B3 | Chapter 1: Losing an Argument to a Washing Machine
Almost everyone we knew had just been killed.
The golden elevator doors closed and Hugo and I traveled down to the next floor. Just like that it was over.
Neither of us knew what to say or how to react. Neither of us knew where we were going or what we’d find once we got there.
It was nauseating.
I tightened my fist around a slim piece of paper. It was my lifeline. The one thing that kept me grounded. Just six little words hastily scrawled out that offered me a tiny bit of hope.
‘I know how to beat them’ is what the note said.
Them being the gods that had invaded my world, killed most of humanity, and then enslaved the rest of us to run through a series of life and death challenges. Them who murdered innocent people that I cared about.
In my darkest moment, it was Daisy who’d slipped me the note. Another survivor of the massacre on the previous floor.
But if she knew how to beat the gods that controlled our lives, then why hadn’t she done so already? There must be more to her plan. More pieces that need to be assembled. She might have the knowledge but not the means to beat them.
I had to find her on the next floor down and learn everything she knows.
Soft Jazz elevator music began playing out of the speaker in the top corner. It had a calming quality to it and I could feel myself getting swept away by it.
Hugo flew up to the speaker and ripped out the cables with his talons. The music halted.
“Is that meant to be a joke?” Hugo spat. “Playing music after what just happened?”
“I was actually enjoying it.”
The music started up again despite not being connected to anything.
Hugo groaned.
“Magical jazz speaker notwithstanding, how are you doing?” I asked.
“How can you joke after what just happened? I’m so angry that I feel like I’m going to explode! Why aren’t you more upset?”
He was hopping around the floor to try and burn off the excess anger, but it wasn’t working.
Despite my calm outward demeanor, I was upset. I’d walked into this elevator shaking with rage. But anger with nowhere to go would just turn inward and I’d start blaming myself. And that wasn’t the truth. The gods were to blame. I hated them for what they’d done, but expressing those feelings now could be our undoing. We had to be patient. We had to get stronger and wait for the right moment to strike back.
I showed Hugo the note. His beak fell open in shock and he stopped bouncing.
“Does that mean—”
I cut him off. “Not out loud.”
He nodded and put two and two together on who had handed me the note. Some of the tension in his body loosened as he relaxed.
Then he pecked my hand hard enough to draw blood.
“Ow!” I yelled.
“You ass! I’ve been stuck in this gold shit box losing my mind and you had that note the whole time?”
Abashed, I reeled back.
He was right. It was selfish of me to retreat into my mind and leave him alone to try to process what had happened.
“I’m sorry. I should have shown it to you as soon as we were alone.”
He harumphed. His way of reluctantly accepting my apology while also saying that I still had to make it up to him.
A few minutes of silence passed until he noticed I hadn’t healed my hand.
Hugo scoffed. “Oh get down off your cross, and then tell me you have a plan.”
The pain was minor compared to what I was used to. It was also well deserved, but I took Hugo’s point.
I reached for the magical healing blood that I stored in a gem on my bracer and the wound closed up.
“The plan is the same as before,” I said. “I don’t know how long it will take Damian or Daisy to reach the next floor. So we should focus on getting stronger until we can find them again.”
Hugo agreed with me and we stood in silence for about fifteen minutes until we realized the elevator ride was taking far longer than it should.
A couple of hours passed after that. In that time, we ran through a lot of emotions. It was cathartic in a way. We raged, we mourned, and even laughed a couple of times before settling into boredom.
Strangely, it was Hugo who moved on the fastest. Maybe it had something to do with his age or his physiology, but I could see him quickly returning to his old self.
Suddenly the doors opened up into a carpeted hallway with a single door at the end of it. A tall, rakish man in an all black suit was leaning against the door. He smiled warmly at the sight of us, like we were friends. Like he hadn’t just murdered people that I’d cared for.
The anger I’d been working so hard to keep under control was threatening to bubble up again.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, a little more sharply than I’d meant to.
I forced myself to take a breath. This is a marathon not a sprint. Getting free from these gods will require patience.
