A Skull Full of Souls

Decades have passed and the small desecrated mountain village had become a grand fortress. The surrounding lands are now full of twisted and dead creations of the mad lich—well, and Vinny, but outsiders didn’t know that. Brave and idiotic adventurers regularly travel toward the large citadel. A twisted one-way mockery of a holy pilgrimage. Few make it inside the Keep. None have ever returned. The place is so infamous for being an evil deathtrap that even the unsavory evils of the world avoid its dismal rotting forest walls.

Well, everyone but Bob, the Baron of the black market. Bob was a man so skilled at unsavory acquisitions that the rotting trees twist into a cheering mob and the fetid winds blew tattered banners at his passage. Speaking of Bob, his cart wended its way toward the citadel. He showed no sign he’d noticed his grizzly greeting celebration. His drab clothes were nondescript, he could be a farmer dressed his best, a clerk dressed for the road, or perhaps a merchant, down on his luck. This man’s dull brown locks were cut short, hiding a few of his unremarkable features. It’s part of why he’s so good at his job. The rest of it is a combination of impressive ability to evade tracking, an even more astounding talent for finding evil, and for acquiring what they need silently, swiftly, and with only a reasonable markup. No one dared cross him. First, because he’d never once given away his sources and trading partners. Second, is because anyone who’s ever threatened him has watched him depart calmly, no matter what they attempt to do. Magic protections spring up, or the guards suddenly launch a raid. Or even a rival of the business decides to attempt a hostile takeover just at that moment. Then, the next day, the entirety of that person’s friends, family, and close business associates find…pieces of the transgressor neatly delivered to them with a note that says: “A kind warning from Bob.”

Thus, as Bob arrived in the citadel courtyard Andendor was already standing with the doors to the dining hall wide and welcoming. “Bob! You beautiful merchant! You have what I asked for already? That's incredible. I only put in the request last month! Come, let’s have some food and drink while we talk details!”

Bob calmly held up his hand. “Thank you for trying to show gratitude. I appreciate the attempt to be genuinely accommodating, but you know my rules. No following you inside, no food or drink, and no, I will not stop to rest.” He shrugged a little. “It’s nothing to do with disliking you. Business is just easier and safer when temptation and laxness aren’t a factor.”

Andendor sighed, exhaling a redundant, dusty breath from his mummified lungs. “I know, you’re just so dependable and skilled. Competence is so damn hard of a skill to cultivate in a minion. It’s hard not to try to keep you around as long as I can.” He twitched, worried it sounded like he was trying to trap the merchant. “Not as a stalling tactic! I just enjoy competent company.”

Bob nodded. “I accept the compliment. I would say that you’re highly ranked among my preferred customers as well. You know what you need, you pay promptly upon delivery, you have great products for me to sell, and you’ve never once displayed any attempt to swindle or capture me.” He nodded again, “I’d go so far as to say that if you weren’t a client, I would take your offer. Sadly, I cannot. Favoritism is a slippery slope and can lead to both of our enemies making things difficult.” He stepped off his cart and pulled aside the cloth covering the back of his wagon. “Please inspect the items and let me know if there are any problems with your order. You are, of course, welcome to use any divinations you would like. Identification services can be provided by myself for a small fee.”

Andendor nodded and strode over to examine the five small items. He picked up one of the glittering gems and inspected it. Its pearlescent rainbow hues flowed beautifully in the gray light. It was a flawless blue opal the size of an egg. Its patterns appeared to shift like staring at a tunnel through the very cosmos. He hummed in approval and examined the other gem. This too has faint pearly colors rippling through, but this gem was clear and red. It was a fire opal of the same type and it looked like a drop of solidified fire. Its very appearance caused the lich to handle it carefully irrationally fearing getting burnt. “These stones are exquisite my friend—I mean merchant.” He let out a cough. “Sorry, you just bring me the best toys.” Turned out liches can blush. He quickly shifted to the next item, cast a spell of identification, and made a completely involuntary shriek of surprise. “How in the nine hells did you manage to keep a soul coin intact while emptying the vessel? I know I said preferably empty but intact, but even I still wasn’t sure how to do that.”

Bob smirked. “I am particularly proud of that acquisition. The knowledge is sold separately and at a premium. I have the instructions ready to sell, but it will cost more than the rest of your order combined. Are you sure you’d like to purchase this?”

