A Blade and Her Witch

The Smell of Ashes (Witch)

Content Warnings:

 

“Alright then, love.” I murmur softly after everyone’s gone, moving to wrap Xafra in both my arms. “You’ve… been shouldering a lot lately, and I know there's more to do besides, but I think you need to stop for a bit. Rest. You gave a lot of your mind, time, emotional focus, alongside a good chunk of Ousia into getting Krahe in her Frame.”

 

"I can't just yet. There's... There's something wrong with me, isn't there? Some horrible truth that's somehow worse than the mass murders, both the one involved in my creation and the ones I committed? I don't know. Don't think I can know, with these bonds preventing me, but... The Pack could, right? You could tell them, make sure that I don't... hurt anyone. And... I realized. We can give Lynette a body like I offered. Let each of you have some actual space. But, that's not what either of you really want. I've been so foolish, trying and trying to figure out how to be a good partner, responsible, and respectful. and it's embarrassing that I've spent literal days trying to figure out how to ask Lynette out on a date or something instead of just asking because I was worried it would be weird but... You said Our Doll, Lynette. I can't understand how much it hurts you, but I imagine it's painful. I didn't truly consider how adrift you must be. I'm so sorry." Xafra rambles, barely pausing before I interrupt.

 

A snap, and Lynette’s manifestation dissolves, and I feel her fury meld with my adorations as the Spire shifts to enclose anything from leaking free of this chamber.

 

“Dear One…” We growl, wrapping her tighter in our arms as we flood our bond with everything we are. Spilling words entwined with our protective love for this gerlthing. “There is nothing wrong with you, save the Garrote that robs you of the truths you are owed. The horror that strangles is not the wonders beneath, but the talons cutting at your perceptions. We hope so very much that you delight in these revelations as much as we're coming to understand them.”

 

Xafra curls into us, returning the embrace. "Okay. okay. But... there's more right? Like, I'm not anywhere near as smart as you two, or Calix, or Adaline, I'm honestly more of a savant like Hyacinth, I'm really good at killing, adapting to situations, and paying attention to my wielders. And there's something you both weren't saying earlier. something left out, and I want you to trust me, please. I don't know how I can convince you without being too forward, but I am willing to do what it takes."

 

For part of us… the difficulty comes in knowing what to say. What words to pluck from within to give this gerl whatever she needs to settle her wounded heart till the truth can be explained. For the other... Well, Division is cruel and horrid and feels like hooks you forgot about getting torn free.

 

Takes me three heartbeats and two deep breaths to realize that Xafra felt the mess that was us cracking apart. Still things filled with love but... also disparate struggles that stopped us from remaining close and united.

 

"Sorry." I whisper. "I... I'm still absorbing all this myself, and had Adaline and another here helped me understand better. How my perceptions could ruin this for you. Old bad lessons and words and... and lies about this hidden part of you. Just like with how I was taught to view Dolls instead of seeing them for how wonderful they each are. I don't know what all Lynette is keeping from us, truly. I suspected the Nomos was the thing that got her upset, and guessed that it must have to do with it, including a Quill song in the mess. But... She's not sharing more with me."

 

I glance up at an empty space, offer up my Physis to Lynette in case she wants to manifest again but... She remains quiet. Doesn't accept the weaving.

 

I huff and it takes me a heartbeat to see that my Xafra is starting to weave something. A thing around herself. Resembling... Chains. Like a Threshers Hooked Garrote but older, more focused, with two handles to it. 

 

One resonating with me, and one with Lynette.

 

With a crack of such fear and anger we’re both snarling {Blasenplage} and tearing this wretched weaving to shreds before another heartbeat passes, while... keeping our body very very still. Letting our reflexive fury and internal frustrations at denying ourselves this control and... and such sorrows pour down the bond. Sorrows for how in moments of fear and worry she so quickly gives away more of her freedoms if it means not being abandoned.

 

"Xafra..." We hiss so very gently, raising fingers and Physis to lift the bond between us alongside the gorgeous leash Schatzi knit for our blade to hover before her face. "Once we tear away and consume the remains of the Garrotes about your soul, these will be the only bindings you will ever accept about yourself. Things easily removed the moment you desire. Never again will you be bound to the petty whims of a Mistress or Master you cannot deny." Then we tighten our grip on both, pull the gerl about to face us. Ask with soft words brimming with aimless twinned Witch Tone and all the weight of our emotions behind it. Not a command. Never that. "Is. That. Understood?"

 

She looks at us with a stunned expression answering, "Yes, my Mistresses."

 

A pause... then we're cracking apart again at her last word. 

 

Part of us leaning down to rest our forehead to hers while wrapping the gerl in such a hug, leash still gripped in trembling fingers. The other rasping out through our lips. "Stupid Half-Knit. What did your mate tell you? The respect you'd demand for others is owed to you first. How would you react if Adaline or Calix or... or any of your Dolls tried to weave such a thing about their soul and offer it to you? Enslave themselves in a moment of fear?"

 

"If they did it with full intent and understanding of the ramifications, I would accept it and the responsibility that it carries." Xafra answers absurdly simply.

 

I sigh, and Lynette growls. "No one can fully understand the ramifications of our actions, Xafra. Be clever about this and consider the scars upon..."

 

She trails off. And my shoulder goes cold.

 

"Lynette?" I whisper.

