Board & Conquest: A Godly LitRPG

A cataclysmic explosion shook Carcosa to its very foundations.

Hastur stared at the board in shock as pieces of his blasted apart Commander fell upon the canal in a rain of torn tentacles, grey flesh, and yellow blood. Wepwawet allowed himself a sigh of relief upon seeing a more or less unharmed Slimon bouncing off the shore, shaken but alive.

"I… I am…" the ooze coughed, his pride at his triumph being only matched by his pain. "A boneless… god of war!"

Wepwawet let the blasphemy slide this time alone. A notification flashed before the classmates, so short and sweet.

Titan Hastur has lost his final Commander! Titan Hastur has lost the battle!

Penalty: Titan Hastur is permanently banished from Elphion, and you may each pick any card from Hastur's deck!

"YES!" Sun Wukong rejoiced, before flipping the finger to Hastur. "Are you feeling it in your tentacle hole?!"

"This… this cannot be…" Hastur muttered to himself, his mask of regality breaking apart. "We… I had the perfect strategy…"

"Dropped the royal we, have you?" Epona taunted him as time stopped flowing on the board, immortalizing their triumph. "Victory is ours, not only for us, but also for our fellow classmates who helped us counter your strategy. Accept defeat with grace."

"You underestimated us, underestimated our mortal followers, and it cost you," Wepwawet concluded. "You tried to divide us, and you failed."

Hastur seethed on his side of the board, but regained enough of his regal confidence not to throw a fit. "Fine… although this outcome frustrates me, I shall concede defeat."

"As if you had any choice in the matter," Sun Wukong taunted him.

"This outcome only delays the inevitable," Hastur replied. "It is the nature of all things to return to chaos and nothingness… Lord Apep shall see to it that this world suffers the same fate."

Wepwawet scowled. "So it's Apep who leads your invasion?"

Hastur didn't deny it. "I am an emanation of chaos… but he is its lord," the King in Yellow said with an emotion Wepwawet didn't think his rotten kind was capable of: reverence. "One day he shall arrive on your world to devour its sun and cast your people into the freezing darkness of space… how they will come to regret the peaceful end my coming would have granted them…"

That chilled Wepwawet to his core. He had already suspected the Lord of Chaos to have been behind the Titan Incursions on Elphion, but to hear the confirmation that his father's sworn enemy—someone whom a foe as strong as Hastur held in the greatest respect–would one day take the field… that was quite the terrifying prospect.

"So what?" Sun Wukong asked, as if it was the most inconsequential thing in the world. "If that snake comes to Elphion, we'll just make a belt out of him."

His sheer moxie and nonchalance caused Wepwawet to chuckle spontaneously. He knew the Monkey King was only trying to lift his spirits and lighten the mood, but for a brief instant he could indeed believe he and his allies would stand up to one of the worst of the Titans.

"Anyway, time to loot his deck!" Sun Wukong pointed a finger at Hastur. "Show us the goods!"

Hastur grunted in annoyance, but submitted to the Incursion's rules and showed them his deck. The sight of its powerful Miracles awakened strong feelings of greed in all the gods present.

"Quite the buffet," Wepwawet noted upon checking out the cards. So many good picks…

"The issue is that most of these cards are unique, so we run the risk of wanting the same one," Epona noted. "It would be easier for each of us to pick our prize one after the other."

"I know a way to determine the turn order!" Sun Wukong grinned ear to ear. "Rock, paper, scissors!"

Epona scoffed. "That sounds a bit immature."

"Afraid you'll lose?" Wepwawet teased her. Their all-out victory had put him in an extremely good mood.

"As if." Epona cracked a rare smile. "Bring it."

Two games later, it was decided that Sun Wukong would pick first, followed by Wepwawet, and finally Epona. The Monkey King smiled ear to ear upon checking Hastur's deck, like a dirty grave robber stepping into a pharaoh's tomb.