Andendor twitched, scowled, then shook his head and chuckled. “Bob, this is in no way a threat or display of intention. But I finally see why some idiots still sometimes try to kill you or take your products by force.” Bob raised an eyebrow. Andendor quickly put up his hands in a placating gesture, forgetting that as a mage, it would have been less threatening to keep his hands down. “Easy Bob, I want to purchase it, I have no intentions of anything other than a fair deal. I’m also certain that both you and your goods have protections only a fool would go challenge. I just meant that for one flash of one moment, I felt the impulse to try to force such a treasure out of you. That information will possibly save decades of research. Price is no object, so long as you can convince me why it is so bloody expensive.”

He turned to the fourth item. A tentacled purple tadpole in a jar. When he tapped the glass. In a flash, the creature inside struck. Not at Andendor’s finger tapping the glass but towards the face of the lich. The glass remained undamaged as the angry creature mashed furiously against it. “A real Mind Eater larva. I’m surprised, and impressed, again. I was expecting you to give me an Eater Wretch instead. This is exactly what I needed.”

Finally, he turned to the last item, picking up an ancient satchel full of old letters. “Ah, simply astounding. You actually managed to find Everano’s correspondence with Evelyn Ro Kast on creating permanent psionic enchantments. You’re a remarkable man! I’ve no speck of inkling on how you unearthed such treasure. Alright, I’m impressed with your goods. I want everything. How much is this going to eat my budget?” The merchant quoted a price and the mummified face fell. “Pretty much all of it. I see. Ah well, here you go. Vinny is bringing it up right now. Speaking of Vinny, I hope you brought his gift as well. I’m sure you saw how excited he was for your arrival. Though I’ve no idea how I’m going to be able to afford it. This delivery cost me more than I expected due to its high quality. Then that other piece of information costs more than double even that. It’ll take years of murdering adventurers before I’ll even begin to recoup my expenditures today.” His face kept switching between joy and despair. Like a kid getting all the birthday presents that he wants, but losing all the money he’ll make this year.

Bob smiled and pulled a small red vial from his pocket as vines emerged from the central well. Its tendrils foisting chest after chest of valuable loot, alchemical and magical products, and a few choice requests the merchant had requested on his last visit. “Here.” Bob placed the vial in the lich’s hand and began inspecting and tallying his new inventory. After approving each item he directed the vine to drop it in the cart. It would promptly vanish, leaving the cart apparently empty. Finally, as he sorted through a couple more chests, he stood and walked back to the Andendor, who was still gaping at the small vial. Though the liquid resembled regular blood and appeared perfectly mundane. It seemed that shadows just got thicker as they got closer. The skeletal palm that held the vial seemed to be outlined in the deepest gloom wherever light was blocked. “Does that satisfy Vinny’s request?”

“YESSS.” Unnoticed by Andendor a vine gripping a skull had risen behind him and was bouncing excitedly up and down, champing its jaws in excitement. “MUCH MAGIC. MUCH POWERRRR. SSSSOO YUMMM.”

Andendor made a dusty snort. “Vinny you don’t even know what this is. You’re just hangry. Also how in the Abyss are you making S and M sounds without lips or a tongue?” Another vine produced a skeletal hand making a rude gesture. Andendor laughed. “That’s why you’re so great bud. I’ve no idea how long you spent practicing to do that. But I’m certain it took days. I must say that when I planned to settle down I truly expected to fulfill the stereotype of the soulless cruel monster bent only on eating souls and magical research. I never expected to make friends with a vine monster or trying to bribe my favorite merchant to hang out. You’re the best Vinny!” The lich slumped a little after that and spoke with hesitation. “Vinny, I didn’t know this until after my transaction was complete but I’m certain that a vial of blood that I suspect came from a god of shadows, is outside of my remaining price range.”

The vine holding the skull twitched and the lower jaw fell to the ground. Bob then coughed gently. “I actually thought that might have been a possibility. I came up with a possible solution, though if it doesn’t satisfy we can negotiate an alternative.” A set of burning eyes and a set of bony holes surveyed him. “Vinny please refrain from attacking if you don’t like my request, there are alternatives.”

The bone head tilted as if in confusion. “OK WHHHAAAT WANT?”

Bob took a breath. Well aware that if the vine attacked him, he’d be forced to kill it and would lose his very valuable customer. “I’d give you the vial for free, in exchange for a cutting of your heartroot.”

Andendor gasped. Looking far too much like someone watching a soap opera for an undead magical monstrosity. Bob almost chuckled. But he couldn’t risk insulting his clients at this delicate moment. Plus, it was unprofessional. Vinny spoke, forgetting to pretend he was using the skull. “WHHHHAAAT THAT MEAN? THAT SSSSOUND SSSSSCARY.”