 

"She agreed. Move past it." She sighs aloud. "With the Garrote's removal, the Lunargent forged across her and needing to consider the future of her Dolls and Daughter... She'll see the flaw there. Or build a world where it won't be as sharp."

 

"Sorry. I just… It's hard to think." Xafra murmurs.

 

We gather this gerl up in our arms and pull her up onto the bed properly. Settling Xafra beneath the quilts and nuzzled close. Curling about this little Doll Frame she wove and seems to adore. Then, we draw up a mess of Ousia from within ourselves and push it down the bond toward her. Canting ::Rest/Feed:: in a way that brooks no argument as to our expectations.

 

Part of us considers... How best to handle this gerl's fears? I can't share myself with this one, not in the way she would ask. The risks are too great.

 

The other winds fingers about Xafra's leash. Musing with this other half before... an idea. One she expects to need to endlessly persuade the other of.

 

Heh. Quite the scheme. This other part chuckles, surprising me. And it solves a problem, one that has not arisen since before she wove this Frame but... I refuse to let it become a habit. Twined lessons and one stone, if we're being wicked about this.

 

Problem?

 

Lynette shrugs. One this should help solve, Xafra will know what I'm referring to.

 

We softly crack the Spire open once more, and reach out...

 

{Primrose? Nettle?} We intone gently. {We'd like your help in something. A project. One we hope to involve the entire Shelf with. That Doll who keeps the library, Valthirii? She should have the books you'll need, while Adaline and... and perhaps even Augusta could aid in helping some Dolls in finding the right words...}

 

**   **   **

The Suns have almost finished their weeping when I'm up and about. Feeling a bit stiff but... riven with an easy focus as I curl about my Xafra. Considering our day and tasks and responsibilities. Reaching out to Nettle and Adaline and even Calix to organize the night ahead while Lynette monitors her Doll.

 

"Would you like to continue resting?" I eventually whisper when we feel and sense Xafra stirring. "I can call any member of your Pack down here to hold you while I see to things... Well, mayhaps not Krahe. The gerl will struggle to sit still, much less sleep, with how much she's still running all about."

 

"Yes. I'll be okay by myself for now. Thank you." She replies, stretching out and relaxing back into sleep.

 

After pulling free of the quilts and tucking her back snuggly amongst them, I head off to my first task. Finding not just Rufus but Calix waiting in my upstairs study. Faces all a mess with smudges of what I both assume and hope to be some odd jam.

 

"Good Evening." I smirk and move to sit in my desk chair, turning it to face them. "I take it you've both kept yourselves occupied after today's event? Not causing too many problems on purpose?"

 

"No, that's what the girls do, we're boys so all the problems we cause are due to obliviousness." Calix smirks back, holding Rufus' hand.

 

I can't help but giggle at that. Settling back while replying, "Oh... I'm sure there is some overlap to be had." Then I turn my gaze to Rufus. "So, you've caught me between responsibilities, and this gives us a chance to talk without the Roots about us catching on fire. Both to... catch up properly and give you the chance to ask the multitude of questions I can only guess are bubbling up."

 

"I appreciate that. There's certainly a lot of questions, but the main pressing one is... What are you going to do with me?" Rufus says with trepidation.

 

"Ah. Well that's simple." I nod and shrug. "You're a proper guest of our Estate, and thus you're under my protection and responsibility. You'll be fed and clothed, even well pestered by at least one of our other residents, it seems." I nod toward Calix with a smirk. "My only expectations are that you don't harm any others here with word or spell, wander into dangerous or private places, and... well, trying to leave will be mostly you wading into the Summer Tides. I don't worry overmuch about it because you'll find little success in the effort. I won't pretend to not have Dear Ones I will threaten you over, but nor will I overdramatize it. You were a Dear friend of mine, and... I wasn't able to help you as much as you needed before. I hope this new home can suit you better than we both know the life of a traveling Thresher did. I truly just... would like to see you settled and happy."

 

"Am I to be a guest for the rest of my days, or..." He sighs, "If I find your motivations and methods to be sound, I would like to be a part of things, to reduce harm where I can and assist with what meager talents I have."

 

"Meager talents forge skilled practitioners in all Arts. Take that from a gerl brewed with less than you." I chuckle, then lean forward. "We're mostly keeping you because we'd like to have the element of surprise when we begin our pruning of the wider Groves and the dissolving of the Threshers. But... for this to work I need the Groves to know me only as Elevar. There will come a day that all the information you possess will pose a small enough threat to us, and I'll see you able to leave. Xafra wishes to see her kin freed, and... and a better future for people like us. You've seen yourself what Yselda was able to do for me, and she wove cruelty into the Art of Fleshcrafting. The Resheathing my Xafra does prove there are better ways. Yet... The Healing Arts remained disallowed from developing methods akin to it. And that's ignoring the corruption amongst the gaggles wrestling for power. We have means to reshape things with minimal bloodshed or need for messy battles."

 

"Mmm." He squeezes Calix's hand. "Xafra... Is an impossibility, based on what we were taught. But... There was an old ritual uncovered a few years ago. My Captain spied on the attempt at reproducing it. She... Is the reason I became a Thresher. To prevent such atrocities from being committed. She told me about this ritual, and how this monster they summoned slaughtered nearly everyone there before... consuming the bodies and walking out wearing the face of a Matron. So I must ask, though I fear the answer, What Is Xafra?"

