Chapter 46: With Pain I Can Stop Time, With Nightmares Time Can Stop Me (Witch)
With Pain I Can Stop Time, With Nightmares Time Can Stop Me (Witch)
Content Warnings:
A part of us adores this place. Finds that it smells like home and acceptance and… and strength. Growth beyond what anyone else ever offered us. The first hands that made us feel whole, eyes that made us feel seen.
The other part is barely stopping herself from vomiting all over the boxes we’re going through as the memories dance at the edge of things.
<If they aren’t in your Spire, then they are lost, Elevar.> Lynette presses. <You know she would have had the Dolls trash or burn them.>
“Probably.” I huff and look around the mess I’ve made. All our old things. Mostly… mostly odd crafts and tools and… and clothes and… everything.
<Upstairs then.> Lynette presses. <Off you pop. In and out. You know where she kept the thing I want.>
“I… Schatzi or… or Adaline might have tossed it into any one of these.” I whisper.
<Then how about you tell them to get it?> She counters.
I wince. “This is my task, and one you insisted on. So I’ll handle it.”
She huffs. <Alright then. Fine. Waste a day here on the edge of spewing sick about the room. Not like I care for this garbage.>
And… so I spend another two hours involved in this mess until my own annoyance overcomes my fear.
“Fine. Yes. Of course.” I huff and begin to head upstairs. Hoping that speed will help me push through the mess stirring in my gut. It, plus holding my breath, does the trick. Let’s me push through the curtain, march over the desk in a haze of focus. Even see the case for it. Almost make the mistake of sighing in relief as I pick it up, crack it open and…
It’s empty. It’s… it’s gone?
“Cracked and Riven Moon.” I hiss as I turn to leave, forgetting too late the need to avoid the scent of this room more than any of the others.
Everything… including time, stops making sense.
Nightmares have a way of doing that to a Gerl. Especially when one makes the mistake of going back into the room a monster kept me in for nearly… Oh. Well I guess I’m not entirely certain how long she had me Garroted. I would often just… assume six months.
<Elevar, dear. Come on. Get downstairs.> Lynette insists at one point.
But her words don’t matter, of course.
Smile. Don’t flinch. Don’t twitch. Just keep pretending to be a Doll until it stops hurting. Don’t make her angry again, stupid Half-Knit. Don’t make her tug those strings. Wouldn’t want to lose the rest of the day to wake up to–
<Elevar. Move!> Lynette growls, trying to push past the wards. Hissing and spitting like I did. Or… well, how I tried. Didn’t work out so well for me. Thinking such things felt like pushing thoughts through some kind of grating tool. Took me… sometimes days, eventually never, to cobble myself together to try again.
Empty Skies how I wanted to scream then. She… she let me on that first day. But… then I called her an Old Cunt for what she did and wanted to do and… that was that. Can’t call the Mistress such dirty things. She’ll make you put that foul mouth to good use.
<Stupid Half Knit.> Part of me growls at myself. <At least let me get us out!>
But it… it felt like far longer, and also far shorter a time? No no no no… I was with Adaline for six months before Mistress turned her into a Doll and I had to clean them both up after such a messy working.
<Stop. You need to–>
So good at keeping things tidy. Always hated messes. Mistress would want me to clean them both up. It’s not a spell. Mistress would insist. I can do that for her. She’ll be so happy and make it stop hurting. Not a spell. The name is a joke. ‘Bubble Plague’. Silly. She’ll laugh afterwards. And won’t that feel nice? Wonderful. Alright let’s…
<ELEVAR!>
Just…
<YOU’LL KILL US IF YOU AREN’T–>
{Blasenplage} I giggle and growl. And such a wash of popping furiously happy bubbles fills the bed chamber. But it has no target this time. There’s no one here. No Yselda to scrub clean down to her bones or Adaline to burn free of Garrotes woven from her Ousia.
<END IT!> Lynette pleads. <Xafra may be able to gift us more Ousia but not if you kill us here!>
Xafra? Who… who’s…?
In a snap of clarify I jerk myself free of the working.
Remembering when I am.
And then part of us is falling to wailing sobs as the second half of memories bubble up.
“Shhhh. Shh, shhh, shhh…” Part of us comforts while she picks us up off our knees. “I… I’m sorry. I didn’t realize this would…”
But our other half is beyond her words right now. Lost and splashing about in the mess that came after. So… The unscarred half carries us out. Tip tapping nails on the case we found while very nearly hissing in annoyance at her own helpless stupidity.
“Stupid half-knit. You’re alive. The fool Doll's free of it.” Lynette sighs with my lips, “I’ll show you. That’ll lift you out of this. Will even give me the opportunity to ask this Patchwork Doll where her last Mistress’ Knitting needle got off too.”
