Are You Even Human

"It truly takes you no blessings to do this? You can simply… create physical records of past events?" Blossom asks me, wonder radiating off of her.

And… well, that's kind of how it works. A video isn't physical per se, and it's arguably taking a record of present events. It can't reach into the past or anything like that; it just becomes a record of the past by recording the present because that's how time works. Not counting all the videos that are CGI or otherwise entirely fake.

"Additional information requested: CGI."

Computer-Generated Imagery, often referred to via shorthand, is the art of using the systems we record and replay images and sounds with to create entirely new images and sounds, which may not have previously existed in the real world at any point in time. It is used primarily for entertainment, but occasionally also for malicious deception.

"Additional information requested: shorthand, systems used to record and replay, creation of that which did not previously exist, real world, malicious deception."

Oh boy. Uh… shorthand is a way of communicating the same information using less time or space by relying on shared knowledge that can be assumed to be implied by the shorthand even in the absence of explanation. For example, calling you simply 'Blossom' instead of 'A Blossom of Wilted Chances' communicates the same information because there is no other relevant blossom I could reasonably be referring to.

"Amusement. Thief."

…Right. Anyway, to explain the systems we use to record and display images and sounds I would need to explain all of technology, which would be time-consuming and difficult, but suffice it to say we are capable of creating objects that take advantage of the nature of the universe to create consistent desired effects. A useful point of comparison might be how Queens take advantage of biology to create unique bodies specialized for specific purposes, except performed on non-living things.

"Concern. Confusion. Is this how your kind avoids your concept of 'slavery?'" Chaos asks. "By using dead and godless matter to emulate life? How is this better?"

Well, it's better because the 'dead and godless matter' doesn't have feelings or emotions, so moral and ethical harm cannot be inflicted upon them.

"Additional information requested: morality, ethics."

Oh my god, let's… let's do one thing at a time, okay? It's interesting that they're confused about the concept of 'creating that which did not previously exist,' but… yeah, I think I get it. The associations in my mind that I convey with the idea are different from theirs. They understand the creation of new things, but they could tell that isn't entirely what I meant. All of this gets into some of their other questions too, though, so… I guess we'll return to this when we talk about malicious deception even though I really don't want to teach aliens about the concept of lying, it's going to be such a goddamn mess.

"Excitement!" Blossom perks up.

"Irritation," I fire back. "You'd better appreciate how many advantages I'm giving up for your sake."

"You already know that we do!"

Ugh. Yeah, I guess I do. Annoying little shit. I hate how grateful I am to her.

"Hehe!"

Anyway. We can lump the rest of this together. Firstly, my people enjoy stories about events that did not happen. We fabricate hypotheticals for fun. Thus, there is considerable utility in separating the concepts of real and false in a manner that is not simply contradiction with fact and lack of contradiction with fact. There is a difference between that which is incorrect and that which is simply an elaborate hypothetical.

"Comprehension. That is sensible," Chaos hums.

Right, yeah. But we also have a secret fourth thing. Lying. Or in terms you're more likely to understand, 'malicious deception,' or 'fabricating hypotheticals and portraying them as truths in a manner designed to create a false belief about reality in others.' Because our method of communication possesses significant barriers between thought and word, we are capable of not communicating whatever thoughts we choose and purposefully communicating whatever thoughts we wish, in whatever manner we wish, including portraying things we wish were true as things that are actually true. This creates a perpetual layer of mistrust over every conversation, in which all parties must use various methods to determine if other parties are communicating in good faith.

"Horror!" Wanderings laments. "Your entire culture is horror!"

I mean. It's not great, but it has its upsides, too. …Or perhaps more honestly, it's not great, but it's mine. It's an inescapable part of who I am. Even if I live forever, I will never not be a person who grew up in human society, under human laws and expectations, and no matter how stupid I think some of those things are, they will always affect me.

"Grief/Sympathy/Excitement/Interest," the colony sends me, and it's admittedly easy to figure out what parts of that sentiment come mainly from Blossom.

"Well yes," Chaos agrees. "After all, both of you come from cultures of horror."

Yeah, I really don't like hearing that. I get I don't come from the best place, but my culture has fucked up so many other cultures that we at least understand unilaterally declaring other ways of life as abhorrent is, itself, intrinsically abhorrent. That way of thinking has a horrible habit of resulting in the destruction of those who do not deserve it the moment destroying them becomes beneficial, which is usually immediate.

"Concurrence! The worshippers of Failure are generally horrid, but if one assumes they are all horrid then one must assume the same of me, as I once worshipped Failure," Blossom says.