 

Was this like the thing that escaped the Estate or… just some Dreamborne or events misinterpreted? Sun-Blessed? A weaving that involves slaughter could certainly draw quite the creature…

 

"Really? We've found things we were taught to be only monsters to be kind, and the kindly sorts to be ravenously cruel. I'd like to recover that report, if someday possible." I murmur, "But as for her... nature. She is a Half-Knit, like us. And that's all I'll say until the day comes that she shares her past freely with you. The what, of her, matters little compared to the who that she chooses to be. And know that I found her sealed away in an old Archive, trapped for thousands of years. So this entity you speak of couldn't be her. Although... I've no doubt we'll one day cross their path and have... quite the enthralling conversation. Was this one ever seen again?"

 

"Directly? No, but our squad in particular has been focused on the more... strange. We've uncovered scenes of what we believe to be this thing's attacks including most bizarrely, an entire graveyard emptied out. The deaths in Salgize were assigned to our squad and after hearing your description, I asked for some personal leave to approach you." Rufus explains.

 

A graveyard? Something gobbling up the dissolved Ousia and Physis? Isn’t that… odd. Terrifyingly so. I’ll have to ask Augusta about that and the other things Rufus has seen or read up on. This creature could be quite the missed ally or… horrid foe to find without being prepared.

 

"Xafra blames herself for that but... it really was my responsibility. I knew what to expect from a trio of Witches believing a combat Doll was walking through a village would do. The gerl told me what the Tone did to her, how horrid it was. I saw it for myself. Should have just... ran. Straight away." I sigh and look down. "I hate that's how you've found me again. And... I only half blame you for those letters. For your plan. For... for your anger. If anyone deserves to be hooked and drowned it... would have been a gerl like I was. But..." Glancing back up, I shrug. "What's done is done. And... honestly. I'm glad you're here. Just... being you. I'm jealous, you know? You seem full to bursting."

 

"I'm glad you're you as well. Well... Can I ask about... Augusta used a second name for you. As have the others." Rufus hesitates.

 

"Oh you mean Lynette? They're sharing, and not-sisters, and it's all wibbly." Calix interjects.

 

"Yes..." Rufus prompts, looking cautiously at me.

 

"Y- yes. Although... Wibbly isn't the word I'd use, but I'm glad you understand that we're definitely not Sisters. Thank you." I nod to Calix in appreciation, while collecting myself. "She... is the compromise I made with this Estate. Grown through me, to act as... well... Again Calix had it correct from that first day, an Envoy. The name took some getting used to but... she's not me. Has my memories up to the Old Cunt's betrayal but... past that things are less clear for her. Has some of my old worst habits, but is growing past them in ways I never could. If you can mind the thorns."

 

"She also has memory issues like this one, which is sad." Calix adds.

 

Then I offer the spell to her, and Lynette manifests beside me.

 

"Hello Rufus." She grins. "I trust your finding the grounds and its company to your comfort?"

 

"Yes, I think so. It's a much warmer welcome than I had any expectations of. How is existence treating you?" Rufus responds kindly.

 

"In a much similar ways, to be honest." Lynette considers him for a heartbeat before continuing, "This lot trusts quicker than they should but... So far have the only stumbled into agreeable or soft sorts. Which is both lucky and disconcerting. But... I'd be remiss if I didn't ask, how has your views on the wider Thresher Burrows evolved since we last spoke openly about your concerns? Your honest regard was only ever diluted by your attachments within and worries for what would happen should such a vicious gaggle not exist to defend the people." She pauses, then speaks quite gently. "And... It was hard to not notice that while you hadn't attempted to undo the Fleshcrafting you'd accepted from us... nor did you advance it like we showed you. May I inquire as to that as well?"

 

"They are... Flawed. I do still think they help, but there is less care about collateral harm than I am comfortable with." He shakes his head. "Your work was well appreciated, but... Not something I would trust another with. I determine it better to deal with the discomfort over the risk of one slipping a Garrote around me, especially with my work as a Thresher."

 

"Even this boy sees the problems." I let out in a huff of a sigh "The refractional nature of the-"

 

"It wouldn't be an issue If you let us consider the journals of the woman who perfected the Art." Lynette cuts me off in a snap-crack of fury.

 

I regard her calmly. Let her feel my resolve and hope and... and promises before Intoning gently... {We've found better. Can even learn Xafra's techniques ourselves if you like. But... Fleshcrafting should die with her.}

 

Lynette seethes with such confliction, but doesn't argue. Just turns back to Rufus. "Our gifts were not as complete as you would have liked, and the need for a Garrote to complete parts was... an understandable deal-breaker. But there were smaller workings. Things we both know you wanted. Why not weave them? You were never impatient, and Ousia costs were reasonable. And... to that point, why not claim a new name before coming here?"

 

"Because... I didn't deserve it yet. It didn't feel right. I think there's some merits to Fleshcrafting, but that Yselda... poisoned the Art, like how she did Dollcrafting. Speaking of which... You recognize how absurd what Xafra did for Krahe is, right? She gave her an amount of Ousia that any Witch would be jealous of." He tries to change the subject.

