A Court of Lost Stars

VALKYRIE ISLAND

After another early morning training recruits in the Beginner camp, Nova slowly walked through the forest toward her meditation spot. The last couple of days, since she and Nesta had spoken about her vision, she'd been hesitant to meditate. It wasn't that she wasn't curious; she was, but she also knew better than to disturb something she didn't understand. 

Still, she could feel a growing ache in the back of her mind. A nauseating sensation that silently begged her to revisit her inner peace. She'd always looked forward to it, but now…not knowing what may visit her while in such a vulnerable state, she wasn't so sure she wanted to knock on the door.

What if something knocked back?

Steeling herself, she ventured forward until she arrived at her spot by the pond. It was hotter today, keeping the flowers encased with their secrets of vibrant colors. Nova removed her shoes and socks, settled on the edge, and planted her feet in the mud. Placing her hands on her thighs, Nova hesitated to close her eyes and instead stared at the tiny frog that hopped onto the floating vegetation before her. She watched the little thing hop toward another lilypad. It must have recently grown its legs because it missed by an inch and landed with a soft plop into the water. Nova watched the frog, but instead of trying to climb onto the pad again, it swam beneath before settling into a mossy bed on the other side.

Nova had often found she could learn great lessons by watching the nature that surrounded her. A flash of a memory infiltrated her senses: warm moss and a misty morning—watching guppies swim in shallow waters only to be gobbled by a fish that leered nearby. She wasn't sure where the memory came from, but it filled her with a strange sense of comfort, though anxiety needled the edges.

Furrowing her brow, Nova took a deep breath. Even if she were met with the feeling of ice and fear again, it would be okay. She wouldn't turn from it. No, she would face it. She'd look into its eyes and claim authority.

"You do not scare me," Nova murmured and clenched her jaw. "I will not be afraid."

Slowly, she let her eyes close, and her body relax, allowing herself to drift into the peace she'd been trying so hard to avoid. Weightless in the clouds of her mind, Nova allowed her senses to expand and breathed in the universe.

"I thought I might find you here." Adira's voice broke Nova from her concentration, but when she opened her eyes, she watched the sun start to dip beneath the horizon.

Nova frowned and looked around. Her spine ached from the position it had been in for so long, but she settled her gaze on Adira. She sat crosslegged nearby, watching her with a twist to her brow.

"Are you alright?"

Nova blinked and rubbed her lower back. "What time is it?"

"Nearly nine. You've been gone for hours." Adira untied her bag and reached inside. Pulling out a canteen of water, she offered it to Nova. "You've been meditating all this time?"

Nodding, Nova took the canteen with thanks and drank greedily. The splash of water against her dry tongue offered more relief than she thought possible. "I was…somewhere." She murmured, looking down at her hands and arms riddled with dark ink moments ago, but the memories were fading so quickly she couldn't latch onto anything else. Like footprints in the sand overcome by sudden crashing waves of reality. "I don't know where I was, but…" She shook her head and swallowed. "I was happy."

Slowly, Nova turned her head to meet her curious gaze. This was the first time she'd seen Adira since that night. "How are you?" She asked, cringing at herself for the way her voice shook.

Adira smiled softly and nodded, "Better now that I know you're alright."

"That's not quite what I meant." Nova smiled softly.

Adira shrugged and nudged her knee with her toe. "I still miss you as my roommate."

"Well, I am hard to replace." Nova's lips morphed into a feline grin, sending a glitter of mischief to her eyes.

Laughing, Adira nodded. "I didn't know if I'd find you before the kitchen closed, so I put a bowl of stew in your cabin."

"You didn't have to do that…"

"I know."

A firefly landed on Nova's knuckle, its little body lighting up as it crawled up her wrist. Smiling, she lifted her hand to inspect it before pressing the gentlest of kisses on its body. It flew away, joining other fireflies that danced across the pond's surface.

"You know how there's a Winter Solstice?"

Adira smiled and nodded as she quirked a brow, "Yes?"

"I think there should be a day dedicated just to fireflies. Imagine being so little but still a light in the darkness. I think that's something worth celebrating."

The walk back to camp wasn't nearly long enough as Nova and Adira filled each other in on the things they'd missed from their respective sides. When they had to divide at the fork in the path, it was a little easier to let go, but Nova wondered if she'd let go of her sooner than she should have. 

Who else would search for her in a deep, dark forest to ensure she was okay?

By the time she arrived at her cabin, the stars were shining, and the moon was the only light that lit her path. Upon entering, Nova kneeled and reached into the hearth. She touched her fingers against the wood on the grate and watched it combust into a small, controlled flame. The powers she'd grown with had always been a part of her- something she'd always unconsciously been able to achieve, at least from what she could remember upon arrival at the Island. 

One night, a few years back, she questioned Nesta about the gifts. 

Where did they come from? 

Why did she have them?

"They're passed down from your parents," Nesta said over the dinner table. "We can pursue them further if you'd like, but I can't guarantee I'd be able to teach you everything. My gifts are quite different."

