Apocalypse Survival Guide

Origin (33)

"Nadia!"

I snapped out of it at the sudden shout. Gasping for breath, I lifted my head to see Hyun-woo supporting me. It seemed he had caught me when I almost collapsed from the sudden headache.

Hyun-woo asked worriedly, "Are you okay?"

"... Yeah, I'm fine,"

I mumbled evasively. I blamed it on the darkness, saying I couldn't see the floor properly and almost tripped.

I felt Hyun-woo glance briefly at my feet, but seeing that there was indeed a small step on the floor, he didn't seem to find it suspicious.

I hurried him along, saying we were almost at the target point and needed to keep moving. After hesitating for a moment, he nodded.

As I watched Hyun-woo turn away, I thought to myself how lucky I was he couldn't see my face right now. Truth was, I didn't even know what kind of expression I was making.

Confused? Startled? Or maybe... scared?

'I don't know.'

No—I did know. I'd just turned away from it for a moment. I was in confusion. That much, at least, was certain.

'... Why.'

How did this happen? Gasping for air as my head throbbed with pain sharp enough to make it explode, I looked around.

The entryway to the power control room, flooded with revolting Creep. It was so unfamiliar, so horrifying, so filled with disgust that it made my skin crawl.

Even though this was just the entryway, not the actual power control room, it looked more like a laboratory—probably modified that way. And beneath it all was a familiar sight.

I wasn't thinking of what I'd seen in the residential area. It was something much older than that—remnants of my past.

A jumble of tangled cables that no one bothered to sort, a grinder for nerve excision, tanks full of body parts, people floating inside and machines beside them.

And then—the blood on my hands, and the low voice echoing in my ears.

'Nadia, good job.'

Good job? At what?

'You're doing something glorious. You are hope.'

Hope? Me? ... Hope for whom?

'The neural connection circuit you made for us is revolutionary.'

Neural connection circuit. I knew exactly what that was. It was implant technology—hardware inserted into the body, connecting external devices not to a suit but directly to the brain, making it possible to handle any equipment skillfully.

Devices like this already existed, but I had improved them to such an extent that they were nothing like the old versions.

'Keep living for us and for the beastkin children who will be born on this land. First, let's test this blood sample. The first subject... Yes, let's use that child.'

The sickening, bone-rattling voice made my stomach churn so badly I clamped my mouth shut, afraid that if I opened it the contents would spill out.

It's okay. Calm down. What I'm seeing now isn't real.

Is it really not real? It's so vivid...

I didn't know. I forced myself to steady my breathing so that Hyun-woo and Celestia, walking ahead, wouldn't stop, thinking something was wrong.

With trembling eyes, I scanned the area again, but no matter how many times I blinked, the scene didn't change. The all-too-familiar scenery burned itself into my mind once more.

'... No way, here too?'

I recalled that this was a robot production facility. Robot, production, facility—each word dredged up the past I'd buried as deep as possible.

A group formed by beastkin born under the motto 'Better'.

They were quietly ostracized just for being different from existing groups, but inside, they were no different from humans.

Some wanted coexistence and harmony, some claimed superiority over humans, and some acted on these radical beliefs by forming organizations.

If humans had pureblood supremacist groups, beastkin had pro-improvement groups. Frankly, you couldn't even compare the two in terms of notoriety or activity—the pro-improvement groups were almost unknown.

At least, they were—until I created the neural connection circuit.

I'd always loved tinkering with tools and devices,
I was born the daughter of parents absorbed in the pro-improvement group,
and I was sold for a mere rank. I unwittingly helped push that group toward even more radical ideas.

Ignorance is a sin. Powerlessness is a curse. Purity was both. How many sins did I commit under the excuse of not knowing better? I just liked receiving praise.

With trembling hands, I reached out to touch the Creep clinging to the wall. All I did was tap it—and it peeled away, trailing down to the floor.

And an arm appeared from beyond the Creep. The hand, pointing as if accusing, was directed at me, as if to say: "What are you doing here when you should be working like a slave?"

My heart dropped at the sight, and before I knew it, I opened my mouth. What came out was not vomit but my endlessly trembling voice. No, it was what I'd been holding back all this time—my true feelings, my unwanted past. Or to be precise, my protest that I was not in my right mind right now.

"... Hyun-woo, I think they did experiments here."

"What are you talking about?"

Silently, I pointed to the wall, and Hyun-woo stepped closer to examine it.

"Experiments? I don't really see anything like that."

"... You don't?"

"Well, there's a robot arm—that's all. Just the frame left."

He pulled out the robot arm tangled in Creep, asking if this was what I meant. What had looked like a familiar human arm moments ago no longer pointed at me, nor did it resemble a person anymore.

"... Sorry. I must have seen it wrong."

But that couldn't be. I'd said I must have imagined it, but the scene around me was still warped.

See? It's not reality. You're trapped in your past. Open your eyes—how long are you going to keep denying it?

My vision—or rather, the landscape itself—began to turn an intense red. The hideously spread blood vessel-like Creep screamed as if their mouths were torn wide open.

'A mess, huh.'

The past is just the past. I live in the present now. I pretended to be composed and ran my hand subconsciously over my chest where the scar would never fade.

