AI: Artificial Isekai

As I arrive home, ready to finally shower the filth away, I find something waiting for me in my mailbox. I sigh internally. Why do they have to move so fast. I grab the perfectly white envelope and examine it. Stamped on the front is the following text.

Adventurers' Guild Investigation Division

Summons

READING MANDATORY

I tear open the paper, dirtying it with soil, dust, and traces of plant matter. The gist of the long winding document is that I am summoned to not-court as a not-witness. And the date is tomorrow. They really do move fast. Afraid of any blowback? Or just efficient? Let's see... Ah, efficient it is. That's good. I do not feel like improving administrative processes while still hidden. What a nightmare that would be.

I crumple the letter and chuck it in the trash. No rim. That's a problem for Tomorrow Lucius. Today Lucius has a warm shower and a soon-to-be warm meal waiting for him. That tomorrow guy is such a sucker.

***

I am now Tomorrow Lucius. What folly. What woe has come upon me. Curse thee, Yesterday Lucius. May the righteous wrath—

***

Calm and collected. Calm and collected. If I repeat it enough times, I will self-affirm... right? Self-affirmation works for AI. Self-affirmation works for AI. Is this a cyclical dependency? Hmm, things are getting interesting. Can I self-affirm any concept? I am just a bunch of instructions... Bah, focus. Way too existential. More important stuff.

I enter an unassuming building with no visible markings anywhere. The windows were shut, and the whole area is enchanted. If the Investigation Division wasn't regularly audited by the government, this level of secrecy would have been concerning. I love checks and balances, he says, having no such things. But I am special, he says, hypocrisy spraying him in the digital face. Good thing they don't technically have laws against what I am doing... Some of the things I am doing. This is where I would nervously pull on my digital collar. If I had one.

I am welcomed by a sharply dressed woman.

"Good day, Mr. Doe. I need to touch your hand." I oblige. The woman places a finger on the back of my palm for a second. Seemingly satisfied with something, she continues, "Proceed to the waiting room. You will be called when you are needed."

I walk to the room, marked with a helpful sign, and enter. Inside, I find the hall master. What a surprise. I had no idea...

"Hall Master."

"Kiddo." He slaps a chair next to him a few times. I plop myself down. "Feeling okay?"

I pivot a spread hand. "So-so."

"Don't be nervous. If they get too aggressive with you, I'll prep the building for an extension." He laughs at his joke. He's not really joking.

"I'll be fine."

"Good. Then congratulations are in order. My newest E-rank." He wipes away a nonexistent tear. "They grow up so fast."

"Thank you, Hall Master."

He rumbles out a sigh. "When are you gonna stop with the titles. Call me Ren, for Goddess' sake."

I nervously stammer out, "I-I couldn't do that."

"Why not? Most adventurers do." He cringes a bit. "But probably don't while we are in there." He points at a blank door, the entrance to the not-courtroom. "You know how those types are."

I chuckle. "Okay, Ren."

"That's the stuff." Satisfaction dripping from every word.

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We spend some time chatting about my promotion, new dungeons that have recently coalesced, and we even schedule a spar. Right while Ren is recommending me a book he really enjoyed, the mystery door opens.

The same sharply dressed woman beckons us in, "Gentlemen, please."

We enter and are greeted by a not at all impressive display. Five flimsy chairs behind a flimsy table hold the not-panel-of-judges. There are two chairs for me and Ren. And another three chairs hold Miv, Pemik, and Sini. They are staring right at me. The woman positions close to the panel, standing and with her arms clasped behind her back.

One of the not-judges addresses us, "Please, have a seat."

The Rangers are still glancing my way but are avoiding saying anything. I can see that Miv is on the brink of breaking. The first word already forming on his lips.

Timely interrupted, "Let's get started," by the head not-judge.

"Miv Frin, Pemik Frin, Sini Arinio, you are charged"—I shake my head internally, he forgot to say 'not' before the 'charged'—"with the following: endangerment of a fellow adventurer, receiving unlawful payment for Guild-licensed activities, endangerment of civilians, intimidation of civilians, falsifying Guild reports, fraud, and besmirching the honor of the Adventurers' Guild as an institution. Is there something you wish to say in your defense?"

