Aoyang: The Reborn Alchemist Seeks Knowledge [Xianxia]

0042: Self Blame



A sudden jolt shot through Baiyun, starting from his missing arm, and arching to the rest of his body. His body began to tremble involuntarily, his teeth subconsciously clenching.

No... this familiar sensation... his body was rejecting him again!

Baiyun's heart sank. Now of all times?

His knees buckled and he stumbled, unable to control his body.

Ah.

Time seemed to slow again as he fell and a part of him wondered if this would be it. But if he had to go down... it wouldn't be-

A hand grasped over his remaining hand. It yanked him abruptly and interrupted his thoughts. Baiyun's eyes widened, realising it was Yingtao. She had finally come to her senses!

He had been afraid she would run alone and discard him as bait, or abandon him for what he had done to Jingfeng.

But...

On Yingtao's back as she ran, Baiyun turned to the mantis and stared at it with his dead eyes. What could they even do with such a powerful beast around? It had been so far away when it attacked with soul, but after being angered, it shot towards them in an flash. They had no way to outrun it.

He watched with divine thread as the mantis dusted the last particles off its blade and fixed its eyes upon them. It raised its scythe and swung, a crescent light mirroring its arc, shooting forward!

The light shot through them.

Baiyun didn't feel a thing. But he felt it must have been the end. At any moment, the two of them would be fall into halves. The very caverns around them had already succumbed, rumbling as walls collapsed.

But a crack came from something in Yingtao's fingers. Baiyun shortened his main divine thread and conjured another thread towards her, realisation finally striking. A surge of relief washed over him.

Without functional eyes, divine sense was his sole vision. He had been so focused on extending his thread to the monitor the mantis, he failed to notice Yingtao's actions.

In her hands, she clutched a small bell of bronze, its surface rough and rusted green. A portion of the mantis' light had been absorbed, powerful currents of mutated qi surging to neutralise it. But a small crack ran across its surface from the rampant energies; despite also being a Nascent Soul artefact, an attack of this level was too much for it.

Of course! A young master would have all sorts of powerful artefacts from their clan to save them from peril.

Perhaps... perhaps she had a teleporting artefact as well. If even a spirit beast could flee with such a method, surely a clan could offer the same for their descendants!

Baiyun wanted to speak as his hopes returned. But his body was completely unresponsive as it spazzed violently, blood continuing to flow from the stump of his left arm.

It was only then when he realised his body was functionally unconscious. He could only curse to himself, channelling his soul to slow the bleeding. Otherwise, it was possible he'd die of blood loss even if Yingtao fled successfully.

"Irritating." a cold whisper of soulsense echoed.

The mantis blurred into a flash, slashing its blade at them directly; the same attack that killed Jingfeng instantly! Blade after blade, cut after cut, the mantis unleashed a flurry of attacks faster than the eye could see.

But the bell shone with every blow, absorbing every attack. Every clash formed a new crack however, and soon, the bell was covered in spiderwebs and on the verge of collapse.

Yingtao continued to run desperately, but she couldn't outrun the mantis' assault. Terror filled her eyes as she felt her artefact deteriorate.

Baiyun's heart grew cold as he sensed the state of the artefact. It was about to explode! He forcefully puppeteering his mouth to speak.

"Y-Ying- t..." he struggled.

There was no point as she had already realised. Yingtao flung the bell towards the mantis with all her might, reaching for another artefact with her other hand.

The eyes of the mantis fixed upon the bell as it sensed danger, and it flashed away just as quickly as it had arrived. But an old man's roar came from the artefact as a ghostly visage raised its arms, chasing the beast down and clinging onto it!

A deafening explosion shook the centipede den as the bell exploded upon the mantis, scorching flames and hundreds of absorbed qi blades flying in every direction! One crescent shot past Yingtao as she ran and her pupils shrank.

Rumbling grew louder and louder as the caverns shook. The vast sea of rock above crumbled and began to cave in. A chunk of ceiling more than a hundred times Yingtao's weight fell, and she stared at it blankly.

Her eyes grew focused again as she reached her hand towards it, a hole opening within its midst as it engulfed them. This was their only chance to escape!

Yingtao formed a bubble of earth around them and willed it to shoot upwards. Cracks formed as the very earth rumbled, but she gritted her teeth and stabilised the bubble with all her might. She could survive if the rumbling earth crushed her, but he would die without question.