Andendor answered. “Vinny, it would mean taking a piece of your heart and giving it to Bob.” Every vine and tree in the area flinched as the ground rumbled.

“NO HURT!”

“Indeed bud, I’m sure it would be incredibly painful. That’s not the worst part though. It would require removing one of the corpses too. You’d forever lose that voice in your mind. Part of you would be permanently gone.”

The vines shuddered and twisted. The adventure’s skull shatters as the tendril tightens. “Whyyy do?” comes the faintest rustling whisper.

Andendor reached out to pat the vine. “Well, for starters, nurtured correctly, there’s a chance it could grow into another you. Second, by giving up what, there are 20 crypts so that single voice is 1/20th of you. You could use the blood in trade to become, not just smarter as planned, but I suspect you would gain great powers from such a thing. You may even grow into a divinity yourself many, many years from now. Though, I’m not sure how quickly you will fully heal from this cut. Maybe you'd never heal. You would become more than we’d ever imagined you could be.” He shrugged. “It’s up to you bud, I’m guessing that vial alone is worth at least as much as I paid for everything else. It would take us decades to pay for it out of pocket.”

Vinny rubbed a tendril against Andendor’s leg “Aaandy make cut?”

Andendor, groaned internally as Bob twitched at Vinny’s nickname. “Yes bud, if you want.”

The vine quivered once more, then responded, his volume once again rising high. “MAKE TRAAADE, DO QUICK! YUMMSSSS FIRSSSST, HELP LITTLE VINNY GROWWWW!”

Bob shrugged. “I can agree to that, after all, it should make the cutting more valuable.” He paused for a second then raised a finger. “It also might mean that you lose a bit of the potency of the…yummies. After all, a portion of you will then be taken away. Lastly, it might cause extra pain or some other complication. Are you still sure?”

“YESSSSS! NOW GIVE YUMMMSS AND HURRY UP! ALSSSSO ANDY MAKE SSSSLEEP SSSSO NO HURT.”

Andendor winced. Walking with Bob into the heart of his lair. In Vinny’s agitation, he’d completely lost volume control. Still, his dead heart fluttered in sympathy for the plant. Once he’d gotten past their uneasy greeting, Vinny had quickly become a great friend. His volume control and vocabulary were atrocious, but, over time, Andendor had realized that the plant monster was highly intelligent, it just had an alien perspective and was built to communicate through motion, scent, and magical signature. Verbal languages were just so...inexact. So, determined to help his friend, he’d decided to go all out. “Vinny, this spell will put you to sleep, period, for as long as it isn’t broken. You’ll just sleep, nothing can wake you—well, short of someone magically trying to control you. That would mix with the curse and cause both to fail. I also won’t be able to break it for an entire day at minimum. Is that all right? It is technically a curse, but I swear on my magic that I’ll wake you the hour I can and that I will do all I can to protect you for the duration.”

“YESSS. GOOOOD, NO HURT!” Bob stepped forward and nodded apologetically at Andendor. “Sorry, but as this is a trade between Vinny and myself and he hadn’t specified you to take the blood, I must hand administer. The lich nodded, and Bob poured the blood on Vinny’s heartroot. The entire forest shuddered violently and the entire crypt bucked, partially collapsing a section. Tendrils of pure darkness wriggled through the glowing vines. It moved almost faster than they could track forming intricate and complex veins that also seemed to form some alien script that whispered divine secrets as Andendor tried to read it. Vinny screamed. The room shuddered as roots twisted and writhed.

The lich stepped forward and slapped an incredibly rare and powerful herb against the root. His aura billowed with great and terrible strength and chanted out strange and mind-bending prose. The language, unknowable. A pure vocalization of intent and power. Finally, the energy coalesced into a terrifying Collar of white energy. He slapped it down onto the root and they flashed into bright light as he shouted the final word. “SLUMBER!” The resounding silence felt deafening, though, after a few seconds, the sounds of rocks and dirt settling and the harsh rasp of Andendor catching his very unnecessary breath could be detected. As Bob blinked and recovered from the blob of distortion left by the flashing spell, he begun to make out the faintly luminous raised markings of a plant woven into a collar around Vinny’s mighty heart.

Bob blinked and looked incredulously at Andendor. “Did you seriously just cast an imprisonment curse on Vinny? That-that’s a war crime in most countries.”

The lich let out a dusty snort. “Indeed I did. I suspect even he might be horrified if he realized what could be done with that spell. But I’ve nothing better for pain management. And I will release him before the sun sets tomorrow. I’d do it sooner, but...”

Bob snorted, “Only one ninth-tier spell a day huh? I thought you’d said you had a breakthrough.”

