A New Kind Of Grind

"It's done," Veronica said, producing a sophisticated-looking brass dart gun from her inventory and laying it on the table. "This, here, is the 'revolver' that Roxy described, with a ratcheting mechanism that actually works reliably enough to be trusted. And... it is made of brass because nearly all of my iron is spoken for with other projects, so perhaps do not try to modify it to fire gunpowder and bullets rather than alchemist's darts."

"I'll live," I said, gently taking the new revolver into my hands, and carefully popping the cylinder out to the side, giving it a little spin. "Marvelous. Will it fit the darts you've already given me?"

"It will," Veronica said, nodding.

"Fantastic."

I put the cylinder back into place, and set it back down on the table.

"It's yours," Veronica said.

"You're too kind," I said, nodding my head to her.

"I also made something for you two," Akane said, raising one hand up high. "I maaaade..." She swept her other hand across the table, summoning objects from her inventory theatrically as she did so. "Pseudofamiliars! These ones are crows!"

"I see," Veronica said, inspecting the three blackened iron crows sitting on the table.

"Pseudofamiliars?" I asked.

"They're also called homunculi, depending on who you ask," Akane said. "They're a class of small automaton; these ones are designed to fly around to specified destinations and let you see through their eyes."

"A common enchantment, and not a useless one, either," Veronica said. "Although for delving, a rat is often more practical."

"Unless there's a lot of verticality!" Akane said. "Then a crow is perfectly practical! Especially for mazes!"

"Huh," I said. "Well, now my creation feels a lot less special."

"What did you make?" Veronica asked.

"A class of artificial mineral-based rubbers," I said, producing a pair of simple boots from my own inventory. "Various formulations have different hardnesses; this one is the hardest formulation I've got, and after a week of testing down at the docks, and walking back up and down the rough cobbled streets between here and there, I'd guess these'll last longer than leather soles, and have better grip, besides."

"Oh holy shit," Akane muttered.

"I will accept two pairs as adequate recompense for the revolver," Veronica said.

"I'll need to get your shoe size first, but yeah, I can do that," I said, nodding. I'd been surprised to discover that, yes, I could in fact make silicone- that's what this stuff was, ultimately- in this system, because silicone was an advanced synthetic chemical from my world, where the laws of chemistry were pretty clear that no amount of thinking about it really hard could turn lead into gold, and in this world, it was evidently obvious that one could actually turn lead into gold, and so clearly, chemistry worked fairly differently around here. "Hell, this stuff is really easy to work with, once you've gotten it down to just the final two precursors," I continued. "Mix 'em together, pour 'em into a good and well-lubricated mold, and let it sit for a few hours. I could teach anyone how to do it in maybe a day or so; you two are smart enough I could do it in the time it takes to mix up a pour."

"I do have to wonder what other applications this material could have," Veronica mused. "Improved footwear, while nice, is hardly something I'll need to make that frequently, as I am more of a weaponsmith than a cobbler."

"Iunno, ergonomic grips for your weapons?" I suggested with a shrug. I definitely was not going to mention sex toys. "One nice thing about it is that it's pretty chemically inert, so it can be used to make flexible cooking utensils out of it that can be washed and used more than once."

"Ooooh, or sex toys!" Akane said.

"Don't," I said wearily.

"Don't make them, or don't talk about them?"

Akane asked.

"Don't talk about them," I said. "You can make whatever you want. I'm not your mother."

"I will also insist that you not talk about sex toys," Veronica said.

"I love you," I said, locking eyes with Veronica, who rolled her eyes, but also blushed and looked away. "Anyway, moving onto literally any other subject, the crime problem down in the docks is getting worse. Hell, some of my coworkers are too afraid of getting mugged to come to work."

"Oh dear," Veronica murmured.

"Yeah, it is a Capital P Problem," I said.

"You're not getting mugged yourself, are you?" Akane asked.

"Someone tried it once, realized who I was, and freaked the fuck out before I shot them with my dart gun," I said. "It wasn't even a fight. Turns out, when you're a Level 2 Alchemist with a huge Magic Capacity and a Sevenfold Necklace, you can make some really fucking strong knockout poisons."

"You are aware that resident foreigners such as yourself still have the right to self-defense, correct?" Veronica asked.

"Just because I might be legally allowed to kill a mugger doesn't mean I want to," I said. "People turn to crime because they're desperate, not because they're evil. And just because I'm not willing to give them my wallet doesn't mean I want them dead. That's why I wanted the dart gun to begin with, y'know?"

"Counterpoint: you absolutely mauled a group of muggers, shortly before we first met."

"They had me outnumbered and I felt legitimately threatened. My charity and grace have some practical limitations."

A knock came from the front door, and I stood up.

"That'd be the courier," I said. "One moment, ladies."

I ambled away from the table, past the kitchen, and to the apartment's door, opening it up to find... a very, very sheepish-looking courier, wringing her hat in her hands.