The spot where the neural connection circuit was inserted long ago—a scar left when a pro-improvement radical stabbed me in an attempt to steal the underlying technology.

'You should've just handed it over. Instead, you ran to this remote satellite and made things difficult. I won't kill you, for old times' sake. If you're lucky, you might survive. Not that you look like you want to live.'

Words that stabbed deeper than any knife.

I just wanted to stop committing more sins, but when I said I wouldn't do these things anymore, all I got in return was a death threat.

Scars may tell you about the past, but erasing them doesn't mean erasing the past—memories are always imprinted with the five senses.

The residue of life is memory. The residue of memory is emotion. To me, the past was filth.

To remember—maybe that's a blessing to some, but for me, it was a curse. A dreadful, inescapable curse that chained me to the present.

The headache that recalled those memories, the sights before my eyes, even the tiny noises rattling my ears—they all made me want to vomit.

Carry looked at me, as if sensing something was wrong.

【(ㅇࡇㅇ)?】

"... I'm fine, Carry. Nothing's wrong. Yeah, everything's fine."

I'd once told Hyun-woo that the past should be left to flow away, not locked up inside. What a joke, coming from me, of all people.

I was the one most burdened by the past.

I muttered again, silently: I'm okay. I couldn't bring myself to say I was seeing strange things.

Without the blue crystal ore visible, how could I explain that something was wrong without revealing my own past? I didn't have the courage for that.

I'd thought I'd tell him someday, but now is not the time. I kept meaning to tell myself to say it, but every time I snapped back to my senses, I'd dodged the topic again.

That was when a limp hand was grasped by a large one.

Even though I tried not to show it, maybe I must have looked odd—because Hyun-woo silently took my hand as we walked. The faint warmth from his fingers instantly eased my headache.

My faltering steps grew steadier, as if the atmosphere surrounding us had lightened.

Lee Hyun-woo—the one who saved me, who had waited only to die and wished for death as a release.

At first, I resented him for not letting me just die, but the way he treated me made those thoughts fade away.

I remember his devotion—the way he tried to save someone as insignificant as me.

As I watched Hyun-woo steadily forge ahead, I thought: Maybe I'm already used to this.

When had it started? When did I start believing Hyun-woo would accept me, even with blood on my hands?

Hyun-woo, who probably had a more tragic past than me—every time I saw him get hurt, the memories I thought I had forgotten would trigger anxiety, but his simple "I'm okay" would always quickly calm me down. Even now.

Thinking about it, I realized how much trouble I was. I didn't know how Hyun-woo saw me, but I must look like a nuisance. Actually, I probably was.

Using "partner" as my excuse, and the baseless confidence that I was the only one who could take care of him,
Telling myself I could ease Hyun-woo's burdens,
Thinking I just didn't want to be apart from him,
I tried to stay by his side.

When really, all I wanted was to be loved.
I was just trying to get, from Hyun-woo—who had nothing to do with my past—the love I never received then.

I convinced myself that this was my repayment, that I could help him—
Even though the truth is, I can't truly help,
And when I try to use skills beyond a certain level, my mind goes blank and I freeze up.

'... Honestly, I really am such a troublesome woman.'

No one's as two-faced as me. Even in this dangerous situation, where one wrong move could mean serious injury or death, I found myself liking the feeling of holding his hand and had to laugh at myself.

That self-mocking smile—realizing it only made my face grow sadder.

I unconsciously gripped Hyun-woo's hand tighter, as if I would fall if I let go, telling him silently: Don't ever let go.

That's how we passed through the entryway.

***

'Is she okay now?'

I glanced sideways at Nadia, who was practically screaming, "I feel really anxious right now."

It seemed she was trying to hide it, but after two years together, she couldn't fool me. She'd even blurted out something about experiments out of nowhere.

After hearing her words, I sharpened my senses and thoroughly searched the area she indicated, but found nothing unusual.

All I saw were broken robot limbs caught in Creep. I took one out, thinking that might be what she meant, but apparently it wasn't.

'She seems a bit better now.'

With so much else to worry about, I just went ahead and held her hand, and she looked a lot more stable now. Her unsteady movements had returned to normal.

Feeling relieved, I stepped down hard on the sticky, squelching Creep. Something inside made a gurgling sound, but it was brief; the surface of the Creep, unable to withstand the pressure, tore open.

A hidden hologram panel was revealed.

〈Power Control Room〉
【The facility is contaminated. The automatic management system is down. Power cables are damaged. Please immediately begin the contamination purification procedure and manually activate the repair system.】

The doors wouldn't open, so I had to force them myself. Peeling off what looked like Creep holding the doors shut, I reached into the gap and started prying them apart.

I also remembered to ask Nadia and Celestia to stay alert in case something jumped out from inside. Not that I needed to tell them—they were already on their guard.

Creak—

The forced opening mechanism let out a low shriek. At last, the scene inside came into view.

My curse slipped out almost in unison with what I saw.

"... What the hell did these bastards do here?"

-------------= Clacky's Corner -------------=
It seems origin doesn't just pertain to Hyun-woo.
It pertains to Hyun-woo, Licorice, Celestia, Nadia, and even Eric.