A Scale of Sapphire

Matt

I tensed up subconsciously as the vines released us, my whole body screaming at me to act, to fight, to get the hell out of here. I didn’t do any of those things. The rational part of me knew it would only make things worse. The tiny fairy in front of me was perfectly calm. She clearly felt she was completely in control of the situation, and considering the fact that her arrival had prompted our release, it seemed safe to say that she was the cause of the local flora’s odd behavior. Against someone like that, in woods like these, swords and potions meant nothing. We were completely at her mercy.

“Not feeling very talkative, are we?” the pixie said. “I kinda get it, I guess. You did just leave a cult, after all. I’m sure we’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other soon.”

I felt Chelsea stir beside me as she looked up at the fairy above us.

“Your name is Willow, right?”

“Yep.” Her voice was softer now, matching Chel’s quiet tone.

“Aoife- she called you ‘babe’. Are you two dating?”

“Yep.”

“Cute.”

And Chelsea fell silent once again, though some of the tension in her seemed to have faded. Without the pressure of Aoife’s subtle fear, and with the simple power of mundanity, she was slowly, very, very slowly, beginning to resemble the Chelsea I knew again.

“Can you walk, or do you need someone to carry you?” Willow looked at us expectantly, and Chel and I shared a glance before struggling to our feet together. “Alright then. Figured I’d ask since you looked a lot like you were struggling before.”

“We’ve been low on water for a while now.” My throat reminded me of this as I spoke, the rasp in my voice was clear as day. “Once we veered away from the river, it was all downhill from there.”

“Then we’ll get you some water and food as soon as we arrive.” She began to shepherd us forward, trees, vines, and brambles shifting out of our way as she did. The claustrophobic press of the forest around us was eased slightly, but such a casual display of her power left me all the more certain we were helpless before her. That certainty only compounded further as she continued. “We’ll make sure you’re taken care of, but that’s all I can promise you. Until we’re sure you aren’t going to hurt yourselves or someone else, we can’t let you roam completely freely, and even when we can be sure of that… you both did some pretty awful things to the goblins. I’d like to avoid having you retraumatize them every time you walk past.”

“They’re not people. They’re monsters. They don’t have feelings to hurt.” The words were out of my mouth before I even realized what I was saying. It had to be true though. It had to be because if it wasn’t…

It had to be.

“Who taught you that?”

It had to be.

“It was Cyrus, wasn’t it? You know you can’t trust him, right?  Why would he be telling the truth about this?”

It had to be.

“I mean, I’m a monster, aren’t I? I’ve got feelings, and you seemed pretty comfy talking to me before.”

IT HAD TO BE.

“He lied to you, kid.” Her voice was gentle now, and Chelsea was wiping something off my cheek… How did I end up on the ground? “He lied, so you wouldn’t think twice about killing them. Killing

I was cold. I was shaking because I was cold. That had to be it.

“Even if you weren’t in your right mind. Even if you were being manipulated. You killed them, and you need to acknowledge that if you’re ever gonna move on.” Willow had dropped to the ground as well, kneeling next to me, her gentle smile hiding a hint of sadness now, or was that pity, I couldn’t tell. “What’s done is done. You were manipulated, and you hurt people, and a lot of those people might never forgive you. You can’t change that. You can’t go back and make it right. All you can do now is take responsibility and be better.”

“F-fuck…”

“Yep. That sounds about right.”

I was crying. It was hot and I was shaking because I was crying. I was on the ground because I collapsed there. All this because I was devastatingly sad, sad because I was guilty, and guilty because I-

“I fucking killed them.”

Now Chel was wrapped around me. I was shaking and broken and I couldn’t think because I was a fucking murderer in denial. Why was Chelsea comforting me? Why was she holding me? Why would she care how a monster like me felt?

“We both did, Matt. We did something unforgivable.” She squeezed me tighter. “Never again.”

That was the moment I truly understood the sheer depth of the pain she’d felt before. It wasn’t just the betrayal, it wasn’t just the violation of our emotion, it was the irredeemable cruelty we’d enacted while under its thrall.

What Cyrus did wasn’t mind control. What he did was leagues more sinister. At least if he’d taken complete control of my thoughts and actions I’d have some shield of deniability. I’d be able to convince myself that it wasn’t me who’d done those things. It was me though. I had killed people, we had killed people, and now I had to live with that. I had to live on knowing that all it took was the right words and the right feelings and I became a murderer.

A mass of leaves and vines wrapped themselves gently around me, and I found myself hoisted off the ground, into the arms of one of the moss creatures. I wiped the tears from my eyes to see Willow, still close by, hovering a few feet away.

“You’re spiraling, so I’m gonna get you somewhere safe. Heavy emotions and an empty stomach are never a good combo.” We were moving again, the mobile mounds of foliage plodding purposefully through the woods. “We’ll find a solution, I promise. If you let us help you, then someday you’ll both have the chance to be better, and maybe somehow, the goblins will get closure too. Just… rest, for now.”

My eyes drifted shut long before she finished speaking. The gentle sway of the moss pile’s motions rocking me slowly as the fatigue of the last several days radiated out through my whole body. It wasn’t long before I slipped away into a truly blissful oblivion.