"Bad news, sir," the courier said, unable to quite meet my gaze. "We, uh... we lost your barrels. Got nabbed by bandits, we did."

I blinked a few times.

"We-we'll refund your delivery fee, of course," the courier said hastily, producing a pair of silver Swords and holding them out for me, wincing a little.

"Tell you what," I said quietly, clamping down on my anger- after all, this kid wasn't the one at fault, they'd been fucking robbed. "I'd like to purchase a spare cart from your company. The smallest little two-wheeler just like yours, fit to hold one barrel at the most. How much is that going to run me?"

"I-" The courier swallowed nervously. "A-about five Swords, sir."

I pulled out three more silver Swords, and pressed them gently into the courier's hands.

"Bring it by before the end of the week, please," I said. "A pleasure doing business with you."

The courier nodded frantically, and dashed off, letting me close the door.

"Are you fucking shitting me?!" I all but yelled.

"You sound as though you're rethinking your stance on killing bandits," Veronica said mildly.

"I'm rethinking a lot of things," I seethed. "Son of a fucking... I'm going to piss on their graves!"

"You want us to help you clear out the bandit gangs?" Akane asked.

"No, no, I..." I sighed, shaking my head. "I am fucking pissed, of course, but I am... also well aware that going down to the docks and busting heads isn't going to actually fix this problem." I sighed again, this time a little louder. "Hence why I'm buying the goddamn cart- if I can't rely on couriers to deliver the beer, then I will do it my goddamn

self."

"Are you certain you'll be sufficient deterrent?" Veronica asked.

"I sure will be, soon enough," I said. "I've got two dart guns now, and the bandits know me; they know I'm not worth the risk to tangle with. And if they don't all know that yet? Well, I am a very good teacher."

---

"Now that's more like it," Akane said, returning home from class to find Haruna and I building a bicycle. "Sorry, Roxy, I know you were seriously pissed, but it is... really hard for me to forget the part where you're an endearing nerd who loves making things."

"Eh, I'll live," I said quietly, fitting some rubber tires into the rims. A traditional bicycle, where I was from, was made largely of metal, which could be thinner, lighter, and stronger than wood, and most definitely could be worked more consistently in a factory than wood. But, metal was fucking expensive these days- apparently delvers dabbling as Blacksmiths, such as Veronica, were buying up all the goddamn metals to turn into daggers so they could level-grind, and delvers had way deeper pockets than people who actually worked for a living. "I probably won't want to live, after riding a wooden bicycle down a cobblestone road, but I'll survive."

"Or you'll learn something new about yourself in the middle of whining about your ass hurting," Haruna said simply.

"You people are incorrigible," I said flatly. "Anyway, Akane, I've got some stuff that needs enchanting for this to work better, so if you don't mind too terribly much..."

"Of course! What parts?"

"The brakes, the motor, and the throttle," I said.

"...Okay, you're going to have to point those out to me," Akane admitted, taking in the mechanisms of the bike a bit more fully.

"Yeah, kinda figured," I said. "It'd be easier if I hadn't felt the need to build a derailleur and gear cassette, but I did just reinvent plastic the other day, and I'm still giddy about the fact I can actually make gears now, without having to spend twice the gear's weight in copper on some iron." Obviously, plastic gears on a bike wouldn't last terribly long, even if that plastic was filled with reinforcing glass fibers and being ridden by a silicone toothed-belt rather than a metal chain. Still, having some gears was better than no gears, so... "So, these bits here are the rear brakes; they conventionally work by grabbing onto the brake disk and slowing down the whole wheel through friction, so... make that work, while also stopping the brake disk from shattering if you brake too hard."

"Got it."

We were wrapping things up at this point, thankfully; the only truly complicated parts of a bicycle were the drivetrain and brakes, and since I already knew how those worked, and Haruna was a Blacksmith, we were able to fabricate even those in relatively short order.

Akane, meanwhile, was able to use enchantment to cover for shoddy materials, adding strength, toughness, and overall durability to the wooden and plastic components, in addition to the more obvious part where she enchanted a magical throttle-controlled motor that hooked into the drivetrain and turned this thing from a mere bicycle into a full-blown motorcycle.

"Alright!" I cheered, setting the bike's rear wheel back onto the floor, after confirming that the engine and throttle worked just fine. "Now, for the last part."

It had taken some testing, fiddling, and practice to do this, but I had, at last, managed to get the goddamn tiny one-barrel cart to fit into my goddamn inventory, and outfitted the top with some very light bracing and a fabric cover, which was juuuuust enough to make an enclosed space.

And now, that little cart was out of my inventory, and sitting in the middle of the floor.

"We'll have to add in a kickstand for when this thing is being parked and unloaded," I said. "We'll also need a way to hitch it to the bike- which is why I was insistent about that tailpiece over the rear wheel. But most importantly, Akane... I need you to make the inside of this little bike trailer fit ten full-size barrels."

"Ooooh," Akane cooed. "I love a challenge."