"But you no longer do," Chaos points out.

"But I did. And I did not worship Possibility at the time Possibility blessed me," Blossom says. "Therefore, it is obvious that one can worship Failure and still be worthy of Possibility's blessing. Will you judge any who are worthy of Possibility's blessing as intrinsically horrid? Answer unnecessary. You just did. Fool."

Hah. Yeah, Chaos Erupts in Indifferent Blessings kind of has the vibes of a fake intellectual, doesn't he? Ah, shit, I shouldn't have thought that.

"Additional information requested: fake intellectual. In detail, please. Amusement."

"Irritation."

"Exasperation."

…Right. Right, it's… they don't care if I think stuff like that, for whatever reason. Well, I guess that's not entirely correct. It's not like Chaos is entirely unoffended, but it's… I don't know. Interpreted as playful ribbing, even though it's my genuine opinion?

"Do you hate me?" Chaos asks rhetorically, because no, I don't. "Then what scorn do your criticisms convey? What offense should I be taking from the truth?"

Well, most people don't like having their flaws pointed out to them.

"A difference in opinion is not a flaw."

…Oh, so he's just in denial about being kind of a dumbass. I mean, wait, shit—

"HA!" Blossom projects an uncontrolled burst of joy, her body wiggling with delight.

Uuugh this is so embarrassing.

"It somewhat alleviates the sting of your barbs that each time they land, you radiate regret like a worker who bit their Queen," Chaos assures me. "Unlike a particular member of the council I have previously gotten used to."

"It is also somewhat sad," Wanderings adds. "You torment yourself by hating your own thoughts so. They are beautiful, for all their harshness. You need not be ashamed."

They're… overly judgemental, though. It's not like I think Chaos Erupts in Indifferent Blessings is stupid, just… the sort of person to have more confidence in his ideas than is strictly warranted. Wanderings is kind of stupid, but… agh, damn it, I'm so sorry! This is just so much at once. Can we just go back to answering questions about human culture?

"Suggestion," The Divinity of Wonder chimes in. "Shift focus of interaction. I am prepared for biological information transfer and preparation. We may begin our work to heal your beloved."

Oh, we're doing that then. No question. The rest of the colony feels my conviction immediately, and the entire council unanimously agrees to swap my task. My Queen indicates a destination for me, and I start to swim, my sinuous form cutting through the depths as I make my way to the center of our territory, where The Divinity of Wonder keeps the bulk of her wombs.

…I call them wombs, but they're really more like… biological assembly chambers? Which is kind of what a womb does, and it's definitely the part of her body where she gestates newborn aliens. But it's also the part of the body where she takes living aliens apart and puts them back together as something new, which to me seems a lot more advanced.

I'm fairly confident that there's no way I can be permanently harmed by this, but I have to admit I'm a little nervous about it. I'm no stranger to complete cellular deconstruction, but I'm usually the one controlling it all. Having someone else do it is… weird.

"It's fun!" Blossom insists, swimming in lazy barrel rolls around me as I approach the center of our territory.

"I am not certain I would call it fun," Chaos says, "but it is quite painless. You will spend the majority of it unconscious."

"I probably won't," I inform him. "The loss of my brain doesn't cause me to lose awareness of my domain, remember?"

"…Ah," he considers. "Well, I do not know what it will be like for you then, but I doubt it will be unpleasant. Especially with a Queen as skilled as ours."

"Can you not tell she does not fear the pain, Chaos Erupts in Indifferent Blessings?" Blossom chides. "Her thoughts touch on the continuous nature of the self and the physicality of memory. Very interesting subjects!"

"Not ones she needs to fear, though," Chaos says.

"Yes, she still struggles to listen," Blossom sighs.

It's overwhelming! I can try, here… uh… oh. I see. Interesting. There's a specific method by which the brain's information is stored despite being completely disassembled. Which… might actually be the issue? I'm not sure it's entirely analogous to human brain structure.

"Let's find out!" The Divinity of Wonder says cheerfully.

Oh boy. Well, I guess there's nothing else we can really do. The core of The Divinity of Wonder's body is more like a knot than a true central node, all her various colors and styles of tendrils joining and mixing together in a writhing mass. But as two of them peel apart from each other, I see this as the facade it is: underneath, she has a true central body, and she's inviting me inside it via an airlock of sorts. The chamber of flesh fills with seawater when it opens for me, but after I step inside, it seals up behind me and replaces the atmosphere with air. …Well, not air, per se, as I doubt humans could breathe it without complications, but with a mix of various gasses.

