needs, and that's a perfectly delicious looking cat."

"I beg your pardon, little Falcon," Bagel said, "but we are at an impasse. Although I do like the taste of chicken, I don't think that I want to cook such a noble beast. So I would really prefer it if you didn't come at us this way."

"The cat speaks?" the Falcon said, looking at the two women.

Ashley scoffed. "Of course the cat speaks. He's a freaking shop owner. You should do your research, Mister..."

"I'm sorry," the Falcon said. "It appears we've gotten off on the wrong talon. What I'd like to do is offer you some credits to buy this cat off of you, and I'll make it worth your while. It looks delicious, and clearly, you have plans for it. If this is not too liking, then I understand, we can negotiate something different."

The cat and the falcon stared each other down.