"What are your gifts?" Nova had asked, leaning forward with interest.

"I cannot demonstrate, but I assure you the best advice I can give will be through mediation. Keeping yourself centered. If you're in control of yourself, you can control anything."

Nova picked up the bowl of stew Adira had left for her and retired to the little table by the window. She ate in thoughtful peace using the fire's light, reflecting her time under her tree. It had been a long time since she'd entered such a deep state of meditation and never for so long before. Her stomach growled like a happy little monster as she fed it what it had craved for hours.

With a full belly, Nova discarded her bowl into the sink before readying for bed. Through her meditation, she never so much as grazed the exterior of whatever fear that had engulfed her last time. She wasn't one to believe in accidents, but maybe that's exactly what that was.

Taking down her hair, she combed through the tangled, greasy knots and sighed. It was time for a bath, she agreed with herself in the mirror. Soon, she was stripped and lowered herself into the hot water, winching at the ache in her back as her muscles were forced to relax. Nova let out a long, soft sigh as she leaned her head back against the lip and fully submerged herself from the toes to her jaw.

The steam that misted off the water was a comforting spray against her face as she lowered her head under, just enough to wet her hair. She opened her eyes as the water pressed in on all sides, creating a world of buffered sound. Nova could hear her heartbeat but nothing else. 

"You are safe." She said to herself and let her eyes close. "You are in control."

Nova swallowed as she breathed, forcing herself to stay calm as she carefully and experimentally dipped her head below the water's surface. 

You are safe.

You are in control.

Her hands gripped the edge of the tub tightly as she let her eyes flutter open beneath the water.

A dark face of shadows loomed above her.

Nova sucked in a mouthful of water and flailed. While her legs kicked forward, her head slammed against the bottom of the tub.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL!

Nova stilled her limbs before lunging upward and breaking free from the water's hold. Coughing and sputtering, she leaned over the side of the tub and emptied her stomach of the dinner she'd just consumed. Spitting out the bile, she breathed deep, ragged breaths as her head spun.

Her muscles carried a new ache as she reached for her towel and unplugged the drain, letting the water seep away before attempting to stand on shaky legs. Nova felt more like a newborn calf than a Valkryie. She toweled off her damp skin before using it to mop off the sick on the floor. It would be best to dispose of the towel; she thought as she numbly dressed into her bedclothes.

Taking a deep breath, Nova carried the ruined towel to the trash bin and hauled it outside. The warm air of the night kissed her skin pleasantly, offering a moment of clarity before she returned to her bedroom, where she turned down the comforter and crawled into bed. 

Nova had felt so confident after her day of uninterrupted meditation. She'd overestimated the fear her nightmares had on her. Pushing her face into puddles while doing pushups was easier than submerging her face underwater in a slippery, unforgiving bathtub.

Yes, she panicked under the water, but she pulled herself out of it. And wasn't that the purpose of meditation to begin with? Everyone gets scared, but looking fear in the eyes and fighting back anyway was what made her Valkryie.

Nova breathed deeply as she decompressed against her pillows and relaxed her muscles. She was nearing the brink of sleep when something unsettling settled in her chest. It was subtle at first—like a dull ache—but as she lay there, it began to grow. A chill of cold swept through her, covering her in goosebumps.

Shivering, Nova kept her eyes closed.

The icy fear had returned, but she realized quickly it was not her own. Last she'd encountered it, she'd pulled away too quickly to understand what she felt. It was fear and grief, yes…but also panic and anxiety.

"I am in control," Nova murmured, "I am not afraid."

She let her body relax and opened herself to the icy blast, forcing herself not to cringe as it frosted through her veins. It may have even stilled her heart, but she couldn't tell. With her eyes still closed, she sat up and adjusted her position. Feet on the floor and hands on her legs, Nova delved deeper.

Before her, floated what appeared to be a tangled mass of something similar to barbed wire. No, not wire…ice. Jagged, black ice weaved an unforgiving web around something soft. Nova could see a soft, white light just past a few thin slits. It pulsated as if trying to break free of its icy chamber.

Holding her breath, Nova reached forward and pressed her hand against the ball. The sharp spines of ice jabbed her skin, but she gritted her teeth, refusing to pull away.

Nova leaned forward and breathed into its chaos.

Calm.

The dark ice shuddered, and a little more blurred light leaked through.

Calm, she said again, I am here. Have peace.

Slowly, as the ice began to melt, the light shined through, revealing a delicate snowflake inside. The darkness crept away, unclutching its hold, and Nova slowly opened her eyes. The darkness of her bedroom was a stark reality to the beauty she'd just witnessed. 

A knock at the door made her jump, and Nova cleared her throat before shaking off the last few minutes. She stood from the bed, legs trembling, and quickly went to the front room.

"Nesta?" Nova asked with a frown as she pulled the door open. She looked down at the letter she held and furrowed her brow.

Nesta spoke through her clenched teeth, "You've been summoned to a meeting of the Court's."