Chapter 58: ʕ•̫•ʔ---How I Bribed the Underworld’s Guard Dog with Beef Jerky
I blinked, trying to process the situation.
Was this some kind of trick? No way Cerberus was being polite.
"Uh... hey there, big guy," I muttered, taking a hesitant step forward.
The creature's three heads leaned in unison, sniffing the air as though catching my scent.
At that moment, a memory flickered—something about offering a gift to Cerberus, or was it bribery?
My fingers fumbled for the packet of beef jerky I had picked up earlier at the stall in Mictlan.
Might as well try.
I waved the jerky in front of the dog's noses, a soft, crinkling sound that seemed to immediately catch their attention.
All three heads froze, their eyes widening, nostrils flaring with the scent of the cured meat. Then, without hesitation, one of the heads leaned forward and licked my hand.
A massive, slovenly lick that covered my palm in drool. I laughed—surprised, but relieved.
"Okay, okay, calm down," I muttered, wiping my hand on my pants. "Just take it."
I tossed a piece of jerky in the air, and it was devoured in a blink. Three heads nodded in tandem, their glowing eyes reflecting a mix of gratitude and hunger.
Cerberus sat down, tail thumping against the stone with an almost lazy rhythm. The whole thing felt surreal, like I was feeding a giant, slobbery puppy, not a terrifying mythological beast.
I offered them another piece, which they quickly devoured. And then, to my absolute shock, the largest of the three heads nudged me gently with its snout, a silent invitation.
My eyes widened.
"You… want me to get on?" I asked, staring at the hound as it gave me an expectant look. The creature's behavior seemed so out of place that I almost laughed again.
But instead, I hesitated, wondering if I had crossed some unseen line in the underworld's strange hierarchy.
The head tilted in what could have been an attempt at a nod.
Tentatively, I climbed onto Cerberus's back. It was surprisingly soft—almost too soft. The underworld's legendary guard dog was more like a glorified ride than a beast of terror.
And as Cerberus stood up, his massive paws causing the stone walkway to tremble, I clung to his fur, trying to ignore how absurd the whole situation was.
With a deep rumble that was surprisingly gentle for such a beast, Cerberus trotted toward the casino's entrance. The massive doors, which should have creaked with foreboding, swung open with an almost cheerful ease.
Inside, the atmosphere shifted immediately. Gone was the oppressive weight of the underworld; in its place was a lavish, almost gaudy display of wealth.
Gold gleamed on the walls, and violet velvet curtains swayed with the gentle breeze of some unseen air current. The sharp tang of incense mixed with the faint hum of distant music.
It was surreal—like stepping into a casino built for gods rather than mortals.
As Cerberus carried me through the lavish casino, I couldn't help but feel like I was starring in some weird dream—or more like a nightmare with a slightly cuter twist.
I mean, here I was, riding on the back of a three-headed hellhound, casually trotting through the underworld like it was just another Tuesday afternoon.
I pulled out my phone from my vest and aimed it at myself and the giant beast. The lighting in the casino was surprisingly good, and I had to admit, this moment could make for some top-tier content on Mythigram.
I looked at Cerberus's three heads and chuckled.
"Okay, this is it. Officially the weirdest thing I've ever done in Mythica. Time to document this for the future."
I took a quick selfie, trying to get all three heads in the shot. It wasn't easy, but I managed to catch one of the heads giving me what I swore was a smug look.
I felt a strange rush of accomplishment—like I had just checked off a major life milestone: Rode a Cerberus. Also survived.
As I stared at the picture, I had the immediate urge to post it on Mythigram. The captions practically wrote themselves: "Just hanging with Cerberus! No big deal. #MythicaAdventures #LivingTheDream."
But then I hesitated.
If I posted it, what would Mythica think? I mean, sure, I'd probably get some likes, maybe even some jealous comments, but deep down I knew that most people here would just shrug and be like, "Yeah, riding Cerberus? Totally normal, Carl."
Mythica had a way of making everything feel like a casual Tuesday. A day spent fighting off sea monsters? Regular Tuesday. A giant phoenix stealing all the comfy spots in the break room? No problem, just another day in the life.