“I know you didn’t expect to see me again so soon,” Roan said. “But I felt that I should explain some things and answer any questions you have. Some changes have been made since Tanver Vhar took over with running the Tower, but a lot of other things have stayed the same. Since both of you are now being sponsored by me, I’m here to make your transition to the new way of doing things as smooth as possible.”
I tried to go into party chat to talk to Hugo privately and received a strange message
[Error!]
[Party Chat has been removed]
[Bonded Companion detected]
[Companion Chat activated]
Lucas: Hello?
Hugo: That was weird.
“I see you’ve activated Companion Chat,” Roan said. “And no, before you ask, nobody but the two of you can see what is written in there. When Vhar removed party chat from the Tower, he found the older Companion version underneath it like buried code. It’s an old System function that actually predates the invention of the Towers. As such, we have no way of removing it.”
I frowned. “You’re not in control of the System?”
Roan laughed at the idea. “No, of course not. We have some control over the Tower that interfaces with the System.”
“That doesn’t feel very comforting,” Hugo said.
He was right. It gave the impression that this was too complex for them to handle. ‘Some control’ made them sound like kids who’d gotten ahold of their parent’s car keys and were going on a joyride.
“The Officiator was custom built to run the Tower,” Roan said. “But everything it designed is still here and running on autopilot. Other than the party chat feature being gone, the changes you’ll experience will be minimal. Oh, and there’s also this.”
[God Chat Activated]
Roan: See, not all the changes are bad. Now if you ever have a question about monsters, quests, or items, you can use this feature to reach out to me.
“That’s being awfully generous with your time,” I said.
“Well, I wanted to make it up to you after the whole murdering your friends thing. But the downside is that other Climbers will have access to the same feature with other gods.”
“Wait, the other gods are still here?” I asked, surprised.
Roan grimaced. “Unfortunately, we couldn’t get rid of them permanently. Again, old System rules and what not. We did manage to cut off their sight completely though. Now none of them can find you or see what you’re doing in here. Instead we’ll be sending out time delayed updates of every Climber's progress to those who watch the Climb.”
That didn’t sound particularly reassuring. Especially since some of those gods wanted me dead. The whole viewer aspect of this also confused me. It was rarely spoken of in the past, and beyond the gods who directly sponsored Climbers, I failed to see the value in it.
“And all these viewers are okay with you taking over and changing things?” I asked. “What do they even get out of watching this anyway?”
“Some of it is entertainment, some of it is advertising to incentivize people to volunteer, and some of it is research on potential future rivals. Planets would also pay to watch and the Officiator would use those funds to run the Tower.”
“So by taking over, you’ve become rich?”
“Richer,” he corrected me. “But it’s not all sunshine and rainbows. A lot of the money that gets sent to us has to be reinvested into the Tower. You didn’t think all the items you received were just created out of thin air, did you? No, experts across an array of fields are hired to make them. Every non Climber you encounter from this point on is being paid to be here. It’s not cheap you know.”
He was starting to make it sound like more of a burden than a prize. So much effort and expense just for a few gods to get first pick of the new System recruits? It seemed unlikely. There had to be more to the story.
“Why create the Tower in first place if it wasn’t profitable until your takeover?”
Roan’s smiled dipped. “I didn’t create the Tower and it’s a mystery as to who did. As for why it was created, the reason was simple. Because the System is always expanding and integrating new planets. That is a process even I don’t know how to stop. The Tower was invented to slow the integration process down and give newly inducted people like yourself a chance to acclimatize. Things were… let’s just say a lot more chaotic before the Tower was made.”
The idea of the Tower being the kinder, gentler way of being integrated into the System was a troubling thought. I wanted to ask more questions about the time before the Tower, but I had greater concerns surrounding our safety that needed to be addressed first.
“What’s happened to the other gods that want me dead?”
“They’re off consolidating power or looking for new Climbers to sponsor. Don’t worry, there are no more portal loop holes. You’re not going to wake up to find one of them standing over you,” he grinned. “Other Climbers can still find shrines throughout the floors and pledge their service to them though. So be careful with who you trust.”