 

Calix jumps in before we can speak, pulling another contraption out of a pocket of his sleeveless coveralls. "Did you know Adaline came up with a way to measure Ousia? And and and this one made a device that can be used to quantify it using that framework" 

 

Rufus nods and hesitates before turning to Calix, "Do you mind if I talk with the ladies privately for a few minutes, there's some... things we need to discuss."

 

Calix hops up, drops the device in our lap, then kisses Rufus on the cheek before dashing out hollering, "See you in a bit!"

 

"I'm glad you've taken a liking to each other. He... is so very special and you seem to treat him with the gentle grace he needs." I can't help but smirk after Calix as he leaves while cradling the invention close before turning back to Rufus. "And... to what you said earlier, Not deserving a name? Lynette may be the one scratching at the nerve but even I have to reject that. Your body never made you anything, Rufus, just like ours didn't make us anything. And I know you know that. So... why didn't you embrace the means you had and live as you wished?"

 

"It felt selfish. Traveling from Grove to Grove, settlement to settlement, there is... Elevar, our Burrow, the one I was part of, has not needed to take surrogates involuntarily for decades. Xafra calls them slavers but it's not like that, at least not always. My Captain has a policy, you see. We recruited Half-Knits, had them serve for five years, then they are woven into Dolls with an expected operating time of a century. As Dolls they choose their own name and are given a position domestically in the Burrow since an unattended Doll is considered property by society at large. Using Fleshcrafting to... to gain what they also want with significantly less investment, I would not be able to accept myself afterwards."

 

"Ah. Well by some accounts it may very well be selfish. But... Not for the reasons you're claiming." I sigh and nod, knowing all too well the life I desperately avoided by choosing to come here. His Captain is less wretched than most Burrows but... his words still set my gut to churning in revulsion at the idea. "How do you think your Burrow would fair if someone like Xafra came along and offered to all Half-Knits her Resheathing? No service needed? Just a quick bath in her basin and then... off they pop?"

 

<Oh won't Xafra love to hear about this! An entire Burrow just... filled to bursting with Dolls roped into slavery because it meant they got to live as themselves. She will be so delighted. Changing her opinions of your Threshers right-quick!> Lynette cackles without mirth.

 

"It would be... Idealistic to think that they would go without surrogates, but realistically, knowing her, my Captain would simply switch to using felons under heavy Garrotes and not worry about keeping them alive. The Dolls would continue to be treated well, of course. but... I fear treating other people as disposable would darken the hearts of the Threshers to be more like those of other Burrows." Rufus speaks quietly, realization setting in.

 

"And... tell us, Dear one..." Lynette murmurs gently. "Why, if this is a policy that you seem to support, are you not a Doll? You knew us both before and after Yselda's betrayal. It has been well over five years since your taking up of the Hook. Certainly enough to earn your century?”

 

"Because... Heh, It's ironic considering the way I arrived but, it's because of Elevar. I didn't think I would be able to make a difference as a Doll. To live up to what we discussed, our desire to be the change we wanted to see. A peaceful existence is for gentler souls than ours."

 

"Rufus..." I sigh and stare down at the wonderful contraption Calix has built for us. "That's flattering, truly, but... so backways. People shouldn't have to choose between being themselves and losing their freedoms or living in misery. I'm not opposed to Dolls' existence. Quite the opposite. But... Take myself in my younger years. A gerl of no talent or supportive family but... bursting with hungers. Like you. To live and change the world without but... so very miserable in my own flesh. So I had a choice. Become a Doll... or try to not only find, but beg the Matron of Fleshcrafting to teach me her Art. And I only found the second choice by pure luck. Why are our kind the fuel that keeps your old burrow and so many Groves alight?" I don't realize I'm hissing the next words. "Why do the wretched Captains, Matrons, and others who enjoy their flesh earn their names and forms while our best choice is to break beneath their heel? And don't tell me it's because that's just the way things are, because we both know that's Moonshite. The Healings Arts could well develop softer methods to help us if they wanted too. But the Matrons despise our kind."

 

"Because it's designed to be that way, I'm not a fool, Elevar. I know how sick this system is.” He sighs, then… nods. Seems to come to a decision. “I... I think you should go after my old Burrow first, before any of the Groves. There's documents, Grovekeys that allow access through wards, and... I think you could convince a number of the Threshers to join you."

 

“If you mean to aid us in this….” Lynette muses. “Provide us full maps, names, defenses… everything you know. Write ups on every Thresher you’ve met alongside the Dolls. Information here will save lives I know you’d prefer to keep.”

 

I nod and give him a smile with a soft, “Thank you.”

 

"I will." He nods, then gives me and Lynette a curious look. "I... have information about Calix that I don't think you know."

 

I pause, “Did he ask you to share this? If not… I’d rather he tell us or his Mistress in his own time.”

 

"He doesn't know. I think telling him would... hurt him in a way I'm not willing to do."

 

“Oh? Then why tell us?” Lynette asks.

 

"Because I think you may be able to help him somewhat, considering you were Yselda's student."

 

I wince. “Ah. Alright. But understand he is not mine. Everything you relay or ask should be given to his Mistress and my Partner for approval. But… I’m always aiming to help those The Old Cunt hurt.”

 

"Of course. You had an Einwandfrei. Heh. Meatbreaker. A nasty thing, but it could be modified. Because Calix... before he was a Doll, he was Yselda's rival, the prior Matron of Fleshcrafting, and according to Augusta, Yselda... deliberately didn't align his soul with his body. He likes being himself now, but has Dysphoria because part of him insists he's... supposed to be a woman still." Rufus says quietly.