She glanced at Baiyun in her arms, conflicted emotions entered her eyes as she remembered how mercilessly he kicked Jingfeng. But if Baiyun hadn't done that... she shuddered as she remembered how viciousness of the death sigils. All three of them would have been torn to shreds.

It only then when she finally realised how grievous Baiyun's wounds were. His eyes were completely pulverised and he was bleeding profusely from his missing arm. She gasped in horror. Exactly what happened while she was unconscious for him to sustain wounds like this?

She reached to the rumbling walls and pulled out a clot of earth, wrapping it around his stump and solidifying it into rock that attached to his severed bone. From how pale he was, perhaps he would have succumbed to blood loss had she waited any longer.

Yingtao clenched her fists.

For a Core Shaper cultivator to be knocked unconscious by a soul attack while this servant managed to hang on, even managing to dragging them away... she truly was weak-willed as the berating elders of her clan claimed.

If she had just clung on and brought out the bell sooner... she covered her face. Jingfeng... he would have survived. It was her fault...

Guilt and shame weighed on her heavier than the earth that threatened to crush them, but she steeled herself. It was no time to be moping, she had to save Baiyun at the very least! Her mind grew clear as determination entered her eyes.

Her thoughts were interrupted as whispers filled the air once more.

Yingtao's pupils shrank.

A flash of light shot past her and through the earthen bubble. Before she could regain control, the tunnel shook as something forced it apart, prying earth open into halves along the axis it had been split!

Two eyes revealed themselves in the dark as the mantis revealed itself once more. Its pink carapace was no longer as pristine, marred with scorch marks and covered in mud. But it was unmistakably devoid of injuries; all the bell had done was coat it in grime.

Yingtao could only despair. Even after taking the impact of a Nascent Soul artefact's self destruction, it took no damage?

She clutched the small shield pendant she held in her shaking hand until her fingers grew red. With the old bell gone, this was the only Nascent Soul artefact she had remaining.

The mantis stared at the shield in her hand with its piercing eyes. Its eyes shot back and forth, reading the minute formation marks on it.

Yingtao with her back shoved against the wall froze. It wasn't going to attack?

Her body screamed at her to escape, but she remained perfectly still. An almost delusional hope entered her mind, and she felt perhaps if she remained unmoving as a corpse, it would leave her alone.

But slowly, power from its body welled into one of its scythes. It began as a faint white glint, a light grew vigorously, slowly condensing into a radiance brighter than day.

No... Yingtao trembled. Why did she think that would work? The mantis was concentrating an attack strong enough to cleave through the artefact in one blow!

She hurriedly began to tunnel away again, panting desperately as she clutched Baiyun.

The mantis raised its other scythe with mocking eyes, marching towards her as quickly as she dug. Yingtao heaved in desperation as she tried to wall the earth between them off again and again, but the beast merely walked through the walls with enough brute force to burst through, as if they were merely paper.

Her heart began to beat faster and faster, until it was all she could hear. She put all her might into fleeing, but she knew the truth. Deep down, she had already given up.

A faint scuttling filled the distant air. It grew louder and louder, until the furious footsteps drowned out her heartbeat.

Dozens of worker centipedes led by several warriors charged up the split earth, swarming the mantis and lunging at it! Furious mandibles gnashed at its pink carapace, horrific screeches echoing as they bit down.

Yingtao turned her head and was stunned by the sight, watching as the centipedes grew in number until the silhouette of the mantis was drowned by the sea of their combined bodies. It wasn't fighting back?

But the mantis merely shoved its way through them as it shook its body with anger.

It dismissed the glow on its charging scythe and focused its aura into its eyes instead, a familiar aura flooding outwards. Yingtao widened her eyes in recognition and horror.

A deluge of spring air and flowers washed the heavy scent of earth away and the centipedes froze, engulfed by the delusions. It was undeniably the soul attack from before!

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No! She couldn't falter this time!

Yingtao resisted with all her might as it engulfed her, a violent convulsion that constricted her muscles and seized every organ of hers! Her eyes grew bloodshot as she screamed and shook, finally letting Baiyun's body hit the ground with a thud, before she crumpled.

Her eyes were full of unwillingness as she coughed, blood oozing out from the corner of her mouth, crimson red seeping out of her every pore and drenching her robes. So this was what happened to those who defied the spell and remained conscious... This attack... it was far too cruel...

