Submission IV: A Love that Circled Back [BL]

Chapter 18 – “But returning to school didn’t turn out as easy a task as he had imagined.”
While Shen Liu was still caught in the memories of the past, Qin Mu had started a few secret moves of his own. He contacted his assistant, An Weiwei, telling her to organise and send over backup copies of any available documents. He then called Zhou Yi, asking him to reach out to a few of the clients to obtain further supporting evidence.
When Zhou Yi heard that he couldn’t move about, he was alarmed. “What’s happened to you?”
Qin Mu replied honestly, “I’ve been locked up.”
Nervously, Zhou Yi asked, “Who? Precious Health?”
“If it were them, I wouldn’t be able to call you.”
“Oh yes.” Zhou Yi was relieved, “Then who?”
“Shen Liu.” Qin Mu had nothing to hide from his partner, and after all, Zhou Yi knew everything that happened between them.
“Oh fuck!” Zhou Yi was stunned and said disbelievingly, “You two… What is this? Some sort of thousand-mile fateful meeting?”
Qin Mu couldn’t be bothered to bandy words and asked, “Have you received the contact information I sent?”
“I have.” Zhou Yi was clearly more interested in the new topic of conversation, “So, what’s the situation right now? You walked right into his trap, Senior Shen* is keeping beauty in his tower*? You two…”
Before he could blurt out more nonsense, Qin Mu swiftly hung up. He spent the entire afternoon in the gym. Whenever he felt bothered, he liked to exercise; as his body expended energy, his mind would become clearer. But today, things weren’t going as intended. As he breathed harder and harder, as sweat soaked through his clothes, his mind did not clear. It was like his mind was trying to press a gourd down into the water - the old memories would float right back up.
The feeling that the situation was out of his control was genuinely quite awful. Exhausted, Qin Mu lay on the floor and closed his eyes in frustrated resignation.
Once upon a time, a certain someone had quietly moved into his heart and had never left again.
Back then, Qin Mu was quite naïve, always believing that so long as he was strong enough, he could overcome any difficulty. But returning to school didn’t turn out as easy a task as he had imagined.
K High first stated that only a parent had the authority to cancel the leave of absence, and then used the excuse that “many students and parents have objected” to keep delaying the approval. It wasn’t until Shen Liu took the matter to the education ministry did they reluctantly agree. Qin Mu wanted to board at the school, but when the teacher asked around, all the boys in his class refused to live with him, and the other classes refused to cooperate. In the end, he had to continue to live with Shen Liu in his small apartment and commute to school.
Upon returning to school, Qin Mu received not a single welcome. His classmates all kept their distance. They either treated him like he was invisible or pointed fingers behind his back like he was an exotic animal. Qin Mu had prepared himself mentally, but when he saw Han Zhang also avoiding him in the same way, he was still upset for a long while.
Very quickly, the news that “the homosexual has returned” spread across the school, like injecting a dose of adrenaline into the dull life of school. To make the story more sensational and exciting, the students racked their brains and let their imaginations run wild, coming up with a string of shocking rumours.
“I heard that the fire was started by Qin Mu. He was arrested and only released two days ago.”
“A friend who lives close to his home said that he beat up his parents and was thrown out of home. He even pulled a knife.”
“Hush. You know how he goes to the hospital a lot? I heard he was raped. Probably has HIV.”
“He lives with a man. I saw it with my own eyes.”
“Ew, disgusting. Is he shooting his shot at anything now?”
…
People are always full of malice towards those who are different.
Gossip and silent hostility swept like a blizzard across the campus, icing the school over like a frozen lake. A surge of malevolence stirred beneath the surface of the ice, countless pairs of sharp claws scraped a shrill noise, as if in the first moment they found the slightest crack, they would burst through and devour the lone figure who walked above.

Very soon, people began to test the waters.
On the exam paper passed into his hands, someone had written “disgusting pervert”. The school uniform he couldn’t find turned up in the garbage bin, full of holes. During cleaning duty, someone intentionally kicked over his bucket of water, passing students trampled through it, while cursing him and staring at him coldly. The more Qin Mu quietly endured, the more brazen these “excellent, model students” became. Boys made lewd whistles at him and came up with demeaning, vulgar nicknames, “pussy boy”, “rent boy”, “two-way plug”, “man’s toilet seat” and such. Someone threw tadpoles into his water cup, another threw his backpack into the girls’ bathroom.