Great, now we had to worry about other Climbers coming after us. At least before when Hugo and I clashed with others, it was because we were a tangential threat to a quest. An inconvenience that was getting in their way. Now we were direct targets.
“How many Climbers could even be left after what happened?” Hugo asked.
I nodded in agreement. All the killing on the previous floor could easily be considered a culling. Sure, there might be Climbers who’d survived by not being there, but I’d be shocked if it was more than a handful.
Roan laughed again.
It was a habit that was starting to feel condescending.
Hugo did his best version of a scowl, and I folded my arms.
“Elaborate,” I said.
“The Tower is massive and has many versions of the same floor running at once.”
My eyebrows rose. “You’re telling me that while I was completing my Golden Door quest, others were doing the same elsewhere.”
Roan nodded. “Some completed theirs before you, some after while you were in the elevator, and some are still trying to complete it right now. Never assume you’re seeing the whole population unless you’re on the ground floor. There’s only one version of that floor and it only opens for a select period.”
I didn’t understand why so many others had to die earlier if I was still competing. It didn’t make any sense.
“Why not just kill every other Climber like before?” I asked.
“Tanver Vhar was the one responsible for that. He hasn’t pledged his service to me so I don’t control what he does. We’re in a kind of partnership. There are protocols that prevent a god or someone pledged to a god from taking ownership of the Tower. I needed Vhar to gain access. He needs my ongoing support and protection to not get brutally murdered by angry gods.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you won’t remove the other Climbers,” I pointed out.
“Because we’re unable to. The Tower is like a highly complex living machine that reacts and adapts to certain stimuli. After I told Vhar not to kill anyone else, he ignored me and tried to do it again. He failed. The option to do what he did before had just disappeared. It is yet another reason on why we’re hesitant to change things. But that’s an issue for another time. Want to see your apartment?” he asked with a twinge of excitement.
I didn’t trust his tone and narrowed my eyes. “You say that like it's changed.”
He waved my suspicion away. “Just a minor update when we were removing the payphone. Consider it another present to help make things easier.”
Hugo hopped up onto my shoulder so that he could be face to face with Roan. He was still bursting with energy.
“What about our Grade evolution?” he asked.
“Both of you will receive it once you leave the apartment. But I should warn you, both Vhar and myself felt that the Officiator was being too miserly with these rewards. Now every Climber who descends to the next floor will be receiving the Grade evolution process.”
“That’s not fair!” cried Hugo.
“You turned the prize we fought and bled for into a participation trophy?” I shouted.
“The Officiator would’ve found another way to even the scales eventually,” he replied calmly. “This Tower was, and will continue to be, a training ground. It would have never let you pull too far ahead on your own. That would’ve made the whole thing too unbalanced and defeat the purpose.”
I snorted. “And the purpose is what? Become the best I can be in here so that when I get out, I can be a soldier in your army and expand your territory?”
“No, my plan was for you to be in charge of Earth after you complete the Tower.”
At first I thought he was joking. Putting me in charge of an entire planet? Before the System had arrived, I was barely in charge of my own life. The idea of running a planet was dizzying.
“What about me?” Hugo cried, feeling left out.
Roan shrugged. “Well, I guess you’d be co-chairs of Earth.”
“But you’d still own us and the planet,” I said.
“I think you’ll find that working under me will be more helpful than you realize.” He then sighed. “But I understand that our relationship will take time to develop.”
I was getting sick of his overly familiar tone.
“Is that what you told Daisy when you took her memories?”
Roan’s cheerful expression vanished. His lip curled up and he loomed over us both. “Daisy overstepped and saw things that she should have never seen. Things that would have made life a lot more complicated for everyone. She thinks I cursed her by taking her memories, but she has no idea how much worse it could’ve been.”
He opened the door to the apartment and gestured for us to enter.
Whatever had happened between him and Daisy, it was clear that it was a sore area for him. I doubted that I’d glean any more information by pressing the matter, so I dropped the subject and went inside.
The apartment looked relatively the same. There were only two rooms. A bathroom, and a large open plan space that started as a bedroom on the left, became a living room in the middle, and ended with a kitchen. The payphone used to be bolted to the floor in between the kitchen and living area. Now in its place was a large metal orange box that I quickly realized was a washing machine.
