Blessing of the Vomit Heroine

"Do you promise?" the bandit leader asks, sternly locking eyes with me. "Do you promise to let the other girls go free if I disband the group? I hate to admit it, but those girls don't stand a chance against your party. And because they're a stubborn bunch, I'm afraid they'll get themselves killed before they even think about surrendering."

The woman turns her attention to Mei-Mei and Biscuit as well, giving them the same stern glare.

"Those girls aren't killers," she continues. "Yes, they've beaten and robbed a few people, but that's nothing worse than what the average drunk might do to you in certain parts of the city. The only difference is, those drunkards might get a slap on the wrist and thrown in jail for a night, whereas the Guild is sending groups like yours out to deal with these girls any way they see fit. I mean, we're bandits, I get it. But those girls haven't done anything deserving of getting killed for. It's me you want. I was the one who put this gang together, the one who was leading it, and the one who did all the dirty work. I'll let you take me back to the Guild, dead or alive, but I want you to promise to let those girls go back to their lives without any bloodshed. Is that something you can promise me?"

I open my mouth to answer, but I'm immediately interrupted by the dead dwarf by my side before I have the chance.

"I have no issue with this," Mei-Mei answers. "In fact, this agreement would be ideal for us as well. The sooner we can return to the city, the better. I don't want to spend any more time than necessary chasing down any remaining numbers of your group should they choose to flee and regroup elsewhere when a few quick words from their leader could instantly settle the entire matter instead."

Again I open my mouth to respond, but again I'm shut down by Mei-Mei before I can get a word in.

"Oh, and just so you know," Mei-Mei adds. "The gorilla is most likely going to request you and your gang do something indecent for her in exchange for your freedom, but she's an idiot, so don't listen to her. You don't have to do that."

"Tch..." I click my tongue in annoyance.

I was totally going to do that, yeah.

"I think..." Biscuit interjects. "I think if n-nobody has to get hurt, then it's better if we do it that way. Mm."

I shrug. "Well, I guess I had my fun for today. I was hoping to have a little more, but if this is what the others want then I have no complaints."

I already got to fight the strongest of the bandits and bury my nose in her sweaty neck while squeezing her up against me. I feel like I've already reached the climax of this bandit quest and anything I do afterwards won't be as exciting, so I guess it's fine to stop here while I'm still on a high.

"..." Hearing the responses of me, Biscuit, and Mei-Mei, the bandit leader turns to Bran, wordlessly staring at him with an awkward glare.

"Huh...? Me?" Bran blinks back at her while gingerly rubbing at the stitching in his shirt, freshly mended by Mei-Mei after it was torn through by the bandit's blades a few moments ago. "Ah, sure. Whatever. I'd like to get back to the city before the realization that I almost died back there fully sinks in. I'd rather have that panic attack in the safety of the city's walls, and not in some damp, bug-infested shithole..."

"W-well, it's not like I can trust the promises of some male pig," the woman snaps back, before awkwardly averting her gaze from his. "B-but, if it's from a fellow A-cup then I guess it's fine..."

In her hand, the bandit still holds the adventuring card of Bran, the same words still engraved on the cheap metal. G-Rank Adventurer. Loser. Cheery Boy (A-cup).

After slipping from my hold and failing an attack on Bran, the leader of the bandits suddenly collapsed unconscious to the floor in defeat for some reason. With a shrug, I slung her limp body over my shoulder and our adventuring party continued our way towards the direction of the hideout Biscuit had sniffed out, where the rest of the bandits were supposed to be hiding.

However, on our way there, the woman awoke again. She introduced herself as Pan Pancake, the leader of the Sisters of Struggle. A group dedicated to the protection and empowerment of small-breasted women across the world. Declaring her surrender, she told us the rest of her gang didn't stand a chance against our party, and so she made a deal with us. We would allow her to peacefully disband her group of bandits without a fight, and in exchange, she would go quietly with us back to the city, where we would turn her into the Guild and complete our quest.

Accepting, we decided to let her willingly lead the way to her bandit hideout, with the rest of our group trailing close behind.

"The Sisters will definitely accept you three," the woman continues, gesturing back to me, Mei-Mei, and Biscuit. "But the pig is going to have to convince them that he's an ally before they let him anywhere near the base."

"That's fine," Mei-Mei replies. "Bran can just wait out here with the spiders while we confirm the disbandment of your group."