Qin Mu did try to fight back, but in the end, four fists are stronger than two fists. When he reported the situation to the class teacher, all it resulted in was a session of talking to and warning for the other student, and then even more vicious retaliation. When a single person is ganged up upon by a whole group, it’s like being stranded on an island in the middle of the ocean – there’s no way out.
One day, Qin Mu was cornered in the bathroom by several senior year jocks. The one leading them was Li Xiaomo’s current boyfriend. Li Xiaomo had poured tears out of her eyes as she recounted her tragic experience, including how Qin Mu had manipulated and deceived her, how he groped her and took advantage of her, how he teamed up with Han Zhang to beat her up. Spurred by these baseless rumours, male testosterone raced through this boyfriend; he gathered up a gang of his friends and confronted Qin Mu. They pinned him down in the toilet and then pissed on him, took photos and posted them on the school notice board. The caption read, “perverts don’t deserve to use the men’s toilet”.
Qin Mu had no choice but to return to the small apartment for a change of clothes. He didn’t want to worry Shen Liu, so he planned to quickly wash and return to school for evening study. But the moment he opened the door, he ran straight into Shen Liu, who was walking out of the bathroom. He had just showered after a game of basketball.
Reeking of piss, Qin Mu stood pitifully at the door, his eyes betraying his shame and helplessness.
“What’s going on?” Shen Liu grew serious, “Who did this?”
“It’s nothing. I accidentally…” Standing in front of him, Qin Mu struggled to finish his lie. His nose stung, his eyes reddened, in a rush, he lowered his head.
“Shower first. We’ll talk later.” Shen Liu took the towel he was using to dry his hair and covered Qin Mu’s head, shielding the tears that he could no longer hold back.
The water gushed over his body, washed away the filth, and washed away the tears.
Qin Mu didn’t know why he started crying. Maybe it was the perfectly soft towel, maybe it was the worried look in Shen Liu’s eyes, or maybe it was merely the question, “Who did this?”
Life was indeed cruel. It cruelly weighed upon his shoulders layer after layer of pain and struggle, not allowing him to hide, not allowing him to run, not allowing him to make a sound. As Qin Mu forced himself with all his strength to act like a normal, independent adult, only Shen Liu still saw him as a child, offering him understanding, indulgence, and attentiveness. Like a lighthouse that guides the way through a storm, like the bright shine of the unfading morning star, and like the candy you taste when the mouth is full of bitterness, it’s so sweet it could make you cry.
In the time of the shower, Qin Mu had pulled himself together. He knew that he wasn’t going to be able to hide what had happened today, so he explained the essentials of how it all started.
Shen Liu was sprawled unceremoniously on the sofa, his two long legs propped up high, a lollipop dangling at his mouth, his focus veering off as far as Siberia, “Huh, you actually had a girlfriend? Is she pretty?”
Qin Mu, “…”
“Hm, looks like she isn’t pretty then.” With a tone of great disappointment, Shen Liu gave some earnest guidance, “Woodsy, when others look for someone to date, they either find someone with a beautiful face or someone with a beautiful heart. How come you found one that was both ugly and evil? You went to school at night and dug her out of the garbage bin with sunglasses on?”
Qin Mu’s face flushed instantly red. He stood up and ignored him.
Shen Liu grabbed his arm. Qin Mu mumbled, “What?”
“My leg’s cramping…” He gasped, “Quick, massage it for me.”
“Serves you right for playing basketball every day.” Qin Mu resignedly held his foot and helped him stretch, and then massaged his leg a few times. He asked, “Better now?”
“No. It’s still numb.”
Qin Mu kneaded it for a little longer and asked, “How about now?”
“Still numb.” Shen Liu lay back comfortably on the sofa, his eyes closed, thoroughly enjoying it all.
Qin Mu kneaded it a few more times, looked up and saw Shen Liu’s smug face and knew he had been played. He gave him a hard pinch on the inside of his thigh. Shen Liu jumped up with an “Ow”, then lunged at him, shouting, “You’re asking for it!”
Qin Mu dodged nimbly behind the coffee table. Shen Liu, limping on one leg, couldn’t catch him and threw a sofa cushion at him.