“What do you think?” Roan asked, pointing to the washing machine with pride. His cold anger from before vanishing as quickly as it had appeared. Now we were all friends again.
“I don’t get it,” I said.
Meanwhile, Hugo flitted around the apartment, checking every nook and cranny. “Hmm, dent in the lower wall is still here,” he muttered before flying over to the couch. “Yep, there’s the stain where I knocked over that soda, and there’s where I dropped the tv remote.” He came back to my shoulder and declared, “everything appears to be in order.”
“Yeah, we’re going to have a talk about our living situation later,” I told him.
Turning back to Roan, I asked, “what’s the big deal? It’s just a washing machine.”
Roan shook his head. “This is the greatest washing machine in the universe. It can clean any substance off your clothes and dry them in thirty minutes or less. Say hello to Misty.”
He put his hand on the machine and it rocked side to side before stabilizing itself.
There was a black screen on the front above where the clothes would go that had a moving digital smiley face on it.
“Oof, I was having the most wonderful dream,” said the washing machine in a woman’s voice. “There was a bunch of Valtrexian leather that was absolutely soaked in advanced slime guts. The job was almost too big for me to handle, but I found a way,” she said wistfully.
Inwardly, I groaned. This was the last thing I needed right now. The apartment was meant to be a private space for Hugo and I to decompress in. It was not a place for a robot to watch and comment on our every move.
“My mistake,” I said sarcastically to Roan. “You’ve given me a sentient washing machine. However can I repay you?”
“Excuse me?” Misty asked. “First of all, my name is Misty, and I am a fully licensed cleaning service intelligence. I find the term washing machine derogatory. Second of all, I don’t appreciate your tone. But maybe I should cut you some slack since you look like you spent the last week living in those clothes.” She made a sniffing sound. “Actually scratch that. My olfactory detectors indicate that the real number is at least twice that long.”
“I’m guessing you bought this on sale,” I said to Roan.
“Or maybe the dump?” Hugo added.
“I do not appreciate that sass, young man!” Misty said.
Hugo looked down at his feet. “Sorry.”
“Hey, don’t apologize to the machine,” I said. “Us organics have to stick together. We can’t let them divide and conquer us.”
“Any chance I could convince you to conquer a shower?” she asked. “Because I’m not allowed to turn off my sense of smell due to my programming, and right now I’m wishing my creators had installed a kill switch in me.”
“Oh come on. It’s not that bad,” I said, looking at Roan and Hugo for reassurance.
The traitorous crow wouldn’t even make eye contact with me, while Roan just shrugged. “It’s not great, and cleaning yourself up before you step onto the next floor would probably be a wise move.”
I didn’t like to lose arguments, but I wasn’t stubborn enough to argue against taking a shower.
I sighed. “Fine. I’ll do it.”
Roan waited outside and Hugo was in the kitchen demolishing whatever food I had left in my cupboards, while I stripped down and put my clothes into Misty. I closed the door and then frowned. There were no buttons on the machine.
“How do I start the process and do I need to add anything?” I asked.
“I produce my own cleaning fluids and fabric softener. The only thing I need now to begin a wash cycle is an apology.”
“I’m sorry?”
“No, it’ll have to be more sincere than that.”
“Fine, give me my clothes back. I’ll handwash them in the bathroom.”
The smiley face on the screen became a frowny face and the door mechanism clicked. She’d locked me out.
I gritted my teeth. I couldn’t believe Roan saddled me with a snooty AI as a present. How is this a good gift?
I didn’t want to keep arguing. “Alright, I apologize. The whole AI washing—”
She loudly cleared her throat.
“Service,” I continued. “The whole AI washing service thing caught me off guard. I’m not really familiar with your kind and I was too hostile with you. Will you please wash my clothes?”
The face on the screen turned into a smiley face again.
“You bet your ass I can! I’m seeing armored grooves with dried Shrikon blood in them and Abyssal Sharkskin fragments in your boots. Hoo boy, this is gonna be a fun challenge!”
