A Quest;looking for gods

Soon she was placed on a warm surface and wrapped in a material that restricted the enervating movement of her limbs, then she was placed warmly in an embrace that brought her close to the sound of familiar drums. Something big and soft came into her her mouth, she made no conscious decision to suck,but suck she did,and warm sweet liquid filled her mouth.

She felt tired and warm,her body was warm and held snug in the arms of a person she couldn't see, a person who's heartbeat had been a constant companion as she had looked unknowingly in the person's womb.

She sighed and fell asleep. And she woke.

Her body was still wrapped in restricting swatches.

-Waaah!

She really didn't mean to scream,it just happened. She had been trying to return to the mind cage in this body and got frustratedby the failure. She knew it was there,unless she had been hallucinating in utero.

She was quickly attended to, her limbs released and her body automatically stretched out in aluxurious manner at the release.

She could feel the attention of the mother a d tried to focus on her blurry face. She could make out the general shape of it, the dark horizontal blurr near the top that might be eyes. She thought the woman had dark hair.

She herself she was yet to see,but she was sure she was female.

-I will probably not meet him on this life, as I never meet him when I'm female.

After all the wiping and smoothing of creams onto buttocks, she was again jailed in soft,sweet smelling cloth. She recognized these smells from the times she had watched her brother's child be attended to.

-How much time had passed since that life?

It is said by those who had studied such matters that babies can't tell where they end ,and where their mothers begin. She was quite certain.

She fussed everytime the woman popped her titty into her mouth, she had no problem with breastfeeding as a theory...she just didn't want to be practicing that theory. After two days of stubbornly refusing to latch on until the baby body was so starved it's instincts overtook my rational control of the little meat cage,the poor mother switch to bottle feeding.

-was it breastmilk or formula milk?

She couldn't tell. Her vision was as poor as a mole in daylight and though sounds were much sharper now they were all meaningless noise.

She tried again and again to go back to the mind cage,failing everytime.

There was a moment of tempestuous fear, triggered by a voice.

When that moment was over she analyzed it,deducing that the voice always triggered the drums to beat faster when she was in the womb.

She decided then that the source of so much anxiety was not someone she was prepared to like.

Time passed and her vision improved. She could finally see the face of her mother.

She was brown,like a milk tea, with bright golden brown eyes that pierced her like lances of light. She was beautiful.

-Do I have those eyes?

She had noted that her soul awareness did not merge with her body. Her sleep was still a terrible nothing that came and went like the eyeblink of the universe, it killed all awareness and returned to life idly. The body rested in that state but the blankness left her consciousness untouched.

She wished to get back to the mind cage to meditate and exercise, her routines had protected her from the lack of sleep for so long that the discomfort left her unable to find peace in her body, she would suddenly be out of breath,gasping and shaking.

This freaked out the mother who would make soothe, unintelligible sounds to comfort her.

The sense of breathlessness would be worse in the presence of the man that had the voice that used to trigger frantic heartbeat in the mother while she carried her.

This was her infancy.

Even as she thought this,she remembered that in all her past lives, her memories never began earlier than when she was a toddler.

Would she forget this part to never remember it as she grew? Would that not conflict with the terms of the punishment? But why did she not remember being born before and her infant years?

She got bigger and was soon able to sit up by herself. The nightmare pain of cutting her baby teeth left her weak and listless, a meanie to her poor mother with the crying...she refused to be comforted by hugs or sweet things in her bottle. She flatly refused to drink from the bottle.

The milk teeth coming in just unlocked all the pain she had carried and downloaded it onto the body of an infant.

Three days after she started teething she was in a hospital with her little hands in bandages like boxing gloves and a constant pain on the side of the head where the rational part of her told her an I.V. line had been inserted.

The rational part of her was mostly overwhelmed.

-I've suffered this already!!!

She was reluctant to do in this infant body what she had done in her soul self to manage the pain. She had made the pain an intrinsic part of that body, made it so that her very spirit energy flowed in rhythm to the core of pain in her.

Now, not only had the pain in it's original form been pushed into her infant body,in her soul counciousness the core had unraveled and the pain in all it's glory was ever new.

-Is this why I have been so afraid since I was born? Would this be happening if I had found my way back into the mind cage in this baby body?

She trembled and whimpered in the antiseptic smell of the hospital crib. Her mother stroked her brow gently and spoke, for the first time since incarnating she had more than noise,she heard words and knew their meaning-"oh,my Christine."