My serpentine body, designed entirely for aquatic travel, flops rather uselessly to the ground, but once all the seawater is pumped away a few other folds open to let me into the womb proper, filling the area with some kind of strange embryonic slurry. It's nothing like the general composition of what you might find in an Earth animal, though. The liquid is as much a part of the Queen's body as her arms, and it flows around me with purpose, carrying her will and intent. The liquid is thick and warm, more like slime than water, and it is alive. It is a sea of cells, swimming around me and embracing me even as they pluck at my scales, eager to rip me apart protein by protein.

"Request: assume the form of your beloved, in her original state," my Queen rumbles all around me.

"I am uncertain if I am capable of perfectly matching her brain," I warn her. "When bodies I create leave my domain, they lose consciousness in a manner that indicates brain failure."

"Concern. That is potentially problematic. We will need to identify the cause. Assume the form of one of our own workers, instead."

Sure, I can do that. I shift into the body of the worker I spoke with the other day. They're all genetically identical anyway.

"I am going to disassemble you now! Please do not be alarmed."

Sure, sounds good. I'm actually kind of interested now; the biology of this semi-womb is incredibly cool. How is this gunk still part of you?

And then she sends me the information, and then I know. The cells of the reconstruction slurry send information to each other via contact-propagated electrical signals, acting as a pseudo-nervous system all on its own. 'Cells' is understating it all, really. It's more like organic nanomachines, working as a singular unit to break me apart one of trillions of pieces at a time.

"Everything is as expected so far," The Divinity of Wonder reports as I watch, enraptured by my own destruction. "You will lose the ability to communicate soon."

"Acknowledged," I confirm. This is all so cool! When the nanite-cells detach and unravel one of my cells, they don't just consume it, they keep it packaged and sorted for bulk configuration. Most of my cells are still alive after being detached this way, sustained by the slurry instead of blood flow. Of course, most of the cells will eventually need complete genetic reconfiguration, but the scope of this… it's incredible. I suppose it has to be, but still.

God, Peter would make all this out to be so fucking kinky. …Wait, shit.

"HAH! What!? Additi-nal inf-rm-tion r-qu–t-d: ki—" Blossom calls out, but fortuitously my Queen manages to deconstruct the part of my body capable of receiving signals from the network just in time for me to never have to think about whatever Blossom was about to ask ever again. Who knows what it could have been? Certainly not me. I return to blissful silence.

…Surprisingly lonely silence.

It's certainly a relief in many ways. I've spent the past couple days in constant social contact with either the entire council or the entire colony, and that has been exhausting. Having my every thought perused for the elucidation or entertainment of my fellows is a lot, but… none of the bad things I expected to happen actually, y'know, happened. It is somehow a surprise every single time, even though it's basically constant. I feel… unmoored.

A feeling that probably isn't helped by the fact that I just lost all muscle control in what remains of my body. But that's fine; ultimately, muscles are as unnecessary to me as brains. I can move with my domain as well as think with it. Slowly but surely, I'm reduced to protoplasmic goo, transformed into my Queen's own reconstructor cells. A small section of them stops listening to her, becoming me instead, and I leave them to idle, hoping she knows not to mess with them too much. I still need some flesh to anchor to, at the end of the day, but I do my best to remain small and unobtrusive.

Once I am nothing, I start to be remade. Or more accurately, my Queen creates a new body for me, identical to the one she just disassembled, and I take the hint, moving myself inside it and taking over its brain as she builds it. There's a pause in her movements, and she takes me apart again. Then, she rebuilds me again, I take control, and she takes me partially apart before focusing on rebuilding my communication organs. I take the hint and fix them myself. The entire process takes… I'm not entirely sure. A long time. But it's relaxing, and once I can speak again I find my social batteries fully refreshed.

"That's good to hear, though I'm not sure I understand the analogy," The Divinity of Wonder says. "I have determined the nature of the issue. Your power modifies the brains it subsumes so that they may be used to receive instructions from your domain directly. No ego exists in the brain itself because the brain has been changed to use an outside ego instead."

Oh. Oh shit, that makes perfect sense. My power has a lot of bandwidth, but it doesn't quite have 'control every individual neuron to think my thoughts for me' of bandwidth. So instead it's basically streaming my consciousness from my domain to whatever brain I'm using at the time by setting up a receiver. But the receiver doesn't exactly play nice with a brain trying to think its own thoughts.

I wonder if it's possible for me to create copies of people if I just figure out how to not add the receiver into those brains? I don't know how I'm doing it, so I'm not sure how I'd not do it, but it should be possible, right?

