A dead girl's shadow

A hand is nagging me. I brush it away. It's disturbing my sleep and I don't want to wake up. I wish to remain in my blissful moment forever.

" Please wake up, your royal Highness, it's already so late and you are still sleeping. The Queen will be very angry if she finds you here " now that she has mentioned the Queen I have to wake up.

The word is enough to transform my beautiful dreams into nightmares. If the Queen finds me sleeping I'm certain I'll be unable to fall asleep today.

Not that the Queen hates laziness or something. She's just always after something to use against me. She won't hesitate to punish me at the slightest excuse she gets.

The last time I remember sleeping till noon I was lucky to spend the rest of the day cleaning the stables.

Alicia is the one waking me up. She is my personal servant and I love her very much. She takes very good care of me and gives me so much love and affection.

With her around I don't have to miss my mother that much but the fact that she reminds me a lot about mom doesn't help. It makes me unable to forget her.

This always makes Alicia happy. She doesn't want me to forget about mom.

She always encourages me to think positively about her and to only remember the good things that happened when I was with her.

She doesn't understand how hard it is doing so.

She also doesn't like it whenever I say that I hate my father.

She tells me that he loves me a lot but doesn't know how to show it.

I know that is a lie.

My father has never loved me.

Most of the time I end up agreeing with her to avoid unnecessary arguments. Alicia could spend the whole day trying to assimilate me into her doctrines without shedding a single drop of sweat.

Ever since our kingdom became an empire the servants switched from the term your highness to your royal highness but are still calling the Queen by the title instead of empress.

I always tell Alicia to drop the titles but she's always forgetting.

Before you get the wrong image let me clarify something.

Alicia is not an old woman who nannies me. She's actually around nineteen years old. She's been taking care of me ever since we were both kids.

The tiny age gap between us makes me more inclined towards her than the other maids.

We are so close that one could mistake us for sisters.

Alicia loves taking care of me. She's the one who asked me to request father to make her my personal servant.

Fortunately the great king was in a good mood that day.

I'm now fully awake.

" Let me brush your hair before you go down for breakfast "

" Come on, you don't have to do my hair. I'm capable of doing that myself. No need to bother about it "

" But I enjoy doing it for you. So please don't make me feel sad "

I'm unable to resist the cute look on her face. I don't know when I'll ever be immune to her innocent cute look and stop giving in to her.

The way she brushes my hair almost makes my eyes watery but I stop it. I can't cry now.

It's just that she does it like mom.

" Have I ever told you that you have such lovely hair? "

" You do that all the time "

Mom used to tell me that my hair resembles my grandma's.

I wish I could get a chance to meet my grandma but father would never allow it.

I close my eyes. An image of mom appears before my eyes. She's screaming. There's blood on her face. She's holding a piece of glass and a guard is lying on the ground. The floor is flooded with a crimson liquid.

I push the image away. It's not the time to have such thoughts.

" Is something wrong with my Elvi? "She calls me that whenever she's worried.

" There's nothing wrong. Are you done with the hair "

" In a minute "

" Hurry up then "

She's a bit surprised by my sudden rudeness but she doesn't respond.

She doesn't seem in a hurry. She takes all the time in the world to do my hair. She's also silent through the act. It's her silent form of punishment for my rudeness.

" Sorry "

I see her reflection smile in the mirror.

" So what did you dream about today? "

I'm glad that she's no longer angry with me.

" I dreamt when I was a princess " she laughs at my response.

" But you are already a princess "

Wait! What? How could I forget such a major detail? Of course I'm a princess.

Whether my family loves me or not doesn't change the fact that I'm a princess.

" Well I was a happy princess with a loving father and there was also a prince charming who would do anything for me "

" Even slit his own throat for you? "

" Even slit his own throat for me "

" Oh! Wow your royal highness do you think there is anyone like that in this world? "

" It's Elvira "

" Whatever. Just answer my question "

" I trust the heavens will help me find such a man. They owe me a lot "

Alicia knows that my dreams will never come true but she's too kind to be brutally honest.

I know that too but I guess there's no harm in dreaming.

" I just don't want you getting hurt, you know? "

I can't help it anymore. I feel the tears in my eyes. Alicia hugs. She knows how to make me feel better. Just like how mum used to.

" Do you think my father will ever accept me? "

Alicia doesn't respond. So much for telling me my father loves me? I can't blame her though.

I can only imagine how much of a headache it must be serving the royal family.

" I'm done with your hair. You look like a fairy my sweet little baby girl "

Alicia has a way of making me more beautiful than I thought I was. Her hands can do magic. At times I think that she's a real fairy.

" It's time for you to go down for breakfast " she leaves out the ' before the queen grows impatient ' part.

Someone opens the door to my room. I notice Alicia gets all tense. It's the queen.

She always seems to be a step ahead of me.

She grew impatient a little earlier than we had predicted.

" I noticed that you were not down with us for breakfast so I came to check up on you. I had to make sure you were still alive

After all your breed has a tendency of leaving whenever you feel like it "

She laughs as if she has cracked a banger. No one joins her.

Alicia excuses herself. The queen lets her. She is not interested in Alicia.

" I was having a hard time deciding what I should wear for the upcoming event "

" Wait! Do you mean that all that time was spent on trying out your outfits. I thinks we might have provided way more clothes for the brat than was necessary "

Instantly I regret ever saying that. Anyways it's never too late to rectify your mistakes.

" The reason I spend a lot of time deciding what to wear is not because of how many they are but because I'm trying to find any that are presentable to meet your royal 'standards'. "

" So are you trying to say that we provide you with second hand inferior quality clothes? Is that what you are trying to imply? "

Come to think of it, that sounds even much worse.

At times I think the best response should be keeping my awful mouth shut.

The only option I have left is to apologise. Even though it hurts my pride I still do it because I can't afford to sink into the Queen's bad book further.

" I've brought a cookie for you. Have it before you come downstairs for breakfast.

And by the way, it's not poisoned. I can assure you of that. "

Now that she has mentioned it I'm not sure I want to have the cookie anymore.

I know that that's what she was intending. To plant a doubt in my mind and torture my young brain while debating whether the cookie is safe or not.

Instead of coming closer and handing it over she throws it at me.

I'm caught off guard and fail to catch it. It falls to the floor despite my futile efforts.

The queen gazes at me scornfully.

" You are so clumsy. You need some exercise to warm you up a bit. "

The smirk on her face tells me that she's up to no good

Whatever she has in mind is an indirect form of punishment.

Anything just to make my life difficult.

" What do you have in mind "

" I'll tell you after breakfast. Spoiler alert you're really going to need the breakfast today "

She's laughing again.

I want to bash her head against the head but I know she'd overpower me.

The last thing I want is her killing me in an act of self defense.

I better remain as harmless as they had assumed me to be least I end up as my twin brother.