"Why?!" Bran complains. "Why do I have to wait by myself out in the forest while everyone else goes on ahead?! Why do I have to convince a bunch of bandits that I'm an ally?! And an 'ally' of what exactly?! I still don't understand what the deal is with these bandits and how we came to this arrangement in the first place! Why is the bandit leader we came here to kill now contributing to my harassment by bullying me with my adventurer's card?! I thought we were finished with that gag! I thought we left that gag behind when we left the city!"

I don't really get the deal with these bandits either. From what this woman was rambling on about, apparently she's upset at the world for treating 'smaller' women as lessers compared to their 'larger' counterparts. And so she put together a group of like-minded women to fight back against the injustice she believed they were facing. Though, that doesn't explain why she wanted me to join up with them...

"I think if the others see that you're an A-cup like me, they'll have to accept you too," the woman continues, delicately clutching the card between her fingers while occasionally shooting awkward glances back at the annoyed Bran. "N-not like I've accepted you or anything! I just meant, a-as somebody who isn't a threat! That's all!"

"Look, everything on that card was put there just to bully and harass me! I had no say in any of it! It was a one-off gag with me being the punchline! Like always! And it wasn't even a particularly funny or clever gag to begin with! I mean, why would I even put my cup size on my adventuring card in the first place?! Can a man even have a cup size to begin with?! I don't know how these things work!"

"G-Rank, huh...? I didn't realize there even was a G-Rank. You guys are pretty strong, so that'd have to be somewhere above S-Rank, right?"

"A-are you even listening? I told you, that card is just an act of harassment, so stop reading off of it." Bran sighs. "Can I at least have it back now? Apparently, if you lose them, they make you pay for a new one..."

"..." Averting her gaze, the woman wordlessly tucks the card beneath the collar of her armour and continues leading the way through the forest.

Eventually, we reach our destination.

In the middle of the dense greenery sits a large building, nestled between the towering trees. Its sturdy stone walls are overgrown with green, spreading all the way up to its steepled roof. Despite its apparent age, it seems to have weathered the test of time, remaining relatively intact despite being almost entirely reclaimed by the surrounding nature. Apart from the overgrowth, the only real signs of deterioration are the windows, the original glass that might have been there years ago being replaced with roughly fitted boards of wood instead.

"Huh," Bran comments as we make our approach. "Looks kind of like a church or something."

"A what?" I ask.

"A church," Mei-Mei answers. "Something of a gathering place for people to honour or worship what they believe to be a power higher than themselves. Typically a force of nature or some kind of intangible supernatural entity that oversees the entire land."

"Fweh? Like Gods and stuff?"

"Like Gods and stuff, yes. Though I don't think that kind of religious worship is very common anymore. From what I saw in the city, the churches operating there were a little... different to what I imagine they used to be when this particular building was constructed."

"Hm? What kinda stuff are they worshipping in the city?"

Mei-Mei sighs. "Take a guess."

Oh, right. Knowing how beloved she is, I'm betting it can only be the one and only all-knowing Greed of the Seven, Queen Kokoro la Peppyseed. I can't really blame them for worshipping her either. I mean, she's super cute and totally my type! In fact, maybe it'd be fun to check out one of these churches when we get back to the city...

Marking the entrance to the building is a large wooden door. Though the wood itself is covered with moss and the metal hinges and ringed handles are chipped and rusted, the area around the entrance appears well-used. Much of the grass around the front has been trampled flat, and there are fresh markings where things have clearly been dragged across the dirt.

"You stubborn idiots..." the bandit leader, Pan, sighs as she comes to a stop in front of the door, before turning to face us. "Looks like they're all holed up inside. Even the scouts. It's good for us since we won't have to track them down but, even though part of me is happy they chose to stay and protect the little home we've built here, I really wish they would've just run. They wouldn't have stood a chance... Sorry, just give me one second to let them know I'm here and—"

—I slam my foot against the door. Hard.

"Fwahaha!" I laugh, bursting through the entrance in a shower of rust and mossy splinters. "Cute girls found!"

Naturally, what awaits me inside is a group of angry women, clearly waiting in ambush as their brandished weapons were already pointed at me before I had even taken a step inside.

Let's see... one, two, three... Fwah! Biscuit was right. It does seem like there's a little under twenty of them here. Though their general builds and backgrounds all seem noticeably different to one another, I can't help but notice that they all happen to carry the same figure of 'flatness' that their leader does, with not a single bursting blouse in sight. Not that I'm bothered though! Pepper Black is a woman who's into ladies of any size or shape as long as they're cute!

