Bad Life

I left the room, my headmaster following me. Simon, who had been waiting outside, grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs.
I returned to the top floor. Jerome seemed to have gone to his room, out of sight. Hugh and George were sitting side by side on the living room sofa, their pajamas on. They beckoned. I obediently went. I lifted my head and let them scratch their chins as they asked. Their faces, beaming with delight, were stupid. I cooed on their laps, even shedding a few tears, but George slapped me sternly, not at all funny. Those little brats.

I pulled down my underwear again, as they wanted, to reveal the headmaster's cum-filled hole. I listened to a few calls of "male prostitute" and other such things, then went into the bathroom with Simon and let the pervert wash himself. When I finished my bath with Simon and dried my hair, the pair of cockroaches that had been sitting in the living room were gone, probably asleep. Simon put me to bed. I lay down, closed my eyes, and stroked my cheek. It had been a tiring day, so whether the psycho touched my cheek or not, I would have fallen asleep in no time.

***
It was morning. I left Simon to take me to the bathroom and wash myself. After getting dressed and coming out to the living room, Hugh and George came upstairs after finishing breakfast. Hugh called me over, so I walked over on two feet, only to be slapped again. They told me to crawl on all fours in the room from now on. I could easily endure that level of humiliation, so I gladly agreed, lying down on the floor and rubbing my cheek against the heels of Hugh's shoes.

For some reason, they told me I could go down to the dining room for breakfast. I expected they'd bring me a dog bowl or something, but they were surprised. Only after I got there did I finally understand their intentions. The dining room was unusually crowded with students. Furthermore, each student had their bags and trunks piled up beside them as they ate, making it seem even more crowded than usual. Realization slowly dawned on me.
Today was Friday. The vacation began after this morning's exams. But no one on the top floor had packed their bags. I was no different. It seemed they were trying to discourage me from seeing the students leaving freely. Notices were scattered across the cafeteria tables.

There were a few notes about vacation, transportation, and schedules, and they warned of a possible storm this weekend. It seemed the rain had finally arrived after a severe drought. But this morning, the day before the weekend, the sky was clear. It was a welcome day for the students leaving, but it was a sunny day that had no bearing on me. I ate the tomato soup Simon had brought me in silence. Suddenly, I glanced at the students at the next table chatting excitedly, and Simon, sitting across from me, asked,
"Do you want to go home?"
"No, no."
Just as I had been flirting from the beginning, it wasn't difficult to flirt with Simon, even if it was a bit unusual. Simon patted the back of my hand.
"School will be better than home. Your mother isn't a kind person."
Of course, Julia wasn't kind, but she wasn't unkind enough to rape me while I was asleep and instigate my rape by complete strangers. Instead of pointing that out to Simon, I answered politely.
"Ugh. Simon..."
I didn't look at Simon. I lowered my eyes and spoke softly.
"I want to be with Simon."
The fingertips of the man stroking my hand trembled. I looked down indifferently and picked up the spoon. I had half the spoon in my mouth when someone suddenly lunged at me from behind. I nearly slid my nose into the bowl of soup. The man who had rushed in from behind wrapped his arms around my neck and playfully rubbed my hair.
"Hey, Raymond! Are you having breakfast yet? When are you leaving?"
It was Karl.
I turned to him sheepishly. Why is he here again, oblivious to what I'm saying?


Carl hugged my neck and greeted Simon, who was sitting across from me. I looked at Simon as well. Simon replied with a look that made it seem like he wouldn't bleed even if he stabbed me.

Carl suddenly grabbed my arm and pulled me up.


I stupidly asked, and Carl simply pulled my arm and stood up, saying,
I sat up awkwardly and looked at Simon. Simon was silent, his face still and his face staring at me. He didn't have time to do anything. Karl dragged my arm with astonishing strength, saying, "Teacher, you're going to Gorun soon, come quickly!" as he strode forward.
The strong pull forced me to turn to Karl. He trudged through the crowd. When I looked back, Simon had already disappeared from the table. Only our leftover plates lay there.
"You're out of your mind."