“Wait, you like cleaning?” I asked. “So you probably would’ve cleaned my stuff, no matter what?”
“Yeah probably.”
“Then why the hell did we have to go through all this bullshit with apologizing and begging for your cooperation?”
She giggled. “Dude, I was just fucking with you.”
The smiley face winked at me, and I had to turn away before I started looking for a hammer. Roan must have a return policy or a warranty somewhere. I’ll ask him about it once I’ve cleaned myself up.
I marched into the bathroom and took my time since nobody else seemed to be in a hurry. Muscles that I didn’t know I’d been tensing relaxed. By the end of it, I didn’t feel just clean but restored somehow.
When I’d finished, Misty’s door was open and all of my belongings had been cleaned, dried, and neatly folded.
It felt too easy.
I put my hand in slowly, wary of another trap. Misty didn’t react to me taking them. I got dressed and put my armor back on. It might’ve been my imagination, but I could’ve sworn she’d polished my bracers. The black metal seemed shinier than before.
I collected Hugo and went for the door. It was time for Roan to make good on his Grade evolution process and get us to the next floor.
“What, no tip for my excellent work?” asked Misty as we were leaving.
“Here’s a tip,” I said. “Friendly service gets rewarded. Laundry hostage takers get the finger.”
I flipped her the bird and closed the door behind me before she could respond.
“I see you two are getting acquainted,” Roan said drily.
I found myself smiling. It was childish, but I enjoyed getting her back for earlier.
Still, the point of her existence in my apartment nagged at me. Surely there were bigger priorities at play here than getting my laundry done regularly.
I repeated my earlier question. “Why a washing machine?”
Roan didn’t appear bothered by my lack of appreciation for his gift. In fact, he brightened up whenever I asked a question and seemed to enjoy answering them. It reminded me of a history teacher I’d once had. They often spoke with passion when giving lectures. The energy they put out into the room would make the topics come alive in my mind and keep me invested for the entire time.
That teacher is probably dead now along with the rest of that class.
Roan looked at me pointedly. “You’re going to encounter more real aliens living their lives on floors going forward. They have their own goals or quests to offer Tower Climbers. In exchange for their time and effort here, they’ll be rewarded. Provided they survive all the way to the end of course. That’s right, no more NPC protection shields either. But almost all of them will have ways of making money outside of the Climbers, which means how you present yourself can matter. If you walk into a store smelling like a dead animal, then there’s a good chance they might refuse to sell to you or talk to you about their problems.”
“So it’s closer to real life in that sense?”
“Precisely, especially when you factor in that a lot of them are coming in groups. In the future, killing one person could cause that person’s friends or family to come after you.”
That was good to know. The fact that merchants were unprotected made me wonder how they’d survive once more Climbers showed up. While Hugo and I wouldn’t kill an innocent merchant for an item, there were others who’d be far less uncomfortable with such an idea.
Hugo stomped his feet. “Come on, already!”
“What’s up with you?” Roan asked.
“You guys have been talking about a dumb washing machine for ages. It’s boring. Look at me? I don’t even wear clothes. How is that supposed to be a gift to the apartment when half the residents can’t use it?”
“You’re right,” Roan said. “I apologize. Let me make it up to you by letting you go through the Grade evolution process first and make your choices.”
Hugo looked up at him, eyes wide. “Wait, we get choices? Hell yeah! I’m a turn myself into giant crow and Lucas will have to sit on my shoulder for a change.”
A new door appeared out of nowhere and Roan explained that this would take us to the Grade evolution room. As soon as it opened, Hugo zoomed inside before I could stop him.
Technically, neither of us knew what a Grade was or how it impacted us. I still had so many questions.
Roan assured me that he’d answer them all in the next room and stepped on through.
“You better not make Hugo a giant bird,” I grumbled. “The power would go right to his head. I’d never hear the end of it. Plus, you’d need the output of a small country just to feed him.”
I walked through to join the others.
“Don’t worry,” Roan said. “Half the time the process is completely painless.”
Wait what?
The door shut behind me and vanished before I could change my mind.