About Your Pride and My Prejudice

Chapter 25: Love….is a Luxury

Wearing two layers of white chemise, I put on a poplin dress and a Spencer jacket tightly over them. Even though I completely wrapped my shoulders and back with a thick shawl made of wool, I was shivering when I left the house.

Today is the coldest day of the winter so far this year.  I didn’t want to get sick again from the terrible fever, so I tightened my shawl and hastened my steps.

Before heading to the downtown coffee shop, I stopped by Viola’s house. It was my intention to invite my best friend, who is in unprecedented sorrow over a recent breakup, to go to Antress with me.

In fact, it’s dangerous to lock yourself up in your room when you’re sad.  Especially for a person like Viola who is naturally bright and cheerful.

When it came to things like this, I felt a responsibility towards Viola to model ways to cheer her up since I was older and we were best friends.

The ingredients needed to overcome sadness are simpler than expected. Friends, walks, and a cup of warm coffee. The effect has already been proven by many of my experiences. These three things are definitely helpful.

I went there with that confidence.

“I’m fine, Mel.”

Viola turned me down. In a hoarse voice as if swallowing sand.

“Viola…”

What do you mean you’re okay, with swollen eyes? Even with that thought, there was nothing I could do but clench my hand tightly.

“I just… I just need time to think alone. Don’t worry too much.”

Her dry face, shriveled up, was now smiling at me helplessly. It was a soft tone, but I was heartbroken because I could only hear her asking me to leave. I already prepared my shoulders and ears for you to lean on…….

Of course, there may be moments when you want to be lost in thought alone. Without any interference. However, I couldn’t help but feel worried even though I knew that.

It’s not about anyone else, but about my only best friend, Viola Graham.

“If you need my help, please let me know. Whenever and whatever it is.”

“Yes…. Still, it’s much better to see your face. Thank you.”

Viola whispered in a hoarse voice. Now I have nothing more to say. I have no choice but to hug her body that is half a span smaller than me. I only hoped that my sincerity would reach her and she would return to being the bright and cheerful woman as soon as possible.

* * *

Heading to the coffee shop alone I breathed in the cold air, I was constantly preoccupied with the idea of love.

What is love?

There are other valuable and precious things in life besides love. It may seem ridiculous for a young girl to say this, but as a body that has suffered one death, I can say it for sure.

That being alive is wonderful in itself.

So, even if the present reality feels unhappy and lonely, I still think it is worth living.

It’s like that even now. Because I’m alive, I can admire the scene where the sun hidden behind the clouds pulls out a brilliant silver thread, and I can also feel a innate sense of the cold wind entering and exiting my lungs.

The sound of my cheerful steps on the stone streets of the city with my old heels sounds as lovely as a dance song. And my light wavy hair swaying behind my back makes me feel so good.

So, a life without love cannot be a failure.  Without trying to find any grand meaning, without being thirsty for someone’s recognition, you are already precious because you are alive.

In my past life and even now, I have always been ordinary and timid, but this is the reason why I am willing to endure and cherish myself like this.

“Surely, just because you don’t know true love doesn’t mean you don’t know the value of life.”

Passing through the empty alley, I muttered with a muffled voice.  I have no choice but to admit how great the feeling of love is, even though I have never experienced it.

Everyone agrees. When it comes to love, it’s amazing and ecstatic and makes you feel as if you’re walking on the water. I’ve already heard countless times that people finally found the meaning of life through love.

In the end, it’s back to square one.

Thanks to the person I admire, if it feels like I’m in tears several times a day and then I’m happy, I’ve also tasted it with unrequited love.  Certainly it is magical.  Even if it’s not a very pleasant experience.

But what is it like being born in that world like? I don’t know.

“Love…”

From what I’ve seen and heard, I suddenly thought that love might be like a deep sea. Something absolutely overwhelming, beautiful, and infinitely humbling

At the same time, if you go in too deep, you might be swallowed, or might lose yourself forever without getting out.

But if that’s really love, wouldn’t that be okay? If you get lost in love, there may be no more perfect rest.

No, maybe it’s the opposite. You might go crazy because of that bursting happiness, or because of hell-like anxiety.….

“….. huh?”

When I came to my senses, I was in front of Antris. I had already walked for an hour, forgetting about the cold.

I couldn’t believe I thought about love the whole time to understand and chase away my ruminations on the stalker’s disgusting nature.

“…….”

It’s a luxury.

* * *

The server, who wore a wrinkle-free white shirt, a black vest, and undistorted pomade hair, had a bewildered face.  This was the second time that surprised him.

