Accidental Healer

Chapter 13 - What would I Do?



Ellison, Elise and I sat together on separate swinging benches in a Gazebo across from the shallow river that ran through the territory.

We had no paint but the craftsmen somehow treated the wood to make it feel soft and lived in. The iron links squeaked softly as I rocked back and forth.

Once again I found myself marveling at the craftsmanship of our faction members. They had built a wide wooden bridge that connected to smooth cobbled roads—one skirting the open clearing leading to the town center and the other, fields of recently harvested crops.

With enhanced bodies people remained active much later into the nights, some working on crafts, others enjoying the leisure of our mountain home.

Someone had planted hedges around the gazebo and a small lantern hung in the middle bathing the space in a pale light.

If I listened closely I could hear the whispered conversations from the dark elves gathered in small groups in the clearing.

Little by little houses crept up the slope of the mountain, lights peeking through the open windows. Watching the light dance through the branches of the tall pines, I couldn't help but think...

Mom and Dad would love this.

I winced.

Without realizing it, I had been unconsciously suppressing thoughts about my parents for the last two months. Sure—here and there a thought might sneak up on me, but when they would, I tried my best to shove them away.

My parents.

The two people in my life who I loved and trusted the most. I pushed them into a deep dark corner of my brain, shoved far away.

Why?

Because I was afraid to hope.

Because if I gave into hope, allowed myself to believe that I might actually find them is this mess of a world….

Then it would only hurt so much worse if I didn't—and I was doing a fantastic job of ignoring it. At least I was, all the way up until we found the blueprints of the teleporter.

Now?

All I could think about is getting it built as fast as humanly possible so I could find them.

"Earth to Layton." Elise was waving her hand at me.

I blinked. "Huh?"

"I said what is up with Alex and Durkil. They are following that dark elf woman around like baby ducklings."

I scratched my head. I'd never been able to understand how a woman gleaned so much from just a look. "What do you mean?"

Her jaw dropped. "You didn't notice?? Ellison, a little help here."

He looked at me then back to Elise. "I think I'm as lost as Layton, should we not keep a close eye on their leader?"

She threw up her hands exasperated. "Oh my gosh, you two are hopeless. Those boys were drooling all over themselves. They practically jumped at the opportunity to guard her tonight!"

Ellison and I shared a confused look. "Not to be uhhh, speciest?" I tested out the word. "Specie…well I mean to say, she's a dark elf."

She glowered at me. "Yeah! A tall stunningly beautiful dark elf!"

I scratched my head again. Could both of them really be interested in Enora? "But she was like seven feet tall."

Elise groaned. "Whatever, just forget it."

Confused at what I did to annoy Elise so much I decided on a tactical retreat and changed the subject.

"So, I think once the next raid is over I'm going to go on a journey to meet our neighbors."

Elise huffed, picking her feet up cross legged on her bench. I tried to ignore her obvious annoyance—maybe there was a skill book on how to communicate with women?

"The teleporter?" Ellison pulled out a pipe and packed it with some kind of dried orange plant. I tossed him my lighter and mimed how to flick it on. He followed my instructions and jumped slightly when it lit.

"Yep." He lit the pipe and sucked in, the orange plants glowing a dark red. He offered me the lighter back but I shook my head. "Keep it."

"I'd like to meet your parents." he puffed out a cloud of smoke.

Of course that is what he would want to talk about. I focused on my swinging.

"Isn't that what you want?" Elise questioned.

I shifted uncomfortably. "Of course it is."

"So why aren't you excited? You're one step closer." She prodded.

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I chewed on the inside of my cheek, hoping they would take a hint that I didn't want to talk about it.

"Layton?"

"I just don't want to jinx it." I snapped, surprised at my own frustration. Elise recoiled slightly, but Ellison just bobbed his head.

"Ugh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped like that." I sighed. "It's just, I'm afraid if I want them to be alive, it'll hurt more if they… you know."

Ellison leaned back, crossing his hoofs. "You mean what if they were killed?"

"Hey!" Elise chided.

My eyes shot up to my friend. What the hell? Yes, that was exactly what I was thinking. Hearing the words out loud made my chest feel tight.

Ellison was unfazed, lounging casually. "Layton, it's perfectly natural to have that fear."

"Yeah I know!" I glanced at my lighter, wondering if he still deserved it.

"What if they are gone?" He asked softer this time.

"Why would you even ask that, Ellison?" Elise asked aghast.

"Just humor me, what if it's the worst case scenario?"

I glared at Ellison, but I considered the question. What would I do? Asking that question felt like standing in front of the Grimtaur all over again. My hands were shaking. What was the point of this?

"I don't know—why are you so worried about it?"

Ellison studied me. "Your parent's life and death are not determined by whether you talk about it or not. And having hope isn't going to make it hurt any less."

