An Egg’s New Job

"Yay! It is my first day on a new job. Hopefully this will help get my life in order. I finally have an adult job.” I say as I look at myself in my eyes in the mirror. I try to not think of how I hate my own reflection. I finish getting dressed, luckily the place has business casual, I have always hated formal wear. I throw on a band T-Shirt, Steam Powered Giraffe, and a flannel on top. I head out the door and drive to my job.

I arrive a few minutes early and walk up to the receptionist. “Ummm, hi. I am here for my first day on the job?” I sputter nervously.

“Please take a seat, we are going to have you do an onboarding interview. That way our managers can get to know you and get you to the team best suited for you.”

I take the seat offered and wait. Trying to prevent the nerves from taking over. Eventually I see the door open. And I see one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She walks over to me and asks “Zach? Please come with me.”

I try to restart my heart, brain, and lungs at the same time so I can do anything but stare. I finally manage to stammer out. “Yes, unfortunately.” I stand up and move to follow. I manage to look her in the eyes and I see she has a brief moment of confusion and a bit of awareness. She takes me back into a room, and there are 5 people seated behind a desk. The woman takes a seat and I can see a name tag in front of her, showing off her name, Lily. There is also a flag I don’t recognize, it has 3 colors, blue, white, and pink. I am instructed to take a seat.

“We are going to ask you some quick basic questions. We want to get to know you a bit better. We have a few IT teams that you would be able to do the work on real well. But we want to try and make sure you fit well with the team on a personal level as well. We find it helps integrate the new team members and gets them more comfortable.” The person in the middle is speaking, Gabriel.

I just nod and prepare for the questions.

“I think we can skip favorite Band” Lily says pointing at my shirt, while laughing.

I look down, and gig… laugh. “Oh ya, I love their stuff.”

Gabriel then asks “Well how about this, what are some of your favorite songs?”

“Well from SPG, sorry, Steam Powered Giraffe, there is Transform and Malfunction.” I respond quickly, then think a bit. “From other places, and normally I am not a fan of Country, but Shania Twain’s Man I feel like a Woman, is great. Otherwise the song Reflection from Mulan is amazing, and there is a song from a game/anime called True by Synthion that I also love.”
“Well I think that covers music. What is your favorite food?” Gabriel pops in again after making sure I didn’t have anything else to add.

I quickly respond “Oh that is an easy one. Eggs. I love them. Hard boiled, omelets, over easy, or what have you. Can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs, right?” I laugh at my own stupid joke.

One of the other people, Kacey, pops up and asks. “What is some of your favorite media? TV, movies, etc?”

“Hmm, well I love Ranma ½. That power to change back and forth is amazing. I also love X-men, both the movies and the shows. I think if I could have any superpower it would be Mystiques, the ability to transform is totally cool.” I see out of the corner of my eye Lily facepalm and I can hear a slight giggle.

Lily quickly asks “Do you know what this flag is?” Pointing to the tri colored flag I saw earlier. I quickly shake my head no. She looks at the other people and continues “I think he would be best suited to my team.” She added a weird emphasis to he, I don’t know why but I ignored it. The other members of the interview board murmur amongst themselves but quickly agree. Lily walks over to me, and offers a hand to help me up. “Welcome to the team. I look forward to seeing how you progress from here.”

I take her hand and follow her. We pass the receptionist who looks at me and giggles as well. Not sure what that is about, I just continue walking. Lily walks over to the elevator and hits the button. Once it arrives she clicks the button for the 3rd floor. “Each team has its own floor and wing of the building. We are on the third floor, and the left wing. It is entirely taken up by our team. For the first bit we will train you and help you out. But you are going to be working with SQL and linux. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask.” We leave the elevator and I follow her. “Our security team will have a lanyard and badge for you later today, but for the moment if you need to leave, please make sure someone can let you in.” She opens the door, and I can see that same flag is on the wall. I look around the office, and I can see the entire floor is nothing but cute girls who are working. When Lily opens the door, everyone turns to look. I feel a bit nervous at the attention and try to hide behind Lily.

“Ummm, are you sure this is where I will fit in the best?” I stammer out quietly.

Lily just turns to look at me, and just says “yes”, there is a bit of anticipation and hunger behind her eyes. Lily leads me to my desk “please take a seat and explore your new desk. I will have someone come over in a few minutes.” I do as instructed, I see there is a box with a headset in it. I start to unbox it, and I see the headphone has cat ears on it. I just think to myself, this is weird. Must have been a shipping mishap. But I don’t mind, cat ears make everything better. I boot up the computer, it skips the login step and goes straight to the desktop. I can see the background is of Ranma in a maid outfit and cat ears.

I start to settle in, when one of my new coworkers walks over. “Hi, I’m Luna. Nice to meet you. The other girls and I would like to get you a gift as a welcome to the team, what are your favorite colors?”

“There is no need for that, but to answer your question, Navy Blue and purple.” I responded bashfully. Luna is just as attractive as Lily. This place will be the death of me I think, so many pretty girls. Maybe one of them would date me, I start to wistfully think, then my brain rains on my own parade, they are all too attractive for you, you would never be so lucky. I shake my head to try and dispel the negative thoughts. “So how long have you worked here Luna?”

“Oh, I have been here for about a year or so. But I can’t see myself ever leaving. And you are going to get the present whether you like it or not, cutie.” Luna replies.

Blankly I stare at Luna. I can feel my brain empty of all thoughts, just like a sink after you pull the drain. “Ummmm, ok… thanks.” I stammer out slowly. Luna then takes her leave and moves to talk to a coworker nearby. “She is a total bottom, this will be fun” before moving along. The words go in one ear and out the other as my brain is still powering back on after being called cute.

Lily walks over and hands me a slip of paper. “Here is your login for everything. Please login to your email and review the emails you have. There are some training documents, as well as other boring HR things.” I boot up chrome and login. Taking most of the day to go through all of the documentation. About an hour prior to the end of my shift, Luna walks back over. “Here is that present I talked about.” She hands me a package, “please open it”.

I take the present and open it. I can see blue and purple socks. I grab one side and the socks fall out of the package. I can see they are super tall. “Are these thigh highs?” I question, confused. Luna just responds “they will be useful later, thigh highs are super comfortable cutie.” and she walks away laughing at my confusion.

I spend the rest of the day a bit confused, just prior to 5:00 Lily walks back over and hands me a badge. “Here you go, this will let you into the building and into our side of things.” I take the badge and can see it just has my first initial, and my last name on it. Confused, I ask “Why does it not have my full name? I see everyone else has their name?”

Lily responds “Well, we want you to find a name comfortable with while you are working. Most of us here aren’t using the names our parents gave us. Now go home and enjoy your evening.”

Not needing any other reason to head home I grab my present, my badge, and go home. At home I prepare a quick dinner, and throw the socks on my bed. I boot up Mass Effect and start my umpteenth million playthrough. My good old character Zoey the Infiltrator femshep is waiting and ready to remove people's heads. I spend the next couple of hours playing before getting ready for bed. I see the socks sitting, almost waiting on my bed. “Well they bought them for me, might as well try them on. It’s not like I will actually ever wear them for real.” I mutter quietly to myself, before I slip them on. They are super comfortable and I love the way they make my legs look. I admire them for a bit before taking them off and throwing them on my laundry pile. I lay down on my bed and snuggle close to my friend, the one and only Bree the Blahaj.