“For me….you have a question?”

He was definitely on duty, but I decided to rely on the kindness and goodwill he had shown me so far.

“Yes.”

Above all, I was nervous about meeting him separately outside because I couldn’t rule out the possibility that he might be the stalker.

“It won’t take long. So if you can sit in front of me for a second…….”

The streets of Florin, which were hit by the freezing cold, were quiet. Naturally, there were only a few tables occupied here in Antress. So I thought he would say yes without difficulty.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t do that, Miss.”

“Ah…”

All my actions stopped because of his unexpected firm refusal. Why is he refusing? Is he really…….

Then the server added.

“I’m on duty right now and I’m also wearing a uniform.”

“…….”

“No matter how many customers there are, it’s not the right thing to do. Instead, I’ll stand like this and listen to you.”

I just blinked several times at his unexpected remarks.

“If it’s a sensitive story, please tell me quietly. I’ll lean down and listen.”

At this point, I already felt it. This man won’t be a stalker.

In the mellow piano melody, a quiet conversation between the server and me continued. He listened to me talking about the stalker disturbance with his upper body leaning down neatly. Sometimes he nodded, and sometimes he was surprised and asked back.

He seemed embarrassed that I had thought that maybe he might have been the stalker, but after hearing all the circumstances, he understood me.

“I’m really sorry if I was rude.….”

“……I understand, Miss. Imagine how scary it must have been. Rather, in order to relieve you of any anxiety I want to reassure you that I am not your stalker.”

He looked at me with his pale gray eyes. There were no lies, but only worry and concern in his eyes.

“As you know, I work here every day of the week. Oh, I also have a lover I am devoted to. For your information….”

My lover is not a woman.

When he added in a low voice, I was taken by surprise. I was grateful. I did not know that he would reveal his private secrets that could be used against him—just to alleviate my anxiety.

“Then……!”

However, this reaction would not be polite. I struggled to hide my expression.

“… You did.”

“If you’re so nervous, will you let me help you?”

“Yes… How? No, why?”

The server smiled quietly at me, when I expressed how surprised I was with my whole body.

“You’re a regular customer, and in the spirit of customer service there’s nothing I can’t help you with as an employee here.”

“Oh…”

“If you tell me the stalker’s description, I’ll always keep that in mind and look out for him. As I said, I spend most of my time here.”

If he comes out like this, there is no reason to refuse. I quickly opened my lips.

“He has long, bright red hair.”

“Miss.”

The server narrowed the forehead gently.

“That’s not the stalker. The young girl you asked me about before—”

“…..No, it’s not that woman.”

I can’t believe he suddenly reminded me of my crush’s lover. I got a little embarrassed, but I tried hard to continue.

“That stalker is a man. He is tall and usually wears black. He is not dressed like a rag.”

“A tall man with long red hair.”

The server, who murmured in a low voice, looked up at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling for a moment and then turned to me.

“Well, I think I know who you’re talking about…….”

“…..You know?”

His unexpected reaction opened my eyes so wide that it couldn’t get any bigger.

However, the server had a slightly complicated expression.

“But if you say he’s your stalker…… I can’t agree with you.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s the owner of this place.”

“Ow……?” (Owner)

The red-haired man is the owner of the Antris coffee shop?

I just licked my lips with a blank face as if I had been hit on my head with a blunt weapon.

“There are times when he comes in that way, but no matter when and how he comes, I’ve been ordered to treat him like a normal customer.”

“…….”

“Of course, he has no reason to be a stalker.”

I just couldn’t understand where the conviction came from. How great and noble the owner of Antris is.

“Who is he?”

“Oh… Don’t you know?”

However, the server’s voice sounded rather strange.

“Although it was only last month that he bought Antris, I thought you would have heard it because it was quite noisy.”

“I didn’t hear it.”

No matter how socially isolated I was—Even recently, there were many days when I was afraid to go out and lock myself in the house—I didn’t care anymore.

Now, there’s nothing to be ashamed of or hide. With that mind, I continued to talk straight away.

“So can you tell me?”

“…..It’s Mr. Leopold, Miss.”

But his answer wasn’t anything I guessed.

“Mr. Leopold, he took over this place.”

***

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Comments from Korean readers:

ㅎ ㅎ He bought a store to see the girl he is interested in.

Someone who has no reason to be a stalker. It’s so suspicious and it makes it even more suspicious.

He is rich. Using money for stalking, too.

Wow ….his flex man….