After a quick request to the manor, we find Adaline outside the back of Xafra's Spire, looking rather frustrated as she works to place stone pavers in a tight pattern.
<There. See?> Lynette prompts. <The Doll’s fine. Just a memory dear, move past it.>
The other part of us whimpers in the dark and curls close about herself. Unwilling or unable to consider anything without. Would… would probably have been unable to leave the Spire for hours if the other half hadn’t shuffled them out.
“Wonderful. Perfect.” Lynette sighs. “Alright. Fine.”
Then she carries us forward into Adaline’s field of perceptions.
“Adaline, dear?” Lynette prompts as we get within earshot.
"Yes, Flo—" she stops, shakes her head with a small smile before looking up at us and continuing, "This one's apologies, Miss Elevar. Old habits. How can this one assist?"
Lynette lifts the case while repressing an amused smirk at the near slip, and how it sings of the scars even Xafra could not smooth away when removing the Garrote. “I was hoping you knew where The Old Cunt's Knitting Needle got off to? Pure Iron wrought, four gemstones, all inlaid with Glyphs and such? I assumed it would be in the case but... it's not.”
Always so pretty, so perfect, like everything she made. Except me. Only a Half-Knit. Didn’t let her finish. Couldn’t let her finish. She PROMISED she’d never do that to me.
"Yes. Warden took it. First thing that one did before even burying all the bones. Thank you for that, by the way. I've burned them. Helped this one... disengage from the mental patterns that this one created." She smiles larger, more genuine. "Not sure where it was hidden away, but It's got to be on the grounds of the Estate somewhere. Unrelated, when you speak to your Doll, could you ask them to visit this one later? Help would be appreciated from one with more... practical knowledge."
Lynette purses her lips at that, worry touching her considerations as all the possible reasons the bothersome part of Elevar’s Doll could have thought that needed to be taken. Tries to poke the other half for ideas but… she’s still just wrapping herself in more of… of this nonsense.
Just like her. Deserved it. Would have been better to just… just plage myself too. But I couldn’t leave her. Even before… before I knew what burning the Garrote free would do.
“Good gerl. I’ll send them your way once I’ve untangled this nonsense.” Lynette huffs and turns us to return to Schatzi.
"Thank you!" She calls back, before returning to grumbling at the pavers.
We find Schatzi about our Spire, attending to… something. Neither half cares at the moment.
“So… We’ve found ourselves at hopefully the end of this search.” Lynette says, moving to stand next to the other half’s Doll. Laying the case down with an audible click on the countertop. “I’m looking to claim the Old Cunt's Knitting Needle, but it’s not in the proper place. Be a dear and point me toward it? Or... better yet, fetch it for me?”
"Miss Lynette? This one has no idea where it is. Should it not be in that case?" Schatzi answers with confusion.
Half of us sigh tiredly with my lips, "Adaline told us you ferried it away, and Elevar promised this to me. So... Can we not dance about this? Warden? If you would advise and direct?"
Schatzi goes slack as Warden comes forward. "Impolite. Emotional Simulation, Designation: Schatzi, was occupied. Warden is unable to communicate verbally without disengagement of Schatzi. Bond connected sealed." The toneless voice almost sounds offended.
“What?” Lynette snaps. “Doll, are… are you refusing me this? Me?”
"Warden did not refuse. Warden has no Directive to Obey or Deny Primary User Interface Construct, Designation: Lynette. Query: Purpose for request. Additional Consideration — Emotional Simulation, Designation: Schatzi, suggests cooperation. Processing... Complete. Warden will provide ERR: Classified, Designation: Old Cunt's Knitting Needle, in exchange for response to Query."
“Fine.” Lynette huffs and looks away. “It has practical and traditional value beyond my sentiments. I cannot allow it to be lost or broken. And… we need a new one besides. Our old was melted down to weave the Stitching on our back, and neither of us are willing to face the world with a peasants’ iron tipped wooden thing. Especially when Envoys from the Grove's come sniffing about.”
Warden nods in acceptance, then lowers its head as the frame reconfigures and it pulls the needle out of its spine before returning to normal. It holds out the pristine thing to us. "Transaction Complete."
Lynette reaches out but… hesitates. Voice goes quiet. “You three… are full of surprises.”
Always kept us safe, even at our worst, especially at our worst. The still shivering and broken part of us whimpers. Wish Adaline could have… have killed the cunt and taken them and given them a Mistress worthy of their brilliance. Left us to rot here instead of her.
A sigh of annoyance slips out at our messier half as Lynette very carefully takes up the needle. “Thank you, dear ones. And… Apologies. Your Mistress is a mess at the moment and I’d assumed the worst when the case was found empty.”