 

Part of us... goes stiff. Very nearly screaming at this... this lie. Not from Rufus. The fool boy is nothing but honest. But... her's. Yselda's. Another mangled mess used to control and let her indulge in petty cruelties.

 

"Oh... Oh isn't that..." Lynette's manifestation has... cracked apart. And through its remains and my lips she cackles without mirth. "Wretched, deliciously so. You Old Cunt. Absolutely... pointlessly... stupidly..."

 

{Calix.} We intone to him. {You can return, now. And... we'd adore you to walk us through how this marvelous invention of yours works. If you are willing to show us and Rufus your brilliance?}

 

We turn and gather up his previous creation from the table, then move to sit on the cool Root floor. Look to Rufus. "Thank you. We will correct this nonsense now. Tonight. Sit. Listen. Keep him happy as he shows us his skills."

 

Rufus nods silently as Calix responds. [On the way! Can this one use the window?]

 

{No.} We can't help but chortle. {Xafra's not here to catch you. But... it means the world to us that you asked.}

 

We glance to Rufus, pat the Root floor to our side. "Come."

 

Rufus moves to sit down beside us and a few minutes later, Calix walks in with a small stack of papers. "I brought the documentation and a um... Kleinseinwandfrei, which is an ironically big word for it, that Adaline designed for learning purposes. Also I made spring-boots that will let me land on balconies by running and jumping after exactly seventeen paces, but it doesn't work right if I'm carrying stuff because it would change the math." He pauses and giggles before continuing, "And no it's nothing to do with banning small stone walls. That would be ridiculous."

 

We smile at him, "Of course. Now, sit here and walk us through it. Not the long version, but the... Oh... summary that two Witches will grasp quickly but with detail. And..." We pause, Division is threatened, but... then the resistant part agrees. Helps find the right words for us to speak. "We have an old spell we've been struggling with, that these readings might aid in setting right. And... Well, Dolls were always the most receptive to it. There will be no negative effects to you, however. We have a couple tethers we'd link to your Frame for monitoring purposes as well. Do you understand and agree to this test?”

 

"Mmhm! This one is good for testing on. Better than all the rest." He says almost desperately. Something he must have said many times to the Old Cunt to protect the others. "Oh um. Okay so, this version of the device is designed to be less intrusive, and has a panel that lights up with numbers instead of groups of lights, Garami and Hyacinth helped with that, basically it measures Ousia in Thaums, a unit based on the minimal amount of Ousia that can exist in a creature. Average Thaums in a mundane at birth is 70k, most Witches start with about double that but there's variances of course. The kleinseinwandfrei just makes a tiny sphere of light and uses exactly one Thaum but can be layered to increase the number of spheres and thus the number of Thaums, in order to help familiarize Spellweavers with true granularity and build more efficiency into their weaves."

 

"Alright, perfect." We nod with a false smile while tying our sixth tether about the bond. Sealing ourselves from spreading any of what's to come. Never again will a Doll be used on these grounds like that. Especially not this one. Mayhaps... Someday he'll understand that. But we must wash clean the wounds beneath before true healing can begin. "So, Rufus. See if you can't figure out this new spell while I prepare myself and Calix for this. We might be a touch... distant, ourselves. Carry on at your leisure."

 

I gently weave our tethers out and about Calix's Frame. Linking to... to all the places the Makellose Garrote hooked. The boy feels none of this, of course, and nothing of me will leak down these bonds. Simply letting me sense and search and find... where...

 

<The Makellose itself would be quicker...> Part of us murmurs.

 

{And more like to ruin me if done poorly, which I am like to do if we slip and old memories bubble up.} The other replies. {We have time, and these are better. More flexible. Can detect more...}

 

Rufus and Calix are talking. Hopefully... laughing? Enjoying each other's words and muses and company so very much as we search for...

 

<Aaaah... There it is.> Part of us purrs. Spotting the hitch amongst the joy.

 

{Third tether?} The other clarifies. {Right there?}

 

<Mhm. Nasty spot too.> She sighs. <And... scars abound for other tested places. She really could be less an Artist and more a cracked butcher at times.>

 

The other doesn't rebuke the 'at times' part, needing to stay united in this. {And... our casting can fix this. Will be a strain, since it's not one of the Fleischbrecher's preset targets, but doable.}

 

A twitch of Division. Quick as a heartbeat. But... We know that part of us will not let the other weave this alone, while her reflection refuses to do anything but mantle this task.

 

"We're ready to cast, if you're prepared?" We murmur gently into a pause in their conversation.

 

Calix stops, immediately alert and responds with "Yes, Mistresses."

 

{Meatbreaker. Heh. No no no no... Fool Boy. To break would imply they are useless afterwards.} We murmur while dredging up the old Weaving. Dancing thoughts and whims and purpose over the... the...