Now, which one should I grope— grapple with first? The foxy-looking wolf lady with the knife? Or maybe that little blonde elf with the brass knuckles? Hm? Is that a lizardwoman in the back too?! Fwah~! So many to choose from...

As the indecent thoughts start to wander into my mind once again, I'm quickly interrupted by a sharp kick to the back of my shin by a rude little dwarf.

"Keh!" Mei-Mei snaps in annoyance. "We're not doing that anymore, idiot. Keep your hands to yourself or I'll amputate them next time you're asleep."

"Fweh? Ah, right..."

Oh, yeah. We're not doing that anymore... Damn.

Wiping the drool from my mouth, I take a step to the side, allowing those behind through the entrance.

"B-Boss?" The bandits immediately lower their weapons when they notice their leader. "Boss, you're alright! We thought something happened to you!"

"Yeah!" another chimes in. "What happened back there? And who are these guys? Are they new members?"

"Is the Guild gonna send more of them after us? What should we do, Boss?"

Stepping forward, the boss of the bandits addresses the women's concerns.

"Yeah, I'm fine, but..." she begins. "You know, it's hard for me to do this, but I think it's for the best. I've decided to dis—"

"Hold on a second, Boss," a bandit interrupts, looking past the woman to something behind her. "... Why is there a man here?"

The atmosphere in the room immediately becomes tense as all eyes find a new focus, their cold glares drawn towards the man hovering hesitantly at the broken entrance.

"A-ah..." Bran pauses in hesitation at the sudden attention, before taking a few awkward steps back out the way he came. "M-maybe I will wait out in the forest with the spiders after all..."

As the women raise their weapons again, Pan holds her hands out to stop them.

"Wait, he's a friend!" she warns, before a conflicted expression crosses her face at her own words. "I—I mean, as in, he isn't a foe. He's an ally. That's all I meant! I-it's not like I'd want to be friends with a male pig or anything, o-of course..."

"An ally? What the hell are you talking about, Boss?"

"Boss, who the hell are these guys, and what did they do to you?"

"Yeah! There's no way some pig would be able to understand the struggles of the Sisters!"

The boss waves her hands around defensively in front of her. "N-no, it's not like that! I just thought he properly demonstrated that he was on our side, that's all! I mean, in a party full of women who all share our struggle, it's clear he puts himself at the bottom of the pecking order! He openly displays his solidarity with us on his adventuring card! And I know he's secretly wearing a metal bikini under his clothes, which I'm sure is to better understand and empathize with our struggles!"

I watch as Bran opens his mouth to complain about the things being said in his defense, before pausing for a moment, and then quietly shutting it again. Probably a wise decision not to argue with the only bandit in the room who doesn't look like they want to rip your head off, even if you don't exactly agree with the things they might be saying.

"Look," the boss continues. "Just hear out what I have to say first before—"

"Sorry, Boss," another bandit interrupts, brushing past the oddly flustered woman. "I'd trust you with my life, but you're not making a lot of sense right now. If this pig really is the 'ally' you say he is..."

Boldly brushing past the rest of us, the bandit stamps her way over to Bran. A wolfman. Wolfwoman, I suppose. Much like the Warden of the Spire, her features are distinctly wolflike, with tufts of brown fur covering her wolfy head and face, as well as sticking out from the gaps in her clothes and armour.

Reaching the confused man, she wraps a furry arm around his shoulder and pulls him close—

"... then I'm sure you have no problem with me deciding that for myself, right, Boss?"

—Before pulling out a knife and holding it against the man's throat.

Ah. Wait, that's bad.

"Why?!" Bran complains, now being held hostage at knifepoint against his will. "Why did all of you let this happen?! Nobody thought it was a good idea to maybe stop the woman who clearly wants to hurt me from being in a position to do that?! Nobody thought, 'hey, maybe we shouldn't let her get close to the guy she clearly wants dead' as she was making her way past you?!"

Mei-Mei and I exchange a brief glance with one another, before turning back to the complaining man.

"N-no. Apparently not..."

"Sorry..."

The wolfwoman taps the point of her blade against the man's neck, causing him to cut short his usually unending flurry of complaints.