But she let out a pained laugh as she watched every centipede hit the ground as well.

At the very least... she was able to resist this time.

Yingtao finally "understood" how Baiyun was so grievously wounded. If even a Core Shaper like her was wounded to this extent after resisting... it was a miracle he survived without being turned into a splatter of blood on the floor.

She gritted her teeth as she reached for Baiyun, tossing his unmoving body onto her back. Tears streamed forward as she crawled forward, pushing the earth before her apart as she continued her ascent to the surface.

Yingtao knew. To resist desperately towards the end only brought pain.

A part of her thought it would be so easy to merely give up and lie down, releasing the halo of her shield. She would not have to suffer any longer before the inevitable end. Let the illusion engulf her and die in peaceful tranquillity free from agony, surrounded by whispers of spring and wildflowers.

But... she had already failed once.

If even Baiyun, a servant who had lost both his eyes and an arm could continue to run through the darkness until his body gave way, what right did she have to lie down and die?

Even if there was no meaning to it, she knew she had to crawl her way forward until the end came. This was a warrior's pride...

"Hah... haaahhh..." her breathing shook and her entire body trembled as she crawled.

Her vision grew shaky and blurred. The sound of the mantis marching behind her seem to grow distorted, echoing strangely in the darkness. She was loosing her grasp on reality.

Yingtao let out a hollow laugh as tears streamed downed and stained the earth. What warrior's pride? She had never wanted to be one... and had only followed the expectations of the Ying clan.

Who was she kidding? The reason she crawled was not warrior's pride.

No. She was so terrified she felt like she would crumble at any moment.

"I don't want to die..." her voice echoed weakly.

"I don't want to die."

"...I don't want to die."

"I don't want..."

"...to die..."

Yingtao coughed out another splatter of crimson as she crawled, a trail of blood etched by her bloodied robes into the earth as the mantis stalked.

The end was near. She could feel it.

Even the air seemed to pulse, growing louder and louder, the red veins at the edges of her vision resembling swaying flowers.

For a moment, she wanted to close her eyes.

...

!

It was then when the air suddenly shattered, a powerful aura surging from below and tearing the soul field apart!

Yingtao jolted awake at once and stared in disbelief. This aura... it was another Nascent Soul presence...

The fallen centipedes raised their heads off the parted earth, their eyes glowing with light as they rose up once more. The screeches of countless furious centipedes gnashing their mandibles filled the stagnant air, loud scuttling echoing once more.

Hundreds of bloodthirsty insects swarmed the mantis with renewed vigour, but it paid no heed to them. Its eyes were angled downwards into the tunnel out of sight.

Beneath, something approached. Something tremendously powerful.

Yingtao gritted her teeth. Now was not the time to seize up!

With the pressure of the spring delusion gone, she pushed herself off the ground slowly with her arms, sliding an unsteady leg forward and bracing her weight on it. She took deep and slow breathes as she stood with great struggle, stumbling as her head throbbed.

She could sense the internal wounds that marred her insides, but her pain had faded into nothing but numbing and scalding sensations. Her eyes turned to Baiyun's body splayed on the ground and she reached a hand out to grasp his leg, flinging him onto the back of her shoulder.

Her heartbeat thumped loudly in her ears as she marched forwards, the earth parting before her with every slow step. With every footstep, the surface grew closer.

Great auras seemed to surge behind her as the very earth shook, but she paid no heed to the chaos, her mind fully set on climbing above. In her half-lucid state, she did not even feel the terror of the Nascent Soul auras that clashed.

All she knew was that she had to flee. All she could hear were her heartbeats and her painful breathing.

Until...

Yingtao raised her hand towards the soil above and it gave way to a cluster of roots. The faintest of light shone between them and her eyes began to regain focus.

She tore the roots aside and finally....

A dense twisted forest surrounded her, the scantest of lights shining through the dense canopy above. The air was still rife with the sound of bloodshed as countless beasts fought far in the distance.

"Haha..."

Yingtao laughed faintly, so weak, it could barely be heard. This sight that seemed so ominous before was now so radiant, beautiful beyond words.

She had emerged alive.

"Rampage... Rampage..." her voice called weakly as she emerged from the tunnel, trudging through the forest.

The earth shook, a giant blade of qi flashing through the ground and cleaving through hundreds of trees, loud bangs echoing as logs struck living trees and tumbled violently. The once scant light was now blindingly bright, the sight of the clashing beasts above now visible.