Shen Liu clenched his teeth, “You, come here.”
Qin Mu shook his head, smiling, “I’m not stupid.”
“If you’re not stupid, then why you digging up women in the garbage?”
“Say it again and I’ll flip out.”
Shen Liu grinned, “Oh no, I’m so scared! I didn’t know our Little Woodsy could flip out. Come on then, show ge a flip.”
Now it was Qin Mu’s turn to lunge over.
The two childish fools wrestled and traded attacks, going back and forth without stopping. Qin Mu was weaker than Shen Liu and really ticklish. After being clamped down on the carpet and tickled, he laughed uncontrollably and begged for mercy, “No more, no more… I give up…”
Shen Liu straddled him, smirking, “You still gonna flip out?”
Qin Mu replied obediently, “No more flipping.”
“Let me hear you say sweet gege.”
“… sweet gege.”
“Good boy.” Shen Liu leaned down, his hands resting on either side of Qin Mu’s ears, saying, “Ah Little Woodsy…”
“What?”
“Have you noticed? You don’t push me away anymore.” Shen Liu said smilingly.
Qin Mu paused, his face a little red, and pushed him, “You’re so heavy. Get off.”
That day, when Qin Mu °• N 𝑜 v 𝑒 l i g h t •° went off to evening study, Shen Liu also left home, wearing a black leather jacket. By the time Qin Mu got back home, he had still not returned.
The next morning, when Qin Mu entered the classroom, the jocks from the day before followed him in. Qin Mu thought they were about to do something to him again, so he clenched his fists and stood up nervously. Unexpectedly, they stood themselves in a row, looking embarrassed and downcast, awkwardly exchanged a few glances, then bowed and said in unison, “We’re sorry, Classmate Qin Mu.”
Qin Mu was stunned. Looking more closely, he noticed that they were all injured. The leader, the boyfriend of Li Xiaomo, was especially bruised and battered. He watched the guy pull out a small scrap of paper from his pocket and begin to read with a stammer, “We bully the young and gang up on the few. We are utterly morally… bankrupt, completely without conscience. All the education we have received has ended up in the stomach of a dog. We have behaved like animals… We have failed the guidance of our teachers, failed the expectations of our parents, failed the greatness of our motherland, failed the honour of being the youth successors of the new age*… We have made a mistake and will never do it again. Please, for the sake of us being classmates of the same school, for the sake of us needing to build this great motherland of ours together…. Please forgive us.” Perhaps because he was missing a tooth, he spoke with a slight lisp.
By this time, all the students of the class had arrived, and some from the class next door also peeked around the corner to check out what was happening. When they heard this comical apology letter, they wanted to laugh, but didn’t dare to, and painfully held it back.
As Qin Mu listened, he pieced it all together. The style, the method, no one but Shen Liu could’ve done it. He took the apology letter and gave them a way out, “Okay.” Once the group hurried away with their heads down low, he sat down again. The more he thought about it, the more amusing it all seemed, and he couldn’t help but hide his face behind his English textbook and laugh.
When Qin Mu got back home, he asked Shen Liu, “Did you beat them up?”
Shen Liu was squeezing some toothpaste. He replied with complete innocence and seriousness, “Beat up? Who? Don’t go pinning crimes on me. I am a good, upright young man. I would never condone violence. I only ever use reason to win people over.”
Qin Mu knew he wasn’t going to get an answer.
The Shen Liu he saw in the mirror wore a tank top, toothpaste foam all over his mouth, his smiling eyes were filled with a sly light, looking every bit like a sloppy bum.
But Qin Mu felt that he was truly like a Hollywood superhero.
In that moment, he heard the sound of his own heartbeat.
 
************
 
Translator’s Note:
1. Senior here is equivalent to Japanese senpai. A senior at university.
2. The original Chinese phrase “hiding beauty in a golden house” referred to a legendary story about the Emperor Han Wudi, who had declared that if he was able to have Beauty as his empress, he would build a golden house or palace and hide her within it. I have substituted the expression with a more Western allusion here.
3. This whole passage about “failing” uses platitudes that are repeated countless times in Chinese education. These slogans are about needing to pay back the motherland etc are plastered all over the school and repeated in essays, speeches etc.