"There's so many good cards, I don't know which one to steal!" Sun Wukong complained after minutes of hesitation, much to Hastur's rising annoyance. "I'm not even rubbing it in, it's the truth!"

Sun Wukong was right, Hastur's deck was stacked with highly effective cards; from Panopticon of Terror, Statement Ends, Repairer of Reputation, Memory Hole, Uncanny Anglerfish, and even his Yellow Sign. Any of these options would tremendously boost Wepwawet's deck during a godly battle. On the other hand, all these Miracles were, for the most part, incredibly destructive with zero application towards helping mortals or sustaining a civilization.

"Mmm… I'm gonna pick Memory Hole," Sun Wukong decided.

"Memory Hole?" Epona asked. "I would have assumed Uncanny Anglerfish fit your playstyle more."

"I know, right?!" Sun Wukong crossed his arms. "But I'm constantly strapped for mana to fuel my Providence, especially during big fights like this one. I'm sick of having to wait several turns until I can bring out the good stuff."

"Fair enough," Wepwawet said as he pondered his pick.

He mostly hesitated between Panopticon of Terror and Uncanny Anglerfish. As a god of scouting who worked best when using whatever information he obtained to elaborate complex strategies, the ability to check the opponent's hand was simply invaluable. Uncanny Anglerfish would only allow him to do so once, but also lead to unorthodox plays by letting Wepwawet turn one of the enemy's cards against themselves; meanwhile, the Panopticon of Terror cost a horrendous amount of mana to keep active in return for providing a continuous stream of information.

In the end, Wepwawet elected to go with Panopticon of Terror for three reasons: one, it was a physical structure that could be used to improve on a city's architecture and keep an Altar out of reach; two, all the Titans he had fought so far tried to draw as many cards as possible to cast a lot of powerful Miracles, so receiving constant updates would be more valuable than a one-time check; and Uncanny Anglerfish's secondary effect would be too situational to bother.

Panopticon of Terror

Rank 12 Animism

Unique. Summons the ceaseless watchtower of the Panopticon beneath one of your Altars, whose wretched eyes can see through any lies or deceit; including the hands of all other players during a B&C battle. Maintenance cost: 5 mana.

It was such a pleasant feeling to add a new card to his side-deck without having to agonize over which one to replace it with first.

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

"Good pick," Epona complimented him. "I will take the Repairer of Reputation Ritual. I need more drawing options in my deck."

"Then our business here is concluded," Hastur said once all of them had taken their pick from his deck. However, he couldn't resist leaving for Titanspace without one final jab. "You will regret not sacrificing your ally. The end will come all the swifter for your mortals because of it."

He was right on one point: the Fourth Incursion would arrive more quickly with one more god among the defenders… yet Wepwawet would never regret it. Sun Wukong had proved instrumental in their victory, and he had the suspicion he would do so again one day.

It was only together that they would prevail.

The horrors of Carcosa faded away, and with it, the Incursion.

Victoire blinked to find herself back in Orestown in the company of Sagesse and Glatisant—Epona's and Wukong's Champions likely having returned to their homelands—only to be welcomed by the most shocking of sights.

Mistouffe, Grudu, and Viviane kicking the hell out of Soumis while he moaned in pleasure.

"What are…" Victoire choked in shock while Glatisant stared at the scene, dumbfounded. "What are you doing?!"

"Wait, wait, stop!" Mistouffe shouted in alarm upon stopping midkick. "It's the real Soumis! The impostor is gone!"

"Grudu?"

"Oh, really?" Viviane asked as she stopped. She sounded so… so disappointed.

"To be beaten up by his own princess' untrustworthy minions, right in front of said princess who looks on with contempt…" Soumis purred in pleasure. "Soumis feels like a commoner."

"Is this a new minion management style?" Glatisant wondered out loud with wide eyes. She sounded more open-minded than Insupportable at least. "I am dubious. I do understand the need to let minions vent their frustrations and the private nature of dragon-minion bonding, but allowing them to direct it at their loving dragon master will cause them to lose all respect for you. I wouldn't make it a habit."

