A Reincarnated Demon’s Life of Wonder

"Is this supposed to be a 'hideout'?" I asked out loud, not expecting anyone to answer. They're all as flabbergasted as I would have been, had I not been somewhat jaded to weird stuff like this. Glavras and his hellhole were good for something...

To recap, one of the Chaos Church goons fled the potion factory. The Adventurers' Union took notice of that. The escapee had access to some weird stealth-type Extra Skill, so the Union wants to take him out ASAP. Info about the escapee having fled to somewhere close to the sole area where one can harvest Boogeybomb Peppers within the Underwoods. A big raid party was created to hunt down the escapee and any other potential Church crooks hiding there. A large raid party can cause massive damage to the area. We need the Peppers unharmed. Hence, we joined the raid party and headed to the area, mostly with the intent of scoring the 70+ Peppers we needed for Jumbo's quest rather than hunting Church goons.

And so, here we are. Looking at the "hideout" that the Union's scouts reported. Still, is it fine to call this a "hideout"? It looks more like a giant hot spring hotel—the kind you could find in Japan back on Earth. Just waaaaay bigger. How many guests could they keep there? At least a few hundred, maybe over a thousand? And is it just me, or is the steam from some of the bath areas kinda red?

Even weirder than the rest of this description is the thing planted in the back of this "hot spring area". It looks like a large, jet-black tower. It's kinda mechanical, with a lot of tubes attached to it at the bottom. Are those connected to the hot spring baths? Does it run on bath water!? Talk about ecological. Not that I know whether the tower is a gizmo or not. But, is it okay for the steam to be so...red?

"Alright, people, snap out of it. We're moving out. Mira, you're first." - Garami

"Roger~," said Mira before running out from the bushes we had been hiding in.

You see, there's more to this hot spring hotel than what I've already described. There's also a huge, fortress-like wall that prevents you from entering the area except through the front entrance. There are no secret backdoors or "staff entrances" anywhere to find, according to the Union's scout members. At least this part sticks to its purpose of being a "hideout", but I digress.

The problem here is that the hot spring hotel has hired some of the local fae creatures to protect the place. Or, at least that's the impression I got after hearing the briefing before the attack. Anyway, the hotel is guarded by fae animals, so we can't just storm in and apprehend the escapee Church goon. In short, it's turned into a siege.

All the other adventurers have gathered together and are now fighting the fae beasts over at the entrance by the building's south side. Meanwhile, our party, sans Iron and Revi, has snuck our way to the north-west part of the area. Long story short, we're the infiltration party.

After Mira reached the wall, we started running towards her. Mira turned around and held her hands forward. I jumped onto her hands and had her throw me up. Once again, I am impressed by her raw strength. I managed to reach the top of the wall in one leap. And here I expected I needed to use [Sticky Limbs] or my webs for the last bit.

Seeing that I had managed to reach the top, Noire came running and was catapulted up as well. Flying would be a tad too noticeable, should there be any Church goons smart enough to still be on the lookout for invaders despite the big brawl over at the main entrance.

Last was Lily. She was a little too hesitant to get enough speed, but Noire and I managed to drag her up the last bit.

With all three on top of the wall, Mira started to make her way back into the bushes. From there, she'll go and join the crew fighting over at the main entrance. Revi and Iron joined the necromancer party that helped with the latter's recovery last night, so Mira said she'll go and team up with them as well. And pluck some fae beast heads. She never disappoints, that psychopath sword-swinging serial killer knight of ours...

"Meh, whatever. You girls, you know the mission?" I asked the other two in a low voice.

"Yes! Defeat the Chaos Church!" - Lily

"Huh? No way, why should we do that?" - Garami

"Eh?" - Lily

"Our priority is getting enough Boogeybomb Peppers and fleeing like crazy. Jumbo's waiting for our delivery. We don't have time to deal with any wacko churches." - Garami

"EEEEEHHH!?" - Lily

"Your voice is too loud! Noire, tell her to shut up!" - Garami

"......" - Noire

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"...Noire?" - Garami

"She hasn't spoken much ever since the kidnapping case. Also, is that something a Guild Master should be saying, Boss?!" - Lily

"When I tell you to shut up, I tell you to shut up so that we're not discovered! Also, Noire? Stop playing mime and start helping for once!" - Garami

"Shut up yourself-meow!" - Noire

...Meow?

"What was that just now?" - Garami

"N-nothing at all-meow!" - Noire

"No, you were definitely meowing." - Garami

"Yup. She went meow-meow." - Lily

"I-I did not-meow! My speech is purrfectly fine-meow!!" - Noire

And now she's purring even. Is she doing it on purpose?

"HEY! Who's up there!?"

Crap, all the messing around got us caught. A guy dressed like the goons from yesterday is running up the stairs to the wall. He must have only heard us, so we can either try to hide and make him think he only imagined it, or-..., or do as Noire just now and snipe him. Girl, why did you choose violence when you woke up today? Oh, the cat thing? Yeah, I understand.