The lich fidgeted. “Well technically, I did. But only for…rats.”

Bob froze for a bit, then burst out laughing. “Rats? Do you mean to tell me that you made a beyond-legendary rat? Where is it, I must see it! If you sell it to me, I’ll give you an exchange voucher for any legendary treasure I bring.”

Andendor grimaced. “Not just a rat, a giant zombie rat. But it’s been destroyed.” He sighed and leaned on a crypt. “The beast, upon increasing above my limit, almost immediately began to fight off my control. It eventually escaped and began burrowing around. The stone flowed like water around it. It came across one of Vinny’s larger roots and decided to try a nibble, and—well you know Vinny.” Bob nodded. “Vinny immediately screamed ‘NO HURT’ and there was a big rumble. After all, even a tier 22 zombie rat is still just a rat. When I asked that the carcass be returned to me. I found a vellum thin carcass of the beast. It’d been crushed flat, bones and all. Here, come look.”

Bob followed his gesture and came across a blobby black, red, and white mural about 10 feet wide and the same high. Then, it hit him. “That giant smear is a zombie rat?”

The lich hedged. “Well, the base species before zombification was a Giant rat. Then I killed it and raised it to be a Giant Zombie Rat. So it started at about…dog size. Then upon gaining power, it got a bit bigger, maybe a young cow.”

Bob nodded slowly. “And it’s perfectly square because?”

Andendor shrugged. “Vinny has significant control of the earth. Quite simply, he solidified the stone in every direction around it and mashed the lid down as hard as he could. Turns out, he can mash pretty hard. It’s been useful for tons of things. And he just so happened to do the crushing outside my favorite study. So now we have a final trap to turn any who get that far into two-dimensional art. A simple preservation spell and boom: This gooey stain is now an abstract warning for my minions not to fuck with Vinny. You still want it?" Bob shook his head. “Yeah, I thought so. At least it will confuse those idiot adventurers.” He chuckled “You know, they think everything is a clue for how to survive in my lair?” His chuckling upgraded into ominous laughter. “Well, in this case. They’d be right. But I doubt that they’ll understand that it’s demonstrating what is going to happen if they try to get to my chambers.” His ominous laughter evolved into his patented Evil Cackle. “I think I will name this art piece ‘No Hurt’ by Vinny. That way, their appraisal magics will actually give out more nonsense than if I just hung it out. It will actually reclassify it from “animal remains” to “art.” Gray muddy jelly was oozing from the undead’s atrophied tear ducts as he doubled over from his manic evil laughter. “I even bet that their identification skills and abilities will pick up the preservation magic or legendary creature and make them think it’s priceless art.”

Bob thought about that and burst out with his own dark chuckles. “Knowing them, they’d go to great effort to steal it. And I can just see the outraged appraiser kicking them out of their shop and banning them for trying to sell such utter garbage!” They both cackled and howled for a bit. “And to think, I didn’t actually believe you were that evil!”

The necromancer made a “Who me?” gesture and then pretended to stroke his imaginary mustache. “I’ve got the evilest lair of all the lands.” He paused, then broke down. “Well no, that title belongs to Mr. Greyweather. I mean no one else repurposed a 3-kilometer high, bigger-on-the-inside cursed wizards tower into a giant insurance scam for adventurers. I mean, 3000 floors of bureaucracy and red tape runarounds in a magical building that randomly forces words to misspell themselves and has a chance for each door to open on another identical random room rather than the intended one.” Andendor shuddered, Bob shuddered, the room shuddered, then they both jumped as a loud, crashing, boom shook the halls. He pulled a scrying stone from his robe and spoke a word. A view of the courtyard’s outer walls came into view. The outer portcullis of the citadel had been flattened. “Oh, bother. Bob finish up with Vinny and I will return. Just so you know, you agreed to a magical contract to do only what was agreed upon when you entered Vinny’s room. So, hurt him in any other way, and you’ll wake up as one of my undead minions.” Bob stared at him with a perfect poker face. Andendor waved a hand. “Don’t look at me like that, it only works if they completely agree to the terms of the task. It’s more of a truth-checker than a trap. Also, I sent a runner zombie to your cart. He moved it to the hidden stable and you can go out the back once they clear the path.” He walked away, producing a staff and preparing to cast a powerful spell. “Mostly, I just wanted you to see the hole in your defenses. I’d hate to lose my best trading partner.” Bob chuckled wryly and tried to hide his apprehension. That trick might actually have gotten through his defenses. He breathed a sigh of relief that it was Andendor and not another client that figured this particular weakness out.