Bleach: Starting as a Vasto Lorde

“Stop gawking. Your plate is right there. The grilled fish is getting cold.”

Yoruichi chided Kazuya in a firm voice, yet a blush crept up her cheeks as she caught his gaze. A warm, affectionate gaze that spoke a million words without so much as a squeak; the gaze made her utterly self-conscious after their intimate act in the bedroom.

Kazuya reached out, his thumb brushing a smudge of milk from her lips. “A glimpse at this golden-eyed catgirl can satiate every need in a man’s life.”

{If I had a dollar for every time you lied to women, I’d have a couple hundred bucks to my name, which is a lot in the current era! }

Nami’s commentary fell on deaf ears as he had no interest in anything besides Yoruichi at the moment.

Yoruichi narrowed her eyes sharply, a hint of annoyance in her expression. “Why did you make me cook then?”

She had spent thirty precious minutes of her life preparing the dishes, only for Kazuya to barely touch the fruits of her labor. She wasn’t hurt, just perplexed about his actions. The thought of the dishes tasting awful didn’t cross her mind — she had taste-tested everything before presenting them to him. They tasted decent enough for breakfast, with plenty of nutrition.

He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “The meat is three or four times saltier than it should’ve been.”

He had tried to eat without showing any discomfort, but his efforts had been futile. Despite all his evolution, his taste buds remained the same as humans. The food on the plate wasn’t made for humans.

Yoruichi knitted her brow, looking even more perplexed. “It wasn’t salty when I tasted it. Strange…”

“Yoruichi, did you consume anything other than milk in the past few days?”

“Ah.” Her eyes snapped wide in realization. Sticking out her tongue, she rubbed a thumb across the dry, sandpapery surface. “Woah! My tongue also changed!”

He chuckled, seeing the usually wise and proud Yoruichi playing with her tongue. “The Hollowification affected your whole anatomy. You’re the first Shinigami to not only have a tail and cat ears but also their tongue. I’m so proud of you!”

“Well, you know what? I’m also proud. I always found cats cute. I’d have taken your Zanpakutō’s bullet if Hollowification gave me something like a dog’s ears. Yuck.”

“…Dogs aren’t that bad.”

Yoruichi leaned closer, narrowed eyes gleaming with a murderous glint. “Did you say something?”

He licked his lips. “I said dogs are better than cats.”

The bold remark earned him a glare from the golden-eyed former captain. Unfazed, he pushed back his chair and walked towards the door.

Yoruichi smacked the table. “I hate you.”

***

Kazuya made his way to the 4th Squad. Rather than dawdling around the premises, he made a beeline for Unohana’s office. His only business was with Unohana. A bloody and violent business that made him equal parts exhilarated and apprehensive.

Strangely, Isane’s Reiatsu retreated from Unohana’s office as soon as he stepped foot into the barracks.

{She still can’t face you. Gosh, how can she be so cute?}

‘Don’t talk to me, you traitor.’

{W-What did I do to deserve that title?! Partner, I need answers, or Tsubasa and I are going on a Zanpakutō strike.}

‘You sold me out to Yoruichi.’

{About that… When I saw her rope, I became a victim of my morbid curiosity. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine Yoruichi becoming your sexless sex friend. But all’s well that ends well, right? Right?}

“Does sex feel good, Father?” asked Tsubasa curiously. “It must feel heavenly if Father engages in it all the time. Even Izanami wishes to partake in it with such fervor.”

‘Let’s talk later. I’m busy now.’

“Okay…”

Unohana was already waiting for him at her door, a half-amused smile playing on her lips. “Isane didn’t want to see you. What happened at your place to make my poor girl even more shy?”

“I just asked her out. Before you say anything, I was very nice and polite.”

“That silly girl…” Unohana let out a sigh. “She has to be more assertive, else a delinquent like you will continue taking advantage of her.”

“If you’re worried, why don’t you date me as well? That way you can make sure Isane is treated fairly. You’ll be the balancer of power dynamic between us.”

Unohana brushed off his smooth proposal with a calm smile. “The insignificant passion I have in my heart is reserved for… Forget about Isane. You’re here for training. Let us proceed to a more suitable location — to the hills where flowers bloom.”

“Huh?”

Without waiting for his response, she strode down the stairs. Emerging in the open area, she drew her katana and plunged it into the earth. “Mend the broken flesh, Minazuki (Flesh-Drops’ Gorge).”

The blade quivered as viscous, green fluid burst forth from the hilt, coalescing into a massive silhouette. As her katana vanished, the gurgling flesh sprang to life.

Unohana’s Shikai took the form of an immense, manta ray-like creature, its slick body supported by two talon-like feet. A single, unblinking eye gazed out from its face, while countless teeth lined its grinning maw. Perhaps, it was grinning. No one except Unohana could read the creature’s thoughts.

“Wow, Captain’s Shikai is cute like her,” he whispered, confusing Unohana whether he was being sarcastic towards her or talking to himself. “Retsu, does it bite?”

“Minazuki’s master carries enough bite for both of them.”

He pulled back his sleeve, baring his wrist. “In that case, bite me.”

Silently, Unohana gave him a side glance before shaking her head and getting on top of Minazuki. “Come, let’s not waste more time.”

Completely ignoring his playful whims was less effort and time than entertaining him.

“If you insist so much.” He hopped aboard the giant manta ray and took a relaxed seat on its back. “I have to say it’s pretty comfortable.”

Minazuki flapped its wings and took off into the sky. In the barracks, many nurses and Shinigami stopped in their duties and waved their hands at Unohana, wishing her good luck on her excursion. She returned their well-wishes with a serene, close-eyed smile before taking a seat beside Kazuya.