"Take care with such experiments," The Divinity of Wonder warns. "Life should not be created lightly. One cannot be a proper Queen without the means to take care of her colony."

…Yeah, that's fair, honestly. There's a decently popular human movement encouraging people not to have children because we'd just be bearing them into a doomed world. While I can't say I like the fatalism, I've known too many foster families to truly disagree with the sentiment. If you can't keep a person safe, you have no business creating them. And if you're the reason a new person would be unsafe? I have no sympathy for you whatsoever.

"Reassurance/sympathy/joy that you have reached us/joy that you are who you are/anger at your people/regret for your people/empathy for your people."

Ah. Haha. Hello again, everyone. How long has it been?

"Three surface lights," Chaos answers, which… woah. Really? I knew I was in there for a while, but it didn't feel like that long. I guess not having a body really gets me dissociating.

"Three is far less than thirty," my Queen assures me. "At this rate I believe we will be successful. Your beloved's original form, please, as closely as you can manage. This one should go much more quickly, though I will still take the time to study carefully."

"Acknowledged," I confirm. "Changing now."

It's a bit… uncomfortable turning into the naked body of my girlfriend, especially given everything that happened to her. I'm in her body, but she's not? It's absurd. Unfair. It needs to be fixed immediately.

I curl into a ball, trying not to think about the living slime flowing over Maria's body, bringing to sharp attention all the parts of her that I should most leave alone. It's… fine. Soon enough, The Divinity of Wonder will take the body apart and I won't need to worry about it. What can I focus on, what can I… oh! I know.

I inhale the living goop flowing around me, Maria's body violently and forcefully attempting to object. I can't actually drown, since I can manually oxygenate myself, but I'm curious to see if the reconstructor cells can carry oxygen to human lungs the way they do alien ones. Maria's lungs don't really like it, but I can stop my body from coughing it all up just to see what happens, and… huh. Yeah. Oxygen is flowing. Well, that's a good sign. At least Maria's brain damage isn't from drowning in her Queen's womb. Very uncomfortable, but honestly that just helps keep my mind occupied on more appropriate topics.

Soon enough, The Divinity of Wonder starts taking me apart, which… is actually quite painful, unlike when I was using an alien body. I'm very pain-resistant, having been splashed with acid several times before, so I just push through it and let it happen. It's not too long before most of my body is no longer capable of feeling pain, and from there I am fully disassembled.

Then, The Divinity of Wonder begins to reassemble me, though this process feels… off. There's something subtly wrong with how she's doing it, and for some reason I can't quite put my finger on it. It's as if the act of disassembling the materials that composed the body fundamentally changed them in some way.

Unauthorized reproduction: this story has been taken without approval. Report sightings.

The body that ultimately gets reconstructed for me… isn't Maria's body. It's close, and superficially similar, but it's a facsimile at best, something similar-looking made from completely different parts. The moment Wonder finishes, I shift back into my angelic form and tell her so.

"I am aware," she hums. "Somehow, you use divine power to create forms composed of godless matter. But I am unable to manipulate godless matter the way I do normal substance."

Huh?

"Additional information requested: godless matter," I ask.

"Gods reside in substance," Chaos explains.

"You previously mentioned to me that it is possible to create spaces devoid of all substance," Blossom adds, "but to do this would also create spaces devoid of gods."

What? Are they saying gods cannot be present in a vacuum? Do superpowers not work in space!?

"…Concern. Fear," Chaos radiates.

"So you were not merely misspeaking," Blossom says, and for once even her words are tinged with horror. "These concepts you're thinking of… is there truly so much of this universe that contains simply… nothingness?"

Close to it, yeah. True nothingness is somewhat relative—even outer space has the occasional atom scattered about, but the difference in density between that and Earth's atmosphere is literally astronomical. If vacuums like that don't exist in the aliens' native universe, then… the concept of nothingness really is conceptually impossible, in their eyes. It would have to itself be a god.

…Is it a god?

"Careful, Thief of Faith. That is a blasphemy Blasphemy itself does not touch," Blossom warns, though not unkindly. She's trying to get me to understand the sheer cultural weight of my current line of thought. It's not something I should be projecting without due cause. Though I have to say, the idea of a blasphemy too much for the literal god of Blasphemy is kind of hilarious.

"It is, isn't it?" Blossom titters. "Blasphemy has always been the most hypocritical of Possibility's children. It applies its domain to all but itself! But what else can you expect from a being utterly devoid of principle on principle? A pathetic excrement of a god with naught but festering sludge as followers."