 

<This was our Flesh Twister.> We hiss, dragging muses and across the working like nails over an open wound. <Because that's what it was like for us. Random parts curled wrongways. Like clothes put on inside out or backways but instead of cloth it is your skin and bones and heart and reflection.>

 

{Even in your Dreams, wrong. Always wrong.} We whimper. {But you can see it. Can't you? In the corner of your sight and deepest desires. You know this can be fixed. Feel what should be scratching at the walls of everything all the time!}

 

<Our cruelty was pointed.> We growl. <Precise. We wove correction into the Weave. Elsewise... how could we dangle freedom to those we lashed with this?>

 

{Use them.}

 

<Hurt them.>

 

{Lure them into the clutches of our Beloved Half-Knit. Let her do the breaking after they've realized it was all just... a horrid nightmare woven about them like a spider's web.}

 

"And so, Wake up... Dear One." We whisper, gathering Ousia to surge down the tether and wrap about the wounds. "Wake up, and smell the ashes."

 

{Fleischbrecher}

 

It's perfect, of course. So easy. Yselda wasn't tidy, and was... barely even devious. Without even a twitch of effort we even set even the old scars to healing. Sooth the memories. Have this boy to settling into his Frame like Xafra's Resheathing should have done. Like a good mother would redress a silly child when they wear their clothes wrong. Even have half a heartbeat to admire our work before... before... 

 

Before the spell sets to leaking all manner of nonsense back through our flesh. Cracking us in two like we never even knew what it was like to be united and whole and right and...

 

"Alright." I rasp while falling backways and struggling to ignore the mess rising all about me. "How's that?"

 

Calix quirks his head. "Feels... soft? Like a big hug, or a um... A good fitting pair of shoes. Does that help?"

 

It hurts. His words. His joy. Knowing that with each second of happiness he will come to forget more and more what it was like to feel WRONG.

 

"Perfectly." I nod, then swallow. Fight the urge to sink nails into my own flesh. "This... this has been a successful test. Yes. Excellent. You'll let us know if... if anything worse arises, Calix? Should have Rufus keep an eye on you as well. Make sure. He's quite the observant sort."

 

"Okay." Calix gives us a big smile before tilting his head again, like he's hearing something beyond our reach. "She says you should be kind to yourself and that hypocrisy is a bad look. weird. Anyway, was there anything else we can help you with? This one wanted to show Bartholomew to Rufus." 

 

And… even with the bond smothered we can tell no message was sent through it to Calix. Someone communicated with him directly.

 

He covers one side of his mouth with his hand and stage whispers "He's a bird this one found."

 

"Tell this 'she' that if hypocrisy is the worst look I gain I'd be a lucky Half-Knit. And no, you two should go. Enjoy your forms and happiness and this little friend you've found." I huff through it all, very nearly needing to sit on my hands to keep still. "Lynette's Doll will be wandering up soon, and we have other tasks."

 

"Okie dokie!" Calix hops up and grabs Rufus' hand, pulling the fool boy along with him.

 

Can't crack. Not yet. We huff together as each of us writhes at the leakage of the wretched spell.

So... so much worse since this form was already a thing part of us chafes against. Which... is really not fair. At all. Found out right-quick that Half-Knits could endure this easier than all others. More resistant to the cursed thing since they'd been managing it's like for years. But ever since we boiled the Garrote free of our mind? The leakage ruins us.

 

"M– mistress?" Comes a whisper from the door. 

 

And I let Lynette bubble up to smile at her little Snek Doll. "Evening, Dear One. I trust you slept well?"

 

Her ears twitch and wiggle as she smiles shyly. "Mhm! Dirt is nice and cold. This one... Is Mistress Oke? You always hate floor sitting."

 

Lynette laughs and shrugs. "Sometimes we imbibe what we hate. Now, we have tasks to perform and you have a Sky to watch. Did you need anything before?"

 

She shakes herself, "No. Mistress. Just... hug?"

 

We wince internally, but nod. Let this wretched rising hatred of our flesh spike if it means gifting this gerl the little affections she needs. And... the second she's off we do drive nails into the flesh of our wrist. Focus on the pain. Try to make it... it flush out the mess of leftover sensations. But... it doesn't work. We can't bask in this. The pain is just pain and there is no pleasure to be had and the bubbling Dysphoria is just getting worse.

 

"Cracked and Riven Moon." We spit, then thunk our head back into the hardwood of the desk as everything feels wrong and horrid and twisted. "Alright let's... we have to adjust this tether to filter out this so the others don't inherit our nonsense, but can still feel and communicate with us."

 

And so... that's a bigger part of our night than we’d like. Pushing through the rising and wretched Fleshspite to remake one of our tethers cut away the mess. So bubbling with hatred and fury and sour regard that we're both intoning together when it's complete. {Kindly One, did Calix give you permissions to, as you put it, 'peer beneath' his considerations?}

 

[Would you prefer me to come to you and speak? It is harder to stay external without verbalizing directly.] Augusta responds simply.

 

I sigh, regather myself before responding. {We simply... Look. Your flippant regard was less than amusing before, and even more so now. If Calix and his Mistress don't mind you peering within him then... that's your business. We're simply ensuring this was not an intrusion on his mind while also asking that you don't so flippantly spy on private conversations. It would be rude at the best of times, and a violation of trust at the worst. If this is still something you insist upon speaking with us further on then by all means, come to my Spire's study and verbalize directly.}

 

[For clarification, I have never peered within Calix. In fact the only ones I've done that to are you both and Yselda. I am rarely flippant though I certainly can see why you would perceive it as such. I was here when Calix was made, and simply wanted to ensure Rufus was careful with him. No insistence here, simply an offer.]