Yingtao voice was already weak, but with such a commotion, it seemed certain her voice would go unheard.

Minutes passed, until a familiar rumbling sounded in the distance. She raised her head and her eyes shone, tears of joy flowing out.

"Rampage!"

...

When was this?

Baiyun's senses were so jumbled, it felt like time itself had leapt to a previous moment.

He felt like he was trapped in limbo.

With all his might he tried to move, but not a single muscle responded. His body clenched its mouth shut and gritted its teeth, even its throat tightly squeezed as if it was being strangled. The tendons in his neck were so taut, they felt like they would snap at any moment. Hardly any divine sense could escape from his closed lips, blinding even his soul.

His entire body seemed to scream as it rejected his soul, to the point where he had to retract all his thread, putting his full focus into subduing his body.

Baiyun felt helpless, a prisoner to his own body.

It was as if he was in a dark void, feeling nothing, not even given the luxury of feeling the agony of his wounds. At a time like this, it felt as if he should be concerned about what was happening outside. Had he been tossed aside, lying on the ground as Jingfeng had? He needed to recover as quickly as possible, or he might truly meet his end.

But all he could think about was of what he had done. Time and time again, visages of Jingfeng's scream of terror looped endlessly in his mind.

Shame. It was truly shameful.

He so mercilessly sacrificed Jingfeng merely to save himself. At the same time, for him to be mired in so much inner conflict over something so small... that too was shameful.

The soul of a grandmaster, imprisoned and tormented by his sect for decades to hone his mind against inner demons, shaken by the death of a mere child? One he barely knew at that. What had his training even been for?

No. This conflict was precisely what he should feel! If he did not feel this at the very least after what he had done, would he still be human?

Immature and weak-willed. He felt those words described him at this very moment.

Cultivators should have a mind palaces of iron, unshaken by the world. Honing the mind was in theory a mere mortal art, but it was no less important than the pillars of cultivation. After all, when one lived for so many years, even the smallest things could slowly wear the mind and soul down.

He couldn't keep suffocating himself. At the very least, he needed to do something.

Baiyun pushed himself to the limit, extruding a strand of divine sense for a moment. For a moment he could see again, and a peculiar sight struck him.

A swarm of furious centipedes assaulted the mantis, attacking it from every direction! Yet, it did not cut them down, merely shoving through them.

Those centipedes were swarming the mantis? Were they not allies? He did not know why he thought they were. For some reason, he felt like it would be the case.

Then...

Baiyun recalled their previous excursion, when he still had access to Ying Shi's compass. The memory of the queen centipede's location entered his mind; and in response he channelled a sphere of divine sense within his body.

Basic spell weavings were quickly bundled into the sphere as he forced it out of his body with all his might. It shot away into the distance, diving deep into the ground. Urgh- forcing the use of his soul at a time like this... A tremendous backlash struck him and his very being shook in the darkness.

Haha... that was the best he could do now.

With how the queen was weakened by the nuptial season, he could only pray it remained rooted in the same spot. Most queen insects hardly moved from their chambers to begin with.

The rest was up to Yingtao.

...

Giant eyes opened in darkness beneath as a colossal being stirred.

Qi sense swept the caverns of the den as the mighty presence surveyed its territory. Swaths of tunnels collapsed by reckless attacks, thousands of worker centipedes crushed and Lifesap chambers destroyed. Even a warrior centipede was killed, and torn apart in a manner that appeared undeniably deliberate.

A giant of mandibles snapped in fury.

"Old bastard... were you not here to aid me?"

...

"Huff... huff..."

Yingtao heaved as she clutch to Rampage's back as it ran, Baiyun dangling from her shoulder.

"Yingtao!" Ying Shi shouted.

His usual unwavering voice broken by panic as he rushed over, the disciples screaming and yelling as they caught sight of Yingtao's bloodied robes, as well as the horrific state Baiyun was in.

But on Baiyun's face was a mask, concealing his ruined eyes. Even in this dire situation, she still worried about the young disciples, not wanting them to have nightmares from such a gruesome sight.

"Elder sister, your injuries..." Ying Shi shut his eyes for a moment and composed himself. "Tell me what happened."

"Hah... even now, you still act tough." Yingtao heaved.

