Blessed by Night

Joanne took several deep breaths to steel her nerves.

She wrapped her hands around the mug filled with hot liquid. The warmth, which bordered on burning discomfort, was the only thing keeping her awake. Joanne really didn't want to go to sleep.

Jo hated to seem like some weakling. Generally, she considered herself unflappable and capable of keeping her bearings in a crisis.

In the army, Joanne had seen her share of atrocities. It had numbed her to it, for better or worse.

But she doubted that she had ever seen so many people get shot in the back all at once. If she had, her brain had blocked out the memory to protect her sanity.

She wanted something like that to happen again. Maybe then she would know what to do with herself.

The Prime Minister rushed them away swiftly after the incident, citing the need for cleanup as the reason why.

Everyone had difficulty moving their feet after that. Luckily, Malachi had a good enough grip on himself to get everyone out of there without an incident.

Probably for the best. Joanne and Bianca looked like they were ready to explode.

The last thing any of them needed was an international incident to make an already bad day even worse.

Joanne stared into her cup for a long time.

Black coffee was an abomination. It was just a bitter concoction of beans that she hated more than she knew how to put into words.

She kept an assortment of coffee creamers in their fridge at all times. Even before her daily caloric needs got out of control.

But now, Joanne didn't feel like going to get them. Even if they were only thirty feet away.

She put the coffee cup to her lips and tipped the dark liquid into her mouth.

"..." She immediately regretted it.

Black coffee, no matter how much she tried, was something that she would never like.

She didn't understand why her father had. But then again, there were a lot of things her parents did that she didn't understand. Staying together was one of them.

Joanne stood up from her chair and moved towards the refrigerator. She did need that creamer after all.

Joanne opened the door to the refrigerator and picked out her French vanilla coffee creamer- only to purse her lips when she realized she had almost none left.

It was no one's fault but her own. She let Bianca talk her into attempting to make a milkshake out of it.

Joanne glanced at the few other flavors she had in the fridge. Even if they weren't her favorite.

As she did so, Joanne's eyes settled on a bottle in the fridge.

She recognized it instantly.

It was a bit of that dragon bourbon Serana brought from her new homeworld. Apparently, it was good stuff. Delicious and it gave someone just the amount of inebriation they were hoping for.

Joanne had tasted alcohol recently, but on very rare occasions, and only the human kind. Never the kind that could actually impair her.

She hadn't really felt the urge to drink for a while, even less so when the others were right in front of her.

But she did now. And just about anyone would if they had seen the things she had today.

Joanne stared at the bottle for a long time. Too long.

Her ears felt warm. Her feathers bristled.

After biting her lip hard enough to chew through it, she ended up reaching for it.

She wrapped her fingers around the smooth neck of the bottle and pulled it free- unable to stop herself.

'Just a sip, just a sip...'

The cork came free with a satisfying noise that she knew all too well.

Her heart had started to beat erratically.

The scent of the brandy wafted into her nose and inspired her thirst.

Maybe she could just... pour a little in her coffee.

She tipped the bottle over, watching the bourbon trickle into her mug and transform her black coffee into something a little more tolerable.

But just as quickly as the flow began, it stopped.

Joanne was petrified by the familiar hand now taking the bottle away from her.

Her lips fumbled for an excuse.

"I-I was just..."

"I get it. Hard day for me too, Mom. No sweat."

Anna took the mug and the alcohol from Joanne's grasp relatively easily.

She moved towards the sink and poured both of them out without thinking about it. Her mother fumbled for some kind of explanation, but she had none.

But she did have a concern.

"Please, don't... tell the others."

Anna finished washing the cup out and threw the bottle into the trash. She didn't stop moving as she worked, which only made Joanne feel even more nervous.

"You think they wouldn't get it?" Anna asked in a neutral, slightly upbeat tone.

"I-I mean probably, but it's just... t-that's not the point, Anna."

"And the point is..?"

"We just got married. I don't want to start this off by showing them what a fuck up I am."

"They wouldn't think differently of you."

Anna finally met eyes with her mother, and when she did, she couldn't believe what she was looking at.

Joanne looked like she was about to cry.

"Anna… please."

Anna took her mother into her arms. She rubbed her back reassuringly and helped her to calm down.

"Don't worry, Mom, I won't say anything. But… that doesn't mean I don't think you should."

"…I can't, Anna. I just can't."

Annalise didn't know how to change her mother's mind. It seemed like hugging her was the only thing she could do.

"… Why'd you say 'I do'?" She finally asked.

Joanne sniffled. "What…?"

"For me, I guess it was because I liked that they made me want to be better.

Even Celeste, who I've probably spent the least amount of time with has become irreplaceable to me. I need her. I want to be good to her.

And when I'm fucked up I want her to kiss me and tell me that she still loves me despite my mistakes. That's why I said 'I do'. Why did you?"

Joanne thought that the taste of black coffee was bitter. But it was nothing compared to how she felt inside.

-

The ship was probably the quietest it was going to be for the full extent of their voyage.

After everything they had seen today, everyone was having difficulty being in a chatty mood.

On the bridge, Malachi was seated in the captain's chair. Serosh was settled at his feet and Nadine was curled up neatly in his lap.

They too were enjoying the silence. Even if their minds were filled with screams.

The door to the bridge hissed open and Sei came waltzing in.

The duo smiled at her as if she were the most beautiful thing in the world. Their mood was improved if only slightly.

She came to a stop in front of them with her shoulders squared and full of confidence. Malachi could tell something was different about her.

"I'm ready now… I want to go and find my parents."