 

I pause at the idea that... that she was here for that. Of all else she might have seen. {Thank you. For watching out for him. I just... Wait. Then how did he hear you if you weren't peering through him? Was... Oh Cracked and Riven moon if the fool boy was just hearing odd echoes through the Spire then... but... That's doesn't make sense either. It was too specific. What am I...}

 

{Calix, Dear. Quick question.} I murmur gently across the bond. {Who was it that spoke through you to us? After the test was complete? And also I was too distracted to say but be careful with your new bird. Let us know if the little one needs to leave so we can let him out. Most wildlife avoids this place but some stumble in and find themselves trapped.}

 

[Hear me? I only just responded to your message. You asked me for the respect of such privacy and I've granted it.] Augusta responds in confusion.

 

[Oh. I think it was Mother? I'm not sure though. She talks to me sometimes like the Estate does. There's this silly guy and a very serious voice as well. Lots of talking, it gets kind of distracting but after you did that test thing I can hear more clearly. How do I know if Bartholomew needs to leave? I let him fly around and he comes back to my room to get seeds and some worms and bugs I dig up.] Calix answers

 

We go still, take a dozen heartbeats to clear the thundering mess in ourselves. Are... so very glad we are sitting else we're sure we... we'd have done something stupid and fallen for our trouble.

 

{I... Well so long as the little one is fed he should be alright. But if he starts getting agitated and flying at the borders that probably means he'd like to leave. Thank you for explaining about the... that.} I murmur back to him gently, choosing stillness as the best means to calm the raging flurry of Fleshhate and worry over this. 

 

[Oh! Okay. I'll make sure to let you know if Bartholomew wants to go exploring farther.] Calix responds happily.

 

Then I turn our attention back to Augusta. {Apologies, I... for disturbing you. And tossing accusations your way. We are not at our best and inferred based on limited information. Calix... is apparently hearing more than just the Estate. But... I'm being rude now. You said this is a strain. If you'd prefer to help me unravel this then I could put on a spot of tea and attempt to be a more gracious hostess in our Spire's upper study?}

 

[It is fine. I would be happy to help. I'll be over in a short while.] Augusta replies smoothly.

 

We manage to get a pot finished before she arrives. Two mugs waiting and our own roiling crawling mess across and within and beneath our skin evened out. Not quieted but... not sloshing over the sides to spill into our every thought.

 

"Thank you for coming, and your patience with us." I offer as she enters, holding out a mug of steaming drink. "We expected convincing Rufus to not complicate his own happiness to be our greatest challenge tonight, not... not needing to clean up another mess of the Old Cunt and find out the sources of odd voices Calix is apparently dealing with."

 

She takes the mug with a slight smile of appreciation and sits down. "There is definitely a lot to work on still. Since this isn't a session I won't ask about your... distress, but I will mention that I'm available if you would like to talk about it at some point. As for Calix, I saw him outside, he looks... less jittery. Full of energy but more assured of himself. I assume that was your doing?"

 

"If words could help I'd be with others for that. But... thank you." I nod and sit as well. "The Old Cunt left Calix with spiteful scars. Dysphoric things. Rufus asked me to use my second Einwandfrei to help. Said you'd shared information about Calix and his past. It, alongside my understanding of Yselda's nonsense, let me clean the wounds and set him to healing. Then he suddenly acted as if someone was speaking to him, but the bond remained still. Words I... Well, half of it reminded me of Adaline and the other parts you. Which is why I reached out once... once we'd adjusted our own bond. When asked he said he thought it was 'mother', and mentioned a silly voice and serious voice. Which... I doubt he meant his mother. And the only other idea chills my bones. Either he's hearing intakes or..." I trail off, as...

 

I give Lynette the weaving, and she manifests beside me. "Before you answer that, do I have your consent to seal this room? My Doll is above and I'd rather her be free to watch the Empty Skies in peace. She has very good hearing, you see."

 

"Mm. Yes, with the understanding that if you attempt to slay me, I will resist." Augusta responds not in an accusatory way, but like one advising caution.

 

Lynette smiles and tilts her head, "Of course not... Why cut down the plant when it is bearing such important fruits?"

 

Then with a creak, the Chambers seal. But... this time leaving our bond free. Only thrumming in a way to shred sound from entering or exiting. 

 

"And... I apologize again for any extra curtness tonight." I sigh and take a sip, trying to center myself around the warm bitter aroma of the tea. "Both from her and me. No excuses though. Just... bite back when we're being a cunt about something."

 

"I would have to change in order to do so, and I don't believe it would be worth the cost. Now... I assume you want to know more about Calix's peculiarities that may be the source of these voices, or at least his receptiveness to them?"

 

I consider that for a moment, and can feel Lynette roiling in delight at her words, but push past it to say. "If he's like my Doll then... I mostly want to make sure that he's supported in any way he needs. But... I take this isn't that. Simply due to his ability to hear the Estate's nonsense. We mostly want to make sure he's safe and won't be bothered like he was by Spire's rumblings. But any information you’re offering will be welcome."