Ah, that makes sense. Claiming the existence of the God of Nothing denies the wholeness of the pantheon Blasphemy inhabits and implies there is a god intrinsically greater than it, capable of operating where it is unable to even tread. Probably not the most pleasing thought, for a god. …Assuming the gods think anything like people, anyway, and I didn't entirely get that impression.

"Blasphemy may be, in its own way, more like its people than most gods are," Chaos says, "which could be argued to be its one virtue, though it is a virtue shared. Its very nature can only exist in the context of thinking beings. Without people, there is still Possibility. There is still Division. There is still Contradiction. But is there Blasphemy? Is there Failure? Is there Legion? No. Possibility had to create thought before it could create Blasphemy. So Blasphemy is a being of thought in a way that Possibility is not."

Right. Okay. That's some interesting theology, but let's roll back to the idea of 'godless matter.' You're basically saying that gods need matter to exist, but matter doesn't need gods. And whether or not a god is present in a given bit of matter… changes it?

"No," The Divinity of Wonder answers. "The matter of our universe IS its gods. The process of creating or recreating a body is in part an act of communion with Possibility, or another god for other Queens. Our flesh is their flesh. We are made of them. You are made… partly of them. But most of your matter is godless. I cannot compel it to move and act as I please."

Isn't most of this process biological? I can make sense of it, by and large. I guess I don't understand everything, but… I mean it obviously works, so there's no reason to assume the bits I don't understand are… divine intervention? No. No, that thought process doesn't really work anymore, does it? I can't exactly be an atheist when I talk to a god every week.

Oh geez, the aliens don't even have a word for 'atheist.' I just said 'nonbeliever in all divinity,' and the immediate reaction of the whole hive was 'so a completely insane person?' That's fantastic. Just absolutely great. My life is so completely upside-down from where it was a few months ago I can barely recognize myself.

"Are you claiming Possibility gave me the power to affect forms of matter that Possibility itself has no command over?" I ask.

"I do not know," Wonder admits. "I can, at best, make inferences based on observations. I believe that, tautologically, Possibility has power over godless matter because Possibility bestowed you power over it."

"Possibility created the other gods, right?" I ask. "Does it have power over their natures?"

"It must," Wonder insists.

"It is a matter of some debate," Blossom explains. "Possibility is eager to commune with us, but difficult to understand in the vast majority of situations. Getting a straight answer out of it is difficult."

"The instructions it gave for how we could arrive safely to your world were the most clarity I've gleaned from it in years," Wonder agrees.

Wait, you got specific instructions for that? I suppose it makes… some amount of sense. The bodies of the colonies that drop to Earth mostly survive, except for the Leviathans.

"Our greatest warriors are too large to be easily reconfigured, especially in a limited time frame," Wonder answers. "We did not have much notice or warning. The gods of our world simply informed their chosen that we would be moving. It was impossible not to follow."

"Even if we tried to stay, there would soon be nowhere to go," Chaos says. "The gods are our world. When they depart, they did not leave the empty space you claim to be possible. They simply left… a lack of space. A smaller world."

Oh, that's kind of terrifying.

"It wasn't fun!" Blossom confirms.

I imagine not. Yet again, my mind drifts away from the current topic and starts poking back at this whole 'godless matter' concept. Why? What's bugging me? I feel like I should understand this, or at least I should understand what's wrong with it. Intrinsically, the idea of an alternate universe with an entirely unique periodic table of elements dumping them into our universe and having everything turn out mostly okay is kind of absurd. The possibilities that make the most sense to me are that the different types of matter either wouldn't react with each other at all—which is obviously false because the aliens have a general-purpose superacid—or they'd react like crazy with all sorts of things and create brand new molecules all over the place, which isn't happening because I'm pretty sure someone would have noticed. Not to mention that aliens can breathe Earth air, so the matter of our universe is clearly interchangeable with the matter of their universe in some significant way.

So the question becomes: is it partially interchangeable, or completely interchangeable? If it can react with our universe's matter I'd imagine it needs the same basic structure of charged particles with proton and electron equivalents, but wouldn't any atom with eight positively charged particles in its nucleus just be oxygen, by the standards of this universe? God, maybe not, I don't really understand chemistry that well.

What I do understand is that powers seem perfectly functional on basically everything regardless of which universe they hail from, and a lot of powers do chemistry, so there obviously isn't some general inability of gods to affect 'godless matter.'

"Perhaps the issue isn't that gods cannot affect godless matter, but that the act of affecting matter causes them to cease to be godless?" Chaos posits, and… huh. That might be true? But does that mean every human who has ever been affected by the abilities of a domain has had their entire bodies converted to non-godless matter? Godful matter? Alien matter.

