A Zoologist’s Guide to Surviving Magical Creatures

When I opened my eyes, I found myself sprawled on the ground. It wasn't where I'd been moments ago. This place was different—eerily so.

Where am I? And where is everyone?

I pushed myself up to a sitting position, taking in the desolate surroundings. Ruins stretched as far as I could see, a crumbling wasteland drenched in the stench of burnt marks and corruption. The air itself felt hostile, thick and suffocating.

My voice cracked as I muttered, "Where in the name of all the gods am I?"

As I struggled to stand, a suffocating pressure suddenly filled the air, pinning me in place.

My breath hitched as my eyes darted around, searching for the source.

That's when I saw it.

A figure stood just a few meters ahead, its back to me. Long, dark hair tied neatly cascaded down its back, and a bloody, ominous sword rested by its side. It wasn't moving, but it didn't feel like it needed to—it radiated danger.

I gulped hard, already regretting every life choice that had led me here.

Then, the figure turned.

My heart nearly leaped out of my chest. I recognized him instantly—the same person from the fragmented memory I'd seen when I absorbed the first purple shard of Agnos back in Dwarftopia.

It was him.

Oh crap. My knees felt weak.

This wasn't just bad news—this was apocalyptic. He even had the same stern, soul-piercing glare as before.

Great, just great.

Before I could even process my impending doom, he moved. No, moved wasn't the right word. One moment, he was meters away; the next, he was right in front of me, as if he'd teleported.

"Uh… hi?" I stammered, plastering on the world's weakest smile.

My brain scrambled for a follow-up.

"We… uh… meet again! What a coincidence, huh?" A nervous laugh escaped me, but it sounded more like a dying seal.

His eyes narrowed, and he spoke, his voice low and cold, like a blade against my neck. "I told you not to wake me."

"I didn't!" I blurted, panic seeping into my voice. "I wasn't trying to wake you! I swear! I was just… repairing the leylines! Totally innocent!"

His expression darkened, the weight of his anger pressing down on me like an anvil.

Oh great, anger management issues too?

Perfect. Just my luck.

Then he raised his sword.

The oppressive pressure intensified, and my legs buckled. I found myself half-kneeling on the ground, unable to move.

He wasn't bluffing—he was about to slice me in two.

My breath came in short, desperate gasps.

This is it. This is how I die.

A part of me cursed the gods who'd roped me into this mess, especially the ones who seemed convinced I was the offspring of their overpowered creator god, Kaleon.

As the blade arched toward me, I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Please make it quick!" I muttered under my breath, bracing for impact.

No pain. Swift death. That's all I ask.

"Stop!" A booming voice rang out from the distance, reverberating through the ruins. My eyes shot open—well, one of them. The sword, poised mid-swing, froze in the air.

It actually stopped!

Who just saved my sorry hide?

The figure in front of me didn't look thrilled about it. His brow furrowed, and his lips curled in a displeased snarl.

"Why are you stopping me?" he growled, his voice like a rumble of thunder. "We need to destroy this anomaly!"

Anomaly? Excuse me?

Before I could voice my indignation—or my confusion—a soft chuckle echoed through the desolate space.

Then, as if the universe hadn't had enough fun messing with me today, another figure appeared out of thin air, materializing right in front of us.

I blinked. My jaw nearly hit the ground.

Because the newcomer… was me.

Well, not exactly me.

More like me if I was a godly, glowing doppelganger with an aura that screamed 'I'm too cool for this nonsense.'

My brain short-circuited as I stared at the uncanny resemblance. I still couldn't believe it when I first saw him before. But he truly looked like me. But there's a subtle difference in our appearance. He has the same long hair like the stern figure.

Is this really Kaleon? The one everyone keeps mistaking me for his son? He did look like me… or was it that I looked like him?

But then, a thought hit me like a runaway truck.

If I supposedly looked like him, how come none of the gods recognized him?

Shouldn't they have made the connection immediately?

Or was there something else going on?

The resemblance was uncanny, sure, but now that I was really looking, there were differences—subtle ones. He carried himself like he owned the universe, while I just looked like someone who barely survived being part of a creature's lunch menu.

Still, it didn't add up. Either the gods were clueless, or there was something about me that didn't quite fit this supposed "son of Kaleon" narrative.

The doppelganger crossed his arms and addressed the sword-happy lunatic in front of me. "Can't you see who this is?" His tone was calm, like he was scolding a wayward child.

"No," came the flat response.

No hesitation. No second thought.

Just no.

The doppelganger let out a long, exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose like this was a daily occurrence. "Where are your glasses? Did you break them again?"

The sword-wielding menace shifted awkwardly, mumbling under his breath. "They're fragile. They didn't survive my last fight."

I blinked again.

Wait… this guy has anger management issues and he's half-blind? Oh, this just keeps getting better.

The doppelganger's eyebrows twitched.

"This is the 27-millionth time you've destroyed those glasses. Do you have any idea how hard they are to make? Do you think I just conjure them up for fun?"

He threw his arms in the air in frustration, and for a moment, I could almost feel bad for him. Almost. But I was still kneeling on the ground, one wrong move away from getting diced into Carl-shaped confetti.

Meanwhile, my brain finally caught up with the conversation.

So, not only am I apparently an anomaly, but the guy who nearly killed me can't even see straight?

"Wait, wait, wait," I blurted out, unable to keep silent any longer. "You mean to tell me this whole 'trying to kill me' situation is because you forgot your glasses?"

The doppelganger threw me an amused glance, while the sword guy grumbled something unintelligible.

Yeah, today officially wins the award for 'Most Chaotic Day of My Life.'

I should be angry, right?