"Don't worry about it," she reassures him, her voice dripping with doubtful sarcasm. "I just wanted to check if you really are as great a guy as the Boss says you are. I mean, you are an ally, right? If you are, then you should have no problem convincing me. After all, I only wanted to ask you a question. One tiny little question that an ally like you should find real easy to answer."

This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience.

"O-okay...?" Bran stutters back. "Wh-what's the question...?"

"Small or big? Which do you prefer?"

Bran gives the woman a confused side-glance in response. "... I'm sorry? Small or big what?"

"What d'you think, jackass!?" the woman suddenly snaps back, raising her voice in annoyance. "Cup size, dammit! Cup size! What else!? If you're an ally of the Sisters, then you already know what we're about! So, let's hear it then! Do you like 'em big, or do you like 'em small!? Which one is it, buddy!?"

A silent tension falls across the room as everybody present awaits the man's reply. Even the bandit leader, Pan, who was attempting to calmly coax the blade out of the wolfwoman's hand, pauses in her tracks, clearly curious to hear his answer too.

An audible gulp from Bran after a long pause is the first sound to break the silence, followed by him finally opening his mouth to speak.

"W-well... I mean, to be honest, I don't really have a preferen—"

"Oh! And one more thing!" the woman holding him hostage loudly interrupts. "There's only one correct answer to this question if you want to win my trust, and any wrong answers will win you the consolation prize of a brand new breathing hole in your neck after I split it open like an envelope. Get it? And don't think about lying to me either. I got a nose for these kinds of things, so that ain't gonna fly."

Tapping the blade against Bran's throat once again, the woman leans her furry snout close and makes a show of sniffing him for any lies. However, a sour look of momentary regret briefly crosses her face, causing her to recoil a little and stop her sniffing.

Yeah, I don't know why he smells like that either...

"So," she continues. "One more time. Big or small? Which one do you prefer?"

A weighty silence falls across the room once more, until eventually, Bran hesitantly stutters out his answer.

"I—I prefer s-small..."

"Hmm..." Not letting up, the wolfwoman continues her threatening tease of the knife against her increasingly anxious hostage. "Small, huh? You smelled a little unsure of your answer just now, you know. But I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt, as long as you can tell us why."

"W-well, uh... N-No reason in particular. Do people need a reason to like the things they like? It's like that..."

The wolfwoman shakes her head in response. "No, no, no. You're not getting off with such a half-assed answer like that. When every damn pig on the planet is proudly flaunting how much more they think bigger is better, when one of them suddenly claims to think different, I'm gonna need them to give me a damn good reason if they want me to start believing them. So, either you give me an actual reason, or I start plucking your carotids like a fiddle."

At this point, the man being held hostage is a mess of nerves. The tears welling up in his eyes have started to bleed into the sweat cascading down his purple head, drenching his newly-patched shirt in a mix of the two. His face is pale, and it looks like he could almost faint on the spot if it wasn't for his fear of being stabbed in the throat if he did forcing him to remain conscious and on his ever-trembling feet.

To be honest, it's not really much different to how he usually is. I mean, he has this exact reaction to something at least twice a day. This morning he did the same thing when he found a fat spider crawling out of one of his shoes as he was going to put it on.

"W-w-well..." Bran begins, stammering out his response. "I've never had a girlfriend before, b-but I think it would just be nice to be able to hug her close without anything getting in the way... or something..."

The woman sighs. "Kind of a weak answer, but whatever, I guess. In the end, if the Boss says you're good then I'll have to trust—"

"Secondly..."

"Huh? Secondly...? Wait, there's more?"

Uh oh. Here we go...

I've known Bran for a while now, so I can already see the signs of it coming. This woman doesn't realize it yet, but there's about to be more. A lot more.

"Aren't those things heavy?" Bran continues. "I mean, I wouldn't actually know, but you always hear about back pain and stuff. I'm the type of person to get uncomfortable when I see other people uncomfortable. I wouldn't say I'm an empath or anything, but when the gorilla starts throwing up, I feel like gagging. When the zombie starts stitching her skin together, it makes me wince. It's the same reason I hate heels. I mean, why even wear something so stupid to begin with if it's actively hurting you? It doesn't make you any more attractive, it just makes both of us uncomfortable! Don't you think big breasts might be the same? I mean, if I keep hearing about back pain and stuff, eventually I'm just going to get sick of them, right?"

"I-I see... That's—"

"Thirdly!"

"Thirdly?!"

