As Aizen in Naruto and Joined a Chat Group

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Ahhh, I really wanna know what Mouchou's surprise is!

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Hmph, then keep wondering~

Sitting at the restaurant window, Li Mochou gently waved her fan, her narrow eyes slightly narrowed.

People couldn't help but stare at her — even the singing of the tavern girls started going off-key. That white-robed young lord was just too good-looking. It was unreal.

In all their lives, they'd never seen a man this charming.

Doujin Artist: Man, this group is getting out of hand. Even Mouchou has turned into a total tease. When will us pure, innocent little flowers ever get our chance to shine?

Curly-haired Guy: Pure and innocent? Who? We have someone like that in our group?

Doujin Artist: Are you blind? I'm right here in front of you, breathing and everything!

Curly-haired Guy: Don't see any "pure white flower"... but that filthy man-eating plant is standing out like a sore thumb.

Doujin Artist: Screw you! You're the damn man-eating plant!

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Hahaha, man-eating plant! Arin-chan's new hobby is eating people now? That's scary as hell!

Doujin Artist: Quit laughing or I'll eat you first!

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Okay sure, but too bad you don't have the right tools for the job.

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Tools? What do you mean by "tools for the job"?

Doujin Artist: Ruiko-chan, are you really just thirteen? How come you understand everything I say right away? Even Mo Chou, a full-grown adult, doesn't know as much as you. Don't you feel a little embarrassed?

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: Anran-san said we should all learn more stuff so we don't get tricked by people like you, Doujin Artist.

Doujin Artist: Trick your ass. That's not even the kind of "knowledge" Anran-san meant!

Scarlet Lotus Fairy: Thanks to Kotonoha's DMs, I get it now.

Machete Girl: *Cough* No need to thank me.

Curly-haired Guy: Why did it have to be in DMs though? You guys are weird. Other than Mo Chou-chan, I think everyone in the group already knows this stuff. What's the point of whispering about it?

Machete Girl: Saying it out loud in the group just feels… kinda embarrassing.

Soul Society's Bad Guy: This kind of stuff shouldn't be a big deal for someone like Kotonoha~ mua~

Doujin Artist: Pfft, hahahaha! That "mua" from Hana-chan really hit the spot!

Amegakure Village's Angel: Now I kinda miss it. Kotonoha-chan, wanna do another one someday?

Machete Girl: Ahhh! Can you all stop already?! I'm in the middle of a mission, show some mercy!

Missions were supposed to be serious business, but this bunch of older girls in the chat had totally thrown off her focus.

Kotonoha couldn't help but think back to that cringe moment from her last livestream — when she randomly did a "mua" straight into the camera… Just thinking about it now made her want to bury herself.

This is an Actor: Mission? Kotonoha, are there intruders again?

Machete Girl: Not sure yet. We're going to check it out. People have been disappearing one after another in a village in the Aichi mountains. Everyone's really on edge.

Curly-haired Guy: Disappearing for no reason? You don't think it's human traffickers, do you?

Amegakure Village's Angel: That might work in a feudal world like Naruto or Return of the Condor Heroes, but Kotonoha's place is a modern legal society, right? No way traffickers could be that bold.

Doujin Artist: Obviously not traffickers. Gin's just being dumb again. Born stupid, nothing you can do.

Curly-haired Guy: Big talk. Then tell me — why are people disappearing?

Doujin Artist: I don't know!

Skirt-Flipping Maniac: That's so like Airi-chan. She doesn't know but still sounds so sure of herself. (emoji: facepalm)

Doujin Artist: Still better than pulling nonsense out of nowhere like him.

Pretty Boy from Skull Island: Maybe the intruders are eating them?

Soul Society's Bad Guy: Whatever it is, Kotonoha, be careful. If things get out of hand, ask for help in the group. We all want to hear your "mua" again, after all.

Machete Girl: …

Kotonoha felt touched reading the first part, but the second half just made her want to scream. She had a bad feeling this joke would stick with her forever.

A stain she'd never be able to wash off.

With a sigh, Kotonoha looked out the window.

The mountains stretched endlessly, like a sleeping dragon under the dim gecko-patterned sky. Deep in the hills, scattered lights flickered. The whole place felt unusually quiet.

"So pretty," said the white-haired girl next to her. "You never see skies like this in the city anymore."

"But… there's still something a little creepy about it," added a blue-haired girl.

Like Kotonoha, she had recently been added to Squad Four. Her name was Sakazaki Yuki — an onmyoji who specialized in barrier spells. Aside from her, the squad also had two new male members.

One was Kira, a muscular guy with a buzz cut. The other was Naoto, a pale guy with glasses. Including the driver, there were six people in the van.

"Ha, what are you, a scaredy-cat?" Naoto glanced at Yuki and said with a smirk, "You're an onmyoji. First thing you gotta do is get over your own fear."

"S-Sorry!" Sakazaki Yuki quickly lowered her head and apologized.

"No need to apologize to me," Naoto pushed up his glasses and said, "I just think you should live up to your identity as an onmyoji."

"That's enough, Naoto," Kira interrupted, waving his hand. "We're all new at this. No need to lecture people like that.

I don't even know what this case is about. Hopefully, it won't be too much trouble."

Creak.

Just as they were talking, the driver suddenly hit the brakes hard.

"What's going on?"

"What happened?"

Naoto, caught off guard, hit his head on the seat in front of him. Everyone else, except for Katsura Kotonoha, got thrown around too.

"I... I think I hit something," the driver sat frozen in his seat, his voice shaking.

Hit something?

Kotonoha raised an eyebrow and got out of the car. The others quickly followed. After walking a couple of steps to the front of the vehicle, they saw it: a pale, blurry body lying on the ground.

"Ahhh!" a panicked scream broke out. "We hit someone! We're screwed! We're going to jail for this!"

Everyone turned their heads and realized the one who screamed was Naoto. The same guy who just a moment ago was all serious and righteous. Turned out the clown was him.

Kotonoha's mouth twitched. She really wanted to roast him.

Awooo.

Right then, the mangled body on the ground suddenly opened its eyes and reached out with a pale hand toward Kotonoha's right foot.

Squelch.

A cold flash of steel, and black blood splattered.

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