…Is Anastasia made of alien matter? I immediately shapeshift into her, letting The Divinity of Wonder take a bit of her apart and put it back together. Yep, it's the same. Holy shit. I shift back into my angelic form. How have I never noticed this?

"You never before knew there was something to be seeking," Pathless Wanderings Gladden Futures chimes in reassuringly.

Normal humans aren't like this, even if they have powers. So it's only if their bodies are transformed by their powers that this happens? I don't get it. I don't get it!

"Calm yourself, new council member," Wonder says soothingly.

"Twisting Scars Reshape Fate!" Blossom proposes again, and… yeah, I guess I do kind of like that name. "Yes! Vote for approval!"

"Agreement."

Oh my god.

"Agreement."

Wait just a—

"Are you displeased with the address?"

Well, no, but—

"Agreement. We welcome you officially, Twisting Scars Reshape Fate."

Oh my god, fine. It's… a big name to live up to, but I guess I plan to do it. My scars have made me who I am, and I will save my friends and family from the doom coming for them. Starting with Maria.

"On that note," Wonder says, "take the form of that small native again. That body may be the key. You would say it possesses a native brain, yes?"

Hmm? Oh! Oh right, if Anastasia is made of whatever bullshit alien matter is made of, then her body can be the template for fixing Maria's! I make the change and spend a while calmly floating through the goop as my brain gets disassembled again. It's always a bit disorienting to feel parts of my mind shut down one at a time, but only kind of, like someone just pulled out one of my kidneys and the other has to take a moment to figure out how to take over the work for both of them.

Once my queen has completely disassembled me, she tries her hand at remaking Maria a second time. This goes much faster, and much more successfully. The not-quite-Maria recreation of her form is much truer to life, and while I can't truly judge if it will be able to fix what's wrong with her, her brain works, even with all-new materials.

"Now will be the difficult part, then," The Divinity of Wonder informs me. "Assume the body of your beloved's current form, with as accurate a brain as you are able to create. When I disassemble you, recreate yourself in that form again. I will need to study several methods of deconstruction and reconstruction to determine the most likely way to reverse what the Queen of Legion did."

"Understood," I acknowledge, and we get started. Existing in Maria's new body is less awkward than using her human body, but it's significantly more unpleasant. Just the act of forming four separate brains to match her four heads causes a throbbing pain throughout my… something. My everything, really. Not to mention four copies of her beautiful torso, albeit recreated with alien biology and ultimately ending not in her legs but a chaotic collection of arthropod-like limbs. Just the feel of the body is almost insultingly cobbled together.

Cobbled together. Cobbled, cobbled, cobbler. Like a shoe. This body can't wear shoes. I wonder if it could? Who would make alien shoes? Would aliens buy them? Aliens don't have an economy, but maybe they'd genocide a civilization for some shoes. Shoe, moo, stew… I could go for some beef stew right about now. Unfortunately there aren't water cows. No, wait! Manatees? I think those are endangered again. No manatee stew for Julietta. But that's not fair. I want it. I want it. I'm hungry. Everything hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts I'm hungry I'm scared it hurts what's going on what's going on where am I!?

"Twisting Scars Reshape Fate! Listen. Listen to us. We are here."

What? What? Who's talking? What's going on? It hurts it hurts it hurts…

"You are safe. You will be okay."

That's true. That's not true. That's true. That's not true. It must be true. It can't be true. That's true. That's not true.

"Peace. Love. Safety. You will be okay."

I will be okay?

"You will be okay."

I will be okay. Okay. That's good. It hurts but I will be okay and that's good. They love me. They will protect me. Why aren't they protecting me? It hurts. It hurts. Liars. They're liars.

"Confusion. Realization. Concern. We cannot purposefully mislead you."

I bet that's what a liar would say. Who are you? Who am… I? Julietta. Julietta. Julietta. That's my name how did I almost forget my name!?

"Anger. I will have many recriminations to envenom this so-called Queen of Legion. She is unworthy of the title."

Monarchy is a fundamentally corrupt system of governance because placing the vast majority of power into a single individual based not even on merit but instead on birth inevitably leads to mismanagement and entitlement, increasing the gap between those responsible for a nation and the majority of its citizens, preventing just rulership even if it is nominally desired by those in charge, which is itself an unlikely circumstance due to the aforementioned entitlement's propensity to skew one's concept of others.

"Literally what are you talking about."

"Do not bother her, A Blossom of Wilted Chances! Her mind is not properly functional."