"Breasts are an inherently erotic thing to begin with, right? And you'd think that being bigger would make them more erotic, right? But I don't think that's true. Smaller women can always cover them up, but when it comes to larger women, those things will always be on display no matter what. A woman like that is erotic by default. But, don't you think a woman who's erotic one hundred percent of the time is kind of... unflattering? I mean, if you're always erotic, doesn't that kind of take away from when it actually matters? How am I supposed to be interested in a woman who's already shown off her erotic side to every man she's ever met? I understand you can't help it, but can't you at least try and be a little more ashamed about it or something? Of course, you shouldn't actually be ashamed about it, but at least act like you are! Be more reserved! Be bashful about it! Stop walking around in public with them out like you want men to stare at you, because you shouldn't want that at all! And if you do want that, don't start acting all offended when the ones you aren't interested in are the ones giving you the attention that you're clearly begging for instead! Understand that the only difference between you and that wench selling herself on the corner of the street is that at least she's getting paid for it! Whereas you'll go and spread your legs for some piece of shit you just met because he happened to be born a little good-looking and then get surprised when it turns out he was only interested in you because of those two bags of fat you keep throwing around! Nobody's interested in impure heroines! Even a beggar like me is allowed to be choosy, dammit! So if I'm choosing, I'd rather go with the safe bet of a pure, sensible and self-respecting, small-breasted woman!"

"..." The bandit holding the man hostage listens on in stunned silence, sweat drenching her furry brow, as Bran's words echo loudly across the forgotten church, ricochetting along its ancient walls.

"And lastly...!" Whether it's anger, fear, adrenaline, or a mix of all three that's forcing him to continue, Bran finally reaches the crescendo of his bizarre rant, bellowing out his final words as they spill messily from his trembling lips. "I'd prefer to date a woman who's self-conscious about how small her chest is because... because...!"

"B-Because...?"

"Because I'm self-conscious about how small I am too! And the fact that I'd love her just the way she is, would reaffirm that I shouldn't have anything to feel self-conscious about either!"

...

A silence settles across the spacious stone building after the man's rambling finally reaches its end.

"O-oh..." Scratching awkwardly at her furry snout, the wolfwoman is the first to break it. "I, uh... I guess the Boss really wasn't joking when she said you were an ally, huh? Well... Sorry about— Huh? B-Boss?! Boss, are you... are you crying?"

"N-no..." a puffy-eyed Pan sniffles back, an odd look of peaceful contentment on her flushed face. "It's just a bit dusty in here is all..."

The wolfwoman sighs, and turns her attention back to Bran. "Dammit. Looks like I was being a little rash. Sorry about that. I should've just trusted the Boss' word from the start. Ah, I better put this knife away before— Huh?"

As the woman goes to sheath her weapon, she finds instead that her palms are empty, holding nothing but a clenched fist across Bran's throat instead of the blade she had initially held there.

Appearing out of nowhere, a fluffy flash of white suddenly reveals itself, tugging at the woman's fur.

"S-sorry..." Biscuit says, holding up the missing knife for the bandit to take. "I t-took it when Bran was talking, b-but you can have it back if you're not going to hurt him with it anymore..."

"Huh? How did you...? Ah, whatever..." Taking the knife back and placing it back in its sheath, the woman finally addresses the Boss of the group, still quietly drying her tears somewhere amongst the gathered crowd. "So... Boss? You had something you wanted to talk to us about before I went off a bit?"

"Oh, right." Clearing her throat, Pan regains her composure, and turns to address her group. "As I was saying, this is a little hard for me to do, but..."

With the fun being over for now, I step away from the group to go look for Mei-Mei. At some point during that weird rant, she had apparently decided that this building we're in is a lot more interesting than whatever Bran has to say and went to investigate instead.

Though the outside of the church is in its overgrown state, the inside looks noticeably cared for in comparison. The stone interior has been wiped and washed of any dust and dirt, with the only signs of wear being the patches of green sprouting in through the many cracks in the walls, floor, and ceiling, as well as the boarded-up windows. Scattered neatly around the spacious room are little organized sections that have clearly been arranged by the bandits living here. A section for beds, for kitchen and dining, as well as a section for storage, consisting of quite a few weapons, armours, and things that have obviously been stolen from a travelling cart or wagon and brought back here. With the windows being mostly boarded up, it's also noticeably dark in here. Which is no problem for me, of course, since I make sure to diligently train my eyeball muscles every single day.