Ying Shi's face slackened for a moment and he didn't reply.

"The forest..." Yingtao said weakly. "Danger..."

She paused and coughed violently, droplets of blood splattering her brother's robes.

"Qinghe! Tend to her immediately!" Ying Shi shouted.

Qinghe nodded and rushed over with hurried steps, immediately feeding Yingtao an elixir. She could not help but glance at Baiyun for a moment before resuming her duty, her movements slightly hastened.

But as she raised her hand to cast a spell, Yingtao raised a hand weakly and stopped her.

"The elixir is enough... I'm fine now. Baiyun's injuries are more severe..."

Qinghe paused for a moment but nodded. She strode to Baiyun, furrowing her eyebrows at the sight of his wounds. To the side, Ying Shi was surprised she did not consult him first, but he remained silent.

She pried the mask that clung to his face with sticky blood, peering at what laid beneath.

...

Qinghe could not help but let go of the mask, and it snapped back onto Baiyun's face as she covered her mouth.

"Baiyun?" Mohei's voice suddenly rang out.

He had just peeked out of a tent from the commotion, only to gasp.

"AHH!" he yelled. "Baiyun! What happened to him? He's missing a arm!"

Mohei screamed as he rushed over, shoving guards aside and stumbling as he ran.

Even with the mask hiding the pulverised eyes and the flesh of the missing arm hidden by a clot of stone, he began to panic, babbling to himself incoherently.

"Oh no... oh no..." he mumbled. "He's not dead, is he? He..."

"Show me..." Mohei suddenly said. "Show me what's under the mask!"

His sudden yell was cut short as Qinghe pulled out her staff, violently striking him by the back of his head with a loud thud. His eyes went blank and he collapsed into her outreached hand, foam spewing from his mouth.

"This procedure is crucial. I will not have any distractions." Qinghe said with cold eyes.

Fei An, who had just peeked out of her tent, quickly hid herself again, frightened. But what worried her more...

"Jingfeng... Where is he?" she muttered.

Qinghe began to take out medical implements, but Ying Shi raised a hand to stop her.

"Not now." he said.

She stared at him and narrowed her eyes.

"Anything that can injure Elder Sister to such an extent is not to be trifled with. And she immediately spoke of danger." Ying Shi said. "We do not have the luxury of conducting treatment here."

...

"I understand." Qinghe said, finally. "But allow me to do this at least. He has lost a dangerous amount of blood."

She fed Baiyun an elixir, grimacing as she did so.

"I'll shoulder the cost." Ying Shi said.

Qinghe nearly dropped the bottle.

To the side, Rampage marched to the carriage, obediently attaching itself to the reins for once. The disciples hurriedly stashed their weapons away and rushed in, worried by the situation.

Ying Shi turned to Yingtao and sighed.

"Elder Sister..." Ying Shi said. "You have a communication jade. I would ask why you didn't contact me about the situation ahead of time as Rampage dragged you back. But I already know the answer."

Yingtao's eyes twitched.

"Bastard... I can't believe you're lecturing me even now. I nearly died..." she coughed.

The guards pulled out stretchers of wood and cloth, carrying Baiyun, Mohei and even Yingtao away before Ying Shi could retort.

He pulled out a jade pendant and activated it as he held it towards the skies. A red light shone as an emergency signal was sent. Perhaps now the elders of his sect would realise their mistake, he sighed. Though the one truly at fault... his gaze lowered.

"Jingfeng! Where is Jingfeng!" a scream from Fei An suddenly pierced the air.

Rushing out of the carriage, she grabbed Ying Shi by the shoulders, violently shaking him until his vision grew blurry.

"You're kidding. You're evacuating everyone. But where is my brother? What happened to him? Why won't Yingtao tell me?"

Fei An stopped shaking him for a moment, but her hand still clasped onto his shoulders painfully like vices of iron.

"Jingfeng is fine. Jingfeng is fine, isn't he? He's fine." she said. "He's too fast... too slippery. No one can catch him. Not some stupid beast..."

Her hands began to tremble.

"He's fine." she squeezed out her choked words.

But tears began to flow from her eyes.

"So, please... wait for him."

Her words were soft as a whisper, a final plea.

Ying Shi did not know how to respond as she sobbed. He could only remain silent, prying himself free of her weakening grasp as she sobbed.

Finally, he placed a hand on her shoulder, offering what little comfort he could.


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