I stared blankly at the back of Karl's head as he dragged me away, then blurted out.
Karl replied without turning around. His voice was feigned calm, but his hands were covered in cold sweat, making them slippery.
"You're the one out of your mind."
After a brief exchange, we both fell silent. We both knew it wasn't wise to talk in a place where so many people could hear. We left the dining hall and entered the dormitory entrance. The entrance was crowded with students perched on trunks, chatting, and a long line of students standing in front of the telephone, trying to make calls. The headmaster, sitting at the desk, noticed me being led out by Karl, even amidst the commotion.
<… … .>
Unlike the boys on the top floor, the headmaster never smiled. He watched us with a sharp, watchful eye, his gaze following us relentlessly until we left the entrance.
The garden in front of the dormitory was also crowded with students, so we had to keep pushing through the crowd. Finally, when we reached the school, the crowd cleared. I followed Karl's lead, glancing at the back of his head. Surprisingly, Karl led me to the tennis court stands.
It seemed plausible. The open view made it impossible for anyone to eavesdrop. He only let go of my arm when I had strode to the center of the stands. Karl sat back, almost lying down, exhaling. He muttered.
I half-turned toward Karl. Looking at his face, I spoke calmly.
"Yeah. It's scary. So I dropped it, and it crawled back on its own?"
"Raymond."
Karl, still not looking at my face, called my name.
"Raymond."
"Why?"
"I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"I'm sorry..."
Karl's voice suddenly broke into sobs. He covered his eyes with his arm and sobbed softly.
"I'm sorry, please forgive me..."
Confused, unable to understand the English, I looked at Karl. Karl continued to sob, unable to continue speaking. Why? The hairs on the back of my ears stood on end with anxiety. What are you sorry for? What do you have to be sorry for? Why are you acting like this, so suspiciously? Suddenly, my legs felt weak. Could Karl be one of the gang? No, that couldn't be true. But if he was...? How could I have fooled you all this time… If Carl is on my side, then… Suddenly, Carl stopped crying.
Suspicion reared its head, and I became desperate. I violently grabbed Carl's arm and pulled it away from his face. Unexpectedly, Carl tried tenaciously to hide his face. He clung to his head, desperately trying to hold on, so I knocked him to the stand floor. I climbed onto Carl's waist and forcibly pulled his arm away. I faced Carl's anguished face beneath my arm, and for a moment, my body froze.
Carl's grief-stricken face was a blur of shame, anger, and fear, a tangled mess of hues. The gaze of obvious sympathy directed at me didn't dare meet my eyes, instead glancing diagonally past my ear. Carl wasn't my enemy. I knew it once again. But why was Carl in such absurd fear right now? I gripped Carl's arm tighter. Still sitting on his waist, he spoke forcefully, immobilizing him.
"I won't forgive you."
At my words, Karl's face immediately sank into a deep remorse. Observing his expression, every single detail of his gaze, I added,
"Because you have nothing to forgive."
At those words, Karl's eyes dropped completely. There was something. Something... but I couldn't guess what.
"If you're bothered by what I left in that room yesterday, then you don't have to. Is that it? Is that the problem?"
I asked sharply. Karl lowered his eyes and didn't answer. Without hesitation, I slapped him across the face. The blow was so hard that his head jerked to the side. Tears flowed silently from his eyes. Ignoring his words, I continued to demand.
"Answer me, Karl. Why do you ask for my forgiveness?"
Kar didn't answer. His lips trembled, almost opening, then closing again. I slapped him again. Carl closed his tearful eyes. The boy's gaunt face was pitiful, but that was all.

He spoke overbearingly.

Carl answered in a cracked voice.

This time, I froze. The sudden surge of shame felt like it was burning my head.

Carl couldn't continue. «N.o.v.e.l.i.g.h.t» Instead, he suddenly looked at me with tearful eyes and pleaded.

Carl muttered under his breath, tears streaming down his face.

He ran away.>
Relief washed over him, but this time, a deeper sense of shame and humiliation swept over him. Carl had seen it. The horrific moments of humiliation, crawling in front of the four boys in the stable, begging with tears and snot streaming down his face, and finally, taking off his trousers, crawling under the horse, squirming his buttocks to insert the beast's cock.

His head spun. He saw the scene from Carl's waist, I sank to the stand, buried my face in my hands, and closed my eyes. The midsummer sun beat down on my head and my shielded face, its stinging rays unbearable. Burying my face in my hands, I slowly steadied my breathing. Carl rose from beside me and placed his hand on my knee.

I looked down at Carl's hand through the gap between my fingers. Though scarred here and there by the carving knife, his straight, white, lean fingers were incredibly beautiful. Ironically, the moment I saw his hand, I had the thought that the four boys might actually like Carl. Carl's face, crying, and begging for forgiveness, flashed through my mind.
A sudden wave of fear struck me. If Carl were really dragged into this mess, then he wouldn't be able to hold out. Carl was a weak boy, tormented by the guilt of not being able to save me.
Carl... would make a wonderful dog.

The thought sent a chill down my spine. I snapped awake. I raised my head and looked at Karl. We looked into each other's faces. I wiped Karl's tear-soaked cheek with the back of my hand. His cheek was red from repeated slaps.

<…Tell me everything. Just what you saw. Don't say anything else. Just tell me what you saw.>
This was the story Karl told me.

On Wednesday, after the evening exam, Karl heard about Judy's theft and the dormitory power outage. He instinctively knew something was wrong. Our conversation had been only half a day before, that very morning.

I'd told him to just somehow hold out until the weekend, that it would be easy, that I'd held out long enough. That was overconfidence. Feeling foreboding, Karl frantically tried to find me, but the power outage had sent him to another dorm building, leaving him helpless.

As soon as Thursday morning dawned, he searched for me. After not seeing me all day, he finally ventured to room 401. That was the first time Carl encountered the four boys. Standing at the door, he also noticed their gazes on him. Those persistent, scrutinizing gazes, never taking their eyes off my face. Carl couldn't ignore them and return to his room. After being kicked out of Room 401, he had been hiding in the fourth-floor reception room.

But even Carl, after seeing Jerome leave in his rain jacket and boots, was overcome with anxiety and fear, unable to move. It wasn't until after midnight, when the other boys and I showed up, that Carl immediately followed.

The warden opened the door for us, but left it unlocked before going on patrol. Thanks to this, Carl arrived at the stables, albeit a little late. Thus, he was able to glimpse everything that had transpired there. However, when I crawled under the horse's body, I couldn't watch any longer and left.

After finishing my story, Carl shook his head as I once again begged for forgiveness. "Nothing could have been more horrific. When I pleaded, they postponed the horse-slamming until another time."
"Raymond, please, call the police… Okay, if you can't trust them because of Judy and Jerome, then let's leave today. Please, let's do this. There's no way we can make it through the weekend. You saw what they do. No. Absolutely not…."

Carl said, his voice choked with tears. I just stared at him.
"They said they'd send a car to my house that evening. Let's go together."
Instead of answering, I looked into his face fondly. The boy's face, his cheeks wet with tears, was heartbroken, desperate, and terrified. Perhaps anxious because I wasn't responding, Carl squeezed my hand tightly.