"I will turn you all into pincushions-meow!" - Noire

The new Church goon's cries (both the one from before and the one of pain from the arrow) had snatched the attention of the other goons hiding inside the buildings. In that case, it's time to take advantage of my new size and...skeedadle. I'm done fighting these guys. They're no fun!

Lily didn't have the same idea. She went running after Noire, despite being a little scared. The cat angel's eyes are screaming "MURDER" right now, so I get it.

Getting off the wall wasn't too hard. I've climbed worse walls down in the Water-Knot. Heck, wall-climbing and fearing for my life is part of my childhood! My poor, poor childhood... And now's not the time to be depressed. Lock in. Find the loot. Then get the heck outta here!

Luckily for me, the buildings are a little elevated, creating an open space between them and the ground. I think ninjas of old loved creeping underneath these spaces, so I'll take a page from their ninja books and do the same. Nin-nin!

Wow, I was mad for my mini-size before, but it makes it so much easier to get around undetected. I still miss being "detectable" for various reasons and for different "sizes", but being a compact-sized version of yourself does have some benefits. Crawling underneath the floorboard let me pass the mess of footsteps above. From the sound, I'm guessing they're reinforcements for the pincushion goons from the beginning. I mean, they gotta be pincushions at this point, right? Some of the footsteps sound pretty weird, though. Does the Chaos Church have non-humanoids among its ranks? What am I saying? It's the CHAOS Church! Monsters are more fitting than humanoids!

Noire and Lily...they should be fine. I didn't see any of the goons had any more mecha equipment on them. Maybe they only had enough to give to the kidnapping party? Sheesh, talk about being penny pinchers. Or is this being "mecha pinchers"?

Oh? While I was busy thinking about mecha stuff, I reached the other end of the building. There are no goons here in this courtyard, so it's about time I stopped crawling in the dirt. No, seriously. All the humidity is making the ground into a mud pool. Yuck. I definitely wasn't thinking when I decided on my sneaky route. Damn, why can't these old-fashioned, ancient hot spring inns have metal vents like modern people?

Aaaand now I see why things were so humid around here. I just crawled into one of the mentioned hot springs. And it's red hot! No, seriously. This bath is red as a blood bath! Wait... *Sniff, sniff*..., either I've become a vampire without noticing, or else this stuff isn't blood. Because it smells delicious!

"Ugh... Master, please don't tell me we are taking with us this Boogeybomb stew thing." - Bloom

"Glad to FINALLY see you finally contributing with something, even if it's only color commentaries. And did you say Boogeybomb stew?" - Garami

"The results from [Identification] say this is stewed Boogeybomb Peppers, so..." - Bloom

...Crap. Don't tell me the Church of Chaos actually has good taste when it comes to food!? No, that can't be it.

"Why're they stewing this stuff in the middle of the bath?" I asked myself as I took a closer look at the bath area. Nothing too strange here, except for the red pond of fiery death. And a black pipeline attached to it. Bingo~.

"Bloom, can you tell where that thing goes?" - Garami

"The pipe? I'm not sure, but that direction leads to the weird tower." - Bloom

"Huh? What for? Don't tell me they're going to use the tower as some giant sprinkler gizmo." - Garami

"That would be honestly terrifying, chaotic, and evil. Something the Church would probably gladly do, but stewed Boogeybomb Peppers do not have any such dangerous properties to them." - Bloom

"For real? I mean, this stuff's red. And vagually glowing." - Garami

"That's where they got the 'boogey' part of their name. It looks and tastes super spicy, but there's basically nothing harmful about these peppers at all. Hence why many traders want them." - Bloom

Huh. I guess we'll have to chalk it up to fairy magic to explain how that's possible.

"Uhm, in that case, are they sending this stuff to the tower to...use the stew as some fuel replacement?" - Garami

"What machine runs on chili?" - Bloom

"How should I know!? There are literally living machines in this world! Who knows what the technological limits are here?" - Garami

"At the very least, the Boogeybomb Peppers have no such trait. That is for sure. There must be a different reason why they are making such a big operation about them." - Bloom

No joke. If all the red steam pillars I saw before are to be trusted, then there are several baths that have been repurposed as cooking pots. Just how much...

"Bloom, get a route to that tower for me, NOW!" - Garami

"Wh-what's wrong? Did you notice something?" - Bloom

"Duh! If they're cooking so much chili, then there won't be anything left for me! We gotta stop their operation ASAP!" - Garami

"By 'anything left for me', you meant anything left to deliver to Mr. Jumbo, right?" - Bloom

"......" - Garami

"Right?!" - Bloom

"Bloom, stop procasting and start guiding. We're on a schedule here." - Garami

"Aw geez. Fine. But only because we need to help Lily and Noire too." - Bloom

Whoops. I almost forgot about them. Eh, it should be fine. The tower's not that far from here, so a quick run, a quick demolition, then I'll go and help them perform a pincer attack on the goons. I came, I saw, I crushed them all. Nice and easy. Let's move out, people!!