It hurts! Who am I talking to? Wait, I'm not talking at all. Are you a new color? We have way too many of you, please just go away. Way, way, away way away…

"My favorite color is red."

That's so cool. Red is nice. Blood is red. I used to not like blood but I'm used to it now because my daughter won't stop stabbing herself and she's cute so red is cute now. Did you know that if you lose enough blood you die? I feel like she doesn't. I can't feel my legs.

"Don't worry about your legs. You'll be sleeping soon."

I doubt it. It hurts too much to sleep. It hurts. It hurts it hurts it hurts it… ah.

It doesn't hurt anymore. I… what the fuck just happened? Was that… me running on Maria's brains? They're gone now, or at least disassembled enough that I can't think with them anymore, which is… good. That was very unpleasant. And I'm… going to have to do it a few more times, if The Divinity of Wonder's estimations are correct. Better steel myself for that. Can't say I loved the experience of being temporarily insane.

Maria… oh god, she's been stuck this way this whole time, hasn't she? If anything, she's probably doing far worse, judging by how she couldn't get out more than a word or two… though I suppose I have prior experience speaking the alien language that she doesn't have, despite how her brain got intentionally rewired for it.

I can't believe I've wasted so much time here. It's been… surprisingly wonderful, I suppose, I'm really happy I got to meet my colony, but my family needs me out there. I remind everyone of this once I can speak again, but Wonder just assures me she's working as fast as she can, but her priority is on avoiding potential mistakes. I know that's important, I know that. It just sucks. Everyone can feel my urgency, and they're doing their best. All I can do is wait around and be taken apart over and over again.

So I do. I endure it time after time, the memories of my own madness burning brightly inside me with each return to sanity. My Queen takes me apart once, twice, three times, four times… and then she starts to put me back together. Moving me from one borrowed body to the next. Creating a functioning mind from a maddened one. Preserving everything she can. Weeks go by as I do nothing but float inside her, changing and being changed. Until, finally, when my ability to speak is returned to me one day, she says the words I've been waiting for.

"I'm ready," she says. "I believe I can do it. I just need you to bring her to me."

"Thank you," I tell her. "I'll go right away."

"Rejected," Chaos says immediately.

"Rejected," Wanderings agrees.

"Rejected. You will take at LEAST a few hours of rest, Twisting Scars Reshape Fate. Preferably a day."

My Queen's proclamation brokers no argument. I could go anyway, I suppose, but… no. She's right. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I can wait. I wonder why Blossom didn't vote, though. Where is she…?

"She is almost ready," Wonder responds.

What?

"Why do your tentacles have bonesss," Blossom whines.

What!? Wait, seriously, what's going on? Where am I… oh, I'm being informed where she is. …Are these directions to a different womb?

"My old body cannot prance about on solid surfaces with the false pull crushing it down the whole time, can it?" Blossom says. "Silly thief. Never thinking things through."

No. No way. I never agreed to have anyone come with me!

"Good news! A majority vote is possible even in your absence," Blossom says. "I suppose you can leave without me, but I will follow you regardless."

Why!?

"Because it will be so fun! I look forward to meeting more of your kind."

Humans are just going to scream and run away the moment they see you!

"Lamentations! Are you certain? The Divinity of Wonder and I worked so hard on this body!"

The womb I'm approaching opens up, rapidly filling with seawater and thoroughly jostling the… the woman inside, the water kicking her feet out from under her and sending her awkwardly sprawling over the floor. She looks like an actual human woman, and though I can tell with my power that she's anything but—there are some terrifying hidden dangers contained beneath her skin, not to mention fully functional amphibious lungs so she doesn't immediately die down here—it's a remarkably accurate-looking fake. With… one major exception.

"Goodness, how are you supposed to swim with these smooth, tube-shaped limbs?"

"Your skin is translucent," I point out.

"Hmm? Oh, well yes! We worked very hard getting all these organs right! I wanted to show off. Look, look! What's this one called?"

"I… I can't really translate the names."

"Say it out loud!"

Oh, uh… okay. I shift myself some organs that can do that.

"That's an enzyme-producing organ attached to your stomach, so… I guess it's a pancreas?" I tell her.

"That is a very long name! Is your whole language like that? No wonder you hate proper communication."

Oh, goddamn it.

"Sorry, the name is just pancreas," I correct myself. "The sound at the end there. I was saying some other stuff too."

"Excitement!" she says, flailing around helplessly in the water. "How many words are there? I'm good at memorization, so I can probably learn at least ten or so."

What is happeninggggg.

"You are seriously going to need to make your skin opaque if you're coming to the surface," I insist.