"Indiscretion forgiven. Proposal offered: Request Warden immediately on future occasions. Closing Remarks: Progenitor proverb - A Witch should not be without her Weapon."
“Indeed." Lynette chuckles. "I’ll keep that in mind next time we need to chat.”
Schatzi returns to the front swiftly, "Oh! so it was in the case then. This one is glad."
“As am I…” Lynette muses, running fingers over the inlays while admiring the gemstones on the tool. “Oh, and Adaline wants your help with something when you can spare a moment.”
"Alright, Miss Lynette... Stay safe, will you? This one doesn't want you hurt. Either of you."
“I’m tightly woven iron, sturdier than ever.” She laughs and spins the new thing about fingers, getting a feel for the weight. “It’s Elevar that’s delicate glasswork. But… I can manage that. Will be a good learning experience without Garrotes and my old Einwandfrei to keep her steady but… needs must! It’s no small miracle you’ve all kept us alive all these years.”
Schatzi nods and goes back to the leather she was cutting.
Such a good Doll. Good Gerl. My Schatzi and Verbess and Warden. Perfect. Part of us whispers while pulling herself slowly back together.
Then Lynette lets Schatzi continue her task uninterrupted and considers…
<Can’t spin anything, wouldn’t want to risk it with you all a mess…>
Sorry… I murmur to her.
She sighs, somewhat taken off guard by my lack of spark. <You could have just let me handle Yselda’s Spire. Avoided this entire mess.>
Made a promise. Needed to keep it.
Lynette huffs and leads us up into my study. <Stupid Half-Knit. We share promises now, remember? Even to each other. Next time just… get out of my way before falling all to pieces.>
I go quiet for a while as she pulls out the new tool and settles us down at our desk.
Can’t… I have to be careful with you. Like I wasn’t with her. Else… else you’ll slowly bring a wretched brew to boiling and burn us all alive before I can smother the flames.
She tip-taps the needle against thumb at that. “You know my broader goals, else you’d have not agreed to this. It’s my methods you find unacceptable, but I can weave within the limits you’ve set. Today was a failure to communicate yours, Elevar. When a demand of mine is beyond your tolerances you need to just… admit that. Tell me. I only make bargains I think will make things better for us all. I’ve already negotiated my own autonomy away if it means getting you to participate.”
I go quiet for a while, considering her words before sliding back to take control of my lips and form. Shiver once as my mess tries to tear free, but settle to whisper while setting the new needle down. “I… I just don’t want to go to sleep another night and wake up to another lover doing… doing what she did. What Xafra did. Making a choice that affects us all and… and leaving me with the broken remains. I don’t mind suffering but… but I… I can’t stand the thought of her or Schatzi or Verbess or Adaline getting hurt.”
“Ahhh….” I let Lynette purr from our lips. “It was hard to see it, the bond stops me from understanding much more than the shape of her torments, but… That’s what makes the fury boil here. Xafra, like Yselda, did not trust you. Wandered below in search of hidden things. And when you would have pulled her below to help you save our Sikkina… her mistrust stole that opportunity from you. The Estate would have simply eaten her up again, and you’ve had two souls to save. Probably failed or… or been forced to choose.”
I snarl and glare away. “It wasn’t… and even if it was she was right to mistrust me. You heard her. I didn’t tell her the horrid nature of this place from the start. It was my responsibility to trust her first. This is all my fault.”
<And Sikkina?> She presses.
“What about her?”
<When are you going to tell Xafra about our arrangement?>
I freeze. “It… Would it matter? If I asked you to let her bring Sikkina above right now? This second?”
<When she proves to me that she isn’t going to make the same mistake twice. That she won’t rob my child of all the gifts I’ve laid about her crib. Will accept that her child needs my tutelage… then why would I not?>
“Because you're a cunt who… who can’t trust anyone you don’t have absolute control over!” I snarl.
<As opposed to… you? A stupid Half-Knit who keeps trusting fools and monsters and Dolls so much that it's trivial for them to make all these stupid mistakes?> She giggles. <Honestly, it really is quite the feat that you’re still alive. You keep telling yourself that the things Yselda instilled in us were flaws but… were they?>
I go quiet, the whisper. “I don’t want to be you again. Not… not now that I’ve seen how much it hurts those I care for. Where it leads.”
She sighs. <And… thus our compromises. We hated the way she pushed us to treat Schatzi and Verbess. The lies she forced us to imbibe. So let us adapt. Grow together. Let me be the wretched mask you wear to face the things that you cannot. Remove me when it is not appropriate. I am quite… comfortable for the moment being just that.>
“But… only for the moment?”
A pause, then the Spire seems to thrum a bit with her next words. <Not even you will keep me from being whatever that child needs once she hatches.>
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