I bit my lip and locked the phone screen.
"Maybe… maybe I'll hold off on the live feed this time," I muttered to myself, glancing at the indifferent casino-goers who were probably used to this sort of thing.
Still, I couldn't help feeling a little proud of myself for the photo. Life milestone achieved, I thought.
As Cerberus trotted along, his massive paws cushioning every step, I snapped another selfie—just for me. You know, for posterity.
"Right, Cerberus, let's show them how it's done."
And then I saw him.
Behind a desk near the entrance, dressed in striped pajamas and a matching pointy hat, sat Hypnos, the god of sleep.
His eyes were half-lidded, barely open as he let out a yawn so loud I thought it would shake the casino. I had read about Hypnos before—an aloof, sleepy god who had the unfortunate task of overseeing the entrance to Domos Haidou.
But seeing him in his disheveled state, slouching in his chair like he had just woken from a nap (which, knowing him, was probably true), made me wonder if this was some kind of joke.
"Uh... excuse me?" I said, trying to get his attention.
Hypnos barely moved, his eyes fluttering open just enough to give me a once-over before he let out another yawn.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah… you must be the one they sent for the whole... gambling thing," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with a fist.
"I'm Hypnos. My brother, Thanatos, was supposed to be here instead of me, but he's, uh, busy right now." He stretched lazily, his pajama sleeves riding up as he glanced around the room. "He went for a... dump."
I blinked. "A... dump?"
"Yeah, a dump," Hypnos confirmed, as though it were the most normal thing in the world. He sighed dramatically. "Don't worry, though. I'll cover for him. He's taking his sweet time anyway."
I stared at him, completely unsure of how to respond.
A god in pajamas, casually covering for his brother who was off... well, doing his business. This was absurd. But, I guess, in the underworld, maybe it wasn't.
"So... you're in charge of letting people in?" I asked cautiously.
"That's right," Hypnos replied, reclining in his chair as if the entire concept of standing up was too much of a chore.
"Until Thanatos finishes, uh, handling his... situation. Anyway, yeah, go ahead. They're expecting you somewhere. You'll figure it out."
I glanced at him, wondering if this was some kind of test. The casualness of the whole situation, the strange sense of comfort in an underworld casino that was supposed to be full of danger and suspense—it was all too bizarre.
"Right. Thanks," I muttered, still trying to wrap my head around it.
"Oh, right. Do you have the invitation with you?" Hypnos asked, yawning, his sleepy eyes barely open.
I nodded and handed him my invitation. He took it, glanced at it briefly, and then told me to head inside the shimmering portal that had just appeared.
As I turned away, I saw Cerberus, now lying in a corner, contentedly chewing on the last bits of jerky. It was like nothing in this place made sense.
But before I could take another step, I heard a voice, sharp and urgent, coming from deeper within the casino.
"Hypnos! Wake up! We have a player coming in soon."
I turned around just as Hypnos gave an exaggerated sigh. "Oh, right! That. Uh, yeah, go ahead. They're expecting you in Elysium. Something about... wheels, fortune, and stuff." He waved a hand dismissively. "Don't ask me for details. Just go. I'll handle Thanatos."
I saw a towering black-cloaked figure floating toward the yawning, sleepy Hypnos. He didn't seem to notice me, so I kept walking toward the portal.
"Stop yawning, and can you open your eyes for a second while I'm talking? Don't make me splash you with hot lava! Where's the agreement? I need it..."
I heard Hypnos mumbling something incoherent, followed by Thanatos's booming voice erupting in fury. "You what?!"
Elysium? That sounded like a strange kind of place to end up. But it was my only lead, so I did the only sensible thing I could—walked deeper into the casino.
As I did, I could see in front of me three different doors.
One had a huge and very elegant label with the word 'Elysium' written on it. The middle door, with a very dark and imposing aura, had 'Tartarus' written as its label. The last door, resembling the entrance to a maze, had an iron-wrought gate with the word 'Asphodel' inscribed on it.
"Hypnos said I needed to go to Elysium. Well, I guess Elysium it is." I stepped through the door.