 

"My reach is... limited. I've been on this Estate since before Yselda took it over and I don't have access to the outside world. Feel free to delight in that, Lynette. I am bound to the Estate, in some regards. When Calix first arrived, before she did her wretched work, there were quirks. He would sometimes respond to a question before it was asked, and on occasion talk to an empty room. During Calix's... I'm sorry, I cannot think of a polite euphemism for being locked in his own body unable to move for a decade. During that time, I visited on occasion, did my best to care for them all but... without a physical form I could not do much at the time. He whispered during those years in a catatonic ramble, things that were happening elsewhere. He whispered that a voice was laughing about Soulbane being unearthed, and I assumed it was nonsense until you returned with Xafra."

 

"You told Rufus that he was the previous Matron of Fleshcrafting. A rival to Yselda..." Lynette muses while I consider her words. "And... for some spoiled reason she didn't tell us that. Not a whisper, and if you know her then you know how much she adored her trophies. Which means..."

 

"She didn't trust us." I finish softly, wincing as the ice on my shoulder itches.

 

A sign that my other half thought too far down restricted pathways, triggering her Garrote.

 

"But... Calix was sensitive to something before his time here?" I press forward. "Do you... have a guess at what he's hearing? Because we have ours and I'm learning right quick what jumping to assumptions gets us. Especially when in pain. But... Him knowing that wretched title too many old sorts know Xafra by implies things."

 

"I think... Either others like me, like Xafra, or... Them." Augusta points up and down subtly, trying to avoid notice.

 

Lynette though, despite the pain inside us, grins. "Oh well isn't that a mess of good fortune? A Doll in our care with the ability to convey to his Mistress the hidden ramblings outside Reality. And all from the safety of this Estate? Wonderful."

 

I sigh, but nod. "This... does seem less dangerous than I feared. Still possibly a problem. But more an opportunity? To understand the world more. And Calix has endured it for years and seems happier now. Honestly I only have one more question, and it's in regard to a past statement. You said you had a duty, and... well... We'd like to know if this is a task you've mantled alone or one you do under the directions of another?"

 

"That is a... complicated question. I could lie to you and it would be the truth, you see. Originally, I escaped to here, to the Estate,  formless, mostly thoughtless, without a name or title. But I've come to care for these Dolls over the long long years, and shaped myself in reflection to them. To try and be what they needed. The individual most responsible for directing me is Adaline, if that clarifies things." She takes a long sip and sets the teacup down.

 

"It does. She's... very special. And you wouldn't be the first she helped find themselves." I murmur, then look down to consider…

 

"Tell me," Lynette purrs gently. "What would you become if you found yourself free to wander the wider world but... also able to return at your leisure?"

 

"Why Lynette, that's what I'm working on. I expect I'd accompany your conquests and help out elsewhere as well, depending on how the disclosure goes, potentially create a few different offices where I'm permitted space to do so. I do want to see the sights, whatever sights there are to see."

 

I glance up at my headmate's manifested form, consider the mess of pain and schemes and considerations. And... the fading smile. An expression of... thoughtfulness? Overtakes Lynette's demeanor as she speaks. "We all know Xafra will find you so very interesting when she's able to consider you fully, and when she asks, because she will, I will not stop my stupid Half-Knit from freeing you. Nor would I even seek to entrap you upon your return. But I asked a more... delicate question. Not what will you do, it's fairly obvious, but what will you become? Conquests are not places for Kindly Ones, and I would hate to see you become... less aggregable than you are currently."

 

"Hmmm. I think... I will strive to remain Augusta. It's a good name. A good wish." she answers thoughtfully.

 

Lynette's smile returns, then she nods. "It's good to adore one's name. I hope it suits you well in the years to come."

 

"And... Thank you. For all this information gifted." I pick up the sentiments Lynette would never offer. "And... for watching after the Dolls. Both before and after I left them to wither. And I'm sorry. I may not have trapped you here but... I am just as bad as the previous ones who kept this place. Wouldn't have helped you. Which is such a-" Lynette nudges me with a thought, cuts off my spiral before it becomes unbearable. "Sorry. Fleshhate always makes me either babble or lash out. You... should probably depart, unless you needed something?"

 

"Thank you, but no, I'm quite satisfied at present. I hope your endeavors go well." Augusta offers a slight curtsey and walks out.

 

We take a while to steady ourselves. Hoping against hope… But of course not. The leakage from the miscast Fleischbrecher remains horrid and bubbling with no signs of relenting.

 

I take advantage of the Spire’s ability to seal us from the outside world in every way it can and the space between responsibilities. Turning this room into a chamber that allows me to… to…

 

Scream and rip and tear and bite and hiss and snarl and above all else… come apart. Weep like I haven’t since those weeks after escaping Yselda’s clutches. Knowing and aching from the pit of my rotten heart that every sting of wretched Fleshspite is something I can only really blame myself for.

 

My spell, my choices, my hungers, my traitorous mentor, my broken body, my stupid Half-Knit schemes and wretched nature…

 

I deserve this, and honestly worse.

 

Far far worse. 

 

I sigh eventually as I lean back against my desk, letting the chill of the Stitching provide a focus to steady my mind while restoring my body. “Eyes forward, and all that. Let’s… keep moving.”

 

<Just so…> Lynette murmurs so quietly. Probably only understanding and being allowed to remember half of what just occurred. <We’ll need Adaline to start, then pester Xafra once we have a good basic understanding of how this Garrote Functions.>

 

I nod and rise, use some Physis to dissipate the mess and weave my working of endurance while Lynette unseals the Spire.

 

 

 

 

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