Attack On Titan: Dreams

"Do you really want to know what I want?" she finally asks, breaking the silence. Though she is sick and wounded, there is a confident edge and challenge in her voice.

But he has won - and acknowledges that his reflex is to go on the offensive at so much as the suggestion of a challenge. But then he reminds himself it is an injured Mikasa he is talking to, and possibly upsetting, and forces his temper back down.

So he merely nods, not sure what to expect, as her eyes are now displaying an impatience he is not used to receiving from her.

"Fine," she says.

Then she shifts, palms pressing against the floor, pushing her upper body to rise.

"Hey - hey, what're you doing? You don't have to... "

He's not sure what he has started, but she is ignoring him, determined to sit upright. He presses his right hand to her upper back to help her sit up, now feeling stupid for taking things so far.

"You shouldn't be moving," he says. "The wound is still fresh."

With his aid, she is upright. She shifts to get comfortable, then turns her head to look at him, charcoal blues hard and determined.

"Come on. Look, I'm sorry, this whole thing is dumb, alright? Just - you shouldn't be sitting up like this, it's gonna put pressure on the wound - just lie down."

Eren places his hand on her shoulder and squeezes it, so as to pull her back down onto the mat.

But Mikasa resists the pressure on her shoulder, and places a hand on his shirt, pulling at the area right below his chest. Her fingers curl into a fist, balling the fabric in her hand, her eyes remaining downcast, and she pulls him forward with a gentle tug. He lets himself be pulled, curious as to what is occurring, and their foreheads bump lightly.

Then she just leans on him, eyes closed.

He blinks into raven bangs, awaiting explanation.

A few moments pass, and none comes.

He figures that perhaps she's in pain from sitting up, or has even possibly fallen asleep on him.

"Mikasa," he says her name softly, squeezing her shoulder again, and there is finally movement. She tilts her head up, eyes closed, and their noses bump. He blinks as her nose slides against his, and he does not register what is happening until she closes the space between them completely and presses her lips to his.

And he freezes.

And he doesn't know what to do.

But shortly thereafter, he can no longer think, because his brain is only capable of focusing on her warmth, and the feel of her lips, which are soft, yet frosted and slightly chapped.

When they push lightly against his, he finds his eyes sliding shut of their own volition, head tilting to mould better to her form and press back of its own volition - but then she pulls back, forehead still pressed to his.

He feels her warm breath on his mouth, and he is in a lightheaded daze and wants to follow the warm air back to its source and just...

He feels her fisted hand tug at his shirt, feels her head turn so that their noses bump again, and she is so, so close and it's... nice?

When she drops her hand from his shirt, his brain slowly catches up to the rest of his body, and he is suddenly aware that his heart is beating inexplicably fast because Mikasa just kissed him.

His eyes open wide, and he finds himself staring down at the bridge of her nose, and he doesn't know what possesses him to, but he leans forward once more - only to have her move back completely.

His hand slides off of her shoulder as she sits back and puts too much space between them, and as baffled as he is about what has just occurred, he is immediately disappointed at the loss of warmth.

And then he stares at Mikasa, who is staring at the floor, cheeks flushed again.

"I want to be with you," she repeats.

The inflection is different now, and her charcoal blues flick to baffled greens before resuming their observation of the floor.

'Oh,' he thinks.

It's all he can process.

"I want a house, and... and children with you. I want a life, with you. I.... I love Eren..." she continues, voice shaking as she confesses to the floor, and he doesn't know what to think.

"Of course I want to go back and rebuild Shiganshina with Armin too, but that's... secondary. All I really want after this is all over is just..."

She looks up at him, eyes shining with emotion, and the sight renders him even more speechless.

"I want you."

'OH.'

Silence.

She holds his gaze.

He wonders what he must look like.

He can feel his own eyes are wide, only now registering the loud drumming of his heart in his ears, and he is filled with a kind of panic he has never felt before.

He can only liken the feeling to the brief paralysis that occurs on the battlefield when one spots an aberrant titan breaking into a full sprint in one's direction - a situation in which he would have been titan food long ago, if relying on his current reflexes.

The silence beyond the booming thud of his heart in his ears is quickly becoming suffocating, and he feels dread as he watches the controlled hope in her eyes falter.

He swallows, parts his lips to speak, but no words come out.

Because he has nothing to say, because he can't think of what to say.

Another beat, and she finally looks away. He feels something in his stomach twist unpleasantly, unable to help the feeling that he's just done something very stupid.

"And I know that's obviously a lot to ask for, and... something you might not be able to give me, so..."

She moves to lie down again, pressing her palms to the ground to aid her descent, and he reflexively steadies a hand on her upper back to help her, but even touching her now is a different experience, and he feels relief when he pulls his hand back onto his lap.

"... so I'll... I can think of a different answer," she says, staring at the ceiling. "Okay?"

Her eyes meet his briefly, and he flinches involuntarily at the eye contact, and nods.

It doesn't go unnoticed by her, because she averts her gaze once more, this time unable to mask the hurt that she momentarily lets flash across her face.

Guilt has successfully consumed him whole, and he hates it because this was not how this was supposed to go down, but he doesn't know what to say.

"Uh... yeah," he replies dumbly, barely registering the words coming out of his mouth. He says it just to say something, anything to fill the stifling silence, because he has been mute this whole time.

Staring down at his knees and inwardly cursing himself , he scratches the back of his head, eyes wandering back to the region of her wound.

His guilt only deepens.

So much for repaying her.

"Do you need anything?" he asks without looking at her face.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Do you want me to change the bandages?"

"No."

"Last I checked, they were getting -"

"I'm fine, Eren," she says softly, and she doesn't even sound angry and it makes him feel worse.

He chances a look at her face, afraid of what he will see.

Her eyes are closed, face calm, and he is relieved, though he knows in his heart of hearts that it is a façade.

"I'm tired," she says quietly, and he knows it's just to get him out of the room. "I wanna sleep a bit before we move out."

"Okay," he says feeling terrible that he is relieved that she has given him an escape route. "I'll let you rest."

"Thanks."

"Yeah."

He reaches out to give her hand a reassuring squeeze, but stops short before he can make contact.

He decides it's best not to touch her.

So he leaves.

As the door clicks shut behind him, he regrets doing so immediately.