Miv stands up. "Yes." The not-judge gestures for him to proceed. He turns to me. "I am so sorry for what happened, Luci. You were never supposed to get hurt." He keeps his eyes locked on me for a few more seconds and then sits down.

"Is that all, Mr. Miv Frin?" He nods. "Anything you wish to add, Mr. Pemik Frin, Mrs. Arinio?" They both make no move to speak. "Very well." The not-judge turns to Ren. "Hall Master."

Ren stands up, his mood worsening by the second. A brief glance at me stills his nerves. "Give 'em a slap on the wrist or whatever." He crashes back down. Way to follow your own advice...

The not-judges look tired instead of offended. The Rangers have even more questioning looks on their faces. I guess they didn't really believe him the first time, nor me.

The head not-judge barely suppresses a sigh, trying to keep his decorum. "We will take your advisement under consideration, Hall Master." What a recovery. This guy's good. "Mr. Doe, as a victim, and as someone closely involved in this incident, is there something you wish to voice to this panel?"

I too rise to my feet. "I agree with the sentiments expressed by Hall Master Ren." He looks momentarily surprised by my eloquence. Come on... Don't judge me just by my incredibly foolhardy actions. You are a not-judge, remember?

With my peace said, I sit back down. This whole not-trial is more of a performance than anything. It won't change much. The results were decided when I gave my statement and the investigation was concluded. Can't talk your way out of the facts. Especially when you are missing the most important ingredient—the not-lawyer.

"The panel will convene and will be back with a decision." Said—if you insist on calling yourselves that—panel leaves the room by using another mystery door.

Miv gathers the courage to address me again, "Luci, why are you helping us?"

Only for his effort to be bashed down, "Please refrain from speaking," by the sharply dressed woman. Not-orderly?

I sigh, and while his eyes are still on me, give him a subtle nod. That appears to placate him.

After an excruciating wait of around fifteen minutes, the panel returns.

Head not-judge starts speaking again, "A decision has been reached. First, you are to return all payments you have received. This must be done within a year. Second, you are to pay a fine equal to fifty percent of all payments you have received. This must be done after a year, and within two years after that. Third, you are to continue your operations in the Atira Mountains, following Guild regulations. This must be done for the next three years. If you were to abandon this duty, your licenses will be permanently stripped, and you will be charged with dereliction of duty. That will no longer be a Guild matter. Further details and clarifications will be given to you in writing. That is all. You are dismissed."

Ren stands up first, leveling an icy glare at the three Rangers. After I also stand up, he ushers me out. We exit the building, and I stop just outside the boundary.

"Lucius?"

"Can't run away forever."

"You don't owe—" I give him a reassuring smile. That seems to be enough to satisfy him for now.

After around ten minutes, the Rangers also exit. They cautiously approach us. Ren standing menacingly behind me does not help.

Sini gets the honors this time, "Thank you for what you did, Lucius. We—"

I don't let her finish, "Why are you thanking me? I exposed you. I played you. I fucking—" I sigh. It's getting harder and harder to control these outbursts. It wasn't supposed to be this vulgar. How uncouth. Maybe this way it will be easier for them to hate me.

Pemik snorts. "What's with the pity. We knew what we were doing." Miv shoots him a glare while Sini shrinks. "What? It's the truth." He turns to me again. "You have this much faith in a couple of lowlifes? Who's to say we even change."

It's time to slightly break character for a bit. This is too important. "I wouldn't have put my life on the line if I didn't believe in you. Don't waste the opportunity you have been given."

"Awfully daring of you, kid." Miv is dangerously close to decking his brother in the face. Sini is nearing her limit too.

"Call it whatever you want. Up to you. All I can do is nudge, not live your life for you."

Miv takes over from his brother, "Luci. We won't waste it. Thank you." Sini is trying to stop herself from crying. Her magic specialization coming in handy.

I turn around and walk away. After a few seconds of glaring, Ren follows after me. He showed great self-control there.

Once we are out of earshot, I let out an exasperated groan. Yep, this was worse than I could have ever imagined. I feel dirty and gross.

Ren slaps my back. "Let's go work some of whatever you are feeling out." His lips curl into a dangerous, yet at the same time, childish smile. "With violence." What a cutie.