Walking past all of the recent-looking additions, I join Mei-Mei at the back of the church, inspecting something that probably came with the building, judging by how old it looks. In her hand is some kind of small, black cylinder. And whichever direction she points it, a bright cone of light shines out in front.

"Fwah! What's that thing?" I ask her, gesturing to the light-creating cylinder in her hand.

"Flashlight," she answers bluntly, barely turning to acknowledge me.

"Neat! Where'd you get it?"

"From you, idiot."

Oh, right. It's probably something I threw up at some point and handed over to her.

"Hey," she suddenly begins, gesturing to the thing she's been staring at for a while now. "What does this look like to you?"

"A wall!"

"I don't mean the wall, you idiot. Look at what's on the wall. At the mural."

"Fweh?"

Mei-Mei sighs. "It's art. Wall art. Judging by its placement behind the altar, I can only assume it's depicting something central to this church's faith."

Now that she mentions it, though it's clear a lot of it has been worn away, the placement of the coloured stones and glass carved and embedded into the wall does kind of look like it's supposed to look like something.

"This," Mei-Mei repeats, tilting the flashlight up to point out something specific on the mural. "What does this look like to you?"

In the centre of the mural is something of a black smudge, stretching halfway up the wall. Flecks of red are specked around its tall, jagged form, jutting up towards a large, red circle at the very top.

"It kinda looks like..." I take a few steps back and squint up at the odd artwork to get a better view of the whole picture. "... the Spire?"

Surstrom Spire. Tall and black, with thin veins of crimson faintly glowing between its jagged outer shell. Something so uniquely bizarre and out-of-this-world couldn't possibly be mistaken for anything else. It's gotta be the Spire.

Mei-Mei idly strokes her chin in thought as she takes an inquisitive glance around the church, before arriving back at the mural again.

"From what I can gather here," she eventually begins. "Before it was repurposed into the prison it is— was now, the people here must have worshipped the Spire at some point in time. Understandable, considering its enigmatic nature. But..."

Mei-Mei pauses again, taking glances across the interior of the old building once more.

"Well, I'm not an expert in art history or religious studies," she continues. "But a lot of these depictions of the Spire seem to imply that it arrived here from the sky, and I can't tell if this is just a metaphor or unfounded belief to simply imply that their idol of worship came from the heavens, or if the Spire literally did arrive from somewhere beyond the atmosphere. Specifically, the moon, if these murals are anything to go by. Usually I'd dismiss such fanatical nonsense as, well, nonsense. But..."

Even with all the knowledge in that fat head of hers, it seems even Mei-Mei doesn't have a clue about what was up with the Spire. Flashing lights, metal rabbits, and some crazy talking machine that tried to chase us down almost a hundred flights of stairs. It's all just weird.

"The moon, huh...?"

Now that she's pointed it out, the picture has become a lot clearer in my head. It depicts the Spire, descending from a crimson moon across a night of stars, plunging through into a bright and cloudy day-time sky. Other, smaller murals decorating the rest of the worn interior of the church seem to share a lot of the same imagery, with a lot of focus on the moon in particular. Sometimes depicted in its usual blue hue, and sometimes an eerie red for some reason. I can't say I've ever seen or heard of a red moon before though—

Hm...? Actually, no. I do vaguely remember one of the slavers back at Cinnamon's camp mentioning something about a red moon once. Back when I was stealing meat to hand-feed all the cute, malnourished slaves. I never saw it myself though, so I can't say if it actually happened or not.

As me and Mei-Mei continue our curious musing, we're eventually interrupted by Pan's quiet approach.

"I've let the girls know what's happening," she says. "They're not happy about it, but they know it's for the best. Right now we're just waiting for the twins to return. After that, we'll all make for Gran Torte, where you'll hand me into the Guild, and the girls will hopefully find a place where they can thrive without me. They're capable thieves and bandits, but since they're going to have to live clean from now on, there's no point hiding out here any more. I want to at least see them to the safety of the city first."

"The twins?" Losing interest in the mysteries of the church, my attention is once again drawn to the thoughts of all the cute bandit women.

"Ah, Mackenzie and Chizuru. They were tracking what was supposed to be our next target. Some obscenely endowed cow flaunting her privilege in very little clothing. They've been keeping tabs on the woman since she left the city a few days ago, and we were preparing to make our move on her today. From their reports, she's travelling alone and isn't carrying much. Not a great target for looting, but you have to teach these kinds of people a lesson, you know?"

