NOVEL NEXT Chapter 25: Chapter 25
Zedd's mind was a whirlwind of conflicting thoughts, spiraling deeper into a confusion he couldn't control. As he lay there, unable to move from the pain coursing through his body, he found himself wondering, Am I falling in love with Elara and Reina? The thought hit him like a sudden wave, knocking the breath from his chest.
No, he quickly dismissed it. I can't afford to fall in love. I don't even understand what that is anymore.
His hand, still bandaged, clenched into a fist. He was a fugitive, a murderer, and a traitor. He had shed all semblances of humanity long ago, burned bridges that could never be rebuilt. Love? Compassion? Those were luxuries, foolish things for someone like him. He had long since lost his ability to care. To love was to be vulnerable, and he couldn't afford vulnerability, not in the life he led.
Their lives would be ruined, he thought bitterly. Destroyed if they get too close to me. They don't deserve that. They have their futures ahead of them—real, innocent lives—and I'll only drag them down with me.
Zedd squeezed his eyes shut, trying to push away the image of Elara and Reina, each of them so different, yet in their own way, so... real. Elara, fierce and proud, with that fire in her eyes. Reina, shy and kind, like the calm after a storm. It was ridiculous, the way his heart seemed to twist in his chest when he thought of them. He couldn't understand why their faces kept appearing in his mind, even now.
He had killed thirty people without hesitation, without remorse. He had been a puppet of the military academy, molded into something less than human, trained to kill without thought, to manipulate, to destroy. His hands were stained with blood—fellow students, instructors, even people he didn't know. To fall in love now, after everything he had done, would be the ultimate betrayal of his existence. How could he allow himself to care? How could he risk dragging someone else into his nightmare?
He laughed bitterly to himself. What am I thinking? Love was for normal people, for those who lived in the light of hope. He had long since abandoned any such delusions. There was no hope left for him, no way back to the life he had lost. He was a criminal, a monster, and all the love in the world wouldn't change that.
Zedd shifted slightly, the pain from his synthetic tissue flaring up, a reminder of what he was becoming, what he had chosen to do. The tissue grafting was working—slowly, painfully, but it was working. His body was adapting, integrating the synthetic materials. It was a step toward his freedom from the human limitations that had held him back all these years.
But at what cost?
The questions in his mind swirled relentlessly. He longed for freedom, for a life where he wasn't constantly looking over his shoulder, always on the run. He wanted to break free from his past, from the Academy, from the blood he had spilled. But with that freedom came the certainty that no one could be a part of it. Not Elara. Not Reina. No one.
Zedd turned his head and stared at the wooden ceiling above him, his eyes burning with the weight of his own thoughts. I can't be human again. I lost that when I killed them all. I gave up my right to be part of a normal world.
He could almost hear Elara's voice in his head, demanding to know why he couldn't just let things go. She didn't understand. None of them did. They didn't know what it felt like to carry the weight of so many lives on your shoulders, to have every step you took marked by the blood you spilled.
And then there was Reina. He could almost see her face in his mind—wide eyes, innocence, the kind of warmth that made him want to protect her. But he couldn't. He knew what he was, what he'd done. And the moment they got close, he would destroy them too. It was inevitable.
I don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt them, he thought, gritting his teeth. But I can't help it. I'm not a hero. I'm not a knight. I'm just a monster who's trying to survive in a world that hates me.
Zedd let out a long, shuddering breath, his chest tight with emotion he couldn't even name. It was anger, sure, but it was something else too. Something that made him feel weak, something he couldn't quite place. He could almost feel his heart thudding against his ribs, fighting against the walls he'd built around it.
But he wouldn't let it break through.
I won't let them in, he promised himself. Not now. Not ever. They'll only get hurt.
The thoughts swirled in his mind, but he fought them down. He had a plan, a future—one that didn't include anyone else. He had to finish his rehabilitation, complete the grafting, and leave this village.
Three months, he reminded himself. Then I'll disappear. No one will know where I've gone. No one will be able to find me.
His chest tightened again, and for a moment, the pain felt like more than just the ache from his body. It felt like something deeper, something he couldn't quite name. But he couldn't think about that now.
He closed his eyes and let the exhaustion take him. The battle inside him, between what he had been and what he was becoming, would have to wait. For now, there was nothing but the silence of the room and the sound of his own breath.
And as he drifted back into an uneasy sleep, a single thought lingered in his mind, refusing to leave:
Maybe... maybe I can be free. But I can never be loved.