I pulled my legs to my chest and considered his words. If my parents were…dead, would me ignoring my thoughts about them bring them back to life? Definitely not. Still, I didn't see why Ellison had to be such a jerk about it.

"I get that. But what good does thinking they are dead do for me?"

"I didn't say to picture them dead." He smiled at me solemnly. "I asked what you, our faction leader, would do if they were."

I narrowed my eyes, but I humored him.

What would I do? I would be devastated. It would crush me, and then my imagination took hold. I saw in my mind's eye a path of carnage, relishing in the thought of divine retribution. I envisioned standing over the disemboweled body of the pretend murderer—letting the justice of the moment wash over me.

A crackle pulled me back to reality and I looked down to see the arm of the bench splintered and cracked under my grip.

I looked up to see both Elise and Ellison watching me with concerned expressions.

"This is stupid, I just wanted a peaceful night."

What did Ellison want me to say? That I wouldn't be bothered? I pushed myself to my feet and felt their eyes burning into my back as I disappeared into the night.

***

I spent the night wandering the forest. The sounds of the night and my boots crunching through dense foliage were my only companions.

What business did Ellison have questioning me like that? I stomped about swatting branches with no particular destination in mind.

All my hard work of burying my fears had been unearthed in a single night. Now my parents' death was running on a loop in my mind, each scenario worse than the last. My stomach was in knots, and I cursed Ellison under my breath.

Rrrrrr.

I mean seriously, he was always the voice of reason. He should know better, then to go poking around my feelings like that.

Rrrrrr.

What difference is it to him if I would rather bury my feelings?

RRRRRR!

OK what the hell is that growling? I looked in the direction of the noise and a shuffle of movement caught my eye. I was in no mood to be bothered by some uppity forest creature right now. I marched to the movement to find two clawed feet, a tail and half a body sticking from a small hole in a tree.

Annoyed, I reached down and yanked the creature free of the hole by its back paws. I held the small animal up and for a minute the two of us made eye contact. Then the badger lost its freaking mind.

The small mammal tore and scratched with a frenzy worthy of the Tasmanian devil, but I held firm glaring at it.

"What were you up to here that was so important?" In answer a blur of red movement zipped over my feet hardly bigger than a small rat. The blur was quick, but it was no match for my enhanced senses and speed. Stuffing the badger under my arm I tore after the little ball of fur.

The chase was a short one.

It led me to a rock around three feet wide with a small hole in the front, where the little red flash had disappeared. I tried to peer inside but there was no telling how deep it went. Carefully, I adjusted my hold on the badger, grabbing it by the feet again, and with my other hand I gently lifted the rock free.

Crimson pools mixed with the packed dirt and I nearly dropped the rock fearing that I had accidentally crushed the small animal. Fearing the worst I flipped the boulder away.

What I found underneath twisted my stomach. It was a family of foxes. Two large and one small.

The large foxes lie next to each other in a mangled mess of blood and fur. Nestled between the ruined bodies was my red blur. A baby fox.

I could see its heartbeat racing behind its soft red fur. Those must be the parents.

Then I remembered the badger. I lifted it up again and looked at it more closely. Its face and chest were still covered in the blood of the parents. My fingers moved on instinct.

One pinch on the neck and the badger stopped its fighting.

I knelt in the dirt, and laid the limp body of the dead badger in front of me.

"You don't have to be afraid anymore. He's not going to hurt you."

The baby fox barely glanced at the lifeless body of the badger. Instead it nestled itself tighter between its parents. It didn't even care about the badger I had killed for its protection.

Why did I think it would? The badger was just an animal doing what animals do, and all this small fox wanted was more time with its parents.

This was all so stupid. I wasn't a fox, and the badger hadn't killed my parents. Gently I reached down to scoop up the small creature. In an act of defiance it snapped at my finger but its mouth was too small to fit around it. Ever so careful I caged it in my fingers and lifted it away. It didn't go easy but I held firm.

I replaced the baby fox with the dead badger and laid the rock back onto the bodies.

Killing the badger was a mistake. I'd let my own feelings cloud my judgement and it wasn't even my own parents.

Dammit. I should've known Ellison was right. I had to figure out a way to face my fears, not let them motivate me.

Starting now, I forced myself to face the potential that my parents might be gone. My chest burned and tightened, and I had to grit my teeth.

Maybe they were gone and maybe they weren't. But I'm here now, and I knew what I needed to do. It still hurt, but at least I knew the answer to Ellisons question.

What would I do if they were dead?

I'd be devastated, but I would keep moving forward and grow to be a man they could be proud of.

There was a tickle in my hand and I glanced at the softball sized ball of fur trying to kick free.

For now though, I needed to figure out what to do with the newest addition to my family.


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