"Oh, fine fine. Exasperated reiteration: how is a body like this designed for swimming?"

"It's not!"

"Haha! Your people are so terrible at everything. Excitement! Excitement! Excitement!"

"The skin, Blossom," I remind her. "I know you can make it any color you please."

"Bah! Curse your blessing. That was supposed to be a surprise. I know you have a fondness for the creature you stole it from."

And sure enough, in barely a second her internal organs are no longer on full display, though… her external organs certainly are. I'd look away for the sake of her modesty, but she doesn't have any so that would just encourage her. Her skin is so pale, now—

"Oh, would you like it darker like yours? I see, I see. I'll fix it for you."

—aaand now it's not. You're going to have to pick one and stick to it, Blossom. Humans can't change their skin color at-will and they tend to get super weird about it.

"Is it because your kind is terrible?"

In this case? Yes, it is entirely because my kind is terrible. Did you design your face by mushing together features from Maria and me? That's… really weird. But I guess Maria and Lia don't look much alike, so the end result is… fairly unique, even if the resemblance is unmistakable. Honestly, watching her chromatophores get to work dancing various colors across her body is… well. If I was in a human body right now, it would certainly be a little embarrassing for me.

"You are thinking about reproduction again! I look forward to trying your people's method; all your thoughts on the matter are always entertaining."

No! No. Absolutely not. You will not be doing that. Don't even think about it!

"You should teach me the thing where your people respond to amusement with respiratory convulsions so I can do it at you! I wish to make fun of you in your native language. Oh! Right!"

She holds up both hands and flips me off with both of them.

"Hehe! I did it!"

Okay, enough! This is not a pleasure cruise! This is not a vacation! We are not going to the surface to have fun! We need to infiltrate human territory and smuggle an entire Angel through multiple states to get her to the ocean! It's going to be obscenely difficult and stressful, and I cannot be dealing with you the whole time! You're not coming!

Those thoughts finally give her pause, causing her to put down her hands, stop floating upside-down, and focus on actually getting a handle on her limbs a little better. …Though as she rights herself, she opens her mouth, swallows some seawater, and promptly spits it back out, offense and disgust radiating off of her before she refocuses on me. Not promising.

"…You object on grounds of danger?" she asks.

"Even a small mistake could be fatal," I say. "If not for me, then for Maria. I can't risk mistakes."

"Comprehension. Personally, I suspect that you will have no trouble reaching your beloved," Blossom says. "You are easy to hide and your motives are unknown. They will not even be looking for you. It is getting your beloved back that you will struggle with. Stealth will be very difficult."

"Exactly," I say. "And the more variables there are in the mission, the harder maintaining stealth will be."

"It would be a miracle of miracles if you maintain stealth at all," Blossom says. "Your beloved is not sane. She will quite literally not come quietly. It can be assumed that you will be found out, and you will have to struggle against opposition to reach your objectives."

"All the more reason your flailing will be more of a detriment than a boon," I snap.

And then, suddenly, she's right in front of me, her nose almost touching me. Pain blooms in my chest where a crystal blade emerging through her forearm has just run me through. Shock spurring me to action, I try to grab her and crush her, but then she's gone.

"You forget who I am, Thief of My Form," she says, retracting her hidden weapon back into her body, where the skin seems to seal up around the opening. "If you encounter resistance, you will be lucky to take down even a fraction of it before I do it myself."

…Right. Right. I forgot. I might have beaten her in a fight, but she wasn't giving it her all for most of it. And even then, it was close. She's got a good point. Having her as backup would actually be incredibly helpful.

"Exactly! Really, my enthusiasm for learning native culture and using it to torment you is, at most, a side objective."

You fucking liar.

"I cannot do that!" she reminds me. "But I do look forward to figuring out how."

Please no.

"Too late! We voted already! I'm ready when you are!"

"Perhaps this may have been a mistake," Chaos hums.

"Reiteration: too late!!!"

Oh my god, fine. Just… keep in mind I'm going to be pretty stressed this trip, alright? I'm not exactly going to be in the mood for shenanigans.

"For my second word I wish to be able to pronounce 'shenanigans.'"

Blossom. Please.

"…Yes, yes, alright," she concedes. "I will not distract from your primary objective. This I promise."

Thank you. Then whenever my council-mandated time out is over, we'll go.

We'll take her home, we'll fix her, and she'll be okay again. Maria will be okay. Even if she won't ever be completely human again. But, well… I ended up not really minding that. Hopefully she will too.

One way or another, I'll find a way to fix everything. It's just what I have to do.