Victoire sighed in relief, which surprised her. Why was she happy to see Soumis had survived without any major injuries? Then again, he had saved her life and proven himself a loyal steed.

Wait, where was Filou? Victoire looked around and thankfully found him near Slimon, spooked but alive.

"I've saved… the world…" Slimon said, his body flattened on the ground. "I'm a hero…"

"Uh… my mind is still swirling from the spirals…" Filou shook his head. "The stars were talking back to me…"

"Are you well, Filou?" Victoire asked upon reaching out to her squire. "Did you suffer any wounds?"

"I… I am good, milady." Filou glanced at his hands and then touched his cheeks. "I–I am solid again."

Solid? There must have been an interesting story about that, but Victoire would ask him another time. The rift above Stalheim had finally begun to shrink, and soon vanished from the sky.

The day was won without casualties.

They returned to the classroom in triumph, and to the acclaim of all their classmates.

Artemis rushed up to hug Wepwawet the moment he showed up, grabbing him so hard he nearly fell off his feet at the impact. "Wepy, I'm so glad to see you back!" she said with relief. "I wish I could have seen you kick that yellow bastard's ass!"

"We were so worried," Ganesha said. "How was it?"

"Hard," Wepwawet replied bluntly. "Very hard."

"Thank the Allfather you didn't lose!" Hel told Epona. She didn't hug Epona like Artemis did with Wepwawet, but she kissed her comrade on the cheek, and her relief sounded entirely sincere. "I was so afraid I would be stuck with only Anansi for our alliance!"

"You're breaking my heart," the spider-god replied with mock chagrin before bowing at Epona. "More seriously, I'm happy you pulled through and spared me another round of battle."

Unlike with Hel, Wepwawet wasn't sure Anansi was sincere in the slightest, but Epona took his words with grace. "It was a team effort, though Sun Wukong contributed the most."

"That's right, Sun Wukong MVP!" The Monkey King raised two victory 'V' signs with both hands. "Accept no substitutes!"

"I am relieved to see you all return safely," Miss Athena said calmly. "You were up against terrible odds, yet you prevailed."

"We couldn't have done it without the intel Horus' group provided," Wepwawet replied, before giving his cousin, Watatsumi, and Axomamma a nod. "Thank you."

Horus was taken aback by his cousin's words of gratitude for a moment, but returned the nod nonetheless. "You would have done the same in my place… or at least I believe you would have."

"Ore no kachi da!" Watatsumi boasted, trying to make their victory his own by proxy.

Wepwawet and the others proceeded to recount the entire battle, including Hastur's confirmation that Apep was leading the Titan invasion of Elphion. The Lord of Chaos' mere reputation caused a tense silence to fall upon the classroom, with Miss Athena appearing worried but not too surprised.

"Apep is one of the top players of the Titanomachy, so he will almost certainly go last," Miss Athena said. "The fourth Titan will likely be Kronos or Lucifer. They are the only enemy players stronger than Hastur that are currently unaccounted for or not besieging other worlds."

"Grandpa Kronos?" Artemis shuddered. "He's a creep."

"He is a very powerful player who favors devastating Artifacts and large armies of mechanical creatures." Miss Athena waved her hand and summoned a System screen. "Moreover, the rate of Incursions has confirmed our worst fears: Beelzebub's presence on Elphion does indeed count as a defender advantage according to its System. The loss of Watatsumi and Axomamma will only delay the Fourth Incursion so much."

The classmates exchanged glances, the same thought crossing all of their minds. Assholes like Anansi and good-natured folk like Ganesha were united in shared nervousness.

It was Horus who asked the dreaded question. "How much?"

Miss Athena took a long, deep breath, which was never a good sign. "Difficult to say… years, if you are lucky. Half of one, if you are not."

Half a year, or a handful. Such precious time they would have to spend on wiping out Tiamat's brood, rebuild their forces, and dealing with lunarian sabotage.