I nod enthusiastically in agreement.

No, I don't know. But the idea of stalking an obscenely endowed woman in very little clothing is an exciting one to think about.

"It's too bad, but I guess we won't get to teach her that lesson after all—"

"Boss! Boss!"

The woman is interrupted by the sudden appearance of two girls bursting through the front door of the church. A fluffy wolf-like wolfgirl, and a scaly lizard-like lizardwoman. Both short and thin, and with the same weary and panicked look on their face.

"Mac? Chizu?" The Boss quickly moves over to the two tired girls. "You're back! What happened?"

Though they don't exactly look alike, these must be the twins she was talking about.

With one hand clasped to the other sister's—furry paw in scaly claw—they both wipe the sweat from their foreheads with their free hand, as they attempt to explain themselves.

"Me and Mac—!"

"Me and Chizu—!"

"We were following the target through the woods and—"

"—even though we were perfectly hidden and she couldn't see us—"

"—it's like she knew where we were all of a sudden!"

"Just when we thought this would be a good place for the gang to ambush her—"

"—she looked right over to where we were hiding—"

"—and she started laughing!"

"That's when we tried to slip away but—"

"—we think she might've followed us!"

The twins blurt out their panicked yet perfectly synchronized retelling of events in unison, occasionally looking over their shoulders and back out the front door of the church.

"It's okay, it's okay!" Pan reassures them. "You're both fine. You've both made it back safely, so calm down. Nobody is following you. There's no way a lone traveller is going to be trailing a couple of bandits back to their hideout without a death wish. And you can forget about the target now anyway. You guys did great, but I'm sorry to say that we're not going to be—"

"Ah. That's bad," I interrupt, scooping the absent-minded Mei-Mei up with one arm and briskly making my way towards the exit. "We should probably step outside for a sec."

"H-huh?" Following my lead, the confused Pan beckons for her group to follow as she rushes along behind me. "Why? What happened?"

"Nothing yet." Grabbing Bran by the arm, I continue out the front door of the church, Biscuit in tow as she diligently clings to the hem of my skirt. "But my back muscles are telling me that now's a great time to get some fresh air."

The slap of mossy stone beneath my bare feet quickly turns to the crunch of dirt and foliage as I step out into the shaded overgrowth of greenery. Within seconds, the entire group that was holed up in the church are now gathered outside alongside me, staring out into the shrouded woods beyond.

...

After a few moments of standing in silence, Bran eventually taps me on the shoulder, muttering his concerns in my ear in a hushed tone.

"What's happening?" he whispers. "Is something out there? Should I be worried? Actually, it's too late for that. I'm already worried. Can I just hide in the church until whatever's out there isn't anymore?"

"Well, you could," I reply. "But I wouldn't recommend it."

"Why not...?"

Turning to face the group at my back, I nod behind them at the church we had all just rushed out from, directing their attention the same way.

"Because of that."

—The moment the words leave my lips, a flash of red descends from above at tremendous speed, tearing down through the treetops and plummeting through the steepled roof of the grand church. The foundations and walls of the church seem to implode in on itself for a brief moment, before the following shockwave eventually catches up to the initial devastation, exploding outward with a thunderous boom. Chunks of mossy debris and dusted stone billow upwards and outwards, showering the surrounding forest in a hail of twigs and pebbles, as well as blowing all of the gathered bandits clean off their feet.

With Mei-Mei still tucked beneath my arm, as well as Bran and Biscuit clinging tightly to my back for cover, the bandit leader Pan is the only other person left standing beside me, managing to hold her ground against the tremendous wave of destruction.

As the dust settles, I find myself standing on the edge of a crater. Where once a large and overgrown building stood amongst a canopy of interwoven greenery, is now just a craterous hole in the forest floor.

I can't help but smile at the sight of it.

Standing in the centre of the crater, of course, is a woman. The sunlight now shining down through the gap in the trees reflects a radiant red glow off of her wild crimson hair, and a glistening sheen of sweat across her dark and scarred skin.

With a wild grin on her face, the woman basks in the sunlight, roaring with boisterous laughter at the sky above.

"Gyahahaha! How amusing!" she laughs, the rippling muscles across her body quaking with each hearty chuckle. "'Twould appear I have become lost!"