"We should focus our efforts on finding Beelzebub's Idol and expelling him from Elphion," Wepwawet said. "His defeat would slow down the coming Incursions and spare us his constant interferences."

"Agreed," Ishtar concurred. "Tiamat's brood must also be exterminated from Elphion, or else Apep will likely mobilize them in a future Incursion to fight us."

"Whoa, whoa, aren't you forgetting something?" Hel inquired, her finger pointing at her defeated classmates. "Who's going to inherit Watatsumi and Axomamma's nations? They have no gods to guide them anymore and plenty of resources!"

"Hel," Epona said, her tone noticeably colder. "Now is not the time to discuss that."

Artemis proved far more blunt. "Axomamma and Watatsumi are still in the room, you greedy half-corpse!"

"I'm not greedy!" No one believed Hel, but she insisted nonetheless. "Stalheim has access to advanced technology, and Timberan's navy is among the largest in the world! We have to mobilize them if we want to win!"

"I… Please don't go to war over my people…" Axomamma all but begged the class. "They've suffered so much already, I–"

Epona stomped the ground with her feet like a furious horse, catching everyone's attention. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and then faced them all.

"There shall be no more wars between us," Epona boldly declared. "This battle has opened my eyes. Our victory was honest, yet barely snatched from the jaws of defeat. If any element had been missing, if we had refused to trust each other or to show off our respective decks, if we hadn't put all of our disputes aside… then we would have lost. Badly."

Epona glanced at the rest of the class, her gaze lingering the most on Wepwawet. She had finally understood the lesson he had been trying to teach all the gods he had been facing over the past few months.

"You were right, Wepwawet," she said. "Our enemies seek to divide us because they know they will fail to destroy Elphion should we stand united."

"Took you long enough," Wepwawet replied with a scoff. He knew he shouldn't rub it in, but damn if it didn't feel good.

"I know." To his surprise, Epona actually took the reproach with grace. "Although I want to earn good grades as much as any of you and see my civilization prosper above all others… Those ambitions aren't worth endangering this planet's safety. Our enemies do not play by the rules and possess a tremendous advantage. We cannot waste ours."

Ishtar raised an eyebrow. "So, what? Should we kiss and make up?"

"I will spare you the kiss part, but yes, we shall make peace. All of us." Epona glared at Hel and Anansi, who instantly straightened up. The cold sternness in their ally's voice had successfully spooked them. "We shall decide the fate of nations through diplomacy and cooperate against our common enemies in association with our mortals."

"I applaud the initiative, but our mortals' grievances run deep," Ishtar pointed out. "Convincing them to put them aside for the greater good will be… difficult."

Horus snorted. "Isn't that why we're on Elphion in the first place? To guide them?"

"It may be difficult," Wepwawet concurred, "But it is necessary."

"And my lands are still under siege right now!" Artemis complained. "Can't we deal with the monsters at our doorsteps first before we even talk about dividing up the planet?!"

"I believe we can all agree on a truce right now to deal with the infestation," Anansi said, probably because his own civilization was also threatened. "As for mortal nations left bereft of their gods, should not the choice of whom to follow belong to the people themselves?"

The sheer hypocrisy of advocating for mortal self-determination after allowing his own people to enslave others left Wepwawet and Artemis choking, but Ganesha pretended to go along with it. "He's right, we should let the mortals decide like they did in Lavaland…" He squinted at Epona. "And abide by the choice."

"If we agree on a permanent truce," Epona replied, "and to swear to obey agreed upon treaties."

"Oaths are wind without something to back them up." Ishtar smiled ear to ear, as if she had planned this all along. "We need a judge and arbiter; someone who can rise above our petty disputes and be trusted to enforce those decisions."

"We should elect a class president," Sun Wukong suggested with a happy nod. "I think I have someone in mind."

"Whom?" Wepwawet asked